tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-75399050328663662272024-03-06T00:01:10.682-06:00Music Is Memory"When people are fairly young and the musical composition of their lives is still in its opening bars, they can go about writing it together and exchanging motifs...but if they meet when they are older...their musical compositions are more or less complete, and every motif, every object, every word means something different to each of them." -Milan KunderaKatherine Everharthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12818420525893099306noreply@blogger.comBlogger269125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7539905032866366227.post-4031356599112352682020-12-31T16:19:00.000-06:002020-12-31T16:19:35.617-06:00Year-in-Review: 2020<p><span style="font-size: medium;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig68ZLIcolFRE01B3LVkbPMHbJcg_PDwq9kHABIvUsDO10-D1wRk8qXC4hAYWpb4slqY2jGBm8FkTUeUtrGyf1c39I7Nn0BFHxPeNY0sEIfOtfIxafTxsODRW6O7js6ZfsdGEK9YeMTDq8/s2048/A14F9817-FF73-4949-AB74-F4ECD041CA63.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig68ZLIcolFRE01B3LVkbPMHbJcg_PDwq9kHABIvUsDO10-D1wRk8qXC4hAYWpb4slqY2jGBm8FkTUeUtrGyf1c39I7Nn0BFHxPeNY0sEIfOtfIxafTxsODRW6O7js6ZfsdGEK9YeMTDq8/w300-h400/A14F9817-FF73-4949-AB74-F4ECD041CA63.JPG" width="300" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /> </span><p></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">Well, 2020, you were something. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Maybe it is a bit peculiar that I decided to jettison the annual mix blog, but still wanted to write my year-in-review blog. For most of us, 2020 was a year full of loss, chaos, and confusion. Our worlds came unhinged in so many ways. Shit, I don't have to go over all of that. We were all here for it. But as I said, it also provoked us to re-think all the things. And, we all experienced the past 12 months in very different ways. I'm overwhelming aware of how privileged my experience of 2020 has been and for that, I am grateful. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Last year as we embarked on a new year, I wrote with optimism. I wrote..."<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><i>I hope that I’ll maintain the sense of peace that I’ve created for myself. I hope that I’ll handle any missteps with compassion and grace. I hope that we will be successful in our new ventures. I hope that we will always keep dancing in the kitchen. And, most of all, I hope that I’ll have the chance to meet the rest of my new family in Egypt. </i></span><i style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;">Cheers to all of you in 2020. I hope that 2020 will continue to bring us all the lessons, laughter, beauty, and joy. Revel in the highs and lows. Remember that no matter what happens, you got this. You are strong. You are beautiful. And I’m endlessly thankful that I have all of you in my life.</i><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;">"</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Well damn, yes. All of that was harder than I ever imagined. 2020 made every single part of this a challenge. But, I will say, it did bring all the damn lessons. And I had to remember, as we all did, that we are strong and we will get through this...and we will have to continue to remind ourselves as we start 2021. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;">As a person with my particular brand of PTSD, it is necessary for me to maintain a certain sense of control over my environment. At the end of this summer, I got to teach a class on the pandemic from the sociological perspective. I started the class by talking about a video I recorded for my students at the very beginning of the pandemic. I ruminated about how the pandemic had revealed to me some of my weakest points, my rigidity in the face of change. I encouraged my students to see that for themselves. The story was a vehicle to talk about how the pandemic also has the potential to reveal to us the weakest points in our society, but alas, this is my year-in-review blog...and y'all ain't here for a lecture. </span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;">My rigidity is how I've learned to survive. It means having a set of expectations about how things will go. It means planning in advance. It means being prepared. During an observation by my Dean, he remarked that my class felt like a well-oiled machine with activities and participation well-planned...and he pondered in my evaluation what would happen if something derailed or went wrong. I read that and thought THE HORROR! My rigidity and planning are about control. Control is about trust. </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;">Once we start to trust ourselves and the people around us, we can start to let go of our need to control all the things. Ultimately, we begin to trust ourselves to adjust, to adapt, to figure out what it is that we need to do to take care of ourselves. Perhaps he trusted my abilities more than I did. </span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;">But then guess what y'all? Everything went wrong. Everything derailed. Every sense of control was out the fucking window. And to be honest, it wasn't just about the pandemic. This year was a shit show for me from day one (more on that in a moment). So, yeah, I had to learn a ton of lessons this year. And y'all, it was hard. </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;">But y'all know me, I'm a silver lining kind of person. I'm always looking for the lessons. I'm always wanting to share my gratitude with the people, places, and things that helped me navigate this past year. And we will get there in a moment, but first let's remember 2020. </span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">On the very first fucking day of 2020, Drizzy was horribly sick and in and out of the vet's office and on medicine for the first two-three weeks of the month. We had to spend two days driving back and forth to Hickory for Islam's medical exam for immigration. Islam left me to go back to work in West Virginia for about a month and a half. We finally sent our huge immigration filing in to our lawyers. We celebrated our first spring in the new house with the arrival of daffodils and a myriad of other bulbs. I won a $10,000 grant to do research with students. I got selected to be an instructor with the Appalachian College Association's Teaching and Leadership Institute. I was planning to attend the Southern Sociological Society's annual meeting to be a reader of a colleague's work. He came home to celebrate Valentine's with me. I hung some lights around the front porch. I was scheduled to do a Wake Up Wednesday talk about Germantown at my university. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">And then, the damn tornado tore up my neighborhood in Nashville and I nearly lost my mind. Spring break brought a busted pipe in our front yard and we spent three days with those damn plumbers diggin' up our front yard. </span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 18.6667px;">And then, everything started to shut down as the pandemic found it's way into everywhere. </span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">But there were flowers, #walkingthemstreetswithhabibi, a trip to South Carolina for Islam's biometrics appointment, recording lectures, trivia via Zoom with the Nashville crew, lots and lots of bird watching, games played on the front porch, birthday parties and celebrations via Zoom, my birthday video from Islam, pressure washing the home, all the supply chain problems, working in the garden, home karaoke, TikTok and dancing, all the binge watching, storm window cleaning, online conferences, becoming at home hair stylists together, </span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 18.6667px;">a quiet Ramadan at home together, socially distanced SNL, everyone showing off their natural hair roots, that HAIM album, those Brene Brown podcasts, that Savage remix with Beyonce, all the homesickness for campus and my office, mom's Zoom surprise party, there was Maud, and Cooper, and Floyd, and Taylor and so many more, decisions made in what felt like a fever pitch, some fights with concrete in the yard, backyard happy hours with new colleague friends who became part of my covid bubble, pine bark mini nuggets, lots and lots of shoulder and back pain, all that assessment and 8.2.b., growing lots and lots of things from seed, painting the concrete porch and front doors, a hazy June and July, protest, online book clubs, buying a food trailer, online concerts, those few trips to Nashville to hang with the rest of my covid bubble, my few trips home to see my mom and she'd help us design the trailer, all the Truly hard seltzers I threw back, the deep dark depression that consumed many of the summer months, Palm Springs (the film), pickle faces, all my nature books, that Taylor Swift album(s), teaching the Pandemic Perspectives! class with Jennie Ann and Whitney, and then the world came to a screeching halt when my father-in-law passed away, taking my aggressions out on weeds in the garden, that damn green pea smoking a tiny cigar and drinking a tiny mug of beer, that damn AJ the cockatiel who was missing for weeks in my neighborhood, hosting my first backyard happy hour with Holly and Ashley, the first week back to school via Zoom, signing up for our business license on the second anniversary of when we met, the murder shed and Gizmo, remote teaching at my mom's house when Islam returned back to the states, having an amazing lawyer who helped for us to navigate the process for Islam to go home and be with his family for three weeks, all the gifts and foods from Egypt, the slow march back from grief, the endless conversion of Zoom recordings, days of working out of the car when we had appointments, screaming into the void about all the things with Ashley, Holly, and Shelby, throwing all my rules from class right out the door where they belong, our trip to a secluded cabin in Virginia to celebrate our first wedding anniversary, fresh catnip afternoons with Drizzy and Aziza, painting the front door and birdhouse, replacing that tacky gold hardware around the door, those awkward YouTube thumbnails of me, making a new address plate for the house, painting the back steps, the sadness of watching my mom lose all but one of her dogs this year, finally getting to seriously work on our business, writing the shit out of a business plan only to discover I didn't need a business plan, our spice blend, missing my family at Thanksgiving and Christmas but doing our best to celebrate together by cooking for all the hours I could stand, Hanna Jean delivering the commencement address, our immigration interview and that short visit to Nashville, Dua'a's engagement via video, WHY DO I HAVE TO COOK MORE SHAWARMA RICE, and at long last, the green card arrival. </span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">Loss was profound this year in tangible and intangible ways. We lost a sense of who we are through the loss of our jobs (as previously imagined), our social circles, our activities out of the home. We lost opportunities and connections. We lost the carelessness that existed before the pandemic. Many of us dissolved relationships with family and friends as we re-evaluated what was important to us and had to work to create necessary boundaries. And still, some of us lost loved ones.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">But I hope you'll get the impression from my stream of consciousness about the year, there was loss, but there were also some really amazing moments. For years, I wrote a zine called Bittersweet, and later, I went on to run a record label and promotional company by the same name. I was drawn to the word as it was used in a letter from the pharmacy and soda shop I worked at in high school. The letter was about how after all those many years, they were closing their business. They referred to the feeling as bittersweet. There was a sense of sadness around the end of an era, but they also looked forward to what the future might hold. And I suppose that feeling of two very different feelings being true in one sentiment really left an impact on me. To me, 2020 has been bittersweet. I've screamed at the year more times than I can count, but I also got to spend so much time with my husband in our home with our little family. Back in September, as we were waking up slowly on a Tuesday, I remarked to Islam that we should treasure these moments, because one day we will both be back on the grind with little time to linger in bed, giggling. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">I know 2020 has sucked, but I believe we've learned some pretty important lessons. Even the loss has proved to us what we might have taken for granted in the past. I wonder what all of you are looking forward to doing again once you can? I wonder what sort of things got eliminated from your life that you may never return to again? What did you shed? What did you gain? What will you never take for granted again? </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">I'm extremely grateful to the people who came out for the assist this year for me. There were lots of great (quiet) moments, but I also fell into a pretty deep depression for a few months. I had no sense of joy. I had trouble getting out of bed. I couldn't concentrate. I felt myself starting to unravel. And it was a familiar feeling. It was exactly how I felt when I was in graduate school when I was known to drink way too much and watch my life spin out of control. But I've learned a thing or two since then, so I phoned my doctor and got on some antidepressants for a few months. It was't the approach I wanted to take, but things were getting bad. I figured that having fewer and blunted emotions was the only thing that might get me past the most difficult moments of the pandemic. I had to hang up signs around the house to remind me to take care of myself-- to remember to eat, to remember to shower, to remember to not drink too much, to remember to go to sleep at a decent hour. And it got worse before it got better. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">But it is in large part because of the things and places and people below that I found my way back, and then, I was able to get off the antidepressant and get back to feeling like my old self. you know, full of crippling anxiety, nervous energy, and mercurial moods, but manageable.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">So, in no particular order, I'd like to extend my utmost respect and gratitude to the following:</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 18.6667px;"><b>The People at the Park </b></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 18.6667px;">I've been running at the park near my house for three and a half years. It didn't take long for the guys that maintain the fields to recognize me. Now, they greet me every single time I'm there, usually a quick wave of shouting "Good Morning!" I've ever stopped to chat with them, don't even know their names. But, </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 18.6667px;">I know that I can count on them. Beyond them, we've got a regular crew. There's the older fella that drives a pick-up truck and hangs out with the guys working at the park on the daily. He comes to the park 2-3 times a day. There's the older couple that walks at 9am, but sometimes he comes alone and sometimes she meets him after he has done a lap. There's the woman who is just getting back to running after an injury. There's the older couple that always walks together at 9am. There is the younger guy who appears to be training for a marathon and usually runs at 7am. There's the 11am guy who just walks. There's the neighborhood guy who walks his three dogs. See we got a whole crew. </span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 18.6667px;">They were an amazing source of comfort particularly during the early days of the pandemic when there seemed to be nothing stable. The world felt like it was spinning out of control in chaos, but then, I'd lace up my shoes and get to the park and they were all there. They'd say hello. The Parks guys would wave at me from afar. And at that moment, the world made sense again. There was at least one thing that was stable. I thought, okay, I can do this today. And I can do it again tomorrow. </span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 18.6667px;"><b>Running</b></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 18.6667px;">This year, I ran a total of 675 miles. I don't clock my walking miles, so I'm not sure how many more miles I traveled when #walkinthemstreetswithhabibi. Running is the only thing that kept me mildly sane in those really hard days. When things got really bad, I would wake up, stare at the ceiling in essential dread, until finally pulling on my running clothes and shoes. Running has always been about managing my mental health. It's where I figure out all the things. It is also where I remind myself to look for the beauty. </span></p><p><b style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 18.6667px;">Nature. Trees. Birds. Flowers. Plants. Rocks. (or, all the hey girl's)</b></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">I suspect we all retreated into nature this year. And perhaps found our place among nature this year. #frontporchlyfe and #backyardlyfe seemed to be part of my daily routine. </span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 18.6667px;">We got to experience spring in the new house and all the beautiful unexpected flowers that popped up. I had many of a happy hours just hanging out with some birds or flowers or trees. We started walking together regularly, observing the beauty of it all. You may or may not know, but there is a purpose to me posting my running picture. I've found that it helps for me to keep an eye out. Instead of getting lost in my head, I'm looking for beauty. My eye is framing the photograph. It was almost a type of training, to learn how to look for it everywhere I go. My dear husband is a thinker. He gets lost in that mind of his, often moving through spaces without realizing there is anything or anyone around him. On our walks together, I began to encourage him to be attentive to the world around him. I started stopping him mid-step and pointing just how beautiful the blue of the clear sky looked against the yellow of a leaf in early fall. He told me it helped him, to ground him in the moment. I asked my students to do it as well and post pictures of the beauty. You should do it too. </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 18.6667px;">Just stop and try to capture something of beauty and share it with the world. There's too much ugly out there, we need to hold onto the simple beauty. </span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 18.6667px;"><b>Islam</b></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">I am eternally grateful that when a global pandemic hit and we were all forced to quarantine that I was with Islam. I feel certain I could have tolerated being alone; however, on the other hand, there are very few people I could spend day after day, month after month hunkered down with. Don't get me wrong, we almost murder-horneted each other on a daily basis, but most days, we reveled in the joy of being together. While 2020 did not turn out as we expected, as we planned to visit Egypt together. We planned to have a bunch of wedding celebrations with all our loved ones. We planned to start our business. But again, I believe the two of us learned so very much about ourselves and each other. We've faced some of our happiest moments where we did our goofy and crazy dance in the kitchen. We've faced some of our hardest moments where I held Islam on the front porch while he wept. We've faced some of our most difficult moments where we said some tough words to each other and had to sit with one another and talk through those moments. But mostly y'all, he kept me laughing. And I'm totally looking forward to the next set of challenges for our 2021, because I know with this one beside me, I can take on anything. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 18.6667px;"><b>My Job and Students</b></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">When the pandemic hit, I felt very fortunate and terribly panicked to work in higher education. </span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 18.6667px;">I was fortunate to be able to quickly pivot to working at home. I could still teach my classes from our tiny little home office. But, y'all, watching how the pandemic impacted higher ed as a whole was terrifying to say the least. Schools closing. Faculty forced to teach face to face. The shit was real stressful. In addition, the amount of emotional labor that was being spent to make sure my students were okay skyrocketed. But I was hashtag blessed to have a job that supported my need to teach from home. I was blessed to have a Dean who supported his faculty at every step of the way. I was blessed to have colleagues who all supported each other the best we could with whatever energy we had left at the end of a day/week/month/semester. And, I was very blessed to have students who in the face of all this chaos and confusion showed up with grace and humor and the flexibility to just sort of figure it out. This past semester was my first time teaching a course from start to finish via Zoom. I remember the moment right before class started and I was terrified of learning how to navigate the technology, the classroom environment...but they were generous and kind throughout the process. T</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 18.6667px;">o be fair, it was when I started teaching again that I was able to transition off the antidepressants. While I always knew that I loved my career, I hadn't realizing how important it was to my core sense of identity and wellbeing. I know we will survive another semester as such, but my last visit to campus reminded me of the importance of place. There's something special about a college campus. While we've all learned a ton, I am excited to return to campus, to face-to-face teaching, to laughing with my colleagues in the hallways, to high-fiving students when you pass them in between classes, to grade in my freezing office, and dare I say, I miss in-person faculty meetings- the buzz of the room before we all get started. </span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><b>Friends and Colleagues</b></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">I suspect I'm not the only one who experienced some pretty significant changes in their friendships this year. This past semester, I asked my students to reflect on the changes they've experienced this year. A handful of students stated that they had friendships that fell apart. I had observed the same thing in my own life. Mostly, I think all the re-evaluating required us to consider our relationships. Does this relationship add to my life in positive ways? And if not, why is it still part of your world? I've lost some friendships unintentionally, and some intentionally this year. <br /></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">Alternatively, I've also gained new friendships, and some friendships strengthened throughout the year. So, to that handful of people who helped me through this year, I will always be grateful for the times you let me vent, let me scream into the void, screamed collectively with me, provided advice about pedagogy, bantered with me about teaching practices, supported Islam and I's journey, let me cry over the phone when things were tough, or just distracted me with ridiculous memes and weird news articles. Y'all got me through this. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">Thanks as usual to Jennie Ann and Gladdy. You always got me through the good times and the bad times and the super duper weird times. Thanks as usual to Robbie, Taylor, and Russell and the whole trivia crew. You always keep me laughing and singing and dancing and realizing just how ridiculous it can all be, but also for comforting me when I need the embrace of friendship in the middle of damn pandemic. Thanks as usual to a whole host of long distance friends who kept in touch and despite the insanity took the time to connect with me. Much love to Michelle, Yvonne, Art, and a bunch of others. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">I am incredibly grateful to my all-lady work crew. Thanks to Ashley, Holly, and Shelby for being my life line, literally. I shudder to think of how I might have flown off the edge without our incessant group texting. And I certainly would have never made it through any of the 803489 meetings without our constant commentary and watching your faces on video when I saw you check your phone. Thanks for coup'ing with me. Let's keep on. Thanks for all the ridiculousness. Let's keep that up too. ALWAYS SCREAMING INTO THE VOID FOREVER. #alwaysdramatic</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">There's a whole host of colleagues/friends that deserve thanking and y'all know who you are already. But this year, I simply must thank Wayne, my Dean, who helped us all navigate some difficult terrain, while always remaining curious and innovative and optimistic. We also worked to get a number of new programs developed even while during the pandemic. And I must thank Christy Cole, who I had the privilege of working with on general education assessment and the writing of 8.2.b. She allowed me the space to be thoughtful and rigorous in my approach to assessment, she helped me track down the data I needed, and she was always supportive. So thanks for helping me knock it out of the park with the report. </span></span></p><p><b style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 18.6667px;">My Mom</b></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">My mother has had a pretty shitty year, but that's not my story to tell. Even in the face of her shitty year, she has always been there for me. And I've been fortunate to see her a few times over the year, if only for a night here or there. I remember when I started to hit my low point this summer, she let me weep into the phone and helped me to remember that I'm always strong and that I always come through. She encouraged me to the things I needed to pick myself back up. She checked on me daily to make sure I was taking care of myself. And outside of that, she's cracked me up this year. I can't wait until I get to see her soon for us to finally celebrate the holidays together. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><b>Our Legal Team</b></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">Much of this year was consumed with our immigration stuff. And so of course, I must first thank Michelle for putting me in touch with Brad, our attorney. Once we were married and planning to start the paperwork, we talked briefly with Brad, but we had planned to find someone more local. After a few unreturned calls, I told Brad we wanted to work with him, because I just had a sense that he was our guy. So, thanks to them, we are in a place now with much more security and can relax into the new year. We can focus our attention on our future. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 18.6667px;"><b>Islam's Family</b></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">We thought this year would be the year that I'd finally get to meet Islam's family. We had planned to celebrate our wedding with them over the past summer. It has been challenging to get to know his family, given the distance, the time difference, the language difference. And we had not imagined that he'd be returning over the summer on his own. But he needed to be with his mother, sister, and brother. And again, we have our legal team to be thankful for that opportunity. Too many times, we know of folks who did not realize what papers needed to be filed to travel possible in that in-between status. While Islam was gone, I got much closer to his sister Dua'a. We communicated while he was on his way. I messaged with her to make sure he was taking care of himself. I also got to learn more about his family and their home during this visit, as I got to talk with Islam while he was there and see videos and photos. I'm grateful that he was able to spend time with them this summer. I only wish all of them had been present. I look forward to hopefully seeing them this summer, or as soon as I am able. </span></span></p><p><br /></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">So, here we go. It's the last evening of 2020. Here's a <a href="https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQdVeReqUAy7P9DR2--3P0FAe-kHLqAp_" target="_blank">link to the mix</a>, in case you missed it the first time around. I had intended to add a bunch of lyrics to this post, but alas, Aziza pulled some stunts today and so, I'm short on time. I've learned this year to be more protective of my time and attention, but also to let go of perfectionism. Yeah, I'm sure there's a shit ton of errors throughout this, I just don't really care. What's that Bright Eyes lyric..."I do not read the reviews. I am not singing for you."</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">I don't think the lessons of 2020 are going to pass easily. I don't think the calendar will flip and we'll just move past all this awfulness, rather, I think we've got a lot of work to do. I don't have any grand suggestions for that. But rather, I just hope we figure some of it out this next year. Let's try to figure it out together, one day at a time. </span></span></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Katherine Everharthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12818420525893099306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7539905032866366227.post-26680053290652451022020-12-21T17:35:00.003-06:002020-12-21T17:37:45.136-06:00Reckless, Relentless, Retreat: Katherine's Annual Mix of 2020<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFaVFvHur0PJolPTwTzzVcmSPejb5ynF2DsSaB4YTUaT6Dh29RwoevTVptTE59pRHGMKWaG2aJTQgiDRPfsPkHsFW0M62oc58j21vG1IlsAz1OVRyi8qr14ZdlTb2grnh0XKnLNVrk7ALh/s2048/IMG_8672.HEIC" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFaVFvHur0PJolPTwTzzVcmSPejb5ynF2DsSaB4YTUaT6Dh29RwoevTVptTE59pRHGMKWaG2aJTQgiDRPfsPkHsFW0M62oc58j21vG1IlsAz1OVRyi8qr14ZdlTb2grnh0XKnLNVrk7ALh/w300-h400/IMG_8672.HEIC" width="300" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large; text-align: left;"><b>Reckless. Relentless. Retreat. Annual Mix of 2020.</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">You know what I learned from 2020? Rules and rituals and expectations often limit and confine our lives. We seek comfort from the control that comes with repetition. In that false sense of security and control, we just stop asking ourselves the whys. Hell, maybe it is just me. But this year, I questioned everything. "That's just the way I've always done it" became "Why do I do it that way?" and "What if I did it differently?" Much of this was in regards to my job. But, as it got closer to December, I started thinking about the annual mix and this blogpost. Man, shit's exhausting some years. I feel obligated to work on the order with multiple edits. I feel obligated to write extensively about the songs. I feel obligated to make it available in multiple places. <br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">But, why? </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">What if I did it different? What if I didn't follow all my rules and rituals? What if I didn't obsess over the order? Would it really matter? Would it change the outcome or my reason for posting the annual mix? </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">This isn't a sort-of "who cares" approach. I'm genuinely interested in how asking the "whys" can lead us to new insight about the way we do all the things. As a college professor, I had to recreate the wheel in a couple of days and continue doing it for the past nine months, and into the next five months (at least). But that upending chaos also led me to innovation and creativity. As someone who studied creativity in graduate school, this is not surprising. But yet, it is hard to put ourselves into that situation willingly. And it is unlikely we'd do it in such an all encompassing way. Hell, it's too risky. But yet, here we are. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Time was iffy this year. Emotions were on the 'rona rollercoaster. There are days and months that my memories feel tenuous at best. There are weeks that I felt like I was barely holding on to the earth while simultaneously wondering if I would be able to get out of bed that day.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">But then I'd go for a run. And the music would play. And so, here you go. Here's this year's annual mix. There's some rough semblance of an order, but also not really. In other words, here's just a bunch of songs that I listened to on repeat while I was out there running almost 700 miles trying to make sense of this big ol' world.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/reckless-relentless-retreat-katherines-annual-mix-2020/pl.u-ql6Yu9Pzlp">Apple Music Playlist</a><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><a href="https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQdVeReqUAy7P9DR2--3P0FAe-kHLqAp_">YouTube Playlist</a><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Usually I go through song at a time with my memories and the lyrics...but this year, I think I'll save some quotes for my year-end blogpost of gratitude and let you explore the songs on your own. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><u>Here's the track listing:</u></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">1. Love in Mine: Big Thief</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">2. To Live a Life: First Aid Kit</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">3. Shut Up Kiss Me: Angel Olsen</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">4. Freak Out: Miya Folick</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">5. I've Been Down: HAIM</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">6. Mistakes (VAX Remix): Tove Styrke</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">7. Hostage: Sia</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">8. Feels So Nice: The Wrecks</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">9. Now I'm In It: HAIM</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">10. I Dare You: The Regrettes</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">11. Wild Horses: Bishop Briggs</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">12. Can't Do Much: Waxahatchee</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">13. Window: Carly Rae Jepsen</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">14. cardigan: Taylor Swift</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">15. Leaning On You: HAIM</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">16. The Feels: Maren Morris</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">17. Figure It Out: Blu DeTiger</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">18. The Eye: Waxahatchee</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">19. Familiar: Belot</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">20. everything i wanted: Billie Eilish</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">21. august: Taylor Swift</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">22. coming up for air: MisterWives</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">23. The Pilgraming Vine: Basia Bulat</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">24. Best Part (feat. H.E.R.): Daniel Caesar</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">25. Out of the Woods: Taylor Swift</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">26. Never Tear Us Apart: Paloma Faith</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">27. Yallah: ABIR</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">28. Chasing Thunder: Kesha</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">29. the end: MisterWives</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> I hope you'll enjoy the songs that got me through the past year. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div>Katherine Everharthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12818420525893099306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7539905032866366227.post-85294504148350320942019-12-30T20:06:00.001-06:002019-12-30T20:06:34.743-06:00Year-in-Review: 2019<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV7O4q9LmGEKOZTPDVjunJzPeS_A4kRVTIWUDwn8pzQf18oKj6y2qgR1cX2MNPp_fxxlA-18BvZ-XMSopVgIwIFkvjj2QJ2l5_hgc_nwaMCzNCMf1fgaNGrsK40xkf9qW7tn2TDNxT8LaO/s1600/IMG_0694.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1402" data-original-width="1125" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV7O4q9LmGEKOZTPDVjunJzPeS_A4kRVTIWUDwn8pzQf18oKj6y2qgR1cX2MNPp_fxxlA-18BvZ-XMSopVgIwIFkvjj2QJ2l5_hgc_nwaMCzNCMf1fgaNGrsK40xkf9qW7tn2TDNxT8LaO/s400/IMG_0694.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">2019
was a pretty big year for me. I bought my first house. I got married. I adopted
a new kitten. And that was only in the last four months of the year. It was
also a really hard year, for a number of reasons. I struggled at times. But in
those struggles, I also learned some pretty important lessons. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">I
learned how to slow down. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">I
learned how to ask for what I need. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">I
learned how to say no and draw boundaries. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">I
learned how vulnerability is hard, but ultimately rewarding. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">I
learned how strong I can be in the face of adversity. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">I
learned how the best friends see you for who you are without any judgment. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">I
learned that the heart is incredibly resilient. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">I
learned how important it is to communicate with your friends and your partner.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">I
learned that sometimes you have to ask for help. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">I
also learned that sometimes its okay to go a little crazy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">And
with all that, I kick off my annual list of gratitude—for all the things and people
that I want to thank for being part of my 2019. Without you, I wouldn’t have
learned the lessons, I wouldn’t have properly processed those lessons, and I
certainly wouldn’t have laughed nearly as much as I did. You are my lighthouses
when all seemed dark and I searched for the way back home, back to myself. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
I am grateful for…. (in no particular order):<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p><br /></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span><b style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></b><b style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Running</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Without
a doubt, running will be on the list every single year. But this year, it was
something a little different. I didn’t run nearly as far as last year. I didn’t
run nearly as fast as last year. This morning while still in bed snuggling,
Islam asked me how many miles I ran this past year. I wasn’t sure, but I made a
guess. And then, we talked about how I ran less this past year. We talked about
much of what I wrote in the annual mix. About how I was managing my mental
health in a way that made it less necessary that I run every single day, and to
run as far or fast as I had in the past. About how I was growing comfortable
staying in one place in a way that meant I was okay with just staying on the
couch with him, with myself, with the cats. And about how a big part of all of
this had to do with me learning how to process my emotions, how to sit with my
emotions, but also about having him in my life. And so…let’s move on to the
second item.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">2.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></b><b style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Islam</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Last
year, when I wrote my year-in-review blog, I was planning to head to Nashville to
celebrate NYE with my Nashville crew (Robbie, Taylor, and Russell). But then, I
realized I was exhausted and what I really wanted was to have a quiet and calm
NYE in Johnson City. That I wanted to sit and reflect. That I wanted to make
dinner and drink some wine, on my own. It was a tough decision. At the time,
Islam was helping out his cousin in West Virginia. He had planned to be there
until around the 3<sup>rd</sup> of January. I messaged him on the 30<sup>th</sup>
and told him I had decided to stay home. He was worried about me being alone on
NYE. I assured him that I was fine. But, he insisted that he return to
celebrate with me. He didn’t want me to be alone. So, on the 31<sup>st</sup>,
he got on a Greyhound bus to arrive in town in time to spend the evening with
me. The thing is that I didn’t need him to do that. But, he wanted to be with
me. He wanted to celebrate with me. In other words, he prioritized me. It wasn’t
the first time that he had shown me how much he cared about me, but it was another
good reminder of how much he cared about me. And we had a lovely celebration
together. It was just what I wanted and what I needed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">2019
was the first solid year of me and Islam being together. From start to finish.
January and February and March were our nesting period. We spent almost all the
time together those months. He proposed to me on Valentine’s Day. He moved in
with me. We started to share a home together. We talked about our five-year
plan together. And then, April and May and some of June dealt us a blow that
was hard to handle. We struggled. But, we always stayed together. At times, it
felt bleak. But what I realized from those months is that if we could survive
all that happened those months, we could survive anything together. Because when
things got tough, we sat down together, often in the backyard of that house on
E Unaka, and we talked it out. And it wasn’t always easy, but I realized during
those months that he was the kind of person that I could spend my life with. He
was the kind of person who always wanted to talk through it, and for the first
time, I was with someone who I actually cared enough about to talk through it.
In June and July and August, we worked together to buy my first house. He helped
me all along the way. Talking to me about what sort of things he wanted in
home. Helping me look at homes. Holding my hand when I was overwhelmed and
nervous. And the morning that the house I’m currently in went on the market and
I called my realtor for a showing, he jumped out of bed, put on some clothes,
and came with me. I can remember him looking around the house, keeping in mind
all the things I had said we should look for when we look at homes, and asking
the cutest of questions. And then, I bought the house in August. We celebrated.
We went to New York for a conference. We moved into the new house together. And
since we had crossed off our list the things that we had planned in our five-year
plan, we decided it was time to get married. So, we did. We got married on
September 24, 2019. It was a day after our 13<sup>th</sup> month anniversary. It
was that simple. I think I knew from the first conversation that we had he was the
one for me. And our wedding was a reflection of just how much we understood
each other. It was simple. And it was about us only. I carried a bouquet with 23
roses to pay tribute to the day of the month that we met, and he had one rose
on him to represent the 24<sup>th</sup>, which was the day we got married. When
we got married, I never had a single doubt about it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">And
while it’s only been four months, I wake up next to him in the morning and I’m
so thankful for the choices I’ve made. I’m thankful that I waited until I did
to find the right person for me. I’m thankful for the hard work I did to get myself
to a place where I was ready to meet him. I’m thankful that somehow this
amazing human wound up in Johnson City for me to meet. I’m thankful that I
flirted with him and gave him my business card. I’m thankful that he was so
excited to become my friend that he texted me. I’m thankful that I invited him
over to cook hawawshi that first night. And I’m thankful that we fell in love.
I’m thankful that he chose to love me. I’m thankful that I chose to love him. I’m
thankful for the life we’ve created together. Being together with him and our
family (Drizzy and Aziza) is one of my most favorite places to be. I feel calm
and relaxed and happy when the four of us are together. And y’all, he’s fucking
hilarious, which is why my best friend also loves him dearly…and so, here we go
onto the next one. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">3.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></b><b style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Jennie Ann</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">I
don’t how to start explaining how amazing my best friend has been over the
course of this year. When you’ve been best friends with someone for 28 years,
they know you better than anyone else. AND, Jennie Ann knows me the best. But
beyond that, she sees me. And she loves me no matter what. Over the course of
this year, she was ALWAYS there. No matter what. She knew what I needed, every
single time the shit hit the fan. She was there. One time, we just talked on
the phone and drank beer together in the middle of the day. But, every time I really
needed someone, she was like: “Girl, call me now.” No matter the time. No
matter the day. She was my goose. She was my Fiona. She was my every gif. She
is the best friend I could ever wish for. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">And
friends are the most important part of everything and so we lend to the next
item…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">4.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></b><b style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">My Friends and Family</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Scrolling
through my photos from the past year, I can’t help but smile at all the moments
I shared with my friends and my family (both in-person and virtually). Those
Facetime chats with Russell and the whole Nashville crew. Those afternoons with
Jamie and Coco and the lovely folks of Yee-Haw. Mother’s Day in Charlotte with Mom and the kiddos. Those Nashville pool parties. Oh man, those Nashville pool parties. The new friends I made at the
Teaching and Leadership Institute in Abingdon. Visiting Michelle at the beach.
My beautiful cousin Sarah’s wedding and getting to see all of her kids and my
Aunt Jennie Ann. Coco and Sam’s engagement party. Going to NYC and getting to
spend time with Sheila, Yvonne and Red, Damian, Whitney, and Lisa. Visiting Gladdy,
Jack, and Everett in Raleigh. Gatlinburg with the Nashville crew. My mom coming
to Johnson City to help us get married. Halloween in Nashville. Celebrating
with so many of them for Thanksgiving and Christmas in both Nashville and
Charlotte. I had a blast with all of y’all. Thanks for spending your time with
me, sharing <i>you</i> with me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<b style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">5.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></b><b style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Our Tri-Cities Community</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Perhaps
its hard to separate out friends and family from our local community, but I do
find myself more and more seeing the folks in my life here as part of my inner
circle. Thanks to our Unaka neighbors—Bob and Jamey. Thanks to Chris and
Scotty, the plumbers. Thanks to Courtney and Landon, who helped walk me through
the process of buying my first home. Thanks to the book club gals, in particular
Dr. Leigh, who was there for me and Islam in one of our very trying moments. Thanks to our new neighbors—Larry, Ken, Frank and Sharon. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">One
of the things I like the most about working at Tusculum are the people I work
with. Not only do we have a truly amazing faculty, we also have amazing
librarians. And I am blessed to get to work with them. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></b><b style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">My House</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Buying
a house has been one of the most rewarding things I’ve done for myself. I
started the process almost two years ago. I started to research. I bought a
book to learn about the process. I contacted a loan originator, who helped me
to find an amazing realtor. I started to watch available listings. And I saved
up enough money to pay all the many items that would need to take place when I
finally found a place. It all happened so quickly when I found a place. And I
was hella anxious. I kept waiting for something to fall through at the last
minute. And to be honest, even for the first couple of months in the house, I was
still waiting for something to go wrong. But then, it didn’t. And we started to
unpack. We started to decorate. We worked in the garden. And now, it's our home. <i>Our </i>home. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">There was something really special to me about doing this on my own. I'm so proud of myself. Islam repeatedly tells me how proud of me he is for buying a home on my own. Granted, he was there to help me navigate the final steps, but he remembers me telling him when we first started dating that I had this goal and he is so very proud of me for achieving it. And on my own. I think that part is important for both of us. Though, I'm happy that it's his home too. I would have never accomplished much of what we have in only our first five months in the home without him. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span><b style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">8.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Me,
Islam, Drizzy, and Aziza. There’s no place like home. There’s no place I would
rather be. The four of us curled up on the couch, watching television, dancing
to songs during the commercials, and snuggling our faces off day in and day out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></b><b style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">My Students</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Teaching is exhausting. Teaching is rewarding. Teaching doesn't pay well. But y'all, teaching is one of my most favorite things in this world. Every single time I'm in a classroom, I feel like I'm where I'm meant to be. And you know, it's not just what happens when we are doing the work. They raise me up. On those days when I was struggling, they were always there to cheer me up. </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;">One word and they’d have me laughing. Like one of my favorite students said:
Facts, Dr. Everhart. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">And
lastly, I’m thankful for the time I get to spend outside. Running. Sitting in
the backyard at the Unaka house. Sitting on the front porch at the new house.
Just in general, I’m thankful for the beauty of nature, the birds, the flowers.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p> <i>In Conclusion...</i></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">It
seems that I always end the blog with hopes for the next year, and I suppose
those come in the form of resolutions. Last year, I wrote: “</span><span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i>As I depart from this year,
I’ve realized that I’m in a place where I want to say what I want. I’m tired of
pleasing other people. I want to be seen. I want to be heard. I want to belong
to myself</i>.” And I think I did just that this year. I was
able to start building a life for myself that looks exactly like what I wanted
and needed—finally picking the right guy, buying myself a house, building a
family that brings me endless amounts of joy and happiness, while surrounding myself with people who show me love and acceptance. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So,
2019, you did me good. Thank you for the lessons. Thank you for the laughter. Thank
you for your amazing beauty and joy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">As we
turn the calendar page to a new year, I hope that I’ll maintain the sense of
peace that I’ve created for myself. I hope that I’ll handle any missteps with
compassion and grace. I hope that we will be successful in our new ventures. I
hope that we will always keep dancing in the kitchen. And, most of all, I hope
that I’ll have the chance to meet the rest of my new family in Egypt. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Cheers
to all of you in 2020. I hope that 2020 will continue to bring us all the lessons,
laughter, beauty, and joy. Revel in the highs and lows. Remember that no matter
what happens, you got this. You are strong. You are beautiful. And I’m endlessly
thankful that I have all of you in my life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And one last song....to inspire you to face the day with all the strength you've got inside you. YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT IN THIS WORLD (just make sure you get your motherfuckin' shirt on). </span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 18.6667px;">P.S. If you notice in the picture, you can clearly see the "You are worth it" graffiti, but if you look a little more closely, the pole behind it reads: "Kiss my ass." Perhaps this picture should have been the annual mix photo, since it's the kind of contradictions and complexities that I embraced in 2019. </span></span></div>
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<!--EndFragment--><br />Katherine Everharthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12818420525893099306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7539905032866366227.post-47803294865085104092019-12-16T11:53:00.000-06:002019-12-16T11:53:57.547-06:00Contradictions and Complexities: Katherine's 18th Annual Mix<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI9iasS1cUVTLgAXkCrZwvXdaT0hA6X7Yk2xni3TFXEc4LtWRj2aMaCIBUxUgopxxLh5A2M11GyafaZiyCbV_Wf0B5h89fB4PLp5l6LMCUbTXOX8P3QFM9Xt0eg15yJtwDY-Owbyl2qXbe/s1600/IMG_0061.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1395" data-original-width="1125" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI9iasS1cUVTLgAXkCrZwvXdaT0hA6X7Yk2xni3TFXEc4LtWRj2aMaCIBUxUgopxxLh5A2M11GyafaZiyCbV_Wf0B5h89fB4PLp5l6LMCUbTXOX8P3QFM9Xt0eg15yJtwDY-Owbyl2qXbe/s400/IMG_0061.jpg" width="322" /></a></div>
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<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"Cause I won't waste another day living
someone else's way. I wanna be happy. I wanna be free. Fuck what they say, I'm
doin' me." -Mikey Mike</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">Contradictions
and Complexities: Katherine's 18th Annual Mix (2019)</span></b><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></b><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">In
2019, I ran far less than I did in 2018. When I first started running, it was
necessary and vital to my functioning. I had to run to manage my depression and
anxiety. I had to run because I felt terrified. I had to run because I was
confused. I had to run because I was angry. I ran hard. I ran fast. I ran far.
It was my coping mechanism. And I remember I was always so scared of getting injured,
worried if I had to stop running for any length of time that I might just fall
apart again. And I ran from a lot of things. I ran from all the things.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">I believe it
was Islam who noticed I wasn't running as often in 2019, particularly on the
days when he was staying with me at the house. He mentioned it out of concern that
maybe he was occupying too much of my time and keeping me from it. As we talked
about it, I realized it was a good thing. Because, I was feeling calm and quiet
and like I didn't need to run from all the things. I could just sit there, with
him, with myself, with whatever feelings I was having. And that was a huge
accomplishment for me. I gave myself the permission to stay in one place. And
that idea unfolded in some really interesting ways this year.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">I made a lot
of choices this year that meant staying in one place, staying still. I bought a
house in Johnson City. I got married. I adopted another sweet cat named Aziza.
And every single moment that I embraced the idea of permanency, I didn't
run. I stayed. I sat with it. And, I embraced it. Because I realized I'm only
terrified of commitment when I'm making choices that aren't right for me. When
it all fits, it's easy, y'all.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">However, within all of
that, there were all these amazing contradictions and complexities and well,
just complications. 2019 brought a lot of trying moments. Moments that
ended up being clarifying moments about who I was, what I wanted my life to
look like, and where I wanted to go next. There was that flooded basement.
There was that April and May in which I don't think I've ever been so scared
and exhausted. There was my first (and extremely difficult) Ramadan. But then, 2019 also brought a lot of amazing life-changing moments. I received the Excellence in Teaching Award from my college. I became a first time homeowner. I got married to an amazing man. I adopted another sweet kitten. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">Mostly this year, I
just learned that the show goes on. That when the shit really hits the fan,
like in a true life-threatening sort of way, you keep going. You wake up. You
shower. You put on clothes. And for some days, that's enough. That THAT is a
huge accomplishment. We show up for the people we love. We take care of them.
And then, later, they take care of us. And here's the thing, we all experience
a bunch of amazing things over the course of a year, and a bunch of shitty
things too. But the important thing is to not put on what Islam calls
"dark-colored glasses" (the opposite of "rose-colored
glasses") you know the kind of person who sees only the negative in
everything. And trust me y'all, it was hard at times for both of us. One time I
danced like a snake after too much vodka given a huge disappointment. One time I ate
a burger in a hospital parking lot and cried my eyes out. One time I sat in the
parking lot at the park where I run and thought I was going to lose my mind.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">But you know
what saved me all those times? Well, there were a lot of people. And depending
on the circumstance, there were friends, colleagues, folks from the
mosque...but through all of these times there was my best friend, Jennie Ann.
She has been there for me in this past year in a way I don't think I can
completely capture here. Jennie Ann and I have been best friends for almost 28
years. Much of this mix is about our adventures together this year. Our
conversations. Our sharing of gifs and memes. When things seemed bleak, she was
always there to make me laugh. And at other times, she was just there to let me
cry into the phone. But honestly, if you know either one of us, we just need to
laugh and dub it the year of Fiona, Del Hart, Mikey Mike, or maybe, just geese. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">See, we've
been obsessed with geese this past year. I think it started with our empty parking
lot obsession. And then, one day, some geese were wandering through the empty parking
lot. And then, we just started texting geese gifs over and over. And, then, we
started seeing geese everywhere. From some rudimentary internet research
on geese, I've learned that seeing geese is to encourage you to remember where
you came from, remember your roots, and to thank the people who helped you from
the beginning. If anyone has been there with me since the beginning, it is
Jennie Ann. "These are the people you can count on to see you at worst and
never hold any judgments." And this past year, I've needed someone to see
me clearly, to hear me at my worst, and to love me no matter what. I'm thankful
for my best friend of almost three decades for always showing up when I need
her. But perhaps most of all, I'm thankful for always making me laugh, even when totally inappropriate and at the most of inappropriate things. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">You can find the mix in the following places:</span></b><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">1. Apple Music<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><a href="https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/contradictions-complexities-katherines-18th-annual/pl.u-plVETEz80M" target="_blank">Contradictions and Complexities on Apple
Music</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">2. Spotify<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7uDjQPF6WYQcDKi6zZ3v4W" target="_blank">Contradictions and Complexities on Spotify</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">3. YouTube<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQdVeReqUAy5i9mgLyXFblHQrYsn0ojU2" target="_blank">Contradictions and Complexities on YouTube</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><u><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">1. listen before i go: Billie Eilish</span></u></b><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><u><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></u></b><i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"Take
me to the rooftop. I wanna see the world when I stop breathing, turning blue.
Tell me love is endless, don't be so pretentious. Leave me like you do. If you
need me, wanna see me. Better hurry, 'cause I'm leaving soon..."</span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">I've totally fallen
in love with Billie Eilish this year. I probably listened to <i>Bad
Guy</i> on repeat more times than I can count and I adore that version of
Billie...however, as I began to explore her other songs and albums, I also fell
in love with the quiet and sparse Billie. It was perfect for those cold and
dark mornings when I would just get started running, before I picked up my
speed. While last year, I craved the quiet. This year, I allowed myself to have
more of that. Quiet. Calm. When I first heard this song, I sat on my front
porch with a big ol' glass of wine and had to play it over and over again. It
was something in the quiet desperation in her voice that captivated me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">So, yeah, clearly this song is about suicide. No, I'm not
depressed, y'all. I think the line I love the most is the desire to see the
world from a rooftop when you stop breathing. It makes me think of how
important it is to take in the beauty of this world. </span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">But then, today, I got the news that a friend committed
suicide yesterday. I suspect by the time I post the blog, the news will be well
known. And so, it is with some heaviness and melancholy that I'll dedicate this
song to Chef Larry. Larry and I weren't super close friends, but I knew him through
the time he worked at Silo and Hemingway's/Earnest's. We became friends the last summer I
lived in Germantown. In my final few weeks in the neighborhood, I may have gotten had a glass of wine too many because I stole his hat before I ran out of the restaurant. One time over the holidays, he texted me to say hello. And that was sort of the way it worked with us. Every so often, we'd message. I remember him texting me about his new gig at Hemingway's. When he saw on social media that I was headed to town, he'd always invite me to the restaurant so he could cook for me. </span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14pt;">My
favorite conversation we had was this long drawn out discussion of brunch and
how much he hated it. Man, I never heard of anyone that hated brunch as much as
Chef Larry. But then, on January 1, 2018, he texted me: "I finally get
brunch." I'm assuming that instead of working, he had the chance to enjoy
a brunch on his own, surrounded by friends and family. We will miss you Tiny
Chef Larry Byrd (as he became dubbed by Allison). I wish you peace.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/P4z1O3miesI/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/P4z1O3miesI?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"Call my friends and tell them that I love
them. And I'll miss them...."</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
<b><u>2. Ghost Town: First Aid Kit</u></b></span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<b><i><u><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></u></i></b><i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"All of these ghost towns I keep traveling through. All of
these traffic signs and lonesome bars. Blindsiding me to you and I swear I can
be better. I could be more to you. But there are things that lie in my path
that I just have to do. If you've got visions of the past, let them follow you
down. And they'll come back to you someday. And I found myself attached to this
railroad track. But I'll come back to you someday...." </span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">This is
one of those songs that's almost too complicated to fully explain. I think I
fell in love with it for how painfully beautiful it is. Again, quiet and
sparse. Maybe it's something about how much our past follows us, and we have to
make peace with all of that. 2019 had a lot of the things in it. And a big part
of it was making peace with my past. Or, maybe I just like it because one night
I heard it, and it made me think of my best friend Jennie Ann and one of our
favorite gifs, and I sent it to her while I was making dinner. It's hard to
say, but it's the perfect song to listen to while you are sitting in an empty
parking lot at night. Or, at 8:30am when you are trying to figure out the next
thing.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/2BKUjnyf8uY/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/2BKUjnyf8uY?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"And I remember how you told me all that you wanted to
do. The dream of Paris in the morning or a a New York window view. And I can
see it now you're married and your wife is with a child. And you're all
laughing in the garden and I'm lost somewhere in your mind..."</span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
<br />
</span></i><b><u><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">3.
Clementine: Halsey</span></u></b><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><u><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></u></b><i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"I'd
like to tell you that my sky's not blue, it's violent rain. And in my world,
the people on the street don't know my name. In my world, I'm seven feet tall.
And the boys always call, and the girls do too. Because in my world, I'm
constantly, constantly havin' a breakthrough. Or a breakdown, or a black out.
Would you make out with me underneath the shelter of the balcony?"</span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">Picking a Halsey
song (or actually two) for the mix was a challenge. She's pretty amazing in my
book. But when I heard this one, I knew it needed to be in opening songs of the
mix, because it encapsulates contradictions and complexities.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14pt;"> </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/2hlT8CqZ2pA/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/2hlT8CqZ2pA?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;">"I left my daydreams at the gate because I just can't take
'em too. Know my heart still has a suitcase, but I still can't take it
through..."</span></i><span style="color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<b><span style="color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
<u>4. Doin' Me: Mikey Mike</u></span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<b><u><span style="color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></u></b><i><span style="color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;">"Singing
loud, singing proud. It's good to be free. 'Cause I won't waste another day, living
someone else's way. I wanna be happy. I wanna be free. Fuck what they say, I'm
doin' me..." </span></i><span style="color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></i><span style="color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;">I fell in love with this
song because of a specific scene on the Showtime show, <i>SMILF</i>. It's an empty street at night and the heroine of the show is bouncing a basketball,
after some particularly hard challenges. The scene spoke to me. It was
something about realizing that we are who we are, and we don't have to do what
anyone else expects us to do...but rather, we can do it our way. I don't think
I've ever lived my life someone else's way. I've always wanted to live a life
that challenged me, that operated outside of the bounds of a traditional way of
life. It's sort of like a newer version of Frank Sinatra's <i>My Way</i>. You do you, Mikey Mike.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/7rWDzLUOreo/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/7rWDzLUOreo?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"I wanna be scared outta my head, and lost
outta my mind. I wanna fall in n' outta love a few thousand
times..." </span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></i><b><u><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">5.
Fair Game: Sia</span></u></b><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<b><u><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></u></b><i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"You
terrify me 'cause you're a man, you're not a boy. You got some power and I
can't treat you like a toy. You're the road less travelled by a little girl.
You disregard the mess while I try to control the world. Don't leave me, stay
here and frighten me. Don't leave me, come now enlighten me..." </span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">If I
actually used Spotify to listen to music, it would tell me I listened to this
song more times than any other song this year. It's a perfect running song. The
driving rhythm at the beginning. The sparse music during the first verse. And
then, it builds to something magical. But I suppose it's not just that it's
about the sound of the song, but something also in the lyrics. It reminds me of
what it is like when you meet the person who is just what you need. A fair
game.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
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<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/SL4kxeXwUeg/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/SL4kxeXwUeg?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"I pushed and pushed hoping you'd bite. So I could run,
run. And that I did but through the dust. You saw those teeth marks. They
weren't all yours, you had been thrust into a history that had not worked for
me. Into a history from which I could not flee. So go on shake me. Shake until
I give it up..."</span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
<br />
</span></i><b><u><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">6. Lose You
to Love Me: Selena Gomez</span></u></b><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><u><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></u></b><i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"You
promised the world and I fell for it. I put you first and you adored it. Set
fires to my forest and you let it burn. Sang off-key in my chorus 'cause it
wasn't yours. I saw the signs and I ignored it. Rose-colored glasses all
distorted. Set fire to my purpose and I let it burn. You got off on the hurtin'
when it wasn't yours..." </span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">I think we are
always processing our past relationships, particularly when we are in new and
different relationships. Hopefully, if we are doing things right, we are
realizing how much we've grown from those relationships. We realize the ways in
which those relationships didn't serve us. And just sometimes we realize how we
had to move past those relationships to truly love ourselves. That's what's
going on here. And, to be honest, sometimes it's outside of the realms of
romantic love. There are times when we've got to move away from people and
places in order to love ourselves.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14pt;"> </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/zlJDTxahav0/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/zlJDTxahav0?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"We'd always go into it blindly. I needed
to lose you to find me. This dance, it was killing me softly. I needed to hate
you to love me..." </span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
<br />
</span></i><b><u><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">7.
Easy: Camila Cabello</span></u></b><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<b><u><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></u></b><i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"You
tell me that I'm complicated and that might be an understatement. Anything else?
You tell me that I'm indecisive. Fickle, but I try to hide it. Anything else?
You tell me that I overthink 'til I ruin a good thing. Anything else? You tell
me you'd rather fight than spend a single peaceful night with somebody
else..." </span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">I'm
pretty sure I have a crush on Camila Cabello. Shhh, don't tell Billie Eilish.
But seriously, I love the way she writes about love. And this song on her
newest album captures something that resonates for me. It resonates hard. I
think we all feel like pretty little messes sometimes. We are all full of
contradictions and complexities. But it's the people who always come through to
love us, when we are at our very lowest, that show you who loves you
unconditionally. They are the kind of people who pick you up, sometimes out of
the gutter, and tell you: "Okay, that shit was fucked up, but what are we
gonna do now?" Or they tell you when you are upset about some stupid shit:
"Get over it. Good morning." They don't put up with your bullshit.
But they also never let you feel out there alone, orbiting around the sun or
the dark moon. And you realize, despite what other people make you think, you
are worthy of love, you are easy to love, because you are you. And that's all
they need. Just you, as you are, even with all the messes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/cEGPdptoMwU/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/cEGPdptoMwU?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
<br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"You really, really know me. The future and
the old me. All of the mazes and the madness in my mind. You really, really
love me...All I know is you heal me when I'm broken. All I know is you, saved
me and you know it. Always thought I was hard to love, 'til you made it seem so
easy..."</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
<br />
</span></i><b><u><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">8.
Godspeed: Jenny Lewis</span></u></b><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<b><u><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></u></b><i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"I've
known you too long to let you carry on this way. When I was in bad shape, I'll
never forget what you always used to say. What are we going to do with you? You
don't make it easy on me. What am I supposed to do with you? If you won't let
me help you, won't you?" </span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<b><u><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></u></b><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">I'm
pretty sure this song is about something very different than what I imagine in
my head. But, suffice to say, this song reminds me of what I just wrote about
in the last song. Keep your people who love you no matter what close by. You
know, the lighthouses. The ones who guide you back.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/T9tez3fAxzI/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/T9tez3fAxzI?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"Godspeed to you. Keep the lighthouse in
sight." </span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><u><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">9. Wonderland: Chvrches</span></u></b><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><u><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></u></b><i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"Can't
live forever with my head in the clouds. Can't predict the weather with my feet
on the ground. You tell me that we'll be alright. But I don't know if you're
right. I can't live forever with my head and my heart in the clouds..."</span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">One day when I took
off for a run in the early morning while it was still dark, this song played
randomly. It was after some difficult things happened in 2019. There were
realizations this year that took all my energy. And there were times that I
doubted just about everything.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/Tz5ibJhxowM/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Tz5ibJhxowM?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"I'm counting every sheep, but these rabbit holes run
deep. Trying to be so right, desperate to start a fight. All of this pointless
talk. Why can't I turn it off? When will it all just stop?"</span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><u><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
<br />
10. The Show Goes On: Lupe Fiasco</span></u></b><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><u><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></u></b><i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"Alright,
already the show goes on. All night, till the morning we dream so long. Anybody
ever wonder when they would see the sun up?Just remember when you come up, the
show goes on..."</span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">Yeah, those things
that happen, well, this song helped me to remember that the show goes on. Even
when you feel like you want everything to stop, we have to get up, get out
there, and get the things done.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14pt;">"So no matter what you been through. No
matter what you into. No matter what you see when you look outside your
window...Never ever put them down. You just lift your arms higher. Raise 'em
til your arms tired. Let 'em know you're there. That you struggling and
survivin'. That you gonna persevere..." </span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<b><u><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></u></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<b><u><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14pt;">
11. Blame It On Your Love: Charli XCX (feat. Lizzo)</span></u></b><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<b><u><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14pt;"><br />
</span></u></b><i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14pt;">"Gotta
blame it on the, blame it on the, blame it on the juice. Looking at my booty
like you don't know what to do. Baby, I know that you can't control it, but my
body like a swisher, just roll it. I'ma give you one chance to fall in love.
Give you one chance, don't fuck this up..."</span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14pt;"><br />
</span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14pt;">There
were a whole bunch of Lizzo songs I wanted to put on this year's mix, but I
didn't. For one, some of my favorite songs I can't listen to anymore after my
last trip to Nashville when we listened to the songs on repeat about 802 times
and now, I can only imagine the guys dancing and singing to it. For two, I
couldn't find the right song and placement and flow.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14pt;">Clearly, it
was the Year of Lizzo. The year of blaming it on the goose. And, I'll always
treasure going to the concert in Raleigh with my best friend Jennie Ann. It was
a transcendent experience and I was so fortunate that we got to be there
together.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/HXsEpa1XjqI/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/HXsEpa1XjqI?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"Honestly, I'm reckless. I'm sorry if I'm
selfish. Every time you get too close I run, I run away. And every time you say
the words I don't know what to say. Back, back to the beginning. Really wish
that I could change. I do, I do, I do. I blame it on your love, every time I
fuck it up..."</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
<br />
</span></i><b><u><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">12:
Middle Child: J. Cole</span></u></b><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<b><u><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></u></b><i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"I
copied your cadence. I mirrored your style. I studied the greats. I'm the
greatest right now. Fuck if you feel me. You ain't got a choice. Now I ain't do
no promo, still made all that noise. This shit gon' be different. I set my
intentions. I promise to slap all that hate out your voice..." </span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">Another
perfect running song. And also perfect when you feel like some folks are hatin'
on you. #charlotterepresentin<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"The game is off balance. I'm back on my
shit. The Bentley is dirty. My sneakers is dirty. But that's how I like it. You
all on my dick..." </span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><u><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">13.
Nightmare: Halsey</span></u></b><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"I've
tasted blood and it is sweet. I've had the rug pulled beneath my feet. I've
trusted lies and trusted men. Broke down and put myself back together again.
Stared in the mirror and punched it to shatters. Collected the pieces and
picked out a dagger....Come on, little lady, give us a smile. No I ain't got
nothing to smile about. I got no one to smile for, I waited a while for a
moment to say I don't owe you a goddamn thing..." </span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">And
then, sometimes, you get real mad. You get mad about the world, as a woman.
Tired of people telling you how to live your life. Tired of people wanting you
to behave as they think you should. Just tired of it all. Halsey perfectly
channels this rage. And sometimes, you just gotta feel the rage and let it
churn you onwards to something more productive.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/Q_dqfcvTZik/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Q_dqfcvTZik?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"No I won't smile, but I'll show you my teeth. And I'ma
let you speak if you just let me breathe. I've been polite, but won't be caught
dead lettin' a man tell me what I should do in my bed. Keep my exes in check in
my basement. 'Cause kindness is weakness, or worse, you're complacent. I could
play nice or I could be a bully. I'm tried and angry, but somebody should
be..."</span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
<br />
</span></i><b><u><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">14. Young
Forever: Nicki Minaj</span></u></b><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
"Don't say goodbye, look in my eyes. So that I always will remember.
Frozen in time, always be mine. Baby boy, you'll be young forever. I'll be over
here, you'll be over there..." </span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">Is it really an
annual mix without Nicki? I almost put <i>Megatron </i>on this year's
mix, but I couldn't find the right place for it. I also fell in love with this
older song while out running.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/bx9iWVDWkfE/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/bx9iWVDWkfE?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"I used to think that we'd run away. One
lovely pretty summer day. I remember when you would say we'd be okay come what
may..." </span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
<br />
</span></i><b><u><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">15.
Genius: LSD (Labrinth, Sia &Diplo) (feat. Lil' Wayne)</span></u></b><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<b><u><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></u></b><i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"Uh,
I'm a genius, under pressure, no question, I'm really special. Upper echelon
when I bless you...I'm a genius and perfectionist, specialist in the excesses.
With excellence for evidence..."</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Name="endnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="macro"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="toa heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">Wait,
Sia and Lil' Wayne? Yes please.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/yv5_CXdv1lc/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/yv5_CXdv1lc?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
<br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"Oh my god. Baby, baby, don't you see? I got
everything you need. Only a genius could love a woman like she..."</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></i><b><u><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">16.
The Louvre: Lorde</span></u></b><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<b><u><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></u></b><i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"Well,
summer slipped us underneath her tongue. Our days and nights are perfumed with
obsession. Half of my wardrobe is on your bedroom floor. Use our eyes, throw our
hands overboard. I am your sweetheart psychopathic crush. Drink up your
movements, still I can't get enough. I overthink your p-punctuation use. Not my
fault, just a think that my mind do. A rush at the beginning. I get caught up,
just for a minute. But lover, you're the one to blame, all that you're
doing..."</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">This
song slays me every single time. Another regular running song. Even when I
listen to it right this moment, I can see that moment when I hit the first
curve on the track where I run, while the world is still quiet. It reminds of
me of all the Franks. Y'all are my people. And I'll sit in hell any day with
you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/sFCL6f7hy2s/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/sFCL6f7hy2s?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
<br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"Our thing progresses, I call and you come
through. Blow all my friendships to sit in hell with you. But we're the
greatest, they'll hang us in the Louvre. Down the back, but who cares, still
the Louvre..." </span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<b><u><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">17. Day
Too Soon: Sia</span></u></b><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<b><u><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></u></b><i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"Oh
I've been running all my life. I ran away, I ran away from good. Yeah I've been
waiting all my life. You're not a day, you're not a day too soon. Honey I will
stitch you. Darling I will fit you in my heart. Honey I will meet you. Darling
I will keep you in my heart..." </span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">This
year has been pretty monumental for me and Islam. On Valentine's Day, he asked
me to marry him. I told him I needed more time and suggested we move in
together. I'm pretty sure he moved in the very next day. And then, we had some
troubled times. Times when things felt bleak. But even when the times were
tough, I never doubted that we'd be together. And during some of those
particularly hard moments in the past year, I realized that even more that I
wanted to be him (more than I can really explain here). And you know that's how
I knew that not only had I found the person that I wanted to spend my life
with, but also, that I was finally ready for that part of my life. Because,
honestly, I think the biggest part of all of it was me working out my things so
I could be ready for a good man to come along. I needed to do all the hard work
of therapy, all the hard work of interrogating my own issues...and then, only
then would I be ready. And in that way, while sometimes I wish we had met when
I was younger, I'm glad I met him at precisely the moment I did...because he
wasn't a day too soon. He was right on time.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/TCXOXgWnfVc/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/TCXOXgWnfVc?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"Pick me up in your arms, carry me away
from harm. You're never gonna put me down. I know you're just one good man.
You'll tire before we see land. You're never gonna put me down..."</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<b><u><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">18.
Paper Rings: Taylor Swift</span></u></b><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<b><u><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></u></b><i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"I
like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings. Uh huh, that's right.
Darling, you're the one I want, and I hate accidents except when we went from
friends to this. Uh uh, that's right. Darling, you're the one I want, and paper
rings and picture frames and dirty dreams. Oh, you're the one I
want..." </span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">For
many of you, you might have been surprised when Islam and I got married, but
see, we had been talking about it for quite some time. One night, we sat down
and drafted our yearly plan. We wanted to get married. We wanted to buy a
house. We wanted to start our own business. We wanted to travel back to Egypt
to visit his family. And, we planned to adopt a sister for Drizzy. Then, things
just took on a life of their own. We were going to put off buying the house,
because I hadn't found what I wanted. But then, that one morning when I woke up
to check the web and saw that cute little house, I texted my realtor. She told
me she could meet me there in 30 minutes. So, we put on clothes, we ran over. I
remember Islam saying to me: I think its the house for us. And then, we were
thrown into that process. Once we got settled, we started talking about getting
married. We both knew what we wanted for our wedding. And so, we started to
plan it. Believe it or not, but we spent less than $500 on the whole event. It
was exactly what made us happy. Something simple. Something that allowed us to
focus on our relationship. And as I'm sure you know, we danced the whole way to
the event.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">I remember
one morning before we got married. I went out for a run. The new Taylor Swift
album had come out. And this song played...and it was absolutely perfect.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/8zdg-pDF10g/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/8zdg-pDF10g?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"Kiss me once 'cause you know I had a long night. Kiss
me twice 'cause it's gonna be alright. Three times 'cause I've waited my whole
life..." </span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
<br />
</span></i><b><u><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">19. My Type:
Saweetie</span></u></b><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><u><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></u></b><i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"Rich
fella, eight figure, that's my type. That's my type, fella that's my type.
Eight-inch big, ooh, that's good pipe. Bad bitch, I'ma ride the dick all
night..." </span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">So, over the year,
Islam and I had a ton of songs that we danced our asses off to while riding back and forth to Lowe's, cleaning the new house and the old house. Thotiana was one of our
favorites. But the day we got married...we were on our way to the courthouse.
Me driving. Him in the front seat with the bouquet of flowers. My mom in the
back seat, documenting all of it. And then, I played this, because it had
become one of our favorites. There's a whole video of the two of us in our
wedding clothes, driving through Johnson City, dancing and singing this...but y'all
will never see it. It was one of my favorite moments. Just picture us screaming
"That's my type! That's my type!" to each other on our way to be
married.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/x5c2iRHlAHA/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/x5c2iRHlAHA?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"New wrist, new whip, ride around dipped. I can see
why, all these basic hoes pissed. Bust down wrist, not a bust down bitch. Said
I want your man, no the fuck I don't sis..." </span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
<br />
</span></i><b><u><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">20. Raising
Hell: Kesha (feat. Big Freedia)</span></u></b><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><u><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></u></b><i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"I'm
all fucked up in my Sunday best. No walk-of-shame 'cause I love this dress.
Hungover, heart of gold, holy mess. Doin' my best, bitch, I'm blessed..."</span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">Every year, I feel
the need to acknowledge all of the Franks who have always shown up to remind me
of all the joy, the happiness, the fuckedupness of life....because we are all
sweet little messes, just trying to find our way, one day at a time, one step
at a time. Y'all are what makes life worth living. Thank you for always loving
me, no matter what.</span></div>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt;">"Oh if you couldn't tell, we can always find the
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</style>Katherine Everharthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12818420525893099306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7539905032866366227.post-38774990984136600662018-12-29T20:11:00.000-06:002018-12-29T20:11:09.018-06:00Year-in-Review: 2018<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlVC9WZFVCW04Y_BQr3SOoFOIvcED9HH9TbAzAX-50M8KAIRBCmBp26GLYMDB2kz7rLlVltPHAxLW1bvvCrrD79TrLn_t50ZqVM9WdZCBu1AVs2GmXJABi2x5nMl82kjjuCH_D9utyaZMt/s1600/IMG_7149.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlVC9WZFVCW04Y_BQr3SOoFOIvcED9HH9TbAzAX-50M8KAIRBCmBp26GLYMDB2kz7rLlVltPHAxLW1bvvCrrD79TrLn_t50ZqVM9WdZCBu1AVs2GmXJABi2x5nMl82kjjuCH_D9utyaZMt/s320/IMG_7149.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Oh
2018.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You were confusing and clarifying.
You were easy and complicated. You were awesome and awful. You had me swinging
from extremes of lightness and heaviness. And oh, 2018, you were full of a
bunch of terrible mistakes. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">But...I’ve
been thinking a lot lately about missteps and mistakes. I think we need them.
We can’t progress without them. Otherwise, we’d grow complacent. But here’s
what I am proud of…With each and every mistake I made this year, I was able to
sit down here at the table (yes, that same one!), pour a glass of wine, and
write to myself, to others, and to the most amazing (mostly silent) therapist. I
would process the mistake like the scientist I am. Pulling at all the tiny
little threads for explanations. And then, finally seeing the pathways of the
mistake illuminate so very fucking brightly. It was in these moments that I
came to learn so much about myself. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">For
those of us who have experienced childhood trauma, our recovery process is full
of these moments. I know its never going to be easy. I’m never going to be
“fixed.” I’m going to fuck up again and again and again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I think I’m finally starting to see the
process. I’m seeing how the challenges of 2016 helped me to work out some of
the issues. And then, 2017, some different ones. And now, 2018, something else.
And there are ALWAYS going to be missteps and mistakes, just as there are
always new lessons. And sometimes, it’s going to be the same old lessons from
say, I don’t know, 2011? I think the point is that I’ve learned to accept the
full version of myself, which is all over the place sometimes. And that’s just
fine, because if we never fuck it all up, we aren’t able to realize what it is
we really need, and for me, more importantly, what it is that we really <b>want</b>.
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">One
step at a time, my darlings. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I’m
grateful for all of you that helped me during this year. That picked up the
phone when I needed to talk it all out. That remained patient with me when I
was confused. That followed along with my journey of running and #drunkblueapron’ing
while I sought to take care of myself. That never judged me while I was clearly
making the mistakes I needed to get to the place where I am today. Y’all are
the real deal. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">And
so, it’s with that I start my year-end list of gratitude. Thank you again. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I
am grateful for… (in no particular order, my dears)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">1. Running.</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Some
days, I ran fast. Some days, I ran far. Some days, I ran in the hot and humid
summer afternoons. Some days, I ran in the rain. And even, some days, I ran in
the snow. Running remains key for me. I think it works because it <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">belongs to me</i>. It’s my thing. Just me.
Out on the streets, working the things out. This year, I ran my first official
5K with Robbie in Nashville. And this past year, I ran 620 miles. </span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">2. My Nashville Crew:
Robbie, Russell, Clinton, Rob, Taylor, Matt, and Luke</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I
was so fortunate this year to have multiple places to stay when I came visiting
Nashville. So a billion thanks you go out to Kate Chapman, and April and Bill
Mullins. Their amazing generosity allowed for me to return to Nashville more
times than I can count this past year. It’s hard to even begin to remember all
the visits. I had a blast ringing in the New Year with Robbie, Taylor, Russell,
Clinton, and Matt; attempting to watch The Oscars with Robbie; celebrating my
birthday with Robbie, Russell, Rob, Luke, and Clinton; running a 5K with Robbie
and Rob; that long ass summer where we watched so many soccer games, had so
many Sunday Fundays, and tore it up at ALL the pool parties at Rob’s house. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Jennie
Ann and I have been best friends for almost 27 years. The lifespan of a best
friendship always has its twists and turns. While both of us were going through
our own tough set of challenges in the past couple of years, we drifted apart. I
missed her horribly. But this year, we came back together. And it taught me
these amazing lessons about friendships. They aren’t always going to be
perfectly neat. Life ebbs and flows, and so do friendships. And at the end of
the day, they are still there—the history, the jokes, the understanding. But,
you have to speak up. You have to tell the people that you love that you miss
them when things aren’t perfect. You have to remind them that you are there for
them when things aren’t perfect for them. You have to fight for the
relationships that you want to keep in your life. I’m so happy that we are back
together again. Obsessing over some new television show. Conversating in gifs.
Talking about our own progress in #recovery with one another. And, as always
laughing our faces off in the process. Beyond my joy of having Jennie Ann back
in my life, I’ve been so fortunate that she’s also brought Gladdy, her
daughter, into my life. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I’m
so grateful for all my trips home to spend time with my mom. I’m grateful to
spend the holidays with my sister and my brothers. I’m so grateful that I was
able to <b>finally</b> be at Jessica’s baby shower for our newest family member,
Everett. And maybe the most important to me was to attend Jack’s 3<sup>rd</sup>
birthday party this year. I’m so excited to be part of their lives. To be the
crazy Aunt Katherine that I always wanted to be. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I am also fortunate to have found another family with April and Bill Mullins. They welcomed me into their home, allowed me to stay there for a incredibly amazingly small amount of money, but more so than all of that, I've loved sharing my life and stories with them. Tonight, I was trying to figure out my plans for the New Year, and April messaged to me: COME HOME TOMORROW. And it made me smile so very much, because I realized how much of a connection we've made in only six months. I can't wait to see them tomorrow. And sit together, laughing and talking and drinking all the wines. </span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">5. Happy Hours with
Jamie and Coco at Yee-Haw. </span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I
am grateful for all those afternoons with Jamie and Coco at Yee-Haw (and our
group chats). Sometimes we talk about teaching and our classes. Sometimes we
talk about our lives. Sometimes we just talk shit. We are early in our
friendships, but I know that if I ever needed anything from these two, they’d be
there. They would always get your back. And they always want you to be the best
version of yourself you can be. And that my dears is the kind of thing you hold
onto for as long as possible with your friends. </span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">6. Colleagues/New
Friends and Students at Tusculum University</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I
feel like this list would be long, if I were to go there and list all of them.
Suffice to say, I’m loving my time at Tusculum. I have some of the most amazing
colleagues I could ever ask for. They are not only smart academics and amazing
professors, they are great friends. They have always supported me. They’ve
invited me to their homes, their book clubs, to be besties with their kids. And
the students. Okay, not all of them are great, but I’ve certainly loved the
chance to get to know these students and watch them learn and progress. </span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">7. My Girls….(said in
RuPaul’s voice)</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I’m
so thankful to Ashley, Michelle, Yvonne, Andrea, Sheila, my Aunt Jennie
Ann, April, and my dearest Susan….I’m sure the list could go on. But you folks have been great this year in
terms of your continued love and support via phone calls, text messages, visits,
FB likes and messages. I envision a world in which all of us could live so very
close to each other to sit around the table and drink wine and chat on a daily
basis. </span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">8. The Nutcracker</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I’m
starting to wind down now. And, honestly, outside of running, performing in the
Nutcracker this year was one of the highlights of my year. Similar to my
running, performing in the Nutcracker was something that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">belonged to me</i>. It wasn’t about anyone else in my life or anything
else, just ME! I remember when I signed up, I messaged a particularly
problematic individual in my life (read: narcissist) and they responded: “But
don’t you think you’ll be too busy for the other things in your life?”
<clears throat=""> Yes, y’all should recognize this if it happens in your
life. Someone who doesn’t want you to do something just for yourself because it
might interfere with the time you might spend interacting with them…well,
y’all, it’s time to move on down the street. </clears></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">The
ballet helped to teach me this. There was nothing about it that was going to
contribute to my work or my personal life. But rather, every single time I
showed up for rehearsal, all the stupid problems of every day just fell away.
When all those wonderful little kids came running up to me to talk, none of
this other bullshit mattered. They made me so very happy. But yes, that’s it.
It was just for me. And I plan to do so much more of that in the coming year. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><b>9.</b>
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Islam<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
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</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I
can’t begin to explain what Islam has brought to my life. There’s all these
memories that we’ve already created—Discount Tire and the Food Truck, Text
Messages, Phone Calls, Hawawshi, #DrunkBlueApron, Stomach, the Gala and
Homecoming, Pumpkins, Halloween, Flowers, Baklava, Thanksgiving, West Virginia,
Christmas. It’s the tip of the iceberg. And I can tell there are so many more
memories to come. He’s someone who <b>sees</b> me. He loves me for me. He
reminds me that I need to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">belong to
myself</i>. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">One
of the metaphors from this year that I shared with "Dear Susan" this last week
was about ballet and partners. While I sat in the theater during dress rehearsal and watched the Sugar
Plum Fairy perform, I though about the role of partners. In ballet, we have
partners who are there to support us and make us look better. During paux
de deux, they work to make you look like the most amazing dancer in the world.
You do a pirouette, and they spin you 2-3 times more. And I thought, this is what we want from partners. You want
someone who is willing to do that. Being okay with letting you be the star
of the show. Don’t get me wrong, they will go out and do their solo
later, but when they are partnering you, they hold you up, they want you to
look amazing. I've come to realize that Islam is the kind of man who is secure and confident enough to do that. </span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">10. My Mistakes</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">There
were a lot of them this year. The ex’s were there. Spring Break was a shit show
including the roommate. My summer was full of some weird decisions and some
violations by research participants. I had a lot of people violating my
boundaries this past year. And sometimes I stopped it. And sometimes I let
myself be overwhelmed. I’ve realized I’m closer to stopping it, and it doesn’t
make people happy, but I’m not going to stop. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">As
I depart from this year, I’ve realized that I’m in a place where I want to say
what I want. I’m tired of pleasing other people. I want to be seen. I want to
be heard. I want to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">belong to myself</i>.
And then, to share that with the people who love me and care about me the most
in this world.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> For all of you, </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I’m
so grateful. Thank you. </span>
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Katherine Everharthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12818420525893099306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7539905032866366227.post-47112307744905323922018-12-19T09:34:00.001-06:002018-12-19T09:34:02.347-06:00Empty Parking Lots: Katherine's 17th Annual Mix<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjS-ylC3hm84Sdd22jCl3rmAphYVCAywY4yTe3oj0SVKZHtLhcLVdI9oSUENlJta5_Ye20TP9eoGJMYvb4caipq_Ftw6c51y2b_TVznKFMhNrMzrrZ35j6AXyxLLvntAxhNGHlMnPhOsFf3/s1600/15BEF45D-9FED-40FB-AB6A-6F49608D79CF.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1280" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjS-ylC3hm84Sdd22jCl3rmAphYVCAywY4yTe3oj0SVKZHtLhcLVdI9oSUENlJta5_Ye20TP9eoGJMYvb4caipq_Ftw6c51y2b_TVznKFMhNrMzrrZ35j6AXyxLLvntAxhNGHlMnPhOsFf3/s400/15BEF45D-9FED-40FB-AB6A-6F49608D79CF.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">“For a moment, I was not lost. I was waiting for permission to take off.” –Waxahatchee</span></i></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">This past
semester, I started running in the mornings before school when it was still
dark out. I had always been scared to run in the dark. Some of this is because
I’m a woman. Some of this is because of my PTSD. Some of this is because of some vision problems. But I got out there and did
it. And I ended up loving it. It was so quiet. It was so calm. It was so empty. It was just me
and the streets. (Well, except that one time I saw a creepy guy walking in the
dark park by himself—with no dog—before<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>the sunrise and I ended up running back out of the park, because you
know #thatswhatitslikebeingawoman). </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">In the last
few months, I’ve been obsessed with empty parking lots. There’s something
about the quiet and the calm and emptiness of them. It's a moment to press pause on everything. I realized this past week, I'm <i>craving </i>stillness. In the early morning hours before I crawl out of bed, I fantasize about going off-the-grid, like just disappearing into the woods with no phone, no social media, and no people. Just to be quiet, away from everything, without any expectations or obligations. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Maybe I'm overworked. Maybe I'm spending too much time socializing or traveling. Maybe I spend too much time answering emails and texts and messages. All of that is true to some extent. Yesterday, I went through my end-of-the-month assessments from the past year. I always wrote the same thing that I hoped to improve in the coming month. I always wrote that I needed to prioritize myself more. Seriously, y'all, its there...month after fucking month. So, while I hoped to prioritize myself, I just never did. Maybe I was just too busy? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">I realized that I’ve
forgotten to ask myself the question: “What do YOU want to do?” This
morning, I said that out loud to myself. And I laughed, because I remembered
that I can do whatever it is that I want to do. I can say no. I can say yes. I
can change my plans. I can tell someone I don’t like their ideas. I can tell someone to give me space. I can do <u>whatever</u>
I feel like doing. I can even have tacos for breakfast (which is incidentally exactly what I did in the aftermath of asking myself that question yesterday). </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">For me, it's challenging to prioritize myself. I'm accustomed to making sure everyone else is comfortable. It's a learned response and it is a hard habit to shake. Much of it is about setting and maintaining boundaries with others. Recognizing what I need in a day, a week, a month, or a year. And then, saying that. And when someone violates and refuses to hear me, I have to remember to raise up my voice a little louder. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">THAT is what I hear in this music. There's a sense of confusion. There's a sense of isolation. There's a sense of complication. But that's the thing. I'm complicated. I'm never going to be neat. I'm never going to be fixed. I'm always going to be a little bit messy. And that's okay. We are all just trying to figure it out. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">That being said, I'm going to err on the side of brevity for some of the songs, but not all of them. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><b>You can find the mix in the following locations:</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><b>1. Apple Music</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><b><a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/playlist/2018-mix/pl.u-MvA9FL8yRB" target="_blank">https://itunes.apple.com/us/playlist/2018-mix/pl.u-MvA9FL8yRB</a> </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><b>2. YouTube</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><b><a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQdVeReqUAy7puOa3BRmKKcD1Saz1wFS4" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQdVeReqUAy7puOa3BRmKKcD1Saz1wFS4 </a> </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><b>3. Spotify </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><b><a href="https://open.spotify.com/user/bittersweetpr/playlist/2SwBr4wSzeftiQbPoI9b4S?si=RHzT0KE8R46YzQbNoK-efA" target="_blank">https://open.spotify.com/user/bittersweetpr/playlist/2SwBr4wSzeftiQbPoI9b4S?si=RHzT0KE8R46YzQbNoK-efA</a> </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><b> </b></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><b>
</b></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Prologue</span></i></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">1. Appointments: Julien
Baker</span></u></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“I think if I ruin this. That I know I
can live with it. Nothing turns out like I pictured it. Maybe the emptiness is
just a lesson in canvases. I think if I fail again. That I know you’re still
listening. Maybe it’s gonna turn out all right. And I know that it’s not, but I
have to believe that it is….”</span></i></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Her voice
breaks me. Every single time I hear it. It’s the simplicity. It’s the
sparseness. It’s her vulnerability. It’s her veiled attempts at comfort. And the recognition that not everything works out the way we plan, regardless
of our best intentions. Or, maybe even our worst intentions.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">So, listen to
this one closely. And wait for it….at 3:58, her voices raises up over the music
and shakes the whole house. You can hear her doubts. You can hear her
insecurity. You can hear how she battles between who she is and what she wants
to be, or maybe even rather, what everyone expects her to be. </span>
</div>
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<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">I found his
quote from Baker about this song…and it really resonates for me: “<i>The song is
about the isolation of thinking that you’re incapable of communicating the
emotions in your head while you’re also trying to exert the effort to be there
for someone else, and to be what they want….its been important for me to get
rid of my really finite standard of normalcy and understand that maybe the bad
and ugly things are part of me, but I don’t have to submit to them. And that
the existence of anxiety or depression does not negate my own capacity for joy,
or my intelligence. It’s really helpful to accept those bad things instead of
trying to make it out to be some sort of Jekyll and Hyde dichotomy; when I can
embrace those things, I can have power over them.”</i> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Maybe its all gonna turn out all right.
Oh, I know that it’s not, but I have to believe that it is…”</span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">2. Sky Full of Song:
Florence + The Machine</span></u></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Be careful my darling. Be careful of
what it takes. What I’ve seen so far. The good ones always seem to break…”</span></i>
</div>
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<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Maybe
everyone feels a little out-of-place in life. I suspect some of us think more
about this than others. I’m one of those people. When I was younger, I towed
the line. I tried to fit into the preconceived conceptions of what life should
look like. I wanted to fit in. I wanted to belong. Its easier when you belong. However,
that wasn’t going to work for me. I had too many questions. I didn’t want to
accept “that’s just the way it is” as an answer. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve
continued to question these things. I want to create a life for myself that
serves me, rather than serving the expectations of the world. And so, at times,
it’s challenging. And sometimes it feels like you are out there flying for too
long. </span></div>
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<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>“I
was screaming at my father. And you were screaming at me. I can feel your anger
from way across the sea. I was kissing strangers. I was causing such a scene.
Oh, the heart it hurts such and image of unimaginable things. Grab me by my
ankles. I’ve been flying for too long…Hold me down, I’m so tired now. And I can
tell that I’m in trouble when the music starts to play…I feel like I’m about to
fall, the room begins to sway. And I can hear the sirens, but I can’t walk
away…”</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">And this part
reminds me of that February afternoon when I realized I wasn’t his priority, which ultimately reminded me that I hadn't made myself a priority, either. </span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">3. Hymn: Kesha</span></u></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">This one
popped up on shuffle the other day. It’s for all the Franks. Y’all are my
tribe. And we are fucking royalty. </span></div>
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<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Even the stars and the moon don’t shine
quite like we do. Dreamers searchin’ for the truth. Go on, read about us in the
news. Pretty reckless, pretty wild. Talking shit and we’ll just smile. Don’t
you see these fuckin’ crowns? If you know what I mean, you on the team. This is
a hymn for the hymnless, kids with no religion. Yeah, we keep on sinning, yeah,
we keep on singing. Flying down the highway…I know that I’m perfect, even
though I’m fucked up.” </span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></u></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Chapter One: Winter</span></i></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">4. Fireworks: First Aid
Kit</span></u></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></u></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"></span></span></u></b></div>
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</div>
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</div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“I could’ve sworn I saw fireworks from
your house last night. As the lights flickered and they failed. I had it all
figured out. Why do I do this to myself every time? I know the way it ends
before it’s even begun…” </span></i>
</div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">This one reminds me of New Years. And, the ex's. </span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"></span></span></u></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">5. 2002: Anne-Marie</span></u></b></div>
<br />
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“I will always remember the day you kissed
my lips. Light as a feather. And it went just like this. No it’s never been
better than the summer of 2002.” </span></i></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Well, I don’t
really remember 2002. That seems too long ago. But I do remember the summer of
2014. And 2015. And 2016. And I remember the days I fell in love. With both of them. </span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">6. Party for One: Carly
Rae Jepsen</span></u></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">So, yeah,
January and February. There were declarations. There were mismanaged
expectations. There were frustrations. And then, there was spring break. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Party for one. If you don’t care about
me. I’ll just dance for myself. Back on my beat. I’ll be the one. If you don’t
care about me. Making love to myself. Back on my beat.” </span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></i>
</div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Chapter Two: Spring</span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">7. Never Be the Same:
Camila Cabello</span></u></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“It’s you babe. And I’m a sucker for the
way you move, babe. And I could try to run, but it would be useless. You’re to
blame. Just one hit of you, I knew I’ll never be the same. It’s you, babe…” </span></i></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">This is the
song that started all the trouble…</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">8. Suck the Blood From
My Wound: Ezra Furman</span></u></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“And I’m doing ninety, got to get
there…if we can make it across the state line then baby, we’re golden. Let the
law pronounce its’ petty assertions. They’ve been outsmarted by a couple of
urchins. And they hurt you bad, man. They hurt me too….Even the deepest wounds
will heal over time. I’ll run my fingers over your scars and yours over mine.
They’ll never find us if we turn off our phones. We’re off the grid, we’re off
our meds. We’re finally out on our own. Now I see color coming back in your
cheeks. Angel, don’t fight it. To them, you know, we’ll always be freaks…” </span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">This one is
dedicated to the pony. And also to the Franks. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">9. Baby I’m Yours:
Breakbot</span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">This one is
dedicated to my birthday weekend in Nashville. We played video games and drank
on rooftop bars. And he made me smile all day long. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Chapter Three: Summer</span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">10. Hunger: Florence +
The Machine</span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Tell me what you need, oh, you look so
free. The way you use your body, baby, come on and work it for me. Don’t let it
get you down, you’re the best thing I’ve seen….And its Friday night and it’s
kicking in…Oh, you and all your vibrant youth. How could anything bad ever
happen to you? You make a fool out of death with your beauty, and for a moment
I forget to worry…” </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">This one is dedicated to Russell. I was so fortunate to get to spend so much time with him this
summer. He makes my heart so full. And when I look at him, I think…. “How could
anything bad ever happen to you? You make a fool of death with your beauty.”
I’m so very fortunate to have Russell in my life. He makes the world a better
place. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">11. Nice For What: Drake</span></u></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Girl. It was
summer. And Drake released an album. Not only did he release an album, but he
released the video for this song. Which basically told us all to say “Boy Bye”
to all them and go out with our girls and have fun. THIS IS THE POOL PARTY SONG. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“I know shorty and she doesn’t want no
slow song. Had a man last year, life goes on. Haven’t let that thing loose,
girl, in so long. You’ve been inside, know you like to lay low. I’ve been
peepin’ what you bringin’ to the table.” </span></i>
</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Saturday, call the girls, get ‘em gassed
up. Gotta hit the club, gotta make that ass jump. Gotta hit the club like you
hit them mothafuckin’ angles…”</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">12. Make Me Feel:
Janelle Monae</span></u></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Summer 2018. (Also, watch the video. She's stunning). </span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“That’s just the way you make me feel. So
real, so good, so fuckin’ real.” </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
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<br /><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">13. Boys: Lizzo</span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Also, Summer
2018. Things got a little crazy. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Ay, boy, whatcha say, boy? You tryna
play coy like a Gameboy? Hit my phone boy, is you home boy? Are you alone boy?
Come give me dome, boy. Got a boy with degrees, a boy in the streets. A boy on
his knees, he a man in the sheets…”</span></i></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></u></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">14. Barbie Dreams: Nicki
Minaj</span></u></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">One day, I’m
going to write my own version of Barbie Dreams. You’ve all been warned. This is brilliant. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
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<br />
<br />
<br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">15. Uproar: Lil Wayne
(feat. Swizz Beatz)</span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Get the fuck though, I don’t bluff, bro.
I come out the scuffle without a scuff, bro…”</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">YESSSSSSS.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>5, 4, 3, 2, I let one go. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Chapter Four: Fall</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">16. Close to Me: Ellie
Goulding, Diplo, and Swae Lee</span></u></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Even though we both know we’re liars and
we start each other’s fires. We just know that we’ll be all right. Even though
we kicked out the party ‘cause we both hate everybody, we’re the ones they
wanna be like. So don’t let me down. Keep me in trouble. Born to be wild. Out
in the jungle.” </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Hail, yee Franks. We are born to be wild. Promise to always keep me in trouble. </span></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></u></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">17. Playinwitme: KYLE
(feat. Kehlani)</span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Girl, why are you playin’ with me? Girl,
who are you playin’ with? You’ve been on that new stuff. I’ve been on the same
shit. Girl, why you playin’ with me? I don’t got the time for that. Might need
me a refund. Imma need that time back…</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">I randomly turned on a movie on Netflix and discovered KYLE. He's absolutely fantastic. Yes, he reminds me of Drake. No, he doesn't appreciate that. But outside of that comparison, he's brilliantly hilarious.</span></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“You bein’ a different you and I’m bein’
the same me. You could have had Gucci, but now that’s Old Navy…” </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Yep. You
could have had a lot of things dummy, but you messed it all up. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">18. I Do: Cardi B (feat.
SZA)</span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i>"I left a n**** on read, 'cause I felt like i..." </i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i> </i>So, after the Nicki-Cardi beef, I wasn't sure I was going to put one of her songs on the mix. But this song is too funny. This is the don't-fuck-with-me song. Yeah, bitch, I'll put some bleach in your cereal. If I were Offset, I'd probably back the fuck off right now. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i>"Look, broke hoes do what they can, </i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i>Good girls do what they told, </i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i>Bad bitches do what they want..." </i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i> </i></span></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></i><br /><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"></span></span></u></b></div>
<br />
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Chapter Five:Winter</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">19. Ferrari: Bebe Rexha</span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Every day is a blur<br />
Sometimes I can't tell what day it is<br />
Don't know what day it is<br />
Can you tell me what day it is?<br />
Life's passing by<br />
'Cause I'm out chasing empty highs<br />
Every hello just means goodbye<br />
But I'm looking for more this time</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Can we start to slow it down?<br />
Can we learn to live right now?<br />
I just want to feel it all, ooh…”</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">This one goes out to Jennie Ann. Girl, I'll meet you in an empty parking lot anytime you want. Or, rather, I'll meet you in Costa Rica at the trashiest hotel we can find. </span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"></span></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
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<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">20. Runaway: Yeah Yeah
Yeahs</span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“I was feeling sad<br />
Can't help looking back<br />
Highways flew by<br />
Run, run, run away<br />
No sense of time<br />
Want you to stay<br />
Want keep you inside</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Run, run, run away<br />
Lost, lost, lost my mind<br />
Want you to stay<br />
Want you to be my prize…”</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">On those days when I feel particularly exhausted from my life, I turn this one up really fucking loud. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">21. Perfect Places:
Lorde</span></u></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i>"Every night, I live and die,</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i>Feel the party to my bones, </i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i>Watch the wasters blow the speakers,</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i>Spill my guts beneath the outdoor light. </i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i>It's just another graceless night.</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i>Are you lost enough? </i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i>Have another drink, get lost in us....</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i>If they keep tellin' me where to go,</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i>I'll blow my brains out to the radio, oh..." </i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></i>
</div>
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<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i>"All of the things we're taking,</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i>'Cause we are young and we're ashamed.</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i>Send us to perfect places,</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i>Al the nights spent off our faces,</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i>Trying to find these perfect places.</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i>What the fuck are perfect places anyway?"</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Epilogue</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">22. Recite Remorse:
Waxahatchee</span></u></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i>"I was shaking like a leaf,</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i>I was clenching my fists.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i>I was losing my mind, yeah. </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i>I was dancing with death, </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i>When I stood in my front yard.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i>Felt the sun on my face,</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i>It just felt like a rerun,</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i>Holding everything in place..." </i></span></div>
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<iframe width="320" height="266" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/zDiIhwGBIig/0.jpg" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/zDiIhwGBIig?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">I hope you'll enjoy the mix. Better yet, I hope you'll watch the videos. Some of them are AMAZING. So, happy holidays to you and yours. Remember to take some time for yourself. Go pull into an empty parking lot, turn the mix up loud, and just let yourself pause. Because, you deserve it. </span></span></div>
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</style>Katherine Everharthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12818420525893099306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7539905032866366227.post-17715331566505124352017-12-29T17:56:00.001-06:002017-12-29T17:56:14.538-06:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYVg6l7Yl6OSAQpylEQkgbrNCosrRMV7R7Kb3rvaGvjg6cxj43_8Uis1grDNws5aWhjLMD6o5ZZz55mhyphenhyphenFA-brqx1khooXZ5D-j18EH8hlsoPezV9GzWTZB4p7tuvay5q0OTRat-IcH11g/s1600/2017.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="320" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYVg6l7Yl6OSAQpylEQkgbrNCosrRMV7R7Kb3rvaGvjg6cxj43_8Uis1grDNws5aWhjLMD6o5ZZz55mhyphenhyphenFA-brqx1khooXZ5D-j18EH8hlsoPezV9GzWTZB4p7tuvay5q0OTRat-IcH11g/s400/2017.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
For several days, I've been trying to write the year-in-review blog. For some reason, the words ain't flowing. I suspect this has to do with the fact that I expunged much of my thoughts about 2017 in the annual mix. I suspect this is also because of how important music has been to my life this year. The happenings of my year were so intricately woven into the music that carried me across the country, up those stairs everyday in Germantown, and continue to follow me with each step and each stride when I'm out running.<br />
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However, at the end of the year, I think it's always important to take a moment to share my gratitude. My gratitude for all of the people, places, and things that meant so much to me this year. It is my way of saying thank you. With only a few days left of this year, I raise my glass to all of you.<br />
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Here's my song to all you amazing people and places and faces and times and things...because I do love y'all so very much.<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">1. The students and faculty of Northern Arizona University (particularly</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">,
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">Sian,
Skye, Rebecca, Charlie, Breanna, Sultan, Kayle Mae, Arifin, Matt, Sam and
Olivia, Jessica, Kolbi, Marisa, Doug, Sarah, Debbie, Kooros, Warren, Rich, and
Yvonne</span>).</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">2. All those baseball games.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">3. To the people who protested when I couldn't and the people who protested with me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">4. All the folks who helped advise me about job decisions (particularly, Carly, Sheila, and Liz).</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">5. All those happy hours with Yvonne.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">6. The crew at Picazzo's.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">7. The moving crew (Brandon, Seattle, Charlie, Marisa, and Andrea). </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">8. My family and their welcoming of me back to the South</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">9. My days in Charleston with Michelle. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">10. Mr. Redd always giving me the good advice, particularly when he simply said to me: "If he doesn't want to be with you, girl, you gotta move on). </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">11. My first #drunkblueapron experience with Robbie on my first night back in Germantown.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">12. Attending my first Nashville PRIDE with Robbie and Russell.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">13. Trivia nights at the Pub, Sam and the whole Germantown Pub crew. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">14. Celebrating the 4th with Red and Anthony. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">14. The folks at the 8th Avenue North Market.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">15. Billy Joe Bowman and the Johnson City Cardinals. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">16. My backyard and Harriet. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">17. My text and email updates with my old therapist from Flagstaff. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">18. Those afternoons behind O'Reilly's. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">19. My new colleagues. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">20. My Johnson City Happy Hour friends.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">21. My visit to Nashville with Ashley. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">22. Michelle and Andrea's visit to Johnson City. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">23. ALL those phone catch-up sessions with amazing and brilliant women.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">24. All the cute and distracting men in my life. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">25. Running and the Tweetsie Trail. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">26. Last, but not least, Drizzy. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">And it'll sound weird, but I think I'm mostly feeling thankful for MYSELF this year. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">I chose the picture above, because it really represented a huge turning point in my life. I had just moved back to TN. I was living in Germantown for the summer. And honestly, I was all fucked up. I was having the time of my life by reconnecting with my old friends and my neighborhood, but at the same time, I felt like a raw nerve exposed. So much of my time was spent trying to find a way to see my ex. I was certain that if we just spent time together, we'd be able to figure out a way to be together. And honestly, this is why I started running those stairs everyday, because it allowed me to see him at least twice a day. But then, this magical thing happened, I started to feel stronger when out running. I'd look out over my old neighborhood and belt out the lyrics to Drake or Swift or Kanye or Florence. And it was there in those moments, I started to find my joy again. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">As we head into the new year, I don't have specific resolutions, but rather, just the hope that I'll keep on finding the joy and gratitude in the everyday. I'll laugh my face off while texting with my friends and family that are spread all over this country. I'll take the time to have catch-up sessions with my the lovely women in my life. I'll dance my butt off in the living room while cooking my #drunkblueapron. I'll giggle while Drizzy gallops across the floor, every single morning. I'll keep running and sharing that with y'all. I'll keep the silly in my everyday. I just want all the laughter and fun and joy. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">"I might be too strung out on compliments,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Overdosed on confidence.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Started not to give a fuck and stopped fearin' the consequence. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Drinkin' every night because we drink to my accomplishments. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Faded way too long, I'm floatin' in and out of consciousness.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">And they sayin' I'm back, I'd agree with that. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">I just take my time with all this shit, I still believe in that. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">I had someone tell me I fell off, oooh, I needed that. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">And they want to see me pick back up, well, where'd I leave it at?" -Drake in <i>Headlines</i></span></div>
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Katherine Everharthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12818420525893099306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7539905032866366227.post-67964157487238435802017-12-18T06:33:00.001-06:002017-12-18T06:44:02.952-06:00Redemption: Katherine's 16th Annual Mix 2017<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtzakOKdUfagmWmWtxSEeyri6lC-V0hE4hvclSwv1GygNILrL_rjJbymqDqtozPM9HrLw-jASoze1v_5h5PNhwsXpEYNYT8G3D_HXRnk1S6W12zMoJpgaeeg8vCYhzCj5AFyzGLer88WtY/s1600/lifeisshort.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="347" data-original-width="320" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtzakOKdUfagmWmWtxSEeyri6lC-V0hE4hvclSwv1GygNILrL_rjJbymqDqtozPM9HrLw-jASoze1v_5h5PNhwsXpEYNYT8G3D_HXRnk1S6W12zMoJpgaeeg8vCYhzCj5AFyzGLer88WtY/s400/lifeisshort.jpg" width="368" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“<i>Let loss reveal it.</i>” –Florence & The Machine</span></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Last year's mix began: “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">For
most of my life, I’ve been somewhere in between. I AM THE IN BETWEENS. But I’m
starting to get tired of that. I’m ready to belong. I’m ready to put down some
roots. I’m ready for some permanency. And here’s hoping that in 2017, I find
where I belong.</i>”</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It’s really hard to explain to people why the South makes
sense to me. It’s the feel of the air. It’s the food. It’s the colors—all those
overwhelming greens and blues. It’s the way people say hello to you when you
pass each other on the street. It’s the way strangers tell you their life story
while you stand in life at the gas station. It’s the architecture. I never
thought of myself as someone bound to a region. But there’s something about the
South that runs through my veins. It’s so subtle at times. It was the small
things that I missed the most. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">While I will always be so thankful for the people I shared
my time with at NAU, the day I packed up my moving truck (with the help of many
of those people), I felt overwhelmed. I was scared. I was terrified of what
would happen next. But I knew, I was going home. I was going back to where I
belonged. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Much of the mix is about finding my place. But I’d be remiss
if I framed it as only about finding the place where I would live. It was also
about finding my place in relationships, particularly, my relationships with
partners, but maybe, so much more than that, it was about discovering my
relationship with myself. Now that—THAT was messy. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like heart-wrenching and ugly crying in a
bathtub messy. There were starts. There were stops. There were uncomfortable
in-between moments. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And in the middle of all of that, I found myself moving
across the country. I started to rebuild a new life. I found myself alone in a
big house in a new city with a new job. And then, the most magical thing
happened. I started to feel strong again. I started to take care of myself
again. In the first email exchange (after moving) between me and my therapist
from Flagstaff, she remarked: “Look at you. You figured out what you needed.
And you took care of yourself and you did it.” Susan, I’m paraphrasing, but I
think that was your sentiment. I was cooking (and therefore, eating) again. I
was sleeping at night. I started running. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So much of the mix is about running. Most of the songs come
directly from my running playlist. Not only did running become one of the ways
in which I took care of myself, but it became a pretty perfect metaphor for the
work of #recovery and the processing of the relationship mess from the year.
When I first started running, I could barely sustain for 30 seconds at a time.
But, I kept going out there. I pushed myself to go for 45 seconds, then, a
minute, then two minutes. When I first started, I never envisioned that I might
be able to run a 5K. But, I dedicated myself to running every day. And, I was
kind and gentle with myself. Some days would be AMAZING. And some days, would
absolutely SUCK. And in these tiny small increments, I watched myself improve.
It wasn’t always so easy to see it in the course of a single week, or even, a
month. But how far I’ve come since August, I’m overwhelmed by the progress. And
it’s that kind of lesson that I have to remember as I navigate the loss of some
relationships in my life. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But also, then, you open yourself up to other relationships.
At times, that might be relationships with friends. Or, relationships with
romantic partners. Or, a relationship with yourself. And lastly, it might mean
a relationship with a new pet. It’s all here. And while I might err on the side
of brief in this blog, you’ll hear it in the music. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Since I put together this mix in November, I kept calling it Redemption. I wasn't sure I liked the title, but it stuck. Last night, I re-read the blog for the 2016 mix. And I'll be damned. Here's how I ended it last year. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">"And I am
reminded… “Nothing real can be threatened, true love brought salvation back
into me, with every tear came redemption, and my torturer became my remedy.”
Because, the truth is, my torturer is myself. And, I am my own remedy. </span></i></span></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><i>I’m ready to find my redemption, my remedy, my belonging. But in the mean time, I’ll also be
patient. I’ll try to remember that love takes it time. Sometimes, life takes a crooked path. And sometimes, we have
to wait. And, god knows, I'm waiting. And I'll find my belonging. And then, it will happen." </i></span></span></span><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And now, I'm so very proud of myself. I was patient. I kept fighting for it. And so, 2017 is the Year of Redemption. I came back to myself this
year. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">You can find it in the following locations:</span></b></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1. <b>Spotify</b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><a href="https://open.spotify.com/user/bittersweetpr/playlist/1rrfeLG5gfjDzvbax04hoq"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">https://open.spotify.com/user/bittersweetpr/playlist/1rrfeLG5gfjDzvbax04hoq</span></a></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">2.<b> Apple Music Playlist </b></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?hl=en&q=https://itunes.apple.com/us/playlist/redemption-katherines-16th-annual-mix-2017/pl.u-XvyZIazVNG&source=gmail&ust=1513626384635000&usg=AFQjCNFA4hmkiEwXsM-ssiVVpi-mvaaNSQ" href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/playlist/redemption-katherines-16th-annual-mix-2017/pl.u-XvyZIazVNG" rel="noreferrer" target="_blank">https://itunes.apple.com/us/<wbr></wbr>playlist/redemption-<wbr></wbr>katherines-16th-annual-mix-<wbr></wbr>2017/pl.u-XvyZIazVNG</a></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">3. <b>YouTube Playlist</b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQdVeReqUAy6At87XJiRpewe9s4zuYrkj"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQdVeReqUAy6At87XJiRpewe9s4zuYrkj</span></span></a></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><b> </b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1.
St. Jude: Florence + the Machine </span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Maybe
I’ve always been more comfortable in chaos.” </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I began 2017 with him. He came to visit me in Charlotte.
Things weren’t great between us, but we were trying to figure it out. At the
time, I didn’t yet know I’d be moving back to TN, but we hoped. On NYE, we got
dressed up. My mom took photographs of us. We went out for a fancy dinner in
downtown Charlotte. We watched the fireworks downtown, surrounded by tons of
people, while we held each other tightly and danced. He stayed at my mom’s
house another day. We played board games and drank wine and danced to music. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Over my spring break, I was invited to visit the school
where I now work. I was able to extend the trip so I could spend a couple of
days with him. It was during this trip that it became apparent that things
weren’t great. And within a month of that visit, we ended things. I haven’t
written very much about the loss of this relationship, but, the reality is that
neither one of us ended the relationship because of our own choices. Yeah,
here’s your clue, think the film <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Big
Sick</i>. That’s our story, with the exception of the happy ending. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It’s hard to fathom this kind of loss. Because, it doesn’t
lend itself easily to moving on. See, we kept talking to each other. Because,
well, we were best friends. And we were still so much in love. And while there
never seemed to be a way to resolve our situation, we deluded ourselves into
thinking it was possible. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So much of this past year has been about trying to navigate
this loss. Learning how to grieve it, how to let go, and how to do the hard
things that maybe both of us need in order to heal and move forward. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Another
conversation with no destination.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Another
battle never won,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And
each side is a loser.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So
who cares who fired the gun?”</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“And
I’m learning, so I’m leaving,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And
even though I’m grieving,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I’m
trying to find the meaning.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Let
loss reveal it.” </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/xEMSJf723BI/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/xEMSJf723BI?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">2.
Hungry Ghost: Hurray for the Riff Raff</span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></i></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I’m absolutely in love with Alynda Segarra. Earlier today, I
heard the song <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Pa’lante</i>, and lost it.
This song finds its way on the mix (and, prominently in the coveted second
track place) for four reasons. One is because of the island of Puerto Rico and
all the hardships they’ve endured this year. Two is because of how the song
resonates with my own experiences. Yeah, I’ve traveled from coast to coast
looking for where I belong. But also, I’ve certainly thought in the past year: <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“I don’t
need you anymore, so why am I standing at your door?”</i> Third, the song
reminds me of my own strength. There was a moment in 2015 when I wrote in my
journal that one of my goals was to move back to the South. And from that
moment onwards, I fought. I fought to get here again. And I did it. But fourth
and lastly, her voice fucking slays me every single time. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“I
been a lonely girl, </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But
I’m ready for the world…</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
been nobody’s child,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So,
my blood’s starting running wild.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
been a hungry ghost,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And
I travelled from coast-to-coast.”</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/6xRJ-MuN46E/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/6xRJ-MuN46E?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">3.
Rainbow: Kesha</span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Yeah,
maybe my head’s fucked up.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But
I’m falling right back in love with being alive.”</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So, if I had to pick only one song to summarize my entire
year, this would be it….because it is where I am right now. There’s redemption,
and the most amazing moment, when you fall back in love with your own life. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I remember the very first time I heard this song. I had just
downloaded the album. I was out running on the Tweetsie Trail. I was about 2.5
miles in, I happened upon this beautiful scenery on the trail. It was a place I
had never ventured to before. And then, this song started playing at the same
time. And I started to cry. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I cried for all the hard work I did to get back to where I
belonged. I cried for all the hard work I’ve done to process my relationships.
And, I cried for how strong I felt when I was out running. I’ve probably
listened to this song hundreds of times. Not just when I’m running, but also
some of those late summer nights when I was sitting in the back yard with my
head thrown back looking at the sky. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“I
used to live in the darkness.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Dress
in black, act so heartless.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But
now I see that colors are everything.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Got
kaleidoscopes in my hairdo,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Got
back the stars in my eyes, too.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Yeah,
now I see the magic inside of me. </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Yeah,
maybe my head’s fucked up.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But
I’m falling right back in love with being alive.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Dreaming
in light, light, lights,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This
kitty cat lost her mind.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Been
lookin’ for a star-sent sign that I’ll be alright.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Look
to the skies…</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
forgot how to daydream.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So
consumed with the wrong things.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But
in the dark, I realized this life is short.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And
deep down, I’m still a child.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Playful
eyes, wide and wild.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
can’t lose hope, what’s left of my heart’s still made of gold.”</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">However, the song has additional significance for me. Upon
moving to Johnson City, I crossed (virtual) paths with an old friend. We met
during our first year of college (holy crap, 23 years ago). We were close
during our college years; however, life has a way of sending friends to all
parts of the world. But over the past 23 years, I would occasionally hear from
her. She was someone who pursued a similar career trajectory, so we would
commiserate about graduate school or the job market. In August, she contacted
me to ask about how I was enjoying my new city and job. And, from that moment
on, we haven’t stopped talking. It wasn’t that we are only similar in term of
career paths, but the more we talked about our lives, we realized we are
similar in many ways. We battle some of the same demons. And so, hold tight,
sweetheart, come and paint the world with me tonight.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“I’ve
found a rainbow, rainbow, baby,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Trust
me, I know, life is scary.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But
just put those colors on, girl.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Come
and play along with me tonight… </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And
I know that I’m still fucked up.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But
aren’t we all, my love?</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Darling,
our scars make us who we are.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So,
when the winds are howling strong,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And
you think you can’t go on, hold tight, sweetheart…”</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/sd5dcjXzuGk/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/sd5dcjXzuGk?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">4.
Endless Road: Angel Olsen</span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Choosing a life as an academic has meant that I’ve had
little control over my life in terms of where I live. I was among the very
fortunate to land my first job in Flagstaff, Arizona—a super cool little town.
However, when I realized I hated being so far away from my family and desired
to move back to the South, I didn’t have a ton of choices. I would just have to
wait until I found another job. Academia fosters a sense of placelessness for
much of your career. However, it also means you find yourself connecting with
people from so many different places in which you ultimately leave. And y’all,
know I’m shit with loss. That shit is hard. It was really hard to leave
Flagstaff. But mostly, it was really hard to leave Yvonne. She was that smile
waiting there in a place that I decided to stop and rest awhile. And I really
needed Flagstaff. I wouldn’t be where I am in all my #recovery without the
friendship of Yvonne, the spectacular therapy of Susan, and the love of all of
my students. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“All
the places I have been,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Keep
calling me back again. </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Down
in the pines, </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
hear the cold winds blow. </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">My
heart keeps telling me,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">‘Footloose
and fancy-free’</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And
the road goes by,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And
calls me as it goes.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Well,
maybe somewhere there’s a someone,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Waiting
there with a smile.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And
maybe there’ll be a place,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">To
stop and rest awhile.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And
maybe you weren’t meant to be,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Just
a rolling stone.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And
there’s a road to travel on, </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">That
leads you back to home.”</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/GcquJyAPks0/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/GcquJyAPks0?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">5.
Bad Liar: Selena Gomez</span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So, after a couple of weeks in Charlotte and Charleston, I
found myself moving into a summer sublet in my old neighborhood of Germantown.
And while I knew it wouldn’t be easy, I don’t think I considered the full realm
of consequences to living only one block away from the 8<sup>th</sup> Avenue
North Market—and hence, two of my ex’s. Based on the location of the apartment,
it meant that several times a day, I would pass by the store while trying to
get anywhere else in the neighborhood. Some days, I’d stop in. Some days, I’d
walk past it. But almost every single day of the summer, I’d pretend that I
didn’t care. Yeah, they took up a fraction of my mind. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“I
was walking down the street the other day,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">‘tryna
distract myself.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But
then I see your face.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Oh
wait, that’s someone else.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">‘Tryna
play it coy</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">‘Tryna
make it disappear</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But
just like the battle of Troy</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">There’s
nothing subtle here.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In
my room, there’s a king size space,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Bigger
than it used to be.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">If
you want, you can rent that place.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Call
me an amenity,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Even
if it’s in my dreams…</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">With
my feelings on fire,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Guess
I’m a bad liar…”</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/NZKXkD6EgBk/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/NZKXkD6EgBk?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">6. Phone: Lizzo</span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium;">One of my
absolute favorite moments of last summer was finally getting to attend
Nashville PRIDE with Robbie and Russell. Lizzo performed and we danced our
little (and in Russell’s case, perfect) asses off during her performance. But
also, there was one night in Nashville…well, I didn’t lose my phone, but you
get the point. And that night would end up being pretty pivotal in the way the
rest of the year unfolded. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/2zZzn-KxeRI/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/2zZzn-KxeRI?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">7.
It’s a Shame: First Aid Kit</span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium;">So, yeah,
then, there was the other ex. And there was that one morning he wandered right
back into my life. It had been a trying night, to say the least. And I had hit
a wall. But that next morning, he was there to pick me up. He wrapped his arms
around and took care of me until I could stand on my own. It was at that moment
that I realized, while we had stopped talked to each other for a year and a
half, we still really cared about each other. But we had been shitty at
communicating with one another, which left us with resentment and hurt
feelings. Without a doubt, our relationship is so very strange. And most people
don’t get it. But, I know that no matter what, he will always be there to pick
me up, dust me off, and remind me of how truly amazing I am. And for that, no
matter where the road might lead us in the future, I will adore him forever. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Lately
I’ve been thinking about the past,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">How
there is no holding back,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">No
point in wasting sorrow,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">On
things that won’t be here tomorrow.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But
you and I,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Well,
we don’t need to speak,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It’s
a secret that we keep…</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Just
say when and we’ll say goodnight…</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Tell
me it’s okay,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">To
live life this way</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Sometimes
I want you to stay,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
know it’s a shame….”</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium;"> </span><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">8. Headlines: Drake</span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium;">So, I’m
letting <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Headlines </i>stand in for all my
Nashville-running songs. There were many. I listened to Florence & The
Machine, Taylor Swift, Nicki Minaj, Beyonce, and Kanye West. So, instead of
including <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Shake It Off </i>and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Stronger</i>, I’m letting Drake say it all
for me. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium;">Over the
summer, I was so anxious about all that I was processing—all the change with my
job and life, but also the ex’s—that the only way I could really mitigate that
anxiety was to run the stairs at the Capitol. It was something I would do
occasionally when I lived in Nashville, but that summer, I went every single
day. I’d walked through Bicentennial Park, run the stairs one or two times, and
walk back to the apartment. Most of the times, I would stop in the store on my
way. And, that came with it’s own set of emotions. But, when I made it to the top
of the stairs and the music was playing loud in my headphones, I’d feel powerful.
I’d look out upon my old neighborhood. And, everything else seemed to fade
away. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium;">And at the
moment I got my confidence back, I also stopped fearin’ the consequence. I
started to live my life again with all the zeal and weirdness that might
involve. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">“I might be too strung out on compliments,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Overdosed on confidence.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Started not to give a fuck and stopped
fearin’ the consequence.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Drinkin’ ever night because we drink to
my accomplishments.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Faded way too long, I’m floatin’ in and
out of consciousness.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">And they sayin’ I’m back, I’d agree with
that. </span></i></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I just take my time with all this shit, I
still believe in that.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I had someone tell me I fell off, oooh, I
needed that. </span></i></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">And they want to see me pick back up,
well, where’d I leave it at?”</span></i></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cimoNqiulUE"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><br /></span></a></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cimoNqiulUE"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><br /></span></a></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">9.
It’s Time: Imagine Dragons</span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“And
so this is what you meant, when you said that you were spent. And now it’s time
to build from the bottom of the pit right to the top, don’t hold back. Packing
my bags and giving the academy a rain check. I don’t ever want to let you down.
I don’t ever want to leave this town, ‘cause after all, this city never sleeps
at night.” </span></i></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Returning to Nashville was easy. In so many ways, it was as
if nothing had changed in the three years I had left. Everywhere I went, I saw
so many of my old people. The same folks working at Kroger. My same ol’ UPS
driver making deliveries. The same guys hanging behind the O’Reilly’s. The same
bus driver of Bus 22. And, they hadn’t forgotten me. It was so very easy. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But, that also meant, it wouldn’t be easy to leave to start
my new life in Johnson City. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And you know, it wasn’t. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“I’m
just the same as I was. Now don’t you understand? That I’m never changing who I
am.” </span></i></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But, Nashville was the reminder I needed about the person I
really am. It reminded me of my strength and my confidence. I spent almost
every day out with friends, laughing and dancing. I remembered what was it was
to be Katherine. And not just in terms of my day-to-day life, but also in
relationships. There were parts of myself that I minimized when I was in my
last relationship. It wasn’t anyone’s fault really, but rather, a confluence of
two very different people coming together. As I came to accept who I am, I
really started to feel joyous. Because, I think there is nothing worse than not
being yourself, the weird, little freaky bitch that you are. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span>
<br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">10.
Fight Song: Rachel Platten</span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium;">The day I
left Nashville for Johnson City, I made one last stop by the store. When I went
to say goodbye to him, I started crying. It wasn’t necessarily about him, but,
it was about leaving Nashville, leaving Germantown, leaving all the things that
brought me so much comfort, and leaving all the things that brought me back to
myself again. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium;">And I was so
scared. Like, really fucking scared. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium;">Because he’s
not a monster, he reached out to me once I arrived here. But I was
inconsolable. I mean, he couldn’t offer the kind of support that I really
wanted at the moment—which was just for someone to be here with me for the
first night in this big ol’ house. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium;">So, I decided
to start unpacking. I cracked open a beer and turned on a pop music station.
The very first song that played was this one. Sitting in the middle of an empty
house, surrounding by boxes, and I broke the fuck down. I knew this was my
moment. This was my chance to reclaim the life that I wanted. This was my
chance to pick up the pieces. This was the moment it was all suppose to change.
So, I cried my little eyes out and sang the song…and I remembered, I can do
this. I’ve done it before. And so, it began…</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">11.
Glorious: Macklemore</span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium;">I haven’t
listened to a ton of Macklemore, but I often heard his <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Can’t Hold Us</i> on a pop radio station and absolutely loved it. So,
when I saw he had a new album, I loaded it up on my phone before heading out
for a run. I can remember running up Baxter Avenue, and this song came on. And
I wanted to spin around right there in the street shouting that I felt
glorious! Okay, maybe it was the runner’s high, but it fits pretty accurately
with so many of the things I’ve been fighting for this year. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">“You know I’m back like I never left,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Another sprint, another step.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Another day, another breath.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Been chasing dreams, but I never slept.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I got a new attitude and a lease on life,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">And some peace of mind.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Seek and I find I can sleep when I die…</span></i></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I feel glorious, glorious.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Got a chance to start again.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I was born for this, born for this.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">It’s who I am, how could I forget?</span></i></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I made it through the darkest part of the
night.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">And now I see the sunrise.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Now I feel glorious, glorious….</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I’m feeling glorious.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">The crib looking Victorian (oh yes it
is),</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">You know that we been going in,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Since we hopped out that Delorean
(Delorean, yeah, we win).</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">En garde, things are just things.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">They don’t make you who you are.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Can’t pack up a U-Haul and take it with
you when you’re gone.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">We posted on the porch, my family’s
glasses to the stars, </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">My grandma smiling down on me like woo,
that boy got bars.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Okay, okay, yes I do.”</span></i><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium;">And then,
there’s the part about his grandma. And in the countless other times I’ve
listened to this song while out running, I always raise an imaginary toast to my
grandma. After her passing, I can remember sitting on my mom’s porch with my
family talking about all of our memories. And with everything I’ve done this
past year, I know my grandma would be so very proud of me. I don’t got bars,
but I got some guts to pick up and do this all over again, and she’d see that. She’d
love to see me so happy, doing me.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/7OrLroFa0AI/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/7OrLroFa0AI?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">12.
Forever: Drake, Kanye West, Lil Wayne, and Eminem</span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Last
name Ever, first name Greatest. </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Like
a sprained ankle, boy, I ain’t nothin’ to play with…</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Swimmin’
in the money, come and find me: Nemo</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">If
I was at the club, you know I balled: chemo…</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It
may not mean nothin’ to y’all</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>understand nothin’ was done for me.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So
I don’t plan on stoppin’ at all.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
want this shit forever, man.”</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I mean, y’all, come on. If you don’t love Drake, you are
clearly insane. Obviously, I’m in love with this man. I named a kitten after
him. Wait, you knew that right? Regardless, this was also one of my favorite
running songs. Just try it, you’ll run your ass off. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But it’s not just that. I suppose one reason it really
appeals to me is again thinking about how hard I’ve worked to get to where I
am, not just finishing a PhD from Vanderbilt, but more so, that I was able to
work my ass off to find a job that put me back in the part of the world that I
wanted to be. But it’s not just Drake’s verses, it’s also Lil’ Wayne’s.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Life
is such a fuckin’ roller coaster, then it drop.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But
what should I scream for? This is my theme park…</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I’m
restin’ in the lead, I need a pillow and a cover,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Shhh,
my foot’s sleepin’ on the gas,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">No
break pads, no such thing as last…”</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And, Kanye’s…</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“You
would think I ran the world, like Michelle’s husband.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">You
would think these **** know me, when they really doesn’t.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Like
they was down with the old me—no you fuckin’ wasn’t…”</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But, my absolutely favorite line that always calls for me to
say it out loud while I’m running is when Drake says: <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“If
you ain’t been a part of it, at least you got to witness….bitches.” </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/eDuRoPIOBjE/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/eDuRoPIOBjE?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="tab-stops: 287.2pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">13.
Say My Name: Tove Stryker</span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When you least expect it, someone new comes into your life.
It’s always so fun meeting someone new. There’s all the getting to know each
other conversation. There’s the endless conversations that seem to last all day
and night. There’s the moment when you wake up in the morning and you are
excited for the moment when they message: “Good morning beautiful.” There’s
this whole world you start to create together, with your own language. So much
that it starts to filter into your daily life, in your classroom, in your
conversations with friends. And, you can’t wait to get home at the end of the
day to fill them in on the funny things that happened in your day. Oh yeah, I
got a serious crush. It’s not perfect, and there are some reasons that make it
difficult, but he’s pretty fucking spectacular. I’m happy to have him in my
life, to make me smile, to keep me laughing, regardless of what comes next.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“You
said you ain’t the one to jump in a relation,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And
I don’t mind, but when we touch it’s elevation.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Up,
up, up, up, up.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Up,
up, up, up, up.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">You
speak my lingo, we don’t need no translation.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
never need a break, ‘cause we feel like vacation.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Up,
up, up, up, up.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Got
me up, up, up, up, up. </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Go
ahead and feel what you feel. </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
want you closer to me.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Say
my name.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Wear
it out like a sweater that you love,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">‘Cause
I can’t enough when you,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Say
my name. </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Spill
it out like a drink you should have skipped.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">You’re
the one I wanna get when you,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Say
my name.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Let
it roll, let it roll off your tongue.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Let
me know, let me know what you want…”</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/C2HzwODx9sE/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/C2HzwODx9sE?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">14.
Well Whiskey: Bright Eyes</span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This one is just simply a no comment song. Only lyrics.
That’s it. I can’t go there. I will say that I’m having a hot toddy with
whiskey, so yeah, I’m drinking all peaceful and warm. Oh, and y’all, beware of
those full moons. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“I
get my whiskey from a well,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Except
on holidays, then it’s the top shelf.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But
tonight, I don’t mind if I spend a little more.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">‘Cause
you are a tolerant woman and the world is at war. </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
know you witnessed my decline.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">You
used to push back the darkness like a floodlight. </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Bu
tonight that is a secret like the soul of a whore. </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">That
if you want to have fun, you’ll just have to ignore. </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Now
let my troubles solve themselves.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
used to get involve but I’m just no help.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But
tonight, let’s pretend that we are just like we were.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Let
me stay until the morning, I will sleep on the floor.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And
we can talk in circles, no dollar figures.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Just
what is owed or paid.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And
you can make predictions.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
know you see the future and I agree,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And
we agree, tonight’s not happening. </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When
I got dry as a desert I got mean.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
was as lonely and empty as a canteen. </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">With
no anesthetic, you are bound to be sore. </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But
tonight, I am drinking all peaceful and warm…</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And
we could make a timeline to last our whole lives,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But
we don’t know—</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But
no one knows what’s further up the road</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Just
wait and see, just wait and see.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">All
in time, all in time.”</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/SX94S36SkHU/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/SX94S36SkHU?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">15.
I Did Something Bad: Taylor Swift</span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">For most of you that know me, you know I’m no stranger to
the narcissists. It’s in my nature to be overly empathetic, which plays right
into the hands of the narcissists. BUT, things are a little different these
days. Maybe I’ve taken a play from their book.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“I
never trust a narcissist, but they love me.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So,
I play ‘em like a violin.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And
I make it look oh-so-easy.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">‘Cause
for every lie I tell them, they tell me three.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This
is how the world works.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Now
all he thinks about is me.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
can feel the flames on my skin.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Crimson
red paint on my lips.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">If
a man talks shit, then I owe him nothing.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
don’t regret it one bit, ‘cause he had it coming.”</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/y9Wg-X7UdtU/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/y9Wg-X7UdtU?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">16.
Up All Night (feat. Nicki Minaj): Drake</span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Did you really think I’d have a whole mix without Nicki?
Absolutely not. So, the last song before we go into the mix wrap up…Also, I
mostly named my kitten after Drizzy so I could chuckle at songs like this. Or,
when I say things like: “Drizzy tried to get in the bath with me” or “Drizzy
woke me up early.” </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Drizzy
say get her, Imma get her.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
got the kind of money, that make a broke bitch bitter.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
got that kinda—wait, wait—fixate.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Which
bitch, you know made a million off a mixtape?”</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/vfKXf8A7aUI/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/vfKXf8A7aUI?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So,
in conclusion…</span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">17.
Completely Not Me: Jenny Lewis</span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">There’s so much of this song that fits the weird time period
in which I had moved back to Nashville for the summer. As you’ve seen, it was a
time period in which I was out of sorts. I was happy to be back in the South,
but also a time in which I wasn’t sure what that meant for me. At the same
time, I was navigating some complicated relationships. And, there were some
moments. They weren’t the best. But at the same time, they set me on a very
different trajectory…and like Kesha says: “Our scars make us who we are.” It
needed to happen. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“I
could’ve died that night, </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Way
back in June.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Saw
my soul hang heavy above the room.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Slackjawed
I confessed, bit by my hubris.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
was spooked out, obsessed by the moon. </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
was completely not me.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But
baby I’m coming clean.”</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/9jRIrvbx64s/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/9jRIrvbx64s?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">18.
Praying: Kesha</span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Not only did I need to learn some lessons about myself, but
I also needed to learn the lessons in my relationships, particularly in regards
to my ex. When I first heard this song, I lost it. I sent it to him
immediately. Because, as I started to realize how to move forward, this song
had so much to say about our weird and fucked up unsolvable situation. And I
wish him the best, I hope somewhere he’s praying and that he’ll find his own
peace. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Well,
you almost had me fooled.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Told
me that I was nothing without you.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Oh,
but after everything you’ve done.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
can thank you how strong I have become. </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">‘Cause
you brought the flames and you put me through hell. </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
had to learn how to fight for myself. </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And
we both know all the truth I could tell,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I’ll
just say this as I wish you farewell.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
hope you’re somewhere prayin’, prayin’,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
hope your soul is changin’, changin’,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
hope you find you peace. </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Falling
on your knees prayin’.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I’m
proud of who I am.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">No
more monsters, I can breathe again.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And
you said that I was done.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Well,
you were wrong and now the best is yet to come. </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">‘Cause
I can make it on my own.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And
I don’t need you, I found a strength I’ve never known.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I’ll
bring thunder, I’ll bring rain…”</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/v-Dur3uXXCQ/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/v-Dur3uXXCQ?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">19.
Liability: Lorde</span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I only heard this song in the last couple of days. When I
first heard it, it obviously reminded me of him. I thought she was singing:
“Says he made the big mistake of dancing in my store,” which incidentally
reminded me of the first night we hung out and danced to a Rihanna song in the
store. And then, how in the bitter aftermath of our relationship, I turned to
the arms of the only love I haven’t screwed up. And yeah, I had another one of
those running and ugly crying moments. At least for a moment, but in the next
mile, the song sounded different to me.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In the last couple of weeks of this month, I’ve been really
thinking through some of the lessons I’ve learned this year. And one is so much
about prioritizing myself, and making sure I share myself only with people that
also treat me as a priority. It’s about my expectations for myself, and for the
relationships in my life. And that’s not just for the fellas, its for my lady
friends too. In general, my goal as I move forward into the next year is to
ensure that I don’t share myself with people who can’t be there for me. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Baby
really hurt me, crying in the taxi.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He
don’t wanna know me.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Says
he made the big mistake of dancing in my storm.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Says
it was poison.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So
I guess I’ll go home into the arms of the girl that I love.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The
only love I haven’t screwed up.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She’s
so hard to please, but she’s a forest fire. </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
do my best to meet her demands, play at romance.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We
slow dance in the living room, but all that a stranger would see</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Is
one girl swaying alone, stroking her cheek. </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">They
say, “You’re a little much for me, you’re a liability. </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">You’re
a little much for me.”</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So
they pull back, make other plans. </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
understand, I’m a liability.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Get
you wild, make you leave.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I’m
a little much for everyone.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The
truth is I’m a toy that people enjoy</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">‘Til
all of the tricks don’t work anymore.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And
then they are bored of me.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
know that’s it’s exciting running through the night.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But
every perfect summer’s eating me alive until you’re gone</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Better
on my own.”</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/BtvJaNeELic/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/BtvJaNeELic?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">20. Good Old Days (feat. Kesha):
Macklemore</span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span></u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Honestly, this song
hadn’t made it to the mix. But I couldn’t bear to end the mix with Lorde’s sad
sad song. That’s just not me anymore. And so, we have to uplift. So, y’all,
remember this, relish in the joy of everyday, of the people in your life, of
all the things ahead of you. Fuck. I sound like a motivational speaker. But
truth, we never know what’s just around the bend. And I love the wrinkles
around my smile, all of my scars, and the mess of the years that have come
before. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“I wish somebody would have told me,
babe.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Someday, these will be the good old
days.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">All the love you won’t forget.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And all these reckless nights you won’t
regret.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Someday soon, your whole life’s gonna
change.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">You’ll miss the magic of these good old
days.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Wish I didn’t think I had the answers,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Wish I didn’t drink all of that flask
first,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Wish I had made it to homecoming,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Got up the courage to ask her,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Wish I would’ve gotten out of my shell,</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Wish I put the bottle back on that
shelf.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Wish I wouldn't have worried about what
other people thought, </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And felt comfortable in myself.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Rooftop open, and the stars above.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Moment frozen, sneakin’ out, and
fallin’ in love.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Me, you, and that futon, we’d just
begun.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">On the grass dreamin’, figuring out who
I was.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Those good old days. </span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Never thought we’d get old, maybe we’re
still young.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Maybe you always look back and think it
was better than it was.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Maybe these are the moments.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Maybe I’ve been missin’ what it’s
about.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Been scared of the future, thinkin’
about the past.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">While missin’ out on now.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We’ve come so far, I guess I’m proud.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And I ain’t worried ‘bout the wrinkles
‘round my smile.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I’ve got some scars, I’ve been around.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I’ve felt some pain, I’ve seen some
things, but I’m here now…”</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/fUffrvUjwCY/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/fUffrvUjwCY?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
Katherine Everharthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12818420525893099306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7539905032866366227.post-52497064228976398232016-12-30T09:53:00.001-06:002016-12-30T16:22:45.371-06:00The Year of Balance, 2016: A Year in Review<i>"I had my ups and downs, but I always find the inner strength to pull myself up. I was served lemons, but I made lemonade." -Hattie White in Lemonade</i><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8iEZmDgueJcRrpxIv1FMkGRhlpJy-wpRXXNZ-H30bieX2yva4wir_EDXwVZuPFTEqVxBbxygjy7DtPAaY3qXqqIYOyYAuSWnrFrK3yP1fopH53MJCIvdKwUFdZt9_592UVEfB-ka08DR3/s1600/IMG_6496+copy.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8iEZmDgueJcRrpxIv1FMkGRhlpJy-wpRXXNZ-H30bieX2yva4wir_EDXwVZuPFTEqVxBbxygjy7DtPAaY3qXqqIYOyYAuSWnrFrK3yP1fopH53MJCIvdKwUFdZt9_592UVEfB-ka08DR3/s640/IMG_6496+copy.png" width="358" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The last photo I took of Igor and Sabine together. September 9, 2016.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<b>The Year of Balance, 2016: A Year in Review</b> <br />
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I'd like to think of 2016 as a year of balance. But the truth is, it wasn't at all. Rather, it was full of navigating extreme ups and downs. There were months where I felt like life couldn't get any better. And, when that happened, life was fucking fantastic. But then, there were months, where I felt like life couldn't get any worse. During those months, I lost all sense of balance. Reflecting on the entirety of the year, I think the biggest lesson that I learned was the <i>need to find balance</i>, particularly in those dark days. Especially, in those dark days. Toward the end of this year, I started to find my way back to balance. I started to find that inner strength, that I know I always have, but I often forget when things go to shit. <br />
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I think it will always be difficult for me to remember this year without thinking of it as the year that I lost my #catpilots. When I reflect upon the year, I tend to forget everything else that happened. I forget the amazing way I started the year. I forget the great spring semester I had at school. I forget the fun of last summer. It seems all I can remember is September 12th and 20th, the days I lost Igor and Sabine, respectively. It feels like the <i>only </i>thing
that happened was the loss of Igor and Sabine. But, I think it is that way with loss. It consumes so much of everything else around it. I forget the nine months of the year that I shared with them before I lost them.<br />
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And, I forgot all the other amazing things that took place this year. I think it is really important for me to <i>also </i>remember the people and places that I feel gratitude towards from the past year. It is all these moments that made up 2016, and here they are, with the intention of remembering balance: <br />
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<b>1. New Years in Vegas with Rami. </b>Last year when I wrote the end-of-the-year blog, Rami and I were about to take off to Vegas for our NYE celebration. It was his first time to visit Vegas. We made the road trip from Flagstaff to Vegas. It was fantastic to watch his eyes light up as we entered the city. And, later that evening, we got dressed in our finest and made our way to the Nicki Minaj show. It was a dream come true for me to see Nicki perform. But, the best part was spending the evening with this amazing man and all our little inside jokes from the night...drinking rose, fireworks and missed countdown kisses, getting lost, gambling, paying for free drinks, and "THAT BUTT" signs. Being with the person I love so dearly on the new year ultimately was one of the best NYE's I've ever had. <br />
<b><br /></b><b>2. Therapy and Recovery.</b> I won't say that it's easy to be in a new relationship, while you are still in recovery. But, my time with my therapist is still one of the most positive things I've ever done in my life. Without her guidance and encouragement, I don't think I would have had the courage to do the hard work that it took to get to where I am today. And while this isn't a new aspect of this year, I think its important to acknowledge the continued hard work we do together.<br />
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<b>3. Oakland and 40th Birthday</b>. One of the things hardest about being so far away from my friends and family is when you have big celebrations in your life. This year, I turned 40. Fucking 40. To me, this is a BIG birthday. And I was really nervous about celebrating, or rather, I was nervous about the fact I likely wouldn't be celebrating with most of the people I'm closest to in my life. But luckily, I have Yvonne. We went to Oakland for one of our annual conferences, and on our way back, she organized a whole night to celebrate my 40th in Tempe. I feel so very fortunate to have her in my life. One of my favorite memories from this day/evening was when I pulled a Rihanna in the pool with a swan float and a Bud Light. Keeping it #klassy, Everhart....even, in your 40s. <br />
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<b>4. Graduation</b>. The biggest highlight of my year. While I finished my dissertation and technically became Dr. Everhart at the end of last year, it was in May of 2016 that I had the chance to formally celebrate my graduation. As someone who has chosen not to be married or have children, it feels like there are few opportunities to celebrate your life choices. After a certain age, it is unlikely you'll have your entire family together celebrating you. So, for me, it was a HUGE deal that my entire family made their way to Nashville to attend my PhD graduation. While my mom had visited me once during my time at Vanderbilt, the rest of my family had not visited me in Nashville. So, it was amazing to have the whole group of them together in my favorite town. Also, my bestest friend, Ashley, made the trip to be with us. And IT WAS SHEER FUCKING JOY TO HAVE EVERYONE TOGETHER. We ate, drank, laughed, and celebrated. And everyone got to meet one another. I don't think I could ever explain to them how much it meant to me that they were there. While my dear friend Red wasn't at my official graduation, we got to spend some time together in the aftermath. Now, Red and I have a pretty hilarious relationship. We joke around with each other all the time. The night after my graduation, we sat together at the Germantown Pub. As we talked, he started crying and put his arms around me and told me how proud he was. That moment floored me, and will stay with me for the rest of my days.<br />
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<b>5. Summer in Germantown and 8th Avenue North Market. </b>Over the summer, I was fortunate enough to spend three weeks in Nashville. With Rami's roommate back home in Egypt, I was able to stay with him. Not only that, I pretty much spent everyday with him at work at the 8th Avenue North Market. And outside of my everyday moments with him, I also got to spend so much time with my friends, like Allison, Robbie, Russell, Sandra, Carly, and all the amazing people of Germantown. It was lovely. Food. Baseball. Drinks. Late-Night Laughter. But my favorite moments were those mundane afternoons, when I'd run to Kroger to pick up a cheap sandwich for me and Rami to share for our lunch. We'd sit on the stools behind the glass at the store and have lunch. Or, maybe it was every night when we'd stock the cigarettes in the store together. Or, how I'd wait out front while he locked up the store and we'd find our way to the only bar still open for some late-night dinner. Or, that night when we ordered a pizza and watched a movie together. It was hell to leave Nashville after those three weeks. <br />
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<b>6. Seattle. </b><br />
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<b>7. Visiting Ashley in Lafayette and Ashley's Visit to Flagstaff. </b>Ever since my first friend moved away from home, I've always felt it to be extremely important to make the trip to visit them in their new home. Mostly, I think it is about being able to visualize the places in which they move on a daily basis. You know, they tell you, "I'm going to the coffee shop," and if you've visited, you can see them in your mind. You can see the scenery, you can imagine the route they take to walk there, and, it makes you feel a little closer to them. So, this summer, when I was in Nashville for three weeks, I decided to make the trip to Lafayette to visit Ashley. We had too much fun. But of course, she moved shortly thereafter, perhaps so she could get another visit out of me! But then, the biggest thing for me was when she came to visit me in Flagstaff. Since I've been in Flagstaff, none of my lady friends have been able to visit with me. Having her in Flagstaff started to change the town for me. We ran through the streets. We met new friends at the local restaurants. And she was able to see all the places I navigate. I realized just how important it is to me that my friends and family come to visit me in my place. I've said it before, but that girl is a treasure. <br />
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<b>8. Loss.</b> There was all that loss. Igor. Sabine. My wedding. Some friendships. For a moment, my relationship. Some of this loss was about expectations. And, when I think about that kind of loss, I feel like I understand it. We often have to cut ourselves loose of expectations and all the "should's" of our lives in order to really figure out what we want in our lives. It opens the door for change and new things. But, you know, the loss of Igor and Sabine is really fucking hard to think about in that same way. As I honored them in their funerals and eulogies, I remembered how important it is to translate my grief into joy. The joy that I had from sharing 12-13 years of my life with these two amazing beings. But, its fucking hard. Yes, I'm happy they were with me. They brought so much joy. It's hard to be without them. But, I do realize how lucky I was to have them. I was lucky for them to live with me from Saint Julien Street in Charlotte to Seaview Street in North Myrtle Beach to 7th Avenue North in Nashville to Riordan Ranch Street in Flagstaff. I was lucky for every single moment we shared together. And that's the only way I know how to continue to process the loss and grief that comes from letting go of people, places, expectations, and a life that we may have imagined for ourselves. And then, open ourselves up to the next ones. The next cats. The next friends. The next phases of our life.<br />
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<b>9. Teaching.</b> My teaching career is always a source of joy for me. The students give me life. In this past year, it was a highlight to teach a couple of new classes. I had the chance to teach a graduate course in Qualitative Research Methods, which allowed me to meet a bunch of our graduate students <i>and </i>to end up chairing their thesis committees. Their colleagueship (and friendship) has been a light in my life. I also got to teach a course on the black feminisms of Beyonce and Nicki Minaj, in which I had the chance to observe 24 first-year women navigate their first semester of college. But more so, I was able to see them make such incredible process. The course was difficult, as any new course is to develop; but I'll never forget our challenges...and even more so, how kind they were to me as I navigated all the difficulty of this semester. <br />
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<b>10. Fostering. Liam and Anna. Pirate and Lily. </b>After the loss of Igor and Sabine, my life felt very lonely. Living across the country from most of my loved ones is difficult. But, having those two waiting for me when I got home always provided me with a sense of stability and belonging. When they were gone, everything felt more lonely and quiet and empty. But, fostering kittens has brought that joy back into my life. It isn't always easy. I'm learning the lessons of how to love something unconditionally, and even, maybe more importantly, how to be loved back unconditionally...and then, how to let go. But, to let go in a healthy way. When you don't have a history of harmony in relationships, you don't really know how to mourn and grieve and let go without it being full of broods and drunkenness. And so, the fostering is actually teaching me this lesson. It is teaching me a sense of balance. And every single time I drop them off to be adopted, I feel a tinge of sadness, but I also feel so optimistic about their lives to come. And for me, that's a really big step. To remember they will be okay without me, but, likely, much more importantly, to remember that I'll persevere without them. There will be another set. And one day, one day very soon I hope, there will my next #catpilots. And I'll start to rebuild my family, all over again.<br />
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As I write this, it is December 29th. I'm sitting at the dining room table at my mom's house. I've had the privilege of spending so much time with my family this holiday season. I also had the opportunity to drive down to see Michelle in her new home in Mt. Pleasant. Tomorrow, Rami is making his way to Charlotte to spend the next few days with me and my family. After the fact, I get to head to Nashville to see my friends and family in Nashville. Ultimately, life is good. I know it. But I also feel sad to close out this year without my two #catpilots. There are still things I want to be different in my life. I have things I'd like to change in the new year. But y'all know me, I never really like to lay out a bunch of resolutions. Rather, I think I'd just like to keep myself focused on the notion of balance. To find balance between my life and work, to find balance between the ups and downs, and more than anything, to remember to maintain balance when things go to shit. Because, undoubtedly, they will again.<br />
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Earlier tonight, my mom played this song for me. And I can't really think of a better song to summarize my emotional state at the end of this year.<br />
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<i>A year from now, we'll all be gone, </i><br />
<i>All our friends will move away,</i><br />
<i>And they're going to better places,</i><br />
<i>But our friends will be gone away.</i><br />
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<i>Nothing is as it has been,</i><br />
<i>And I miss your face like hell,</i><br />
<i>And I guess it's just as well,</i><br />
<i>But I miss your face like hell.</i><br />
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<i>Been talking about the way things change,</i><br />
<i>And my family lives in a different state,</i><br />
<i>And if you don't know what to make of this,</i><br />
<i>Then, we will not relate. </i><br />
<i>So, if you don't know what to make of this, </i><br />
<i>Then, we will not relate. </i><br />
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<i>Rivers and roads,</i><br />
<i>Rivers and roads,</i><br />
<i>Rivers 'til I reach you....</i><br />
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<br />Katherine Everharthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12818420525893099306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7539905032866366227.post-46590026436471748232016-12-19T11:46:00.000-06:002016-12-20T09:51:26.885-06:00Las Altas y Bajas: Katherine's 15th Annual Mix 2016<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Around mid-May, I remarked to my family, "I think 2016 is going to MY year!" And I honestly really thought that. Things seemed awesome. I had completed my dissertation. I fell in love. My whole family came together to Nashville to celebrate my graduation in May. And, I was planning to start a new chapter of my life, with another person. Or in other words, it was "Las Altas..."<br />
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And then, it was like, the world came crumbling down. That new chapter got paused, and then, stopped. Then, I lost my two #catpilots. Then, I pseudo-lost my man. And fuck, things just seemed to stay in: "Las Bajas..."</div>
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Therefore, the year was one of ups and downs. When I look back upon what I've written in past years, it doesn't seem all that surprising. I mean, honestly, every year contains these ups and downs, right? But honestly, this year had some of the highest and lowest moments that I can remember in quite some time. I wish I had more to say at this moment. I wish I could really write about how it feels, but I just can't. I'm still processing. But, at the moment, I think the mix can do that work....and as I think about writing the end of the year blog, I might get closer. </div>
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So for now, enjoy las altas y bajas. </div>
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You can find it in the following locations:</div>
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1) <b>Spotify</b> (without Bey, <a href="https://open.spotify.com/user/bittersweetpr/playlist/0Kr2yPzpncBHFYxM48zcjM">https://open.spotify.com/user/bittersweetpr/playlist/0Kr2yPzpncBHFYxM48zcjM</a>)</div>
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2) <b>Youtube</b> (<a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQdVeReqUAy7aHczzV-V3sPAsobbQ196w">https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQdVeReqUAy7aHczzV-V3sPAsobbQ196w</a>)</div>
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3) Or, I can send it to you....if you email me an update on your life and your address...</div>
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<u><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">1) I Must Belong Somewhere: Bright Eyes</span></b></u></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">So, this year’s big lesson
didn’t come until quite late in the year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>BELONGING. I realized as we circle around December, that I want to
belong. I want to belong somewhere. I want to belong to someone. I just want to
belong. And, at the time of writing this, I still don't know where I belong. I think it was what made leaving Germantown really difficult. For the first time in life, I lived in a neighborhood in which I felt like I belonged. I belonged somewhere in between Silo and the 8th Avenue North Market. For most of my life, I've been somewhere in between. I AM THE IN BETWEENS. But, I'm starting to get tired of that. I'm ready to belong. I'm ready to put down some roots. I'm ready for some permanency. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">And here’s hoping that in
2017, I find where I belong. </span></div>
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<u><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">2) I Found You: Alabama Shakes</span></b></u></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">At the end of last year, I
started to fall in love. At the beginning of this year, I fell in love really
hard. I spent part of my winter break and spring break and summer break with a
man. And y’all have heard it already, you know who he is. I spent most of this
past year in love. I started to plan a wedding. Seriously, I was THAT in love.
I actually wanted to get married. And we made plans. We were to be married in
May. And then, it was June. Then, it was July. And then, it wasn’t. But I knew that the universe brought someone to me, the person I was looking for my entire life. </span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">“I traveled a long way. And
it took a long time. To find you. But I finally found you.”</span></i></div>
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<u><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">3) Knock on Wood: Otis Redding</span></b></u></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Once I found him, I don't
have any plan to lose him. </span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">“Oh ‘cause your love is
better than any love I know</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">I said, “It’s like thunder,
glowing like lightening”</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Baby, the way you love me is
frightening,</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><i>I think I better knock,
knock, knock, knock on wood…”</i><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span></div>
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<u><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">4) Soy Yo: Bomba Estereo</span></b></u></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Theme song of 2016. I played
this song for my students on the first couple of weeks of classes. And it
became their theme song too.If you do anything, you should watch this video. And then, you should go be
the weird little freak that you are.</span></div>
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<u><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">5) Hamaki: Agmal<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Youm</span></b></u></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Obvi, my Arabic isn’t that
great. But from what I’ve been told this song is about how it is the best day
for him because it is the day they see each other and are together. Yep, that
sounds about right. I'm counting down the days.</span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<u><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">6) Hands to Myself: Selena Gomez</span></b></u></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">When I was driving back to
Nashville, I kept listening to this song. Because its so true, when you are
waiting to see the person you love so very much, you can’t wait to get there.
And put your hands on them. Again, I'm counting down the days. </span></div>
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<u><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">7) Sherine: Sabri Aleel</span></b></u></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">All I really know about this song is that it means "I'm not patient." That's all, folks. </span></div>
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<u><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">8) Scars To Your Beautiful: Alessia Cara</span></b></u></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">I dedicate this one to my
ladies. Because, ladies, you are beautiful just the way you are.</span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"> </span></i><i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"> </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">“She just wants to be
beautiful,</span></i><i>
</i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">She goes unnoticed, she knows
no limits, </span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">She craves attention, she
praises an image,</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">She prays to be sculpted by
the sculptor,</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Oh, she don’t see the light
that’s shining,</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Deeper than the eyes can find
it,</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Maybe we have made her blind,</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">So she tries to cover up her
pain and cut her woes away,</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">‘Cause cover girls don’t cry
after their face is made,</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">But there’s a hope that’s
waiting for you in the dark,</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">You should know you’re beautiful
just the way you are,</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">And you don’t have to change
a thing, the world could change its heart,</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">No scars to your beautiful,
we’re stars, and we’re beautiful…”</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">*****</span></div>
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<u><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">9) The Party: Regina Spektor</span></b></u></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">And then, I lost Igor. This
one is about Igor. It is the song I listened to on repeat when I had his
funeral. Because he was like a party. He was my little man. My first therapy
appointment after his death, my therapist said: “I’m so sorry. You and Sabine lost
your little man.” And I realized, he was our man. He was the man who was always
there. And his stinky breath still haunts me. I still miss him every single
fucking day. So tonight, I raise a toast to the ones who loved me the most.
Another round of applause for the best. Because he was the fucking best. </span></div>
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<u><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">10) I Have Never Loved Someone: My Brightest
Diamond</span></b></u></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">And then, I lost Sabine.
FUCK. I still can’t believe how fucked up this semester has been for me. I lost
Igor, then, I lost Sabine, within a week. And to speak of belonging, I lost the
two who always made me feel like I belonged. When I came home after work, those
two were always there waiting for me. When I moved across the country, they
were right there next to me. While I felt incredibly lonely in the past two
years that I lived here, I always had the two of them to come home to. And
then, in a week, they were gone. I’m still not over it. I’m not sure I’ll over
be over it. But, Sabine, she was my girl. She was the strongest of the bunch.
She kept both of us, me and Igor, in line. She reminded us that we needed to be
strong. And so, when I lost her, I forgot. I forgot how to be strong.</span></div>
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<u><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">11) Don’t Let Me Down: The Chainsmokers</span></b></u></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">When the cats died, I felt
super lonely. It was hard. It was hard to navigate the stupid bullshit of the
day-to-day without family. Like, who is supposed to help me drive to the
crematorium? It was fucking hard. And I felt really lonely. And so, I was happy to
find that some people were there to help me. But it also became super obvious
who the people who were there for me and those that weren’t. It was like a line
in the sand. Let's try to stay positive, for those of you that *were* there for me and sent me flowers and gifts, you have my gratitude. Thank you. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"> </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"> </span>
</div>
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<u><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">12) Stormy Weather: Etta James</span></b></u></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">And then, I lost him. Or,
well, I sort of lost him. We were in the middle of planning a wedding. We had
picked a date. I had ordered a dress. I had ordered a veil. I had started to
plan with a florist. Even, my best lady, Ashley, had ordered a dress. And then.
It stopped. But Katherine, this is confusing, aren't you going to see him soon? Yes, see, its fucking complicated. I didn't lose him because we don't love each other. Actually, if there is anything I'm sure of in this life, it is that we love each other. But rather, we had some familial issues. I don't think its fair to go into, but we had to call off our planning. And, we distanced ourselves from one another for a few weeks. And we still have no idea how this will all really end up. It's hard y'all. Like, really fucking hard. </span></div>
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<u><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">13) Copper Mines: Mothers</span></b><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"></span></u></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">I heard this band for the
first time in my favorite coffee shop last week. And it broke my heart, because
yesssssssss. It resonated. </span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">“Stillness of limbs</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">I am hardly what I say I am</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">I’ve imagined you</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">One hundred pennies</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Underneath my tongue</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">And my soft dumb heart</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Grows stale at the thought of
it</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<br /></div>
<i>
</i><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">What I have to give</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Is small but at least I can
admit it</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">But the sum of it may add up</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">To your pin-pricked finger</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Or the number of times</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">I’ve dreamt it</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">This is me combing your hair</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">In the wrong direction</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">In the wrong direction</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">This is me mouthing words to
you</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">From the longest distance</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">From the longest distance…”</span></i></div>
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<u><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">14) Close: Nick Jonas</span></b></u></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Yeah, okay. I have a crush on
Nick Jonas. I’m happy that he wasn’t someone that I adored in a boy band when I
was younger, so I don’t feel weird about my crush. But the notion of being
close and how problematic that can feel is resonant to me. But seriously, the real reason this is on the mix...ya’ll, he’s handsome. Treat yourself and watch the video.</span></div>
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<u><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">14) Needed Me: Rihanna</span></b></u></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">“Fuck your white horse and
the carriage.” </span></i></div>
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<u><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">15) Here You Come Again: Dolly Parton</span></b></u></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">FUCK. </span></div>
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<u><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">16) My Church: Maren Morris</span></b></u></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">This song reminds me of
Michelle and Andrea. It makes me think of our nights together around the table.
And when I’m driving across the country, I'll be in my church. And I can't fucking wait. </span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">“When I put this car in
drive,</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Roll the windows down and
turn up the dial,</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Can I get a hallelujah?</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Can I get an amen?</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Feels like the Holy Ghost
running through ya</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">When I play the highway FM</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">I find my soul revival</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Singing every single verse</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Yeah, I guess that’s my
church…”</span></i></div>
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<u><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">17) A Losing Season: Sorry About Dresden</span></b></u></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">I’m pretty sure this song
isn’t by Matty O. But, it felt right. Matty O. wasn’t one of my best friends. But, he was very dear to the so many people that I love, particularly those folks from Omaha and Chapel Hill. </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">I remember one night at a house party in Virginia (maybe),
where Matty O. said to me, “Hey, Chapel Hill Girl….” because those days I spent
so much time in Chapel Hill, he thought I lived there.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">And I suppose I felt saddened by Matty O's death for a few reasons. For one, I was worried about his friends and family. I think about how it must feel for Conor to have lost his brother. It makes me wish I could put my arms around him again and tell him it'll feel better one day. But, I think the bigger thing for me was that it reminded me of a past life. I think about all those people that I probably would have never met if it hadn't been for Tomich. I think about how our lives intertwined for a few years. And, how even after all this time, I still miss their faces and laughs and all the trouble we caused. But I guess that's the thing, you share your life with people for some unspecified amount of time, then, life changes, you go different places, you are a different person. They always stay in your heart, regardless of how much time has passed. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">So, I think this song works, because this has been a fucking horrible season for many of us. A losing season. </span></div>
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<u><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">18) You are the Treasure: Antony and the Johnsons</span></b></u></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">This one is for Ashley. That
woman is my treasure. She is a treasure for all of us, but in particular, she
is my treasure. On those days when I thought I was about to lose everything, she was
there to remind me. And even, as I continue to navigate some pretty tough
times, she is always there. Like a sunrise, Ashley is there to remind me of my magic.</span></div>
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<u><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">19) All Night: Beyonce</span></b></u></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Redemption. For my grandmother,
and my mother…This song breaks my heart every single time. Please, promise me, if you do anything, LISTEN to this song. And share it, with your best friends, sisters, mothers, aunts, grandmothers. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><i>"Grandmother, the alchemist, you spun gold out of this hard life. Conjured beauty from the things left behind. Found healing where it did not live. Discovered the antidote in your own kitchen. Broke the curse with your own two hands. You passed these instructions down to your own daughter, who then, passed it down to her daughter." </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Everyday, I still miss my grandmother. Because she knew. <i> </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">And I am
reminded… “<i>Nothing real can be threatened, true love brought salvation back
into me, with every tear came redemption, and my torturer became my remedy.</i>”
Because, the truth is, my torturer is myself. And, I am my own remedy. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">I’m ready to find my redemption, my remedy, my belonging. But in the mean time, I’ll also be
patient. I’ll try to remember that love takes it time. Sometimes, life takes a crooked path. And sometimes, we have
to wait. And, god knows, I'm waiting. And I'll find my belonging. And then, it will happen. <i> </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><i>"We can't hear them."</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></span></div>
Katherine Everharthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12818420525893099306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7539905032866366227.post-65433739362896520732016-09-23T20:13:00.001-05:002016-09-23T20:14:58.243-05:00The Life of Sabine<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This past weekend, I had the first glimpse of healing. On Friday afternoon, the crematorium called letting me know that Igor's remains were ready to pick up. When I got him back home with us, I felt better. It's hard to articulate, but it made me feel like I could talk to him again. That he was with us again. On Friday night, Sabine and I had a memorial for him. She sat on his bed, while I put his ashes in a little gaudy golden box I bought for him. It was cathartic. It was healing. On Saturday morning, when I was feeding Sabine, I joked him with him about how demanding she was in the mornings.<br />
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The weekend was good. Like really good. I was productive, again. Sabine and I got a ton of couch time. I was starting to feel like life was turning around. Or at least, I was finding a way to turn it around. I was starting to see the silver lining. Folks had been talking to me about how I should maybe get another cat, a companion for Sabine. But I was imagining Sabine and I like two old gals in our golden years. We'd sit on the couch, joking about how hot Idris Elba is while we sipped rose. She'd keep me company in the bath. See, it has never just been the two of us and I was looking forward to a few more years where we could do that. Just two ol' gals, living out the rest of our days together.<br />
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On Monday night, I took two pictures of Sabine. One where she was perched at the end of the bed. I took it because Sabine usually sleeps in her own bed and only gets in my bed to wake me up for the morning feeding. I anticipated sharing the picture, remarking how sweet it was that she was trying to comfort me since my usual snuggle companion was gone. The second picture, which she would be mad at me for posting, is her snuggling right up next to me and watching <i>Narcos</i> with me.It was so dark in the room, so I used the flash. It was the kind of picture you take of your friend and she says to: "Delete that. Now. Seriously." I fell asleep around 11:30pm.<br />
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But then, I woke up around 1:30am. When I first woke up, I heard some howling downstairs. I was in that foggy just-awake feeling. I heard howling, but I thought, omgato, is Sabine really hungry right now? Then, I heard claws on the floor and I thought I was having weird sensory memories of Igor (and the sound of his little nails as he ran across the floor). I heard something else. It sounded like something falling down. Then, I heard more howls. So, I jumped up figuring that Sabine was causing trouble because she was hungry.<br />
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But no, there she was. She was laying on the floor, approximately two feet away from where Igor had died. I went to touch her and her whole body was limp. Loose and limp. And she just stared at me and howled away. In the next five to ten minutes, Sabine would die in my arms. In those few moments, time moved both fast and slow. At first, I threw on my shoes and started to dial the number to the emergency vet. But as I held her, I realized, there wasn't time. I could see in her eyes that she was suffering. I could see that she was leaving me. And just like that, she was gone. Both of them were gone. And the house was quiet.<br />
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Sabine came into my life in August of 2004. Some friends of mine, well, actually ex-roommates, had several kittens that had been born. They asked me if I wanted one or two. I remember the kittens were living in some strange conditions. At first they lived underneath the sink in a party house. Then, they were living in a shed behind the house. When I went to pick out the two I wanted, I remember we opened the door to the shed, the sun shone in, and their sweet little eyes narrowed at the light. I picked out two little girls-- a tabby and an all black kitten. When I grabbed the tabby one (who would later be named Sabine), I remember she bit me. I decided to name them after two characters from the novel, <i>The</i> <i>Unbearable Lightness of Being</i>. I know, I know, I'm like a teenage girl, but I loved that book. And so they would be Sabine and Tereza. <br />
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One of the funniest memories I have of them as kittens was when I received a phone call from the previous owners. One of the other kittens had bitten someone and broke the skin. There was a whole rabies scare. Since the kittens were so little and their mothers had run off, there was no way to verify whether or not the kittens had rabies. They had been advised by animal control to quarantine the other kittens, until they could find out. They called me to warn me. I remember coming home from school that evening...Sabine and Tereza were standing in the living room. And it was a stand-off, I was sure they were going to destroy me. They were trying to play, but I successfully corralled them into the bathroom where I would keep them, maybe for the rest of all time. It was a rather hilarious night, as I ran from these two tiny kittens. A day later, I realized this was ridiculous and took my chances.<br />
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Sabine was certainly beloved. She was a character. She was Sabine,
Beanie, Beanz, Beans. She was the girl you didn't fuck with. She was
also the girl who didn't give a fuck what you thought. She did what she
wanted. All the time. <br />
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Sabine was a survivor. Where Igor was sensitive and delicate, Sabine was tough as nails. I think its because of her life growing up. Even once we were together, Sabine did not have it easy. Within the first month or so, her sister Tereza would pass away. Within the second month or so, my apartment would be broken into and the cats would be the only eyewitnesses. When I arrived back home to find the door kicked in, Sabine was cowered behind the couch, terrified and shaking. When Sabine was old enough to get fixed, she had a botched surgery, which caused her a significant amount of pain. I had to take her back to get it stitched back up, and in the aftermath, she was forced to wear a cone around her head for months. <br />
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When I first introduced her to Igor, she acted like she didn't really care. But as I mentioned in the eulogy for Igor, within a few months, the two of them would start to cuddle up with one another. That Christmas when I found Igor in the tree, Sabine even made friends with my mom's dog, Julius. I remember on Christmas Day finding the two of them sleeping on the couch together. She certainly was a peculiar little lady. She was the kind of cat who either liked you or didn't. She wasn't lukewarm. It was all or nothing with her.<br />
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As a young cat, Sabine was quite agile. She was obsessed with laser pointers. She actually performed a trick where I'd shine the laser up near the window of the front door, and she'd jump clear up to the window. She was also obsessed with rubber bands. When the mail would arrive, she would take the rubber band and spend hours throwing it up in the air and catching it on her own. When I still lived in Charlotte, I told the mail-lady about Sabine's love of rubber bands. And she started bringing more. I'd be in the kitchen working, with the front door open, and I'd hear the mail-lady say, "Hey Sabine. How are you?" Sabine would meow a hello. She'd reply, "I have rubber bands for you today!" She also loved balled up pieces of paper. She was obviously a cat that lived with a graduate student. On those endless days and nights when I'd be working on a paper, I'd ball up a piece of paper and throw it across the floor. Very quickly, Sabine started playing fetch with the paper, like a friggin' dog. She'd go pick it up in her mouth, walk across the floor howling, and promptly drop it at my feet. And then, we'd do it again. See, she was very peculiar.<br />
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In our years together, Sabine slept in her own bed. Here in Flagstaff, it was on a shelf in my bathroom closet. She also went to bed on her own. Igor and I would still be downstairs watching television and she'd quietly make her way up the stairs to her own bedroom. She only came to my bed when she wanted to be fed. When it was time, she let me know. She would sit in bed next to me and tap my face, and tap is probably a nice way to say it, but tap my face until I woke up. In the days when I wanted to sleep in, Sabine wouldn't stand for it. She would get on the bedside table and knock every single item off, until I woke up. While this often drove me crazy, it also made me laugh. She was manipulative about it. She would knock one item off at a time, then pause, turn to look at me like she was saying "See. See what I did. I'll do it again. Or, are you getting up?" The girl knew what she wanted. And she intended on letting everyone know it.<br />
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She loved birds. In all the places we've lived, Sabine would perch in the window to watch the birds. Here in Flagstaff, I'm pretty sure she friended a baby bird who had its nest right outside the living room window. I'm not sure friend is the right word, but she loved loved loved to watch that little baby bird. She also loved toys. Her favorite toy, a stuffed rainbow scented with catnip, was a gift from her Uncle Art. She acccumulated quite a few toys over the years. Like a parent of a toddler, I'd put them inside this little cat house they had. And, pretty much every day, Sabine would get them out. She'd put it in her mouth, carry it through the house, then carry it up the stairs while she howled away, leaving them at the top of the stairs as gifts...or maybe she was trying to trip me? You could never be sure with that one.<br />
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Her favorite party trick, well, maybe it was mine, was how she would screech when you tried to pick her up. She hated to be picked up. When you tried to pick her up, she would screech and flail about until you put her back down. In some ways, it became a game. How long could you hold Sabine before she scratched you? The first few times this happened, I thought she was mad. But as soon as you put her down on the floor, she'd come running back over and rub her face on you like crazy. And her and her Uncle Art did this all the time. Actually, Art and I were talking late last week about the loss of Igor, he joked about Sabine's screeches. So, I took a video of her, while I tried to pick her up, and she screeched. It brought a smile to my face. And him and I laughed on the phone together. <br />
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Sabine was a big girl. She wasn't tall or long, but she was
just round. Super round. Sometimes when she laid out on the couch or
floor, she would almost look like a tabby pancake. And every time
someone met her for the first time, like maintenance people, they'd
remark: "Why, you certainly are a big one, aren't you?" She did not hide
how she felt about this. She would give them a snarky look. See, she
didn't feel bad about her size, she loved herself. She would also lay out on her back with all of her belly up in the air. I can remember people always joking about how she was thinking, "Paint me like one of your French girls."<br />
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One of her favorite things that we did together was taking baths. Well,
more accurately, I'd take a bath and she'd hang out in the bathroom with
me. Most of the time, she would perch up on the side of the bathtub,
which actually I found terrifying. A few times she'd almost jump in.
Other times, she'd just lay on the bathmat next to the tub, keeping me
company. It was one of our things.<br />
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She also worked as my personal trainer. Every time, I'd retreat upstairs to do yoga or exercise, she watched over me. I felt like I could always hear her pushing me to keep going. She was also a talker. I swear, she learned how to say, "Mama." And when she'd want my attention, she'd meow out a "Mama." And I'd give anything to hear it right now.<br />
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If anything, she was notorious for her resting bitch face. She was simply not easily amused by your antics. Or mine, for that matter. <br />
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Sabine was the queen of the castle. It was always her way. She let me know it. She let Igor know this. She reminded him regularly. If he got on her nerves, she was quick to take a paw and slap him across the face. Once he was sick, she did this less, but she still reminded him of who was in charge around here.<br />
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Although Sabine was totally independent, she knew when I needed her. When bad things happened in my life and I was on the couch crying, she would stay right next to me. She was intuitive like that. While Igor was not discerning, she picked her moments. Although she probably preferred to be off doing her own thing, she knew I needed her. And after Igor died, she was like that. She was next to me, every single moment.<br />
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I'm still in shock that I lost Sabine. She wasn't sick. While I was crying into the phone that morning to Rami and my mom, I kept saying, "I don't fucking understand why this happened." And the only thing I could think was that she died of a broken heart. See, her and Igor had been companions for the past 12 years. In cat years, that's like 70 years or something. For some reason, all I could think of was June and Johnny Cash. I think for Sabine, life didn't make sense without Igor. Some friends of mine have suggested maybe Sabine knew that Igor couldn't make it in the otherworld without her. But I think she just couldn't make it without him. I think while she loved me, Igor was her person. But for me, they were my persons. And its another Friday night, and I'm having another funeral. <br />
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And that's what is the most fucked up. I lost both of my companions within the time span of a week and a day. I've tried to make jokes about how I got a discount at the crematorium. Its one of my defense mechanisms, to joke about how ridiculous this feels. But the truth is, I feel lonely. When I was talking to my students about losing Sabine, one of them said: "How are you?" I remarked: "We are okay." But then, I paused and said: "Oh, its just me now. Fuck, yeah, *I* am okay." And that's how it feels right now. Isolating and lonely. I've lived alone for many years. But somehow, I never felt lonely. Even moving out to Flagstaff was a little less terrifying, because I felt like I was doing it with the two of them. We were a family. The three of us. Always together.<br />
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And I still move through the house like they are here. When I wake up in the morning, I automatically glance around the bed for them. When I make dinner, I look over to see if they are going to try to eat my food. When I set something on the table, I still move it to the side, just in case they might knock it over. When I go into the bathroom, I look around the corner for one of them to show up meowing at me. When I start to go downstairs in the morning, I always pause at the top of the stairs, thinking to myself, "Are y'all ready for breakfast?" And I'm still pissed that neither one of them ever learned to make my coffee. See, humor, my defense mechanism.<br />
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But it hurts. It really hurts. I'm still struggling with the heaviness of the loss. Sometimes, I close the shades on the windows, because I don't want to be reminded of the sunlight that they loved so very much. I haven't been able to wash one of the covers on the couch, because it still has their cat hair on it. I haven't been able to vacuum the carpet, because there are still little bits of litter that they tracked upstairs. And then there is that scratch on my arm. On Sunday morning, Sabine decided that laying next to me wasn't close enough, so she crawled on top of me with all her big glory, but she slide off and scratched me on my arm. And the scratch is still there. All throughout the day, I reach over and touch it, because it reminds me of her. It reminds me of when she was still here with me.<br />
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But I know, I know that all of these things will have to go away. The scratch will heal. I will start to clean the house and to store away the extra food and litter I bought in bulk for them. And eventually, the house will no longer smell like those two little babies of mine. My catpilots. My companions. My family.<br />
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<a href="https://goo.gl/photos/fxCxLEnD4jnRPPbk8" target="_blank">Life of Sabine Photo Album</a><br />
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And one last dedication to my catpilots, Igor and Sabine...<br />
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<br />Katherine Everharthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12818420525893099306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7539905032866366227.post-22856218767920498442016-09-13T12:17:00.005-05:002016-09-13T12:19:46.288-05:00The Life of Igor<style>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I keep
waiting for him to come around the corner, his long nails clinking on the
hardwood floor, jump up on the couch, yawn so that I can smell his horrible
breath, and snuggle up for the rest of the day while I rub his nose. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Igor. Igs.
Iggy-baby. Iggy-poppin’. Igsa-poppin’. Stravinsky. The Golden One. The Soft
One. My little old man. My baby boy. Stinky butt. Stinky breath. Cuddlebug. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Igor came to
me in such a mysterious way in November of 2004. When I first adopted Sabine, I
also adopted her sister, Teresa. Teresa met with an untimely demise shortly
after their adoption. At the time, I was working full time and had just started
my graduate work in Charlotte. Because I was rarely home, I felt it was unkind
to leave Sabine by herself for 12-14 hours a day. Very quickly after Teresa’s
death, I sought out to adopt another cat. I found the cutest tuxedo cat at a
rescue outside of Charlotte. My mom and I traveled down to check it out. While
I was checking out the tuxedo cat, my mom came across another cat. He was shy.
He had this beautiful golden fur. I remember so clearly, my mom said to me:
“You should get this one. This is your cat. I know it.” The woman at the rescue
told us his story. He had been found as a kitten out in the woods. He was the
only one found. It was suspected that someone had dropped the litter out in the
woods and likely that owls had attacked the others in the litter, but this one
kitten had survived. Despite all the odds, he was rescued. She had named him
Cubby. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">And so I
listened to my mom. And we took him home. At first, he was terrified. He hid
under the couch for days. Sabine tried to be friends with him, but he wanted
nothing to do with either one of us. And then, slowly, with bribes of chicken,
he came out from the couch. Within a couple of weeks, Igor, as I decided to
name him, began to spend time with Sabine. Within the first month, they even
cuddled up together on the couch. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">My favorite
early memory of Igor has to be his first Christmas with me. Since I had
recently lost a cat, I did not feel comfortable leaving Sabine and Igor at home
alone, so I took them with me to my mom’s house for the holidays. In the middle
of the night on Christmas Eve, I woke up to hear something rustling in the
Christmas tree. I nervously jumped up, walked over to the Christmas tree,
pulled open the branches to discover that Igor had climbed up the tree. He was
about halfway up the tree, howling away. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";"> </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";"> </span>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Igor had many
friends and many homes over the course of his 12 years. He lived in Charlotte,
Nashville, and Flagstaff. He was Sabine’s sister and also, Biscuit (who we lost
earlier this year). When we lived at the beach, Igor was in love with Gravy, a
male vagabond cat who wandered the streets of Myrtle Beach. Every single time
Gravy showed up on the porch and jumped in the window, Igor would lose his mind
rubbing up against the other side of window, desperately wanting Gravy’s attention.
During our years in Nashville, Igor became somewhat of a mascot for 7<sup>th</sup>
Avenue North. He would sit in the window and garner all sorts of attention from
the folks passing by. He earned all sorts of nicknames from my fellow graduate
students. Everyone talked about his soft fur. And how incredibly sweet he was.
One time, Art made a faux-mustache out of his fur. He had so many amazing aunts
and uncles who helped to take care of him and his sister Sabine over the years.
So, I must thank Ashley L., Michelle, Ashley A., Art, Amada, and Marisa for
always stepping in. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I always
thought that Igor was a peculiar little fella. He was sensitive. He deferred to
Sabine. When it would storm outside, he would run and hide. He loved the
sunlight. He loved food. And he loved loved loved to drink out of the toilet.
But most importantly to me, he was a snuggle bug. He almost never left my side,
with the exception of when I let them out on the porch and he’d spend almost
all day in the sunlight. Throughout the years of writing my dissertation, Igor
would perch next to the computer or sit in the chair behind me. He slept next
to me almost every single night. And he never liked it when I had overnight
guests, because it meant he couldn’t be next to me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";"> </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";"> </span>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Igor started
to get sick after my first year here in Flagstaff. And he never really
recovered. We had him on meds, but they seemed to do little to help. Honestly,
I thought I would lose him by last Christmas. But he kept hanging on. I started
to read articles about how you decide when it is time to put your animal to
sleep, because the one thing I really did not want was to watch him suffer. In
the last month or so, we had changed his meds, because he kept losing weight.
We put him on another med, a steroid. And he seemed to feel better. He seemed
like he was putting on weight and he had more energy. I was looking forward to
taking him to his next vet appointment, where they might tell me that his
thyroid levels were good and that he had gained some weight. I was planning to
take him in the next couple of weeks. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">This weekend,
Igor and I spent much of our time on the porch. He sat in the sunlight. It
wasn’t until Sunday that I realized something was different about him. He kept
his distance. He got sick. He didn’t want to eat. He secluded himself to the
downstairs bathroom. And I knew something was not right. I had that feeling.
That same fucking feeling that I’ve had since the first person I lost. But I
had hope. When I went to bed last night, Igor didn’t come upstairs with me. I
couldn’t sleep because I was so worried about him. About every hour until 1:30am,
I walked back downstairs and checked on him. He was crouched in a corner,
resting. One time, I picked him up to get in bed with me. He stayed for a
moment, then, he went back downstairs. I walked down once more to check on him.
While I was about to fall asleep, I heard him yell out. As I laid in bed, I
thought to myself, that’s it. But I didn’t get up. I think I couldn’t really
handle it at the moment. When I woke up this morning, I looked over to the
pillow and saw that he wasn’t there. And again, I had that feeling. I knew. I
walked downstairs immediately to find him. He had collapsed in the downstairs
office. He had one paw in his mouth. I can only imagine that his heart just
stopped working. He didn’t fall sleep and die, no, he collapsed. Right there on
the floor, all alone. When I saw him, I reached out for him. And I discovered
that it had finally happened. After a year and a half, I had finally lost my
lil’ old man. My best buddy. My sweetheart. The love of my life. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf_i-8LX11gr-pqDEewJq7DsjAwIJEKPPJpSOz0Xr50cxXR5dGRbtXVmmPhhbFoZfjQofAxDBXFf7f6b4EpVQBkkFY_P51sNFlCGRu8qSedR3QSrCTMAWqoohD1lU0ZwpNM_HQjnFA6hXT/s1600/FullSizeRender_59.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="309" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf_i-8LX11gr-pqDEewJq7DsjAwIJEKPPJpSOz0Xr50cxXR5dGRbtXVmmPhhbFoZfjQofAxDBXFf7f6b4EpVQBkkFY_P51sNFlCGRu8qSedR3QSrCTMAWqoohD1lU0ZwpNM_HQjnFA6hXT/s320/FullSizeRender_59.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">When Igor
first got sick, I remember thinking that I didn’t want him to suffer. I spent
many hours reading about when you make “that decision” for your animal. I
always closely monitored his health. I always felt that if I ever saw that he
was suffering, we’d make the hard decision. And I take solace in the fact that
for him, it was quick. Actually, I take solace in the fact for me it was
quick. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";"> </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">It’s hard to
let go of Igor. If anyone was my co-pilot, it was him. He was always right next
to me. When I slept. When I worked. Every single day, he was right next to me.
He even followed me to the bathroom. And so that is what makes it so difficult.
Because at every moment, I keep looking for him. I keep waiting for him. Igor was never
just a cat to me. He was my best friend. He was my constant companion. He was
my best friend. He was my catpilot. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><a href="https://goo.gl/photos/sjfSmaDUKwaxs2vV8" target="_blank">Photo Album of Igor</a> </span></div>
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Katherine Everharthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12818420525893099306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7539905032866366227.post-51046408368050184462016-04-21T20:38:00.000-05:002016-04-21T20:43:24.384-05:00"Honey, I know I know I know, times are changing...": A Blog for Prince, my Prince, and our Prince<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaPaqTBp7UJ3d8_WJdzeJUa4CTe97_HnJEkDWJUewhvd40OuKNE9qNUJXmnC0_6LSL0VUrB2On01KVlHTkv28B1hFtt-tkhWMcmBXvVsOSs_b2uODfi3-xlKfwvPG14ipSt4IKDF7kGl-V/s1600/purple-rain-10.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaPaqTBp7UJ3d8_WJdzeJUa4CTe97_HnJEkDWJUewhvd40OuKNE9qNUJXmnC0_6LSL0VUrB2On01KVlHTkv28B1hFtt-tkhWMcmBXvVsOSs_b2uODfi3-xlKfwvPG14ipSt4IKDF7kGl-V/s400/purple-rain-10.jpeg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><i><b> </b></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><i><b>“I am yours now and you are
mine. And together we’ll love through all space and time. So don’t cry. One
day, all seven will die.”</b></i> –Prince, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">7</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">When I was 8 years old, I had
one of those small trampolines. On an almost nightly basis, my mom would put on
Prince’s album <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Purple Rain</i> and I
would take to stage on the trampoline and perform from start to finish his
album. From <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Let’s Go Crazy </i>to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Purple Rain</i>, I lip synced. Every. Single.
Song. #LipSyncForYourLife. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">I believe that Michael
Jackson may have been my first “boyfriend, "as I remember dreamily staring into
the opened album <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Thriller</i>. However, when
I was introduced to Prince, I felt something else. While I thought of Jackson
as my boyfriend, Prince was without a doubt my first “lover.” I mean, he was
sexy and beautiful. And yes, at 8 years old, I probably had no idea what that
meant, but I knew that Prince made me feel <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">things</i>. <i>All the things.</i>
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">When David Bowie died earlier
this year, I remember thinking how tragic it was to lose someone so important
to the lives of so many of us—well, you know, us weirdos. I read countless social media
posts about how Bowie was the performer who taught so many of you that it was
okay to be weird, but also to cross and question traditional lines of gender and sexuality. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">You had Bowie. But I...see, I had
Prince. And he was everything to me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">And so, I danced to Prince. I
sang to Prince. I performed Prince. I was IN LOVE with Prince. And from as long
as I can remember, Prince has been woven into my memories.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">When I was in the 2<sup>nd</sup>
grade, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Purple Rain </i>the movie came
out. I somehow convinced my mother to take me and my best friend Kim to see the
movie countless times. Hell, maybe my mom was in love with Prince too. </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Shortly after the film came
out, my mom remarried. I got a new house. I got some new friends too—two girls
a year younger than me—Chelsea, my neighbor, and her friend Eliza. The three of
us were obsessed with Prince. We had crushes on some boys from our school. So,
we choreographed a dance to the song <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Let’s
Go Crazy</i> that involved all types of acrobatics on the couch at Chelsea’s
house and some very interesting costume changes. We practiced often. We were
sure, once we performed this for them, this would win over the hearts of our elementary school boyfriends.We never did. But I'm still convinced it would have worked. </span>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">When I was in the fourth
grade, there was a talent show at the end of the school year. My sister, Ashley
and I were performing. But also, some of our neighborhood friends were
performing too. In particular, Alvin and Calvin, twins, were set to perform Prince’s
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Kiss</i>. They performed the song
flawlessly in Prince wigs and they brought down the house. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">And these early memories are
the way it has always been. Prince was just always there. When I was in high school, my
friend Chelsea called me to tell me she had an extra ticket to see Prince
perform in Charlotte and invited me along. Although in the years leading up to
that night, we had grown apart, we sat there that night reminiscing and
laughing about our childhood days of Prince. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Into my adulthood, there
was never a dance party that I threw or attended that Prince did not figure into
prominently. And it wasn’t just the songs he performed. It was all the amazing
songs he wrote, like <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">When You Were Mine</i>
and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Nothing Compares 2 U</i>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">If ever there was a musician
that echoed the sentiment of my eventually-to-be-written book on music and
memory…it is Prince. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">I can remember my dance
company performing to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I Would Die 4 U</i>,
while I stood in the wings performing all the dance moves (actually, I'm doing them right now). I can remember
listening to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Diamonds and Pearls </i>as I
dressed in babydoll dresses for junior high school, well, okay, and early days of high school. I can remember how my
favorite lyric of all times (and singing about countless ex-boyfriends) in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Raspberry
Beret </i>was “</span><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Overcast days never turned
me on but something about the clouds and her mixed....She wasn't too bright, but I
could tell when she kissed me, she knew how to get her kicks…”</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"> I can remember how my friend Matt Tomich made
me a mix with the song, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I Could Never
Take the Place of Your Man</i>. I can remember me and my friend Sam Favata listening
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">to </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">If I Was Your Girlfriend</i> while I
was on a several week road trip around the Southeast. I can remember when my
dearly departed friend Dan and I listened to the song<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> 7</i> and he spray-painted the walls of his apartment with lyrics from
the song. I can remember Carly and I driving up to the mountains for a writing
retreat and dancing our butts off to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Kiss
</i>in the car. I can remember when my ex-boyfriend Justin and I threw a party
at my parent’s house and we played Prince’s version of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Nothing Compares to You</i> on repeat at least 15 times while we both
belted out the song to the rest of the party. And who didn’t listen to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">1999</i> like a million times on New Years?
And I can’t lie, one of my all time favorite songs was of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Baby, I’m a Star</i>. Just turn it on now, I dare you. You can’t stop
dancing. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><b><i>One, two, three, four</i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><b><i>Hey look me over</i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><b><i>Tell me, do you like what you see?</i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><b><i>Hey, I ain't go no money</i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><b><i>But honey, I'm rich on personlity</i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><b><i>Hey, check it all out</i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><b><i>Baby, I know what it's all about</i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><b><i>Before the night is through</i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><b><i>You will see my point of view</i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><b><i>Even if I have to scream and shout... </i></b> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">And I remember that every
single fucking time, Art and I went somewhere with a jukebox, we ALWAYS played
Prince. See, Art and I were both really obsessed with Prince. There were nights, when we were at my apartment on 7th Ave North talking about some shit,
we played Purple Rain on repeat and cried our little eyes out. We decided
when we both get married (either to each other or to other people) that we
would sing Prince at the wedding. Hell, I think we even talked about dressing
like Prince for the wedding. And only a couple of weeks ago, Art left me a
message where he reminded me of this.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><i><b>I never meant to cause you any sorrow</b></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><i><b>I never meant to cause you any pain</b></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><i><b>I only wanted one time to see you laughing</b></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><i><b>I only want to see you laughing in the purple rain... </b></i> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"> </span>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">As I sit here right now
listening to<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> 1999</i>, I find my body
betrays me. It knows every beat. And while I want to weep for Prince, I can’t
help but dance. Because like my mentor said to me earlier, “It’s how he would
have wanted it.” </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">One of my last memories of
how Prince was woven into the memories of my life is the night of my
dissertation defense. After a successful defense, my mentor, Richard took me
and a group of friends and faculty out for dinner. Towards the end of the
evening, Richard stood up to make a toast. He started with, “Dearly beloved…”
And I began to laugh. He continued, “We are gathered here today to get through
this thing called life.” And then, I jumped in, “Electric word life it means
forever…” And then, for the rest of the toast, we went back and forth with the
lyrics. I’m not sure everyone at the table had any idea what we were doing, but
it was a moment for me. And I can't think of a better way to celebrate
finishing my PhD than to incorporate Prince into the matter. After all, he's always been there. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">When I heard the news today,
while I was making my way to campus, all of these memories flooded my mind. I
wrote to Rami, my partner, about the passing of Prince. Since he isn’t from
this part of the world, I’m not sure he initially understood the significance.
As I tried to explain, I kept thinking just what it was that Prince meant
to me. And as articles have flooded the interwebs, I think I’m not alone in
figuring out what it was that Prince meant to me, and to us. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">He taught us it was okay to
be weird. He taught us to embrace the non-binary of gender. He taught us that
we could be just about anything we want to be. He taught us that we could change
our names to whatever the fuck we want them to be. He taught us how to be
fucking sexy as hell. He taught us how to dance. He taught us how to really
live life. And he taught us how to walk into a room and be the coolest
motherfucker in the room. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Because, Prince, you were the
coolest motherfucker in every single room.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><i><b>How can you just leave me standing?</b></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><i><b>Alone in a world that's so cold?</b></i></span></div>
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Katherine Everharthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12818420525893099306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7539905032866366227.post-80638610993390550582015-12-31T11:22:00.001-06:002015-12-31T11:22:32.543-06:00The Year of Courage, 2015: A Year in Review<b>The Year of Courage, 2015: A Year in Review</b><br />
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"Let me be brave." - Clara Oswald, <i>Doctor Who</i><br />
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It is the morning of December 31, 2015. I am awake at 8:30am. I am drinking coffee without the slightest of hangovers. I am snuggling with Igor. There is an amazing man still slumbering in my bed upstairs. I've been messaging with Ashley. Or, in other words, #blessed, #recovery, #lotsoflove #itsbeenalongyear, #ithasbeenanamazingyearforme.<br />
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Without a doubt, 2015 will be a turning point year for me.<br />
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I went from being a "her" to being a "me." Now, I know, this sounds crazy to some of you, but it is true. In the past, I always sat a little outside of myself, just off to the side. I wasn't connected to me, but rather, I saw myself as performing some version of who "Katherine." Like, I had double vision, where I was blurry, almost two blurry versions of myself...but little by little this year, they've come into focus. To become a singular me. But maybe even more than that, I am realizing that ME has value. I deserve things. I deserve good things. This also means that I'm far less apt to give my time to people who don't value me.<br />
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Yeah, I know....2015 has been like an exercise in self help.<br />
But guess what, I'm happy now. I mean, most of the time.<br />
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#recovery is fucking hard. It is a daily battle. But, it is getting easier. Because, now, safety and trust and deservingness are becoming more of a habit. But there are some fucking days, I just want to pull the covers over my head or run away from this lovely man in my life or tell the girls that I don't want to talk. BUT, I'm trying to be brave. To be vulnerable and bad ass all at the same time. To put on my cape while also saying, "Hey, I'm afraid you might hurt me." And like Clara Oswald said, "Let me be brave." I need to be brave. Every. Single. Fucking. Day.<br />
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In review of the year, here's what happened:<br />
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1. Obviously, the DISSERTATION. I was reviewing what I wrote last year on this date and completing the dissertation was priority two. I'll get to priority one, which is actually quite sad in retrospect. I started January with a #31daysofdissertating. I started a habit of writing for the first two hours of the day. And now, it is done. I'm still in a little bit of shock that I'm officially Dr. Everhart. I'm still lost some days when I don't have to get up and pull up those files and try to hammer out two hours of writing. <br />
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2. It hasn't been all roses this year. The year started by my family losing one of our best, Brad Stafford. I remember that it was a couple of days after Christmas that we discovered that Brad had liver cancer. And it took a toll on the family. It was so hard on my mother. And it pained me that I couldn't be closer to her. I've certainly realized this year how much it means to be close to your family. Now, let's not get carried away here...I don't want to live in Charlotte. But I would like to be closer one day. That being said, when I was faced with the financial difficulty of trying to get back home to be with my family for Brad's memorial, I came to realize just how amazing my department here can be. Without my knowledge, they circulated an email asking people to donate to a fund to get me home. They raised enough money to buy me a round trip ticket home so I could be there with my mom. It still makes me weepy to think of that generosity and how supportive they've been. I think of Brad often. In my living room, I have a picture of him playing baseball as a child. He was so amazing. I think we will always miss him, without a doubt. If you feel so inclined, here is a link to my <a href="http://www.wbtv.com/Clip/11108213/katherine-everhart-speaks-at-brad-stafford-service" target="_blank">eulogy.</a> <br />
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3. Health and Self Care. This was another resolution for 2015. And I must say, I've done a stellar job of it this year. I've started exercising again, even if sometimes that means drinking wine while riding my exercise bike. I started yoga, which has been absolutely amazing for my mind and body. I get a massage every three weeks with a really great massage therapist who just gets what I need. And, I mean, come on, y'all. BATHS. BATHS. BATHS. <br />
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4. THERAPY. I mean, seriously, y'all, this has been so important to me this year. I started therapy in July of this past year. Some sessions are rough, rough, rough. Some sessions make me feel like my therapist is giving me a gold star for being so brave. But this I know, my life has changed so significantly because of the work we are doing together. My therapist is kind and patient. She never judges me, even when I'm suggesting something so very far fetched. Because she knows, I'll get there. Maybe not tomorrow or the next day, but eventually. I tell my students often about going to therapy. Most of my colleagues think it is quite strange that I share so much of my personal trials and tribulations with my students. However, I have spent most of my life struggling with some of the same core issues. And I can't help but sometimes be a little pissed off that my life might have looked very different if I had started the road to recovery much earlier. BUT, in a typical Milan Kundera fashion, I dare not spend too much time thinking about my other lives. I mean, like Rami might say, "Nobody knowsssss." And it is true, BUT, the important part for me is to model to my students how I navigate all of this. To let them know that therapy doesn't mean you are a damaged person, but rather, it means you are so very strong. And that therapy is good for everyone, not just when you are the bottom desperately clawing your way back up.<br />
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5. Relationships. Okay, so I saved this for number five. Not because it wasn't as important, but mostly because it was a result of the items that came before. All the health, self care, and therapy drastically started to change my intimate relationships.<br />
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Last night, when I reviewed my journals from the past year, I saw that my first priority for the year had to do with Manny, my ex. I wrote that one of my resolutions was to learn to trust him more. For those of you that know about our relationship, this is #funnynotfunny. For those of you that don't know, Manny and I were in a long distance thing on and off for about three years. I'd see him maybe once or twice a year. It was good at times. And it was very bad at other times. When I look back on it now, I don't want to place blame. Though, I'm often still very angry. I think what is best to say is that we were two people very ill-suited for each other. We were two people with so many walls and defenses up that we were never able to really ever say what we needed from each other, but instead, it was an endless cycle of shame, blame, distrust, fear, and lashing back at each other in very aggressive and very passive ways. It was NOT healthy. As you know, I'm not someone who often regrets. And I don't regret my relationship with Manny. But I do regret that I let this cycle between us go on for so many years. It was incredibly hard to put an end to it. We had become habit for each other. But then, it happened. I wanted so desperately to learn how to trust someone else and for the umpteenth time, this was violated. It reaffirmed everything that I've thought about myself. And at that moment, I realized, "No. You have to stop this. This hurts too much." And I did.<br />
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I also went through an awkward tinder phase. It was entertaining. But ultimately, really unsatisfying.<br />
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And then there was...that one. When I first moved to Flagstaff, I felt crazy alone. I felt like I was out here on my own with little connection to my life back in Nashville. And there was this one man who helped keep me tethered to the world. He wrote to me every day, inquiring about my life here. I needed that. But then, it turned into something else. It wasn't my finest moment. And yes, in retrospect, I look back and realize just how flawed it was. But alas, this is what you learn in therapy. You start to pull back the layers and see something for what it really is. Undoubtedly, I've come to see him for who he really is, but at the same time, I want to recognize just how important he was for my growth. He was one of the first men EVER to call me on my shit. Because he SAW me. And then he asked me: "Why are you doing this?" A very emotional day in Nashville in June, this question forced me to see myself. I thought to myself, why AM I doing this? And then, I opened the deep dark recesses of my mind. And then, there was therapy. And then, there was a realization that this relationship was not healthy for me. And so, I have to thank him for that. Because I learned what it really is that I WANT in a relationship. <br />
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And it wasn't just amorous relationships...I stood my ground in my friendships too. I learned how to set boundaries with friends. I eliminated stressful and negative relationships.<br />
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And of course, now, there's a new relationship...more on that later.<br />
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6. The girls. The entire recovery process would not have been able to really happen without the girls. After that fateful day in June, my emotions were raw and terrifying. I was staying at Carly's place...and I was sort of dramatically flung on a bed crying my eyes out. My hands were shaking. I was starting to have some very huge realizations about myself. Really fucking scary realizations. And the girls reached out to me. We didn't have plans to get together that night, but they saw I needed them. Ashley picked me up and we headed over to Michelle's. We sat on the stoop and I let them see me, like REALLY SEE me. I said things I've never said to anyone. And they held my hand and listened and told me how proud they are of me. They realized I was about to embark on an amazing, yet arduous, journey. And it was really that moment on the stoop that propelled me to get better. We also started a group chat on Viber called "Trifecta." It is like this safe haven. No matter what is happening, we know we can go there, send a message and at least one of us is available. I am so thankful for this. It makes me feel like they are always close by, cheering me on.<br />
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7. Nicki Minaj and Beyonce.<br />
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8. Watching Baseball at Picazzos. Hell, just Picazzos in general. I'm sure going to miss Gilbert when he departs for a new adventure. <br />
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9. My road trips. There were so many last year. I've realized just how important it is for me to travel at least once a month. Last year, I spent time down in the valley for spring training. And subsequently, so many other baseball trips-- Las Vegas, Salt Lake City. Thank goodness spring training is just around the corner. <br />
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10. My newest nephew, Jack. I finally got to meet him at Christmas. And I'm totally in love with him. So absolutely beautiful.<br />
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11. #HolidazeRoadTrip and Rami. Yes, yes, yes, you know. You've seen. I'm all goofy and silly and swooning over a man these days. Yes, it is out of character for me. But perhaps, what is the most out of character is the man I've chosen to do this with. I told my therapist about him. She said to me, "So, what happened? Your picker must be off. You've chosen a man very different from all the others." And she is right. He is so very different. And exactly what I need right now. Plus, y'all, omg, he is soooooooooooo cute. But mostly, I love these small moments that we have together. Like, when we were on the road, it was about 8pm at night. Pitch black everywhere. No gas station in sight. We were on fumes in the rental car. It was 16 degrees outside. We were stressed. We were sitting quietly, both fretting. I think he was praying and I was just thinking, WTF are we going to do? I pulled off an exit where there was suppose to be gas. It was so dark, I wasn't sure where the road was...and we were both exhausted. Rami said, "Why you go this way? This is wrong! Turn that way!" And I yelled back, "I don't know where we are! How am I suppose to know?" I think we both wanted to strangle each other at that moment. We found our way back to the interstate. We drove in silence for another 15 miles, as the gas light blinked over and over again. Somehow, we made it. After we filled up the gas tank, we got back on the road. And within a few short moments, the two of us were laughing hilariously about how freaked and tense we were. Now, we keep laughing about it. And I think that's it....I'm pretty sure we could laugh our way through anything. But again, he's also reallllllllllly cute too. <br />
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2015. You kicked my ass. But I love you for it. Because I feel #blessed today. I feel like I am being seen and heard, not just by the people in my life, but most importantly, by myself.<br />
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So, cheers to all of you. I hope you have an amazing new year. And remember, be brave my darlings, particularly, all the bad ass/boss ass bitches in my life. Because YOU are amazing. And you are what remind me to be brave, everyday.<br />
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<br />Katherine Everharthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12818420525893099306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7539905032866366227.post-27425263742727657292015-12-20T20:19:00.000-06:002015-12-20T20:19:39.737-06:00One Foot in Front of the Other: Katherine's 14th Annual Mix 2015<b>One Foot in Front of the Other: Katherine's 14th Annual Mix 2015</b><br />
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<i><b>Pulling Back the Layers. </b></i><br />
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I usually start out my description of the year by saying, "I don't know where to begin." But maybe for the first time ever, I know exactly where to start. 2015. I saw myself. I heard myself. And I started to realize who I really am, and even more so, what I deserve. Can I throw in a hashtag? #recovery<br />
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I won't lie. I had an amazing year. But also, I have to admit, shit was hard this year. First, I remembered who I was as a teacher. And my students responded resoundingly. Then, I remembered how much I loved the student movement at the University of Puerto Rico of 2010...and I finished my dissertation. But more so, and probably more than any of these achievements, I remembered who I am. Maybe it was less about remembering...and more about discovering. Opening the flood gates and letting me really be me. It hasn't been easy, as most of you have observed, but here I am. Exposed. Revealed. And finally, ready to let myself to be seen. By my friends. By him. By you.<br />
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In my next end-of-the-year post, I can review more what happened...but you should know this before I present you with the annual mix....I'm in love. I'm in love with happiness. I'm in love with pop music. And I'm in love with a man (though, this part scares the shit out of me).<br />
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Undoubtedly, you'll notice a huge departure in my musical tastes from the past years. I wish I could explain it in a way that would make sense to most of you. But I know I can't. Here's the thing. I got tired of listening to sad-bastard music. And actually, this happened because of a student. She wanted to do an independent study with me on the feminism of Beyonce and Nicki Minaj. I was apprehensive, but I thought it would be interesting. And she won. By the end, I was convinced. But more so, I fell in love with pop music. I realized while I was listening to the musics of these two women, I felt happy. I felt strong. I felt brave. And then I realized, I wanted to feel like this all the time. These women made me feel good. And so, I kept listening. And it is true, I feel empowered listening to their music. And without a doubt, my life has changed as a result.<br />
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No, it wasn't just the music (sorry, Nick Hornby), but it was the music in conjunction with so many changes that I MADE happen this year. Probably for the first time in my life, I'm recognized how much I can control what happens in my life. I can make my own decisions. I can say yes. I can say no. I know, I know, so many of you think, "Well, yeah." But for those people like me, who endured the traumas, this is a big deal.<br />
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So here is how you can find access to the mix:<br />
1) On Spotify at: <a href="https://open.spotify.com/user/bittersweetpr/playlist/2nX8FAZzHVVwswYEr7Pu3g" target="_blank">One Foot in Front of the Other Mix</a><br />
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2) On YouTube at: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQdVeReqUAy4RpQblbXDgWH2kHnTSh_27" target="_blank">One Foot in Front of the Other Mix</a> <br />
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<u><b>1. Darlin' All I Ask: Jaymay</b></u><br />
<i>"How I loved you suddenly, it just totally scared me. That don't mean I don't take you seriously. And I love you terribly, its just ridiculous. All I'm just saying, is I want you so bad. I wanna love you like that, I wanna be your lover, why don't you just think about it?"</i><br />
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<u><b>2. What's My Name: Rihanna (feat. Drake)</b></u><br />
The first song he played for me was a Rihanna song. But when I heard this one, I realized it was about him. And when he called me that night and sang, "Uhhnahhna, Uhhhnahna," into my phone, I fell in love. Because, he listened to the song I sent him. He heard me. That's it.<br />
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<i>"Hey boy, I really want to be with you, because you're just my type..."</i><br />
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<u><b>3. Ex's & Oh's: Elle King</b></u><br />
Now, let's turn the clock back. Those fucking ex's and o's. <br />
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<u><b>4. Hotling Bling: Ceresia</b></u><br />
Sorry, Drake, let's flip the script. I'm sorry you feel left out. Ladies, we have to do our own thing. <br />
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<u><b>5. Love in the Dark: Adele</b></u><br />
Okay, so we need one song on the mix about the heartbreak of this year. Yes, I fell in love this year. The most fucked up part of it is that it was in a place in which I could never actually have it. Which if you know me, it isn't that weird. But, I'll dedicate this one to him. Because he made me realize so very much. He made me realize how much I was worth, despite the fact he couldn't give that to me. And with his words on that fateful day back in June, everything started to change.<br />
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<u><b>6. Hiding: Florence + The Machine</b></u><br />
And the biggest part of the fuckedupness of what happened before was that I sought out therapy after the fact. I couldn't have done this without the amazing support of Ashley and Michelle. Whether it was the shame hotline, our group chat on Viber, or sweet notes of encouragement and support, these ladies really helped me find my way. And this song, well, I dedicate it to the little girl inside of me. I just want her to know that I'm here to protect her, even when she is too afraid to let me in. <br />
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<u><b>7. Nicki Minaj Records "I Still Rise" by Maja Angelou</b></u>
Still, I rise.<br />
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<u><b>8. I'm Out: Ciara (feat. Nicki Minaj)</b></u><br />
'Nuff Said.<b> </b>For my ladies. <b> </b> <br />
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<u><b>9. I'm the Best" by Nicki Minaj</b></u><br />
I listened to this song, over and over again, before my dissertation defense.<br />
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<i>"To all my bad bitches, I can see your halo..." </i><br />
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<u><b>10. Feeling Myself (feat. Beyonce)</b></u><br />
Ladies, anytime the self doubt creeps up, just turn this one up loud. <br />
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<u><b>11. Only: Nicki Minaj (feat. Drake, Lil Wayne, Chris Brown)</b></u><br />
Listen to Nicki's verse. I fell in love with here with this song. I mean, seriously, duct tape, pop quiz, cutlet and seasonin'. Goddamn she's good. <br />
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<u><b>12. Birthday Cake: Rihanna</b></u><br />
This was the song. He won me with this one. <br />
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<u><b>13. If I Can't Have You: Etta James</b></u><br />
When I realized, that I need you. <u><b> </b></u><br />
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<u><b>14. Compartir: Carla Morrison</b></u><br />
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<i>"Quiero dormir y soñar, caricias contigo, </i></div>
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Quiero reír y llorar, con tus ojitos,<br />
Quiero compartir mis secretos y mis suspiros,<br />
Quiero aprender a entender al mundo contigo </i><br />
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</i><i>Pero hay una cosa que te debo decir,<br />
No es nada fácil, estar tan lejos de ti..."</i><br />
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<u><b>15. You Da One: Rihanna</b></u><br />
When you fall for someone hard, but rather, you realize you <i>choose </i>to fall for someone. Because you deserve it, and they deserve your love.<b> </b><br />
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<i><b>"</b>You the one that I dream about all day</i><br />
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<i>You the one that I think about always<br />You are the one so I make sure I behave<br />My love is your love, your love is my love</i></div>
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<i>Baby, I love you, I need you here<br />Give me all the time<br />Baby we meant to be<br />You got me, smiling all the time</i></div>
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<i>'Cause you know how to give me that<br />You know how to pull me back<br />When I go runnin', runnin'<br />Tryin' to get away from loving ya</i></div>
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<i>You know how to love me hard<br />I won't lie, I'm falling hard<br />Yep, I'm falling for ya<br />But there's nothin' wrong with that..."</i></div>
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<u><b>16. I'm Yours: Alessia Cara</b></u><br />
<i> </i>Alessia Cara is absolutely adorable.<br />
<br />
<i>"Some nerve you have<br />
To break up my lonely<br />
And tell me you want me<br />
How dare you march into my heart<br />
Oh how rude of you<br />
To ruin my miserable<br />
And tell me I'm beautiful<br />
Cause I wasn't looking for love no<br />
Nobody asked you to get me attached to you<br />
In fact you tricked me<br />
And I wasn't trying to fall in love but boy you pushed me<br />
So all that I'm asking<br />
Is that you handle me with caution<br />
Cause I don't give myself often<br />
But I guess I'll try today<br />
<br />
Cause I've had my heart<br />
Broken before<br />
And I promised I would never let me hurt anymore<br />
But I tore down my walls<br />
And opened my doors<br />
And made room for one<br />
So baby I'm yours..."<br />
</i><br />
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<u><b>17. Best I Ever Had: Drake</b></u><br />
At first I thought that I only had one king in my kingdom, which was Idris Elba, but this year, I also made room for Drake. Not just because his dance moves, but because yes, he gets it. And yeah, there are some other fellas who might think this is about him, but this is about my one and only, because he is the best, the best I ever had.<br />
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<u><b>18: Simple Things: Miguel</b></u><br />
Yes, baby. I just want someone. I just want you. And maybe Miguel. Haha.<br />
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<u><b>18. Flawless with Beyonce (feat. Nicki Minaj)</b></u><br />
Again, to all my bad ass bitches, to my boss ass bitches, you are fucking #flawless. Every time I hear this song and watch this video, I can't help but think of all my ladies.<br />
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Yes, I worship at the altar of Queen Bey. <br />
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"<i>Bow down bitches...</i>"<br />
<br />
"<i>But tell them winning is my motherfuckin' protocol, ' cause, I score before I ever throw the ball, this bitches washed up and there ain't no fucking soap involved...mayday mayday, earth to bitches, slap these hoes like we birthin' bitches, the Queen of rap slaying with Queen Bee, if you ain't on the team, you playin' for team D...</i>"<br />
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<u><b>19. Can't Feel My Face: The Weeknd</b></u><br />
What can I say about The Weeknd? Beautiful. <u><b> </b></u><br />
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<u><b>20. All Eyes On Us: Nicki Minaj and Meek Mill</b></u><br />
You heard us, we are the ill-est. I think he catchin' feelins. I can't wait to celebrate the New Year our counterparts, Nicki and Meek. <u><b> </b></u><br />
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<u><b>21. Amen (feat. Drake): Meek Mill</b></u><br />
The day after my defense, I listened to this one 873 times. And one of my favorite parts is when I forced Jennie Ann to listen to this song in the middle of the night. And she wrote me back and said, "I'm not sure I'm listening to the right song, this one is about church..." And I wrote back, "Listen more closely." Ha. I love love love this song. Wealth and health, y'all. Plus, how can you not love a song with Meek and Drake. What's good, Nicki, what's good?<br />
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<i>
"Plus I’m on probation, when they test me I just pee Rose..."</i><br />
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<br />Katherine Everharthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12818420525893099306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7539905032866366227.post-33642161782030352782015-06-19T22:21:00.002-05:002015-06-19T22:29:10.407-05:00I See You: Reflections on A Trip to Nashville<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Since I moved to Flagstaff last August, I've found myself looking around to find my Nashville places in Flagstaff. Oh, The McMillan, that's my Silo in Flagstaff. Oh, The Campus Coffee Bean, that's my Red Bicycle in Flagstaff. Oh, BunHuggers, that's my Cowboy Kewl in Flagstaff. Obviously, leaving behind Nashville, but more specifically, Germantown, has not been easy for this ol' gal.<br />
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I did not have a chance to visit my old home until 10 months after I left. In May, I breezed into town for a mere two days in a whirlwind trip. When I left, I cried my little eyes out, missing all the faces and places. When I returned to Flagstaff, I made a decision to come for a longer visit. A 10 day visit. Oh, those fateful 10 days...<br />
<br />
Those 10 days were something. It was intense. It was sweet. It was sad. It was nostalgic. It was weird. But when I finally left (which I was luckily able to do, since my wallet got nabbed while I was there), I was okay with leaving. Now don't get me wrong, I heart heart heart Nashville (well, Germantown); but, I think I grew to accept that it isn't where I live anymore. I assume some of this has to do with the fact that two of my bestest friends there will be leaving in the next couple of months, as well as most of my grad school friends will not end up living there. And so, Nashville, as I know it, will look very different when I return next. I suspect in the future, I might spend more time there. Hell, I might even return before too long. But for now, I know that it is good that I'm in Flagstaff. And I intend to embrace Flagstaff for what it is, without trying to discover the Nashville in it. THIS is a big step for me.<br />
<br />
So, what happened? You know me, I'm not one to give too many details...so, I'll just give a quick rundown before I get into the reason for this particular post.<br />
<br />
Cancelled Flight. Rebooked. Missed Shuttle. Rebooked. Late Arrival. Allison. Silo. Ben and Charles. Brunch at Mad Donnas. My Koozie. Kick Ball. Rosepepper Cantina. You Stupid Ass Bitch. Chronology. Kickball. That One. Silo. My Girls. Jack Browns. Late Nights. Lyfts. Sophie. Afternoons. Carly's House. Taco Mamacita. Movie Night. Germantown. Germantown. Germantown. Stairs. O'Reillys. Silo. Sandra. Jack Browns. Heath. Nice White People. Silo. Lost Backpacks. Lunches at the Cafe. A BREAKDOWN. Ashley and Michelle. Realizations. South Street and Pork Shoulders. Stoop Time. Zeke and Troy. GLAAD CMA festival. Play. Kicked Out. Kellis. Get Robbed. Pedestrian Bridge. Downtown. Flowers. Saying Goodbye to the Trifecta. Silo. Jack Browns. Cafe. Silo. Kelly. Grand Gestures. Brunch at Marche. Pool Day. Silo. West End with Allison. OITNB. Pool Day. Baseball Game.<br />
<br />
But yes, right there in the middle at "BREAKDOWN" is the moment when things changed rather drastically for me. I might call it breakdown, but it probably more accurately is a breakthrough. <br />
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I don't want to get into the details, but some shit went down. I hurt someone. And for the first time, in so many years, I felt bad about it. As I tried to apologize, I found myself explaining myself, but in the rawest way I ever had. Because, see, this person is someone that I care about so much that I couldn't just mail it in. No, he could see through all of that. Looking at myself like that for the first time in so many years was painful. Luckily for me, two of my bestest friends were in close proximity and changed their plans so we could talk it out. And that is just what we did. We cried it out. We talked it out. And I remember a conversation about being seen by someone. Like really being seen, without all your bullshit and boundaries and walls and all that fucked up shit. But, rather, someone seeing you and calling you on it. For the first time in so many years, someone called me on my bullshit.<br />
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I can't lie. Its much more complicated than that. But I do know this, I learned so much about myself during this trip. And I can't help but thank two of my bestest girlfriends for allowing me to talk through these realizations, and to you, for calling me on my bullshit and making me look in the mirror. You see right through me. And I thank you for it.<br />
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"Defend my honor, protect my pride. The good advice, I always hated. But looking back it made me greater." -Nicki Minaj<br />
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"You see right through me.<br />
How do you do that shit<br />
You let me win,<br />
You let me ride<br />
You let me rock<br />
You let me slide<br />
And when they lookin'<br />
You let me hide.<br />
Defend my honor<br />
Protect my pride.<br />
The good advice<br />
I always hated<br />
But looking back<br />
It made me greater.<br />
You always told me<br />
Forget the haters<br />
Just get my money,<br />
Just get my weight up.<br />
Know when I'm lying,<br />
Know when I'm crying<br />
It's like you got it<br />
Down to a science<br />
Why am I trying<br />
No you ain't buying,<br />
I tried to fight it<br />
Back with defiance.<br />
You make me laugh<br />
You make me hoarse<br />
From yelling at you<br />
And getting at you<br />
Picking up dishes<br />
Throwing them at you.<br />
Why are you speaking<br />
When no one asked you.<br />
You see right through me.<br />
How do you do that shit<br />
You see right through me.<br />
How do you do that shit<br />
What are we doing,<br />
Could you see through me?<br />
Cause you say Nicki<br />
And I say who me?<br />
And you say no you<br />
And I say screw you.<br />
Then you start dressing<br />
And you start leaving<br />
And I start crying<br />
And I start screaming<br />
The heavy breathing<br />
But whats the reason.<br />
Always get the reaction you wanted<br />
I'm actually fronting<br />
I'm askin' you something<br />
Yo, answer this question,<br />
Class is in session,<br />
Tired of letting<br />
Passive aggression<br />
Control my mind,<br />
Capture my soul<br />
OK your right<br />
Just let it go.<br />
OK you got it,<br />
Its in the can.<br />
Before I played it<br />
You knew my hand.<br />
You could turn a free throw into a goal.<br />
Nigga got the peep hole to my soul.<br />
You see right through me.<br />
How do you do that shit<br />
You see right through me.<br />
How do you do that shit<br />
Stop,<br />
Stop,<br />
Would you just stop looking through me<br />
Cause I just cant take it.<br />
No I cant take it.<br />
You see right through me.<br />
How do you do that shit<br />
You see right through me.<br />
(you see right through me baby)."Katherine Everharthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12818420525893099306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7539905032866366227.post-12651753613286159362015-01-31T13:20:00.000-06:002015-01-31T13:20:07.862-06:00In Memoriam of the Amazing Brad...<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4LdNnjxZD9pB0153oPb76x8novwXC7IqdQ9qLe5RgNvwwDrbkSX9FfYqML9Sf4_B37n5FxZWOCjr5CXKNLfCr20qhKsLdIu_paJDNGSBWxHmyDkXkURZFLmK7F7N0xkPiBmYZbBy16F8W/s1600/155740_10150337925550147_702898_n+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4LdNnjxZD9pB0153oPb76x8novwXC7IqdQ9qLe5RgNvwwDrbkSX9FfYqML9Sf4_B37n5FxZWOCjr5CXKNLfCr20qhKsLdIu_paJDNGSBWxHmyDkXkURZFLmK7F7N0xkPiBmYZbBy16F8W/s1600/155740_10150337925550147_702898_n+copy.jpg" height="400" width="298" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My mom and Brad with their two babies, Julius and Luigi.</td></tr>
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Loss is not new to me. Not only have I lost several people very close to me in the early 2000's, but I lost my grandmother only a few years ago, and now, this week, we also lost Brad. Given my history of loss, I know what I need to do in order to properly grieve. Writing this blog is one of the ways that I do this. So, indulge me and celebrate the life of one of the most amazing people I have ever known-- that of, Brad Stafford, my mother's partner.<br />
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I can't lie. I'm still in shock. And I don't think it was until today that I fully realized what has happened. See, this wasn't expected. I was home for both Thanksgiving and Christmas. And while I knew that Brad wasn't feeling great, I had no idea. None of us knew. We thought maybe he just wasn't feeling well. We had no idea that on merely two days after Christmas, we'd find out he had a very advanced cancer, one that would take his life in merely one month. And while cancer is never easy, it seems fucking unfair that we lost Brad within a month of his diagnosis. I'm pissed off that everything happened so fast. That this amazing and wonderful man disappeared from our lives so very quickly.<br />
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So, what can I say about Brad? Well, he was absolutely amazing. In the past week, my head has been haunted my memories of him. And those memories are mostly of him laughing, joking with my mother, dancing, telling me just how much he loves my mother. And, you know, this is the part that is the most painful-- while I loved Brad on my own, the most painful part is watching my mother deal with the loss of her life partner. Yeah, okay, he was her husband, but I continue to refer to him as her partner, because, that is what he was. He wasn't just a husband. He was her partner. He was her person.<br />
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The television station he worked for put together a tribute to him. I posted it online a couple of days ago. But I haven't been able to watch it until today. I just couldn't. And when I finally did, I let go of the strength that I've held onto for the past few days. They featured co-workers talking about him. His patience. His kindness. And they nailed it. That's Brad. He was kind. He was patient. And these are exactly the reasons he was perfect for my mother. This is what she needed.<br />
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When he fell in love with my mom, it happened quickly, for both of them. I knew nothing was ever going to be the same after that moment. Mostly, what I realized was that my mom was in love, she was with the person she was always destined to be with. He was kind to her, he was patient with her. He loved her in a way that I had never seen before.<br />
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There are so many memories, so many moments that flash through my head when I stop and think (which until tonight, I've tried to avoid). Actually, there are so many, it is hard to confine them to a few moments to convey to the rest of you. I remember my mom telling me about the first time the two of them every spent time together and she played Bright Eyes for him. I remember him on the Sims. I remember us driving out to Concord to hear some music in some really strange bars. I remember all those trips to see Bright Eyes in various cities and Brad talking to Conor, Mike, and all the great folks that play with those guys including Gillian Welch and Dave Rawlings. I remember all of those holidays together, I remember us all doing karaoke that one Christmas, I remember him always losing at Monopoly. I remember him dancing to Sir Mix-A-Lot. I remember us all sitting around listening to old country music. I remember showing him and mom different television shows and how he always questioned the validity of the show. I can still hear him saying, "Well, now, I don't think that is possible..." I remember him dancing with my best friend, Jennie Ann and her husband, Derek, during their first dance at their wedding reception. I remember me, him, and mom going to see Justin Townes Earle a few years ago. I remember how much he helped take care of my grandmother when she was dying. I remember him being contrary, very very contrary during all our fantastic discussions about social issues. I remember how him and mom *always* fell asleep five minutes into watching whatever show I was showing them...and I remember the exact look on Brad's face while he was sleeping. I remember him looking up the traffic and the weather reports. I remember his selflessness. I remember how from the very beginning, I realized, this man loves my mother so very much. I remember thinking how I would be lucky to find a person like Brad in my own life. And mostly, I remember how Brad welcomed me into his life. And it was all so very easy. One moment I didn't know him, and the next moment, he was someone I loved so very much.<br />
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Brad was one of a kind. One of the best kind. And I'll always treasure those moments, during the day while mom was at work, when Brad and I would sit across from each other at the table in the house and talk for hours. I would tell him about my work. He would tell me about what he discovered on the internet. We would spend hours sitting there together. Those are the moments I will miss the most, when it was just the two of us. <br />
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Katherine Everharthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12818420525893099306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7539905032866366227.post-87493879539596436822014-12-31T12:01:00.000-06:002014-12-31T12:01:26.758-06:00The Year of a Buscabulla....A Year in Review, 2014<b>The Year of a Buscabulla....A Year in Review, 2014</b><br />
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"I've come to realize that we're only here briefly, and while I'm here I want to allow myself to feel joy. So fuck it." -Amy, <i>Her</i><br />
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"Don't know if we will survive your departure." -Robbie, <i>President of Germantown</i><br />
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What can I say about "The Year of a Buscabulla?" I'm not quite sure. Mostly, there is so much I can't really tell you. Hence, the name of the year. But at the same time, there is so much. Too much almost. It was a whirlwind and I'm still trying to catch up. One thing is clear, it has been one of the best years of my life. At the beginning of this year, so much was left unknown. I had no idea where I would be in the coming year. I had to say goodbye to way more than I wanted. There were so many new beginnings. But most importantly, there were so many wonderful people that coursed through the fabric of my life at any given moment. And because, the last song on the annual mix was this one, I wanted to share it again, because I want you all to know just how much I love you and thank you for all the wonderfulness that you bring into my life. So, cheers to another year to all of you and keep bringing all that joy to me in 2015, my darlings. <br />
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<br />
So, what were some of the highlights of this past year?<br />
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1. First and foremost (and obviously), one of the most important aspects of my past year has been Germantown, my old neighborhood in Nashville. 37208. I loved it so much, I had it tattooed on my forearm. Saying goodbye to it was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do. I'll never forget that morning when I drove away in the Penske truck on my way to Flagstaff. I felt as if I was leaving behind a huge part of my life. And I was. However, I know it is always there with me, right next to me with all the memories.<br />
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And some of those memories...Gals of Germantown, 8th Avenue Market, the Rite-Aid folks, the Farmers Market, the Red Bicycle, The (Germantown) Cafe, 312 Pizza, City House, and all those really random nights at Silo (mostly, with the President of the neighborhood in tow). It sure was nice being the First Lady of Germantown for my last year. One of my goals in the new year is to put together my pictures from #28daysofgermantown, a hashtag I created for my final days in the neighborhood with the purpose of capturing everything I've always loved about the neighborhood. More to come on this one. And soon.<br />
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But yeah, Germantown, because I've never known a neighborhood so fucking fantastic. <br />
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2. Obviously, my career. I had the chance to present my work at the Young Scholars Social Movements Conference at Notre Dame and meet some of my scholarly heroes, I published my third article, I spent *most* of the year doing interviews on the job market (like, 13-14 phone interviews and two in-person interviews), I got a job offer (on April 23rd), I got a R&R on a collaborative article, I took a new job at NAU as an Instructor in which I've fallen in love with the department and students, I've continued to work on my dissertation (as time allows). One of the things that I can say about my career this year...I picked the right job. I love being back in the classroom. I remember while I was trying to decide about which job to take this past year, one of my mentors reminded me, "This is YOUR life," and it continues to ring true.<br />
<br />
So, yeah, Sociology. You continue to rock my world.<br />
<br />
3. I watched a shit ton of television. And I loved all of it. The list is incomplete, but some of my favorites this year: Sherlock, Doctor Who, Queer as Folk, OITNB, True Detective, Orphan Black, Gilmore Girls, American Horror Story, The Wire, Black Mirror...trust me, the list goes on and on.<br />
<br />
4. "MARRY ME, PLEASE!" I realized in going through my last year that this statement originated from my New Year Day celebration with Ashley and Michelle from our watching of <i>Valley of the Dolls</i>. It happened here first. But then at the Capitol Street Festival in Germantown (see, I told you, it would come back again), it came to epic fruition with Russell. I don't think there was ever a moment when Russell and I didn't grasp one another in a huge hug and scream out, "Marry Me!" And, only a couple of weeks ago, when I was missing my friends in Nashville something awful, I got an audio message from Russell that said just this same thing, "Marry Me! Marry Me!" And Russell, in case you are wondering, the answer is YES!<br />
<br />
5. All those late night conversations with Jennie Ann, Allison, and Carly. Ladies, y'all keep me sane.<br />
<br />
6. Um, BASEBALL. The Sounds groundbreaking event in our neighborhood with Michelle, all those games with Michelle (like a ton of them), the #lastcheeratgreer, #mylastcheeratgreer, those crazy ballplayers, listening to baseball on the radio with Michelle on the stoop, listening to the games once I moved to Flagstaff and tweeting the game with Jeff, a trip to ABQ to see our guys play and well, and lastly, all those weird exchanges (ahem, buscabulla). ABQ, baby, ABQ. See y'all at spring training.<br />
<br />
7. Finding my winter fashion. You know, the one that looks like a child put together my outfit.<br />
<br />
8. Those Nashville rock shows. The Pixies with Anna, Allison, and Ryan; Neutral Milk Hotel with Erin; Tacocat with Allision; and Dave Dondero with Manny, Allison, and Heath.<br />
<br />
9. My brother John's amazing wedding to Jessica in Mobile, Alabama.<br />
<br />
10. Sam Favata. (I thought about specifying all the reasons why, but I think Sam just deserves one line that reads his name after his presence in my life this past year). <br />
<br />
11. All those amazing out-of-town visitors to Nashville and Flagstaff. You know who you are darlings, Ian, Manny, and Bobby. Let's add more to the list for 2015. Yes, I'm looking at you, Jennie Ann, Allison, Ashley, Michelle, and Robbie. You heard me!<br />
<br />
12. Sleepovers with Allison. Actually, all of my times with Allison. All the shenanigans. But mostly, when we would wake up in my bed after a long night, screaming to Igor or whomever else may be in the house. Our random and weird nights throughout the neighborhood and all of Nashville. That gal is one of a kind.<br />
<br />
13. QDP. Not once, not twice, but maybe thrice. With all sorts of guests. With all sorts of pictures. With all sorts of shenanigans. And all the moments when I felt like Leslie Knope (I hope you get the joke, because pokerfacepokerface, I felt like it was true at the time).<br />
<br />
14. #katherinesbestofnashville<br />
<br />
15. My going-away party.<br />
<br />
16. All the new friends I've met in Flagstaff, but mostly, the wine o'clock Friday celebrations with Marisa and the Wednesday Super Supper Club with Marisa, Michael, and Krystin.<br />
<br />
17. Yvonne in Flagstaff...and all our wonderful conversation over bottles of Malbec and the foods. <br />
<br />
18. Every single time I've remarked, "I really need a burner phone." Because, it is true. Trust me, for those of you in the know, I've got a collection. In fact, enough to make an entire calendar, or two. <br />
<br />
19. Idris Elba.<br />
<br />
20. The Flagstaff earthquake. Not to mention, the fact I thought it was simply Sabine running up the stairs in the apartment.<br />
<br />
21. The amazing generosity of my friends and loved ones who helped me financially get to my new destination. You all were amazing and I still can't believe I raised enough money to get get me here. I couldn't have done it without you. Literally, I couldn't. <br />
<br />
22. Robbie and our shenanigans. Every single one of them. The list. You know the one. I almost completed it. So close, but yet so far. And, always, walking home from Robbie's house and every single scar I brought home from those nights. <br />
<br />
23. 8th Avenue Market. That weird show in East Nashville. QDP. Afterwards. An afternoon. Then, three afternoons. And the fact that, actually, if anyone has really been there for me since the move, it was you. <br />
<br />
24. Silo. That weird and wild bartender, An-tony(!), the formerly Tiny Chef Larry Bird, and his hat, and all the other shenanigans that took place...including the many, many nights that we (as, in all of us in the neighborhood) ended up there with cheeseburgers and drinks.<br />
<br />
25. All of you that have entertained my weird late night text messages. <br />
<br />
So, I guess what I've learned from this year; if 2013 was about learning who I was, 2014 was about learning who I wanted to spend time with, because if anything, this year was about spending time with the people I love, every single one of you.<br />
<br />
And on this last day of the year, I think forward to a new year and what that means. As the year comes to a close, I find my heart heavy with some potentially bad news. I can't help but try to think of the sun shining in my face and to relish all the joy of the people that I love. Here's to hoping for good news. And most importantly, as one of my loved ones said to me today, albeit in his broken English, "Forget it and start fresh new year."<br />
<br />
So, to all of you, no matter what your year brought, forget it and start fresh new year. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Katherine Everharthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12818420525893099306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7539905032866366227.post-10830078298352424802014-12-21T15:46:00.001-06:002014-12-21T15:46:49.239-06:00Conjectures: Katherine's 13th Annual Mix, 2014<div style="text-align: left;">
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><b>Conjectures: Katherine's 13th Annual Mix, 2014</b></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa the bad things don't always spoil the good things and make them unimportant." -11th Doctor, <i>Doctor Who</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I don't know where to begin. I think it suffices to say that 2014 was a year of change and transition, or in a manner of speaking, a year of conjectures. As you are probably aware, the biggest transition was my move from Nashville to Flagstaff. After six years in Nashville, I packed up a truck and drove across the country to start a new life in a new place. And honestly, it has been bittersweet. It should come as no surprise that everything about this mix is tied to that moment, because if anything, 2014 was about that moment. From the seemingly endless job market to the official acceptance of a new position, this transition was woven into the fabric of my year. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I can remember celebrating the New Year with Ashley and Michelle and all the lovely folks of the Germantown neighborhood, thinking, "This will likely be the last New Year we get to all spend together." And it became a joke (in that, every time I did ANYTHING, I said, "But, what if it is the last time?), but it always felt all too true. And then, one day, it was the last time. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> I plan to post my annual "A Year in Review" post closer to the new year; however, until then...here is the annual mix, complete with my typical banter about each song, some lyrics, and a few videos.</span><br />
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<u><b>1. </b></u><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>I Know It’s Wrong (But That’s Alright): Hurray for
the Riff Raff</u></b></span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Unfortunately, I only
happened upon <span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Hurray for the Riff Raff</span>
in the last month. I say unfortunately, because I could listen to them 22 hours
a day and never feel bored (or, as my students might write, “board”). As
typical in my "end of the year lists," there is generally a band that I’ve only just heard
of that shapes the transition from one year to the next. I have no doubt
that this is the band that will do this for me. Absolutely amazing. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i>“The sun is laughing
in my face, shining its light on my mistakes, </i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i>You could be my Adam,
I’ll be your summertime,</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i>I’ll feed you watermelon
off the vine, I know it’s wrong, but that’s alright.”</i></span></div>
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<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Garamond; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-synthesis: weight style; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>Head Underwater: Jenny Lewis</u></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I suppose if I was going to have a theme song for 2014, it would be this one. </span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">It reminds
me of the feelings I had about leaving Nashville and moving to Flagstaff. It
reminds me of all the heartbreaks that implied. It reminds me of that one
afternoon in July, when you stopped by after work, walked into my apartment, and we
danced in the living room...although I knew we shouldn’t have been doing any of
that. Or, when we sat at that bar in Albuquerque. Because, there’s a little bit
of magic in all of you. Every single one of you. It certainly reminds me of many thing I knew I shouldn't have done, but I did. And I don't regret one single moment. Because all of these moments are beautiful, no matter how weird, complicated, awkward, and well, fleeting. </span><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“I’ve been wearing all
black, since the day it started, </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">When I stopped and
looked back, as my mind departed, </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I’ve been losing sleep
and I cannot sleep still</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I’m not the same woman
that you were used to...</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">There’s a little bit
of magic, everybody has it, </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">There’s a little bit
of sand left in the hourglass, </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">There’s a little bit of magic, </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Everybody has it.”</span></i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Garamond; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"> </span></span></b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Garamond; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-synthesis: weight style; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>How: Regina Spektor</u></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And, the heartbreak
anthem. This one reminds me of 37208. It might be weird to dedicate a song like this to a neighborhood, but you know, I was in love with Germantown...and everything about it. And furthermore, it is hard to imagine ever loving a neighborhood and the people in it as much as I loved it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">We will meet again
somehow, my darlings.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Garamond; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"> </span></span></b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Garamond; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-synthesis: weight style; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>Blue Eyes: Paul Baribeau</u></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">There’s miles in
between, miles between… Yup, I can’t help it, but I miss you all the time, no
matter the color of your eyes, my darling.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Garamond; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"> </span></span></b></span><br />
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<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Garamond; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-synthesis: weight style; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>My Silver Lining: First Aid Kit</u></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> If there ever is a
song about my move, this is the one…</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“I don’t want to wait
anymore, I’m tired of looking for answers, </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Take me some place
where there’s music and there’s laughter, </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I don’t know if I’m scared
of dying but I’m scared of living too fast, too slow, </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Regret, remorse, hold
on, oh no, I’ve got to go, </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">There’s no starting
over, no new beginnings, time races one, </span></i></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i>And you've just gotta
keep on keeping on…”</i><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Garamond; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"> </span></span></b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Garamond; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">6.<span style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-synthesis: weight style; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>Violent Shiver: Benjamin Booker</u></b></span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I mean, Benjamin
Booker, come on. Have you heard him? Have you seen him?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Garamond; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"> </span></span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Garamond; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">7.<span style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-synthesis: weight style; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>Today and a Lonely Night: Justin Townes Earle</u></b> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Y'all know I heart JTE. He will always be Nashville to me. After moving, it took me a couple of months before I could listen to any of his music. I would hear his voice and the sadness I felt about leaving the city behind was too much. But I remember one day, I was walking around Flagstaff listening to his latest album. And this song played and it reminded me of how much I miss and love about that town. But how, sometimes, we also need to move somewhere new to start over again. Always, knowing we'll be back some day. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“I’ve been thinking of
going West, just to climb up as high as I can get...I know inside, I’ll find my
way back to this city tonight, feel the ground shake as the train goes by and
not a star in the sky…”</span></i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Garamond; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"> </span></span></b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Garamond; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">8.<span style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-synthesis: weight style; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>You Are Your Mother’s Child: Conor Oberst</u></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">To all the beautiful
babies out there part of my life, particularly my nephew Emmett and niece
Rowan. I love watching the two of you grow up. </span><br />
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Garamond; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">9.<span style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-synthesis: weight style; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>Cold Hands: Ezra Furman</u></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I’m pretty sure I’m
incapable of making any mix without the past three artists; however, out of all of
them, Ezra belongs on every single mix. And honestly, the sentiment with this
one works. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“No particular
pleasure to measure up to the pain. I want to be held in your cold hands.”</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Garamond; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">10.<span style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-synthesis: weight style; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>History
Eraser: Courtney Barnett</u></b></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> I don’t know anything about Courtney Barnett.
She is one of those last moment additions, as I came across
her music recently. I love EVERY SINGLE THING about this song. </span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
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<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“I got drunk and fell
asleep atop the sheets,</span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">but luckily I left the heater on.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And in my dreams I
wrote the best song that I’ve ever written,</span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Can’t remember how it
goes. </span></i><br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I stayed drunk and
fell awake</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And I was cycling on a
plane </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">and faraway I heard you say you liked me.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">We drifted to a
party—cool. The people went to
arty school. </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">They made their paints
by mixing acid wash and lemonade. </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">In my brain I
rearrange the letters on the page to spell your name. </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I found an Ezra Pound
and made a bet that if I found a cigarette,</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I’d drop it all and
marry you.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Just then a song comes
on: “You can’t always get what you want,” </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">the Rolling Stones, oh woe is we, the
irony..."</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Garamond; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">11.<span style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-synthesis: weight style; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>Forgiven/Forgotten: Angel Olsen</u></b> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">My love affair with
Angel Olsen continues. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“If there’s one thing
I fear, there’s one thing I fear is knowing you’re around, so close but not
near, so close, but not with me here. So close, but not with me here.”</span></i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Garamond; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"> </span></span></b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Garamond; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">12.<span style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-synthesis: weight style; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>When
I’m Gone: Caitlin Rose</u></b></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Leaving behind the
place that became your hometown is hard. Leaving behind your friends and family
is hard. There is no doubt about that. But, I think another difficult part may be leaving behind people that you grew close to in the hectic months before your departure. You know, they aren't the ones that shaped the years you lived in the neighborhood, but rather, people you find yourself getting closer to, when you know better. And no matter how much you may try to keep distance, they come into your life so rapidly, right before you are leaving to start a new life somewhere else. But you throw caution to the wind. You try to soak up every moment, knowing the days are numbered. And more than that, you know that when you leave, they'll be but a fleeting memory of the hazy days when you use to run around that old neighborhood. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Thinking, I’ve been
thinking about leaving this old town behind,</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I’ll beg and borrow,
to leave tomorrow,</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Find all my sorry, and
take it back.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Come on, you can sleep
when I’m gone.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I was lying when I
said there’s plenty of time…</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Lying, I’ve been
lying,</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I’ve been lying around
with the dogs in this town too long…”</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Garamond; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">13.<span style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-synthesis: weight style; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>Tennessee:
Gillian Welch</u></b></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">You didn’t think we
could make it through this year’s mix without a song by Gillian about
Tennessee, did you?<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Garamond; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"> </span></span></b></span><br />
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<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Garamond; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">14.<span style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-synthesis: weight style; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>No
One Else: Hurray for the Riff Raff</u></b> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I want to drink the
red wine until our lips are stained purple and dance with you in the kitchen to
this song. </span><br />
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<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Garamond; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">15.<span style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-synthesis: weight style; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>Slippery
Slopes: Jenny Lewis</u></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Seriously, Jenny
Lewis, get out of my head.</span><br />
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<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Garamond; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">16.<span style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-synthesis: weight style; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>My
Dear Acquaintance: Regina Spektor</u></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Happy New Year, my
darlings. Cheers to another beautiful year, full of sunshine and joy. Keep
those that you love close by and embrace every single beautiful moment. And is there a better way to end the annual mix than a cover of a Peggy Lee (is that all there is?) by Regina Spektor? </span><br />
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<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<br /><i><u><b>Here's how to access the mix for your personal listening pleasure. There are several options:</b></u></i><br />
<br />
<b>1) Subscribe to the mix on Spotify. Here is the link: </b><a href="http://open.spotify.com/user/bittersweetpr/playlist/2Cdb2IxjXqx9X0TlU3clAi">Conjectures: Katherine's 13th Annual Mix, 2014</a><br />
<br />
<b>2) Watch and listen all the songs on YouTube. Here is the link:</b><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koFM5paYEmM&list=PLQdVeReqUAy63GXUAlmMcDIDTPpdWoj8u" target="_blank"> </a><a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQdVeReqUAy7FhaJGbAuHELNwxzyvNsuw" target="_blank">Conjectures: Katherine's 13th Annual Mix, 2014</a><br />
<br />
<b>3)
Or, if you'd like a hard copy of the mix and/or cover art, send me a
message via email/Face/tumblr with your address and I'll send you a copy
for the holidays.</b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><b> </b></i></span>Katherine Everharthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12818420525893099306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7539905032866366227.post-39299416269440474842014-06-16T13:26:00.000-05:002014-06-16T13:26:55.286-05:00June 16. Song of the Day. The Living and the Dead: Dave Dondero.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
<b>June 16. Song of the Day. The Living and the Dead: Dave Dondero.</b><br />
<br />
"Got a scrambled heart, it's a little over cooked<br />
Got a novel full of wishes missing from your book<br />
There's no insurance in this life<br />
No protection from the night<br />
Too many rules and no direction<br />
You walk under a knife<br />
It's just this temporality, creating fleeting moments<br />
If your lacking in permanent<br />
You better make your moment potent..."<br />
<br />
Today, this one feels perfect today. All this temporality, make all those moments potent, folks. Katherine Everharthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12818420525893099306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7539905032866366227.post-56667318775324519562014-06-16T09:49:00.001-05:002014-06-16T13:27:20.555-05:00June 15. Song of the Day. Fade Into You: Au Revoir Simone. <iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/E1kfPFgGoqM" width="560"></iframe>
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<b>June 15. Song of the Day. Fade Into You: Au Revoir Simone. </b><br />
<br />Katherine Everharthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12818420525893099306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7539905032866366227.post-64705684054489882852014-06-15T17:54:00.000-05:002014-06-15T17:54:05.163-05:00June 14. Song of the Day. Shoop: Salt-N-Pepa<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGRxIyApehpLoqnTIioHkgWa4MbdoH7VXWEV2UHYXPOXWjHBVVgACIOhW5lqXtB23aA1ogPxPkAuizTcbOPzcl0S9V4i65SJ4oAEtemU30d9MxFgUKz_BIMLfi5CSp6V2uTfHNs9IchHhu/s1600/photo-48+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGRxIyApehpLoqnTIioHkgWa4MbdoH7VXWEV2UHYXPOXWjHBVVgACIOhW5lqXtB23aA1ogPxPkAuizTcbOPzcl0S9V4i65SJ4oAEtemU30d9MxFgUKz_BIMLfi5CSp6V2uTfHNs9IchHhu/s1600/photo-48+copy.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<b>June 14. Song of the Day. Shoop: Salt-N-Pepa</b><br />
<br />
Last night was certainly one for the record books. We started with dinner and drinks at Silo with Ian, Ashley, and Michelle. Then, we ran into Robbie and Alan. And, luckily we were able to convince Allison to come back out to join us. We closed out Silo, before heading to the Queer Dance Party over on the East side. There was loads of dancing, karaoke, and laughter. And it became abundantly clear to me that if I was ever to do karaoke, it would have to be this song, and only this song. I'll never forget dancing my butt off surrounded by this fantastic group of people on a random night in June.<br />
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<br />Katherine Everharthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12818420525893099306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7539905032866366227.post-62938299453376073462014-06-14T17:50:00.001-05:002014-06-14T17:50:53.694-05:00June 13. Song of the Day. Perfect Day: Lou Reed<br />
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<b>June 13. Song of the Day. Perfect Day: Lou Reed</b><br />
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This one has been stuck in my head since last night when it played on the jukebox at The Villager. And now, it will forever remind me of that wild and crazy night with Ashley, Allison, and Ian. Katherine Everharthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12818420525893099306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7539905032866366227.post-89368002866421249232014-06-12T14:02:00.001-05:002014-06-12T14:02:14.570-05:00June 12. Song of the Day. Sing To Me: Walter Martin and Karen O.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>June 12. Song of the Day. Sing To Me: Walter Martin and Karen O.</b><br />
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Let's all go fall in love, with everything. <br />
<br />Katherine Everharthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12818420525893099306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7539905032866366227.post-51520611247271920412014-06-11T22:43:00.004-05:002014-06-11T23:28:00.333-05:00June 11. Song of the Day. Epilogue: The Antlers.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>June 11. Song of the Day. Epilogue: The Antlers.</b><br />
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This song reminds me of you, when both of us were less steady and the pull of gravity was so strong we fell to the ground often. While it may sound romantic in retrospect, it wasn't. In fact, it was tragic. And luckily, we both made it through those times to find something much more fulfilling.<br />
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A life full of stability and thoughtful choices and purpose. <i>That</i> is romantic to me.<br />
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<i>"In a nightmare, I am falling from the ceiling into bed beside you.<br />
You're asleep, I'm screaming, shoving you to try to wake you up.<br />
And like before, you've got no interest in the life you live when you're awake.<br />
Your dreams still follow story lines, like fictions you would make.</i>
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So I lie down against your back, until we're both back in the hospital.<br />
But now it's not a cancer ward, we're sleeping in the morgue.<br />
Men and women in blue and white, they are singing all around you,<br />
with heavy shovels holding earth.<br />
You're being buried to you neck.<br />
In that hospital bed, being buried quite alive now.<br />
I'm trying to dig you out but all you want is to be buried there together.</i>
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You're screaming,<br />
and cursing,<br />
and angry,<br />
and hurting me,<br />
and then smiling,<br />
and crying,<br />
apologizing."</i><br />
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And if you are interested, you can The Antlers newest release on <a href="http://www.npr.org/2014/06/08/318566749/first-listen-the-antlers-familiars" target="_blank">NPR's First Listen</a>. <br />
<br />Katherine Everharthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12818420525893099306noreply@blogger.com0