Music Is Memory

My One Resolution for 2012

2012-01-02T15:31:00.000-06:00

I've hesitated in writing about my resolutions for the New Year, mostly because I found myself at a loss for any real resolutions for 2012. However, I do always find it interesting to review the types of resolutions I felt were important at this time a year ago.

Here is last year's blog post: Resolutions for 2011

So, how did I do? Well, pretty damn average. Obviously, I chose these particular resolutions last year because they are a list of items that I regularly struggle with...expectations, forgiving and forgetting, letting go, and the grasp technology has on my life. Now, if I was to rate my approval on my last resolution about champagne and headbands, well, in that resolution, I did a stellar job (as evidenced from the picture above). Here's the thing, there were times in the past year I was successful at every single item on this list. There were other times I did a banged-up job of trying to accept that expectations of others can be tricky. Hell, I'm writing this on the second day of the new year and I'm struggling with that already. And so, that is the thing with resolutions, we always pick the things that are the most difficult for us, the things we feel like we need to improve on. Maybe I'm just tired of all the need for improvement, all the self reflection on our faults. And in light of that, I propose only one resolution for this year...

1. To not change one single thing.

No, no, I'm not saying I'm perfect, but rather I'm saying, I don't want to make this list this year. I don't want to write about how I want to travel more or how I want to be more kind to my friends and family or how I want to exercise more...because, well, I'm generally happy. I'm doing the things I want to do in my life. I'm surrounded by fantastic friends and family. I don't collect regrets. I don't postpone saying what I want, sometimes at the chagrin of my friends. While 2011 was a rough year for me, there isn't one single moment I'd want to change. Of course, I'm being a little tongue-in-cheek here with my resolution, but there you have it. I'm going to continue to be reckless at times and apprehensive at other times. I'm going to wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm going to just be myself.

Here's a video to accompany by the lovely Ezra Furman and The Harpoons.

And on another note...(and inside joke)...Resolutions are meant to be broken, just like traditions. And I'm sure if the data exists, we'd find that most people break their resolutions in the first few days into the new year. Just sayin'.

2011: A Year of Facebook Status Updates

2011-12-31T17:09:00.000-06:00

Last year, I decided to review my year by scrolling through the year of Facebook status updates...and it was so incredibly fun (at least for me), I've decided to post them again this year. So, here you go, enjoy, my friends...

January 2011

"No, really, Michelle, I want to marry a vineyard."

"Every time I drink, I become more philosophical. I become Yoda." -Michelle Mansour

"Uh oh. I have a crush on Jesus."

"...is en route to the pansy dance party with Erin, Ashley, Michelle, and Arthur. Wooly! Wooly!"

February 2011

"...is wearing invisible devil horns right now. Yeah, you heard me."

"From family dinner: "If I posted a song that said, "I hate you, (name of guilty party)", non-gendered pronoun would think...I think I'll do some reading...I think I'll go to a (unnamed activity)...I think I'll take a nap...I wonder how (name of innocent party) is...maybe I'll read again." Of course, this was all enhanced by the theatrical enactment of quote (with sound effects) by impartial observer."

"...is watching Bieber do anything for the first time."

"Carly Rush: "I feel really, really, really awkward right now." Katherine: "Yes, Carly, the smooth jazz is making me feel weird too."

"I don't eat meat, but I would rub bacon fat on my neck in a second if I thought...(yep, City House).

"Yep. Shut it down."

"To Ashley in conversation: "Oh my, my ears are so red right now. I think they are turning into horns."

March 2011

"...is driving my truck home for the last time...sniff, sniff."

""When things get murky, you tend to flee..." Yes. It is true. I'm a lover, not a fighter."

"Tequila makes you smart." -Ashley. "Yes, see, tequila does make smart." -Michelle"

"Not like you didn't know already, but I have the best Nashville family ever."

"The Ace of Base was excellent skating rink music." -Brad

"Mike, Conor, Nate, Andy, and Time: Hide the baguettes and tequila, I'm on my way."

"...will never forget C-note's new dance move: The Juggler. Such a fantastic night."

"This is time-release Tanya." -Mi madre

"...is letting out a rebel yell."

"...is stuck between time zones and waves and wires...missing you already and tipsy in the airport."

"No, actually, its the Medalla in every picture that I find cute..." -Ashley (and maybe Katerina)

"Art and I are outside. If Shawn can come get us, that's cool."

"Waiter (now dubbed Giovanni): "Have you had heart?" Katherine: "No. In fact, I haven't."

"I just wanna bite on that arm like a corn on the cob."

"I find this particular line in my Spanish homework curious: I began to dance on the table."

"And...cue the clown music."

"Would rather be 1750 miles from here...on a beach with good friends."

"Us single ladies have to figure out how to light our own pilot lights." -Ashley, during the house walk thru

April 2011

"Bus quote of the day: "You dumb ignorant."

"I mean, who doesn't want someone to sprinkle a little mozzarella on them?"

"Weird...There is a red potato in my purse."

"And just like that...my truck is gone."

"Barry. Roger. Merlin. Jody. Wilfred. Egbert."

"...got shit on. Literally. By a bird."

"Opening line from student paper: "Men have penises, women have vaginas."

"...just ate a little bit of pork. First in five years."

"...is princess of the prairies...or something like that."

" "Here's to the biters!" -Ashley

"Relationships. That shit is hard." -Eric aka Mr. Autowash. It is true I live in the best neighborhood in Nashville. Noe only do complete strangers stop by to provide you with supplies to make you feel better, but they provide you with words of wisdom."

"You just need to turn the beautiful butterfly back into a drunk incompetent caterpillar."

"After licking clean Arnold's corn mustache, he says, "I know some Sting when I hear it."

"Pass the tea. Shut it down. Go fish. Take your pick. Annnnnddddd, scene. (Well, that was quick...)

May 2011

"Me, Ashley, Heidi Klum, and Seal, You know, a normal Friday after riding the bus."

"...is covered in not only my own sweat, but the seat of all the Archers fans."

"...is selling a life path I didn't take on eBay."

"If you are looking for trouble, just look right in my face."

"...just walked in the door from Memphis...and now in an hour, onwards to City House to meet an old Charlotte friend. I wonder if I should wear my TCB button?"

"In need of a Stop n' Stab margarita."

"Dance Party for one, outside of Augusta to Otis Redding's Shake."

June 2011

"I'm living all over you. Yep. You heard me. Reverse it."

"'Don't expect anything from me, unless I'm doing it.""

"Midnight swimming."

"...feels like jello. Jello del pollo."

""That's gonna open a whole bag of worms..."- Jennie Ann"

"...is a catfish."

"In town for merely 5.5 hours and I have a bad feeling that I accidentally stepped in it."

"I'm sort of love with my life lately, if you can't tell. The days pile up and I feel more and more fortunate to be surrounded by all these lovely people. Yep, I mean you. All. Of. You."

"Just passed a boat named, "Disorder-lee Conduct." Obviously, I have a new life goal now."

"Mildred just narrowed her eyes at me, after noticing I was doing searches for 'preserving watermelon skin.'"

"I'm missing that dancing lil' biscuit right about now."

"Que lio, que lio, que lio. You have no idea."

""Oh my gawd, I just touched boobs..."- Art in reference to my basil perfuming

"Uh oh, here comes the murkiness...And I only know one way to deal with that. Run. Like. Hell."

"Having to explain this to my professors: Entrenchment."

"I don't know about his chow chow, but his gnocchi kicks your ass."

"My new name dubbed by Jeremy is: Messica."

"I wasn't ready for all this nature..."

"Mom: "So, what annoys you the most about him?" Me: (Silence). Mom: "Oh hell, that was too long of a pause."

"And then Carly said, "Don't worry, we can get him a unicorn mask..." No, that's not about you."

"Thanks to Art and Jeremy for a lovely evening out discussing...well all sorts of things. But in particular, thanks to Jeremy for giving me one of the most lovely and thoughtful and powerful gifts I've received in so so long. You both sure are some lovely parachutes."

"And it just stops as quick as it started."

"...will only be a classic fool for six more days...in case you were wondering..."

"Sometimes I move in reverse"

"Will be Buck Owens come with a bartender on the side?"

"Headphones."

July 2011

"On my new phone, I have the sound of incoming text messages as: "Suspense." That sounds about right. Now, if could find a way to set the sound of outgoing text messages to "Shady."

"Best quote from last night: "I think somebody bit me."

"Literally has BBQ sauce under each fingernail."

"Like Art says, "Now, we are REALLY having fun."

"I wanna blow some shit up..." -Art

"It's a cornbread crumbles sort of situation...and it breaks my heart."

"Family dinner was excellent and hilarious. Favorite quote: "I wish I had 3 eyes so I could wear this mask.""

"This is harder than I thought."

""I'm pretty sure he has everything big..." best quote of the night."

"And if they let us share a room at rehab, we'd never get "better""

"Jorell just used the word 'ain't'...and then it got real, real awkward."

"Trust me, I'd turntable you, anytime, anywhere."

"Ashley: "I think we should move to Spain too..." Katherine: "And fall in love with everyone we meet.""

August 2011

"This is way too early to be navigating the streets, but worth it."

"Katherine to Ashley: "Well, I think you should treat yourself to a little promiscuity."

"It's all Jawbreaker."

"Bless Magaly for making brunch."

"It is clear. I'm in the wrong place."

"I'm taking a page from Michelle's book. Delete. Block. That gal is inspiring, I tell ya."

"I almost forgot the best quote of the night by Michelle: "Katherine wants to run the bases!""

"What if I just covered myself in basil?"

"The gloves are coming off. Place your bet."

September 2011

"Sometimes, just sometimes, I like to make bad decisions."

"Me: "Maybe its the way he smells?" Mom: "Does he smell like pork?""

"Infect me with your cream sauce." -Art's interpretation of Katy Perry

"Me (to Ashley): "You know what, I think I figured it out. He doesn't smell like pork, he smells like alcohol. Well that'd explain it."

"I don't want anything with a bone in it." -Me at Tayst

"I make the down and dirty cobbler." -Michelle at Tayst

"...is a classic fool, because I still believe. The vinyl tells me otherwise...and I should listen."

"All my fancy strikers are jerks." -Ashley

"I'm just waiting on the step, that's it. For now."

"I want to live inside this mofongo. Seriously."

"Quite mysteriously, I have a craving for Greek chocolates now...and all that implies."

"Michelle (about champagne): "It's like a hug."

"So.....Fall, we meet again."

"I'm still waiting for grand gestures, for some reason."

"Apparently, expectations are overrated."

October 2011

"Me to Carly: "He was as big as a lumberjack, wore only flannel, and smelled like a homeless man....(sigh). He was perfect.""

"Me to Michelle: "If any man could destroy me, it'd be him. Which is obviously why I like him.""

"Well, he is awfully cute. Compact. I could put him in my purse."

"Absinthe wisdom: Instead of rose petals, I'll leave tiny little pencils all over the bed. Que romantico."

"Days gettin' longer, nights gettin' colder."

November 2011

"Ecstatically happy today. Bring it, world."

December 2011

"I'm going to start drinking beer. It is on my to-do list." -Andrea

"And that's a reminder...."

"Weird. I just remembered that last night I had a dream (yes, in those 4 hours) about being on a MTA bus that repeatedly kept crashing. I'm pretty sure this is a metaphor for my experiences in dating."

"K: "They were all repeat offenders." J: "Hot." K: "No (censored)." J: "Oh, I thought you meant prison dudes."

"Where does he put the apostrophe?" -Carly"

"From now on, I shall be known as Shaky Swizzles Everhart."

"And then we started remembering our social security numbers....Wow. This party is really off the hook."

"Quote of the night: "I'd rather him bite me, than be nice to me."...holiday celebrating with the girls at City House"

"Because we might need one more quote to add to the year-end FB status blog post...Carly: "No more 3-for-1's this time." Oh how, I love late night phone conversations with Carly. Such a gem and incredibly insightful."

"And then Michelle and I did the Maniac flashdance in the living room."

"Quote of the year: "It's broken and beautiful, just like us." -Art in reference to a Christmas tree ornament

"Did I just get re-engaged? This has been one of those days..."

"And then I put my heart on my sleeve....before I boarded the plane."

"I quote my mother: "Heeeeeyyyyyyy." This was the most hilarious night ever I swear. I haven't had this much fun in a long, long time. I love my mama."

"Lesson learned: Your mama will steal your property when you are in the kitchen making a drink."

"It must be an Everhart thing. I have no self control." -Crystal

"It seems like most mornings these days, I wake up tangled up in a set of headphones. Its akin to Dylan's Tangled Up in Blue."

"A sociologist and economist got drunk in an airport bar."

"He's not sexual sorbet. He's sexual bacon. It seems like a really good idea, but then your heart hurts afterwards." -Andrea

"Let the Nashville malaise begin...."

Cheers Facebook Folks! And enjoy!

2011: A Year of Everything in Disguise

2011-12-30T20:05:00.000-06:00

2011. Wow. You really did a number on me. Last night, I spent several hours trying to find a way to summarize the year as a whole, but the more and more I tried to write this blog, I was confounded by the year's lack of coherence, but well, what do I expect, there are a whole mess of days, weeks, and months in there. So, here you go....here are some of the things I remember the most about 2011...

1. All the time I spent with Ashley and Michelle this past year, whether sitting on the front stoop or sitting around my dining room table laughing/crying/drinking/talking, our champagne and absinthe nights at City House and Germantown Cafe, sitting outside on the Mexican beach contemplating on the deal breaker names of our unnamed crushes, night markets, discussions of basil, rosemary, arms like corn on the cob, mozzarella, and pork, becoming known as the headband girls, developing new words (Wooly!), and yes, even stealing red potatoes and attempted pigs.

2. My trip to Memphis with Ashley...and less of a highlight, but something that really impacted the year, having to bid adieu to Ashley as she began a new adventure in Cardiff.

3. The many new friends that I've welcomed into my life this year...particularly, Cassandra, Andrea, and Sam, but also all the wonderful folks I've met while sitting out on my front stoop-- like Red/Mr. Autowash.

4. Getting to spend time with the lovely Carly over our late night phone conversations, our visit to the Top Chef event (particularly eating pork for the first time in several years), successful and attempted Miraculous Miercoles, and our productive trips to Center Hill Lake (even when the hot tub was only lukewarm and it felt more like we were taking a bath together).

5. Saying goodbye to my truck and learning public transportation.

6. Many, many great shows...such as Bright Eyes (with Mom and Kyle), Bright Eyes (with Art and Amada), Archers of Loaf (with Sammy), Wilco (with Erin B.), Flaming Lips (with Ashley), Justin Townes Earle and Jason Isbell (with Michelle), Justin Townes Earle (with mom and Brad), Gillian Welch, Aretha Franklin, and Elvis Costello.

7. My days and nights with Art and Jeremy...building funeral pyres, receiving the best flower bouquets ever, grilling out, drinking Stop n' Stab margaritas, twerking, family dinners, Halloween, the 4th of July, dancing to Mumford and Sons, and even crying to Bright Eyes.

8. The wedding celebration of my best friend Jennie Ann and Derek...every single moment of it, particularly our lovely Edisto evenings and our dinner at Husk.

9. My road trip with a watermelon named Mildred, while visiting great friends at every moment and seeing some of the greatest baseball games of my life.

10. A strange, but life changing, Memorial Day that led to an orange soda, that crazy month of June, headphones, cornbread, and cinderella. It still amazes me that even after six months, the headphones still get to me every single time.

11. A wonderful 4th of July celebration, before my departure to Puerto Rico, that started with a cook-out at Art and Jeremy's and ended with a late night fireworks display in front of my apartment.

12. All those beautiful, beautiful days with Michelle at the ballpark (with the ballplayers), but also our fantastic trip to Atlanta to finally see those Braves fellas.

13. Learning how to twerk at the Labor Day cook-out with some of my favorite people in this world.

14. My spring break and summer in Puerto Rico and sharing it with all those lovely folks that make life worth living....those lovely afternoon conversations with Magaly, "fighting" with Jorell, evenings of turntabling with Egie, late evenings spent in Rio Piedras listening to soul music accompanied by a long early morning walk home, brunches with the family and those crazy 3-eyed masks, and all the marvelous people that have helped me build my career.

15. Planning my first trip to Europe to visit Ashley and present my research in Spain.

16. All those long distance calls, texts, and chats with Amada.

17. The Occupy movement and getting to participate in protest in my own hometown.

18. My trip to NYC to visit with some old friends (Anton, Carlos, Noelia, and Sam) and to present my research for the first time in front of the smartest and coolest activists/colleagues I know.

19. Jawbreaker, Ezra Furman, Gillian Welch, Lucinda Williams, and Jaymay.

20. Holiday karaoke with my mom and incredibly competitive monopoly games with my family.

21. Nightswimming and dancing biscuits.

22. Bonfires, lots and lots of bonfires.

23. Fran's Eastside.

24. And because I should highlight my academic accomplishments, I passed my two special area exams, put together a dissertation committee, presented my research at a couple of conferences, got accepted to an international conference, submitted a couple of manuscripts for publication, and have maintained my passion for my research. Though, this year also meant saying goodbye to several incredible mentors as they moved away for other pursuits.

Outside of these highlights, as I'm sure there were many, many more. It was a year of expectations. It was a year of entrenchment. It was a year of bending, instead of breaking. It was a year of being a classic fool at times. It was a year of bad decisions. It was a year that reminded me that sometimes, just sometimes, it is okay to open ourselves up to the possibility, even if it means that in the end we find ourselves broken. Because when that happens, we often realize we have some of the best friends in the world who are standing there beside you to help pick you back up. But more than anything, I've realized this year just how important it is for me to sometimes, just sometimes, relinquish control and let things happen.

Cheers to another year! Abrazos and besitos, mis panas!

Audífonos: 10th Annual Holiday Mix

2011-12-18T14:11:00.004-06:00

Here it goes. I present you with....Audífonos, the 10th annual holiday mix for 2011. To celebrate a decade of holiday mixes, I plan to write another blog that revisits some of the older mixes, but for now, I hope you'll enjoy this one. As I've listened to it countless times in the last few weeks, it feels fragmented, disjointed, and confusing...but I suppose that speaks volumes about my past year. Below, I've written some about each song with some lyrics from the songs. And much further below that, you'll find the link to download the mix. You can download it as one large .zip file if you like or you can download it song at a time. I've also included a file with the track listing and of the photo for this year.

You might ask why I chose to name it Audífonos? It's because I hope, you'll download the mix, saddle up with a beverage of your choosing, put those headphones on, turn up the music, and take a little journey through my past year.

1. Temptation- New Order
Given the typical broodiness of my holiday mixes, I decided to start this one off with a little number to get you dancing. It will always remind me of dancing in Cafe 103 in Puerto Rico with some of the greatest friends I could ever ask for.

"Up, down, turn around
Please don't let me hit the ground
Tonight I think I'll walk alone
I'll find my soul as I go home"

2. Gimmeakiss- The Avett Brothers
Yes, folks, we are still dancing.

"So gimme a chance, gimme a dance, gimme your hands
Give me just a little bit of your sweet romance
Just give me your hands
I know what they say about me
Hell, I started most of them rumors myself, you see
So give 'em to me"

3. Hits Me Like a Rock- CSS
I can't remember now how I first heard about CSS, but I do know they have been my soundtrack for walking to the bus stop countless times. I know what you are thinking...another dance song? Another song about love? It's been one hell of a year and I'm determined to end this one on a positive note. So, just put on your dancing shoes and enjoy.

"We don't care for what's wrong and what's not
I like to be with you and all of you of what's real
But then you say we always lose our edge
But baby, baby, is that too bad?
You know I like you a lot but
It still hits me like a rock"

4. Teenage Kicks- The Undertones
I've always loved this song as covered by Nouvelle Vague, but then found this version earlier this year...and I adore it.

"I'm gonna call her on the telephone
Have her over 'cause I'm all alone
I need excitement, oh I need it bad
And she's the best, I've ever had"

5. Little Bit- Lykke Li
I fell in love with Lykke Li last year, but I fell in love with this song over the summer while I was on my three week road-trip. I've had countless starts and stops over the course of the year in terms of dating and relationships. Somehow this song seemed to perfectly encapsulate that feeling of when you first meet someone, find them occupying your head at all times, but also the trepidation that comes with admitting your feelings. It's that lovely moment before, well, it generally all comes crashing down. Yeah, don't worry, the broody songs are coming soon.

"Hands down, I'm too proud for love
But with eyes shut, it's you I'm thinking of
But how we move from A to B?
It can't be up to me, 'cause you don't know
Eye to eye, thigh to thigh, I let go"

6. Jes Excellent- Best Friends Forever
I was introduced to Best Friends Forever from my dear family/roommates in Puerto Rico, Magaly and Jorell. I'll always remember this song playing one morning this past summer when I awoke to discover Magaly and Jorell making a lovely Sunday brunch. Yep, this one is about all those starts and stops...and tons of lingering crushes.

"But it's too late now, to ask you if you want to go out
Because you probably have a girlfriend, all the guys I like have girlfriends
And besides we are too different, or that is what I have decided
But I wish that we had made out
So, that my feelings had been somewhat requited,
But hold on, I'm here for three months,
Maybe we could hang out once,
Maybe we could hang out all time,
I'm here for three months and I'm open to romance"

7. Long Walk to Never- Jaymay
I only recently discovered Jaymay. A number of her songs are featured in the movie HappyThankYouMorePlease, which if you haven't seen, please put it on your list. I'm pretty sure I've listened to almost nothing but Jaymay for the last two months. (Thank goodness for Spotify). I hope you'll fall in love with her too. Not to mention, how could I not love a song that mentions the Caribbean, Brooklyn, and London. But perhaps more than that, this one goes out to those fickle and shy boys that have traveled through my life this past year.

"You say you want me, but you never came to get me,
You never got me, and I hope you don't haunt me,
These dreams ever again"

8. Honey Won't You Let Me In- The Tallest Man on Earth
Who doesn't love The Tallest Man on Earth? How can you not love the way he says 'tambourine'? Just a beautiful song, as we transition in the mix.

"As I knock your door from inside once more
How I wish a soothin' breeze would let me in
Shake my tambourine at your glowing dreams
So, honey won't you let me in"

9. Midnight Blues- The Detroit Cobras
I remember an old friend introducing me to The Detroit Cobras years and years ago, but for some reason, it didn't really stick. During the summer in Puerto Rico, a group of us-- Magaly, Jorell, and Egie-- took a road trip to Aguadilla for a punk show. On the way, Magaly played The Detroit Cobras. In revisiting the work of The Detroit Cobras, I came across this song. And then, I heard these lyrics...and well, they were perfect.

"I just can't help but feel a little bit shamed
Every time I hear you calling my name
I'm blaming you for all the bad things I've done
Still I will admit that every once in a while, it was fun"

10. Slippin' and Slidin'- Justin Townes Earle
If you don't know how I plan to make Justin Townes Earle my first husband, then we obviously are not very close friends or even, distant Facebook friends. Yes, I said first husband, although I'm getting a late start, I fully intend to marry several times. Several. But back to JTE. I suggest you go now and download everything he has put out, then I suggest you stalk his webpage for his tour dates and then buy yourself a ticket to a show. I suppose if I was going to make a mix with only one song, it would be this one. Yes, this is my number one song of the year. But why? Gosh, for several reasons that I won't go into right now, but let's just say this, in several arenas in my life, this song resonates. Plus, the video for this song is stellar in my opinion. You can watch it here. And if you want to watch a hilarious bit of JTE, check it here. Yes, I'm in love.

"Darling I just need a little company
Ain't seen the sunrise since I don't know when
Days getting longer, nights getting cold
Slippin' and slidin', feelin' low"

11. You Can Tell Me All Night Long- Bill Fox
I don't really know much about Bill Fox. Jennie Ann and Derek introduced me to his music a few years ago. It just feels good, though, we've now officially made it to the broody section of the mix. Welcome. Take off those dancing shoes, pour yourself a drink, and let the entrenchment wash over you. Plus he says 'thrice' in it and I love any song with the word 'thrice' in it.

"The day will disappear, but I will still be here
And you can tell me all night long...
Thought I knew just what to do
Guess I'm just not that smart
Because I've told you twice before
You are bound to break my heart"

12. Never Gonna Make It Right- Korean Is Asian
Oh, Korean Is Asian, how I love thee. I first heard Korean Is Asian during my first week in Nashville, thanks to my good friend, Sammy. From the first note, I was hooked. Sadly, I didn't have any of their music until this past year, when they finally released an album that I could download. I also had the pleasure of getting to meet these wonderful folks at the end of last year, when they were kind enough to help out my friend Carlos with a music project he works on called Musica Realenga, based out of Puerto Rico. That wonderful October day, I got to help document their performance of two songs. You can read about the day and watch the two videos here. They are so very lovely. And perfect for those of you that are brokenhearted. Cheers.

"But you don't love me
We're never gonna make it right
But you give it all you have
We're never gonna make it right
But you give all you can
We're never gonna make it right...
Let it all go"

13. For Today- Jessica Lea Mayfield
My first husband, Justin Townes Earle, is the one to introduce me to Jessica Lea Mayfield. Okay, okay, sort of. Well, he had posted something on his Twitter account about this artist, so I took his advice and checked it out. She is quite wonderful and I hope to get the chance in the near future to see her perform live. Here we are at the bottom of the broody barrel. Welcome.

"I was walking with your left-hand in my back pocket
And I stared at the sky while you kidded me
And you were running away, away from everything
And I stayed behind so you'd miss me
And all these words would sound so sweet
I could care less about you, care less about you
And I love the sound of you walking away
And I can see cleared and I'm getting closer
To finding out just who I am without you in the way
So hold me,
but only,
for today"

14. Doomed Love Affair- Ezra Furman and the Harpoons
Another test of whether we are friends...you should know just how much I adore Ezra Furman and the Harpoons, yes every single one of them. But more specifically, the album-- Mysterious Power-- they released this summer, blew my mind. This song, Doomed Love Affair, was actually released during the fall. The album will always be those warm days of June and July, while this song is about the moments I started to pick up the pieces from the summer, as it perfectly captures how it feels after all the dust has settled, but things still haven't quite ended.

"Fluorescent shopping malls at night
And I miss your 3am phone calls
Since you've left, I left broken glass on the floor
And I've cut myself
And the blood just knows how to get through the veins to the heart
And so it goes
It all seem preordained from the start
Love disappears in the wind like smoke
My room is a mess and the mirror broke
I shouldn't have dragged you into this doomed love affair"

15. Ever Fallen In Love?- Buzzcocks
Well, if you've had a doomed love affair, you've probably also fallen in love with someone you shouldn't have fallen in love with, right? In lieu of lyrics, just listen.

16. Baby Please- Kyle Forester
I came across Kyle Forester while watching the film, Breaking Upwards, which also is one to add to your list. I simply love the desperation in his voice....and who doesn't love a song where the artist stops and simply talks?

"Baby baby baby you rock my world..."

17. Where I Found You- Future Islands
I'll be honest, I don't really know anything about the Future Islands. I've actually only recently discovered this song and felt enamored with the music and the lyrics. So, in the timeline of the mix, we've had the doomed love affair, then we realized we shouldn't have fallen in love with the person, then we proceeded to beg...then this song is the memory. Damn those memories.

"I remember your smile
The smell of your skin
The way that you walked and laughed...
Look back
Hold on to the last
Don't let today push out the past"

18. Heart Skipped a Beat- The xx
Again, I'll admit, I don't really know anything about The xx. I've enjoyed several of their songs, but haven't really invested much in discovering more. This is my attempt at bringing the mix slightly back up before I sign off.

"No need to come to me
When I can make it all the way to you
You made it clear
You weren't near
Near enough for me
Heart skipped a beat
And when I caught it
You were out of reach"

19. Wagon Wheel- Old Crow Medicine Show

Given my desire to think about memories and music, this song is filled with memories. When I hear it, I think of the first time my dear friend Art played it for me on our trip to Louisville to see the Bright Eyes boys. I also think of my road trip this past summer, where I drove through the places in the song. In particular, it reminds me of when I drove straight down the coast to see a handsome fella. I also think of the Labor Day cook-out from this past year, when everyone learned about twerking and I regretted opening back up a past situation. I think of the places in North Carolina I haven't been in years. I think of the conversation I had with Art and Jeremy about reclaiming the South. I think about the night I met three people at the Wilco show and ended up at Tootsies dancing to this song with them late in the evening. It's the South.

"I made it down the coast in seventeen hours
Pickin' me a bouquet of dogwood flowers
And I'm a hopin' for Raleigh
I can see my baby tonight"

20. Tragic Music- A Radio With Guts
I have Egie to thank for introducing me to A Radio With Guts over this summer via our many, many nights together on turntable.com. If I'm correct, I learned of this band because they do a fantastic cover of Jawbreaker's Kiss the Bottle, which we-- me, Egie, and Jorell-- listened to countless times this past summer. And like any good broody music junkie, this song rocks it.

"Beat.
Beat Heart
Beat Heart Sweet
Beat Heart Sweet Stereo
I'm going to fall apart
Beat
Beat Heart
Beat Heart Sweet
Beat Heart Sweet Stereo
I'm going to break your heart"

21. One May Die So Lonely- Jaymay
Yes, one more Jaymay song for you. Yes, I told you, I've been pretty obsessed.

"Remind me again, just what you were saying
When you walked in the room and the music was playing
When I was lost too, but in my own thoughts
And I could not find you
Tell me your story, I'm listening this time
I can get us some glasses and a bottle of wine...
Your lost and let's face it, I think we both lost it a little bit..
And this song ends here, because you are really really weird
And we haven't said a word in over a year
It just gives me hope, like music is a rope to hold you right here..."

So, there you have it. The 2011 holiday mix. I hope you enjoy it. Here is the link where you can download it below.

The Mediafire link and you can also stream it on Spotify, as I've published it on my account.

Monday after Thanksgiving...

2011-11-28T20:52:00.003-06:00

It was eleven years ago today that I last saw my dad. Sunday after Thanksgiving, back in 2000, I received the phone call that my dad was in the hospital. His illness, multiple sclerosis, had seemingly taken the last turn. They didn't expect him to leave the hospital, alive. My family informed me that if I wanted to see him, now was the time. So, on that Monday, my mom and I packed up the car and drove down to Georgia to see him in the hospital. And I can still remember all the details of the day...the music we listened to in the car on the way down, the way he looked when I saw him from the door of the hospital room, and the conversation we had. Now, I don't intend to get into all of this here, as I've written about in the past in my old zines and the like. The day after I visited, he seemed to show incredible improvement. He left the hospital. I planned to visit him for Christmas. It would be an exactly one week before I received the phone call that he had died, on December 2, 2000.

Honestly, I haven't a clue why or what I wanted to write about it in this post. I suppose I wanted to share this picture of him. I wanted to share the memory of him with you. I wanted to share the fact that on this Monday, I always spend some time thinking of him, remembering that day in the hospital-- all the forgiveness, acceptance, and picking of the pieces that it entailed. Or perhaps that every loss entails. I wanted to share that every year on this day, I listen to The Good Life's Album, "Novena On A Noctourne," because this was the album my mom and I listened to on repeat for the entire four hour drive down and four hour drive back. Maybe, I just wanted to take a cliched moment to remember what it feels like to lose people we love and care about. Like I said, I'm not really sure.

But I do know that I miss him tonight. I can't help but wonder what he might be like if he was still alive or what we might talk about if I had called him on his 53rd birthday back in early November. But because he loved music so, I'm just going to post this song and remember how I promised him I'd buy him a stereo for Christmas.

When I was home for Thanksgiving, the older of my two younger brothers said to me, "How do some people just not like music? How can they just say, 'No, I don't listen to music.'" I suppose the things I remember the most about my dad are his plaid shirts, his cowboys boots, his Wrangler jeans, his love of Miller Lite, and well, his intense love of music. I don't think there was a single moment we were together that we didn't listen to music.

So, here you go, a song to pass the time, a song to remember with...

"I can feel a winter coming we're frozen in our stares,
and we know there's a world outside
of these insults and injuries
maybe we're just too, afraid to be one.
The autumn sets a golden exit the winter is waxing
that cold sun will shed no more warmth into our living rooms,
where we dream our dreams, where we wait for sleep.
Maybe we'll wake up with golden wings,
and fly over a city screaming, take me take me!" -The Good Life

Another indication of....

2011-11-13T21:24:00.003-06:00

As some of you may be aware, Carly and I take a bi-annual retreat to the mountains of Tennessee. We pack the car full of books, journal articles, our computers, iPods, tasks...right next to, wine (lots of wine), food, several pairs of pajamas, and a bathing suit. We drive about an hour and half east of Nashville to Center Hill Lake, where we spend three to four days/nights, being more productive than we generally ever are at home. And by more productive, we cast a wide net. We are productive not only with our work, but also with meals (hell, I think this is the only time in my entire year that I eat three meals a day), laughter, and our own particular style of restoration. Every trip comes with its own challenges, either those that follow us from Nashville that we come here to shed or those that we find while here at Center Hill. But regardless, when we make it to our last night (and final supper), I ALWAYS feel restored. I don't know if it is the incredibly infectious laugh of Carly or if it is the putting my phone in "Airplane Mode" for a majority of the trip or rather if it is the sound of the wind that moves through the trees, but this time, the trip came at the absolute perfect time for me.

See, I've been in another one of my classic funks lately. In a trite and cliche way, a la Carrie in her Mexi-coma, I wondered to myself, "Will I ever laugh again?" The world felt heavy. I felt the effort of "having to force a smile." Yes, I'm trafficking in obscure references and lyrics here, but regardless, I haven't been myself for the last month. Unfortunately, it has led to unfortunate consequences in many of my personal relationships, but alas, I knew, one day soon, I'd pull myself out. It always just takes me some time. Yes, Jay, I do, in fact, get dark sometimes. Yes, Joel, the clouds were in my head, right between my eyes. A few days before our trip, I started to feel a turning point. And then, the night before our trip, Carly invited me to join her for the Straight No Chaser show at The Ryman. I went, because, well, when your friend calls you and tells you that have a free ticket for a show, you go. Because, well, I understand what it is like to always have a free ticket...or rather, a plus one to share.

As the show started, I started laughing uncontrollably. And yes, I knew then, I would laugh again. When something was really, really, really funny...like me attending the Straight No Chaser show-- and even getting a little tipsy while there. And so, the trip began, after a brief detour at the Culture workshop on Friday morning. So, let it begin....

Here is an account of some of the top moments of the trip:

1. The symbolic beginning with a goodbye and the purchase of a helluva lot of wine.

2. A not-so-symbolic near-death experience, where Carly says to me as we barrel down a mountain in her car, "I don't have any brakes. Seriously." (Don't worry folks, while this traumatic experience stayed with us for hours, we learned the car shut off, it acted like it had no gas, but apparently, it was just "playing possum." Wish us luck tomorrow on the journey home).

3. A far less symbolic spider cricket in the shower of our cabin. Yes, a spider cricket. I think we all know how I feel about these. We sprayed it with bug spray, until Carly screamed, "But he isn't dying!" and I grabbed a broom to put the now drenched spider cricket out of his misery. Carly disposed of him. I couldn't get that close, even post-mortem.

4. Carly's insanely wonderful chicken with verde salsa and our first dinner a la Mexican (to pay tribute to our Miraculous Miercoles weekly dates).

5. Lots and lots of wine accompanied by a viewing of Happy Thank You More Please (in the complete darkness, so when we both started bawling, it would be in the dark.) And then, an analysis of the movie. Wait, this might be as complicated (and simple) as the Swidler vs. Alexander issue...

6. My recognition that I am my mother's daughter, when it was merely 50 degrees outside and I was decked out in a winter coat, winter hat, and scarf just to go outside for a few moments.

7. The chainsaw/leaf blower incident.

8. A discussion of internet dating sites, particularly describing the perfect attributes in which to outline on my profile. While I try to find a crafty way to convey our discussion that lacks a certain amount of crudeness...I think I'll stick with an equation--- age x whiskey= no measurable difference from pre-test to post-test.

9. The hot tub fiasco. The fact it would only heat up 1 degree every 30 minutes. The decision to spend an hour talking in the hot tub, which basically was a warm tub during the sunset, while drinking a beer. It was quite delightful, despite the bugs, the leaves, and the lukewarm temperature.

10. Sunday, November 13th should always be celebrated as "the day Carly killed a scorpion." No, I'm not kidding. In the basement here, there was a scorpion. It stopped me in my tracks. I have never seen a scorpion. And while I was fascinated by the significance of a scorpion crossing my path, when its little tail pulled back ready to sting me, I couldn't move. Luckily, Carly came to my rescue. She dropped the bag of trash on it. And then after we had injured the scorpion, I used a stick to push it down the driveway. I hope I don't see that mother tomorrow. Better yet was when Carly revealed to me that her original image of what might be in the basement when I screamed, "Holy shit there is a scorpion!" was more the size of a lobster than the size of a quarter that she discovered. Yes, sometimes, we switch up our gender roles in interesting ways.

11. Given my dissatisfaction with the hot tub, I took the world's hottest bath, complete with a glass of wine and a guidebook of Wales.

12. Carly saying to me, "Okay, Lucifer. It's like 100 degrees in here."

13. Having lunch on the screened-in back porch, in some beautiful fall weather.

14. Grilling out steaks for my first time on a grill, accompanied by grilled corn and baked potatoes...all of which I successfully caught on fire while grilling.

15. Our final supper tonight, while listening to the mix we have prepared that follows in 8track.com form.

16. The crematorium (pictures to follow).

While these are 16 of my favorite highlights from the trip....there is no substitute for the laughter and conversations that we had. This weekend was a transition. Today, I sat out on the front porch of our cabin, listening to the sounds of the wind moving through the trees and leaves, and I smiled. That's it. I smiled, without effort, for the first time in several weeks.

And with that, we've prepared you an 8-track mix to convey some of what we brought into this weekend, our experiences over the weekend, and what we plan to leave the weekend with...here you go.

My contributions:

1. Doomed Love Affair-- Ezra Furman & The Harpoons

Apparently this song was recorded at the same time as the last album. I fucking love it. And I think it is rather perfect that it was released at this precise time. I needed to transition from Wild Rosemarie to Doomed Love Affair. Thank you fellas.

2. You'd Rather Run--Jay May

We discovered JayMay while watching Happy Thank You More Please. "And it's not that I hate you, I never loved you enough to hate you. To get even or mad so as not to seem sad, just seems ungrateful. 'Cause really, I am thankful I'm sad. Maybe we're the same unabashed and unashamed. Then again, I don't know where you came from..."

3. Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of- U2

Today, I decided to listen to All Song's Considered radio. This came on. It fit. My song to myself. It was Sunday. It was the day to pick it all up and start again.

4. Blue Skies Again-- Jessica Lea Mayfield

Yep, today, I looked over and the tree next to me looked to be far more colorful than it had merely two days before...and I realized, the sky looked blue again. Finally. Finally. Finally.

Carly's contributions:

1. Tainted Love-- Straight No Chaser

The song that began it all, meaningful to us both.

2. Helplessness Blues-- Fleet Foxes

The musical version of white girl problems.

3. Awake My Soul-- Mumford & Sons

This one is everything, my whole weekend. Letting go, loving freely, living honestly. "My weakness I feel I must finally show...Lend me your eyes, I can change what you see...In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die, where you invest your love, you invest your life."

4. Reach Out I'll Be There-- The Four Tops

This was from our discussion of Happy Thank You More Please and what it means to go out and "get yourself loved." And how we decided this doesn't always mean from a man, but rather can be from friends. So, this one is symbolic of our own relationship...and these beautiful weekends in the mountains.

Pictures, of yellow leaves, wine bottles, and dinners to arrive shortly.

Abrazos,
Katherine and Carly

48 hours and Aretha

2011-10-19T22:14:00.003-05:00

Yes, yes, it is true. I'm taking a Facebook hiatus. There are a million reasons why and I don't intend to get into them here, but it was necessary. Briefly, it began with Miranda July's film and transitioned into too much wasted time. I've spent the last few days explaining to my close friends-- aka the people that haven't already blocked me on FB and actually look forward to my posts-- what made me "decide to drop out of life" (Woody Allen reference for those who don't know). It's complicated, but the essence of the decision was....I'm tired. I want the quiet of not knowing EVERYTHING that happens with everyone. And perhaps the most important reason is that I wanted to try an obstruction.

A few years ago, I watched a film called "The Five Obstructions." You can look it up, as I don't intend to give you all the details. But nevertheless, it made me begin to think about how our lives might change when some type of obstruction is placed in front of ourselves. For example, several years ago, I stopped eating meat. I had some objections to the treatment of animals, but I was mostly curious about what life might be like without centering my meals around eating meat. When I moved to Nashville, there wasn't room to bring my 1980's microwave with me, so I decided, I won't have one. I wonder what life will be like without a microwave. These "obstructions" might seem insignificant, but when you've grown use to having these sort of things in your life...and you remove them, you find all sorts of things happen that you didn't expect.

So, approximately (acerca de) 48 hours ago, I decided...to deactivate my Facebook account. I can't tell you how long I will engage in this experiment, though I have considered going 30 days. But I don't know, yet. I might decide tomorrow I want to re-activate my account. But I can tell you this much...the last 48 hours have actually been quite fantastic...and well, tragic and isolating at the same time.

I don't want to go into the details yet....as I've been writing in my journal (holy shit, yes, not having FB has made me write in my journal several times a day....who knew?) and I plan to write about the experiences of being FB-less at a later time on this blog.

But more importantly....tonight, I had the chance (well, after paying about $100) to see Aretha Franklin perform at the Ryman. When I was back in Puerto Rico and I heard she was playing...I thought to myself-- this might be the last time AND how many chances do you have to see Aretha, the Queen of Soul, play in a venue like the Ryman. So, I shelled out the cash.

Throughout the night, I had so many conflicted emotions. Upon arrival to the Ryman, I found myself completely frustrated. The Ryman seemed like a different venue than I was use to. The gift shop was open. They kept repeating over the loud speakers about how to get to your seat. And all the while, as I tried to buy a beer in the world's shortest beer line at a concert, I was confronted with hundreds of "older" folks who stood in the middle of the floor anxiously looking at their tickets trying to figure out, "just what in the world was going on here at this venue."

By the way, over the loud speaker they kept repeating, "You can take your drinks into the auditorium, but you can't spill them." I've NEVER heard this at any of the other rock shows I've attended. And I should mention, I've NEVER witnessed anyone ever spilling their drinks...which happened tonight. Apparently, when you trespass into your 50's, you can't really hold (literally and figuratively) your alcohol.

Before the show began, I became incredibly broody. This might have been due to the fact that the show was scheduled to begin at 7:30, but actually started at 8:30. Trust me, the 50-year olds noticed. But for me, I started looking around, while waiting for the show. I started wondering...Is that me in 15 years? Is this how I'll behave at a rock show? And then, finding the obvious outcasts in the audience and I felt some sense of comfort and discomfort that I'll more than likely be them.

One hour into the suggested start of the show (which illustrates how I quickly adapted to their mindset, as no rock show ever starts on time), I started regretting my purchase. I wondered if I could just take a cab home.

And then....

She came out.

There was Aretha. Chills. Excitement. I put my hand to my mouth and looked over to notice the fella next to me had done the same. We were spellbound by her sheer appearance on the stage. Hell, she could have just stood there without singing and I probably would have been starstruck.

But why?

Well, Aretha probably means so much to anyone you ask. I tried to remember the first song I ever heard by her and more specifically, what song it was that I fell in love with. Because, well jeez, I'm sort of a hipster, so there is no way it could have been RESPECT...but I don't remember now. I do know this, when she sang "Think," I almost danced out of my pants. And while the show continued, I even found myself cheering for God...yes, believe it or not, I danced to gospel music.

She did some covers...Curtis Mayfield, Simon and Garfunkel.

And yes, I cried. Several times. I'm not sure if it was the sheer beauty of her voice or if it was hearing live her sing the songs I've spent numerous days dancing across my living room floor or if it is the memories I remember connected to the songs...or if I'm just going through a difficult time right now and I was moved. Yes, Aretha moved me.

As the show ended, I found my way to an individual I found in the crowd earlier that evening. There was something about him that captivated me. Yes, those are exactly the words I told him. He had this fantastic shock of white hair, glasses like John Lennon, a huge coat with fur, and his enthusiasm for Aretha caught my attention well before she ever entered the stage. My new friend, Jobim is moving to California from Nashville tomorrow...but the short conversation we had before I left the venue was fantastic.

Yes, I heart Aretha...and I'm going to work on writing something about a memory I have attached to one of her songs...but in the mean time, I realized that by deactivating myself from FB...I was able to enjoy and listen to the show in a way I might not have previously. Instead of attempting to document the show or check in or post about the show, I just let the show happen. I found myself talking to more of the people around me, instead of quickly picking up my phone to fill the quiet spaces in between.

I don't know what that means...but I do know that the last 48 hours have been quiet and relaxing. I don't know what my other options are for getting the information that I actually need for my research and the like, but I do know that for now, I'm enjoying not knowing what you are doing every moment, unless you tell me.

More Adventurous...

2011-09-08T22:23:00.007-05:00

"It's only doubts, that we're counting on fingers broken long ago. I read with every broken heart, we become more adventurous." -Rilo Kiley

Today, I received word that Ashley, one of my best friends, had arrived in Wales to begin a new adventure of both graduate school and living abroad. I've been considering for some time writing a blog about adventures and leaving home. And I've discussed with my friends at El Cassette Grabao about collaborating regarding our top songs that remind us of leaving home. So, perhaps this blog will be the beginning of our collaboration. (Ashley and I have included our portion of the collaboration at the end of this blog post...with videos of the songs we have chosen...)

The picture above is from the Claridad Festival in Puerto Rico from late February 2009. It was my first trip to Puerto Rico (with my best friend Jennie Ann). It was my first exposure to the cultural and political environment in Puerto Rico that would capture my attention and ultimately lead to my dissertation research...and hopefully a book in the next few years.

Since February 2009, I've traveled to Puerto Rico several times. If I sat down and counted I could give you the exact number...it is somewhere close to 7 or 8 or 9, but that is the thing, I've been there so many times that I'm not sure exactly how many anymore. But my love affair with the island is not the point of the blog.

Rather, I'm hoping to talk about the sense of fear and excitement that accompanies new adventures. When I moved to Puerto Rico last summer for six weeks for my very first research trip in the field, I was filled with contradictory feelings. I was scared. I was nervous. I was excited. I couldn't wait to arrive. And these are the kinds of feelings that seem to accompany every new adventure.

Sure, leaving home and going somewhere new for any length of time is scary. Actually, I'm pretty sure that more people don't go on these types of adventures because, well, they take you out of your element. They take you away from everything you've ever known, particularly when you are traveling far away, somewhere unfamiliar, like to a new country...as many of my friends have done this past month. Granted, six weeks in Puerto Rico is hardly the same as moving for a year or indefinitely to a new country, but I'd like to think that my adventures in the summer of 2010 and 2011 give me some insight into the feelings that my friends are currently experiencing.

The other thing about adventures is that despite the fear encountered in embarking on a new place...you get to experience something new. Every corner you discover something you've not encountered before. Every day brings something unknown. And little by little, you carve your corner in this new world, but the experience of trying it all for the first time...well, what can I say, it's like the first time, whether it is a first kiss or the first time you admit you care about someone.

You might be afraid, but you jump into those unknown waters and you do it. Why? Because you must. Ashley and I have discussed countless times the need we both feel to take these adventures, to leave home, to discover other places, to meet new people, and then, even, to return to people we've known for years and recount the experiences we've had.

And so, it is with all the fear and trepidation and excitement and adventures that I've had my past two summers in Puerto Rico (and hopefully, for a full year in 2012), that I send a cheers (saludos) to my dear friends that have embarked on these new adventures and journeys. The ones that have left everything they've known behind to do something different. To try something new. To do something they feel they must... because to not do it, well, that'd just feel wrong.

So this is a cheers to Carlos, Orlando, Sam, Jennie Ann, and Ashley...my five close friends who have all moved in the past month to embark on a new journey and adventure in a new place...I'm so proud of all of you, for the guts it takes to uproot yourself from the place you've called "home" to do something new. May your adventures be grand and full of trepidation and excitement.

The idea that Orlando (of El Cassette Grabao) and I had about our collaboration was to list our top five songs that reminded us of leaving home or taking new adventures. I'm going to publish them here, along with Ashley's top five...so that we can begin the collaboration between our blogs.

I'm counting down the days until my next adventure...

-------------------------------------------------------

For Orlando and Juanluis of El Cassette Grabao...(I wrote this before I left this summer...)

When I first started thinking about collaborating with Orlando on this particular blog post, the idea occurred to me when he told me about moving for graduate school and I thought about Ashley my best friend here in Nashville, Tennessee, who is also moving from Nashville to Cardiff, Wales for graduate school in September. I thought about how during these times of massive transition, we often turn to music to remind us of the people and places we leave behind when we move from place to place. Not only do we find ourselves saying personal goodbyes, but in our last remaining days in a city or town, we walk through its streets noting to ourselves, “This is the last time I’ll walk down this street” or maybe more appropriate for myself, “This is the last time I’ll buy beer from this store where I’ve made friends with the people who own it.” And then months later, as we find ourselves in a new place, surrounded by unfamiliarity, we turn to the music...to remind ourselves of how it felt to be in that place, for that time, with those people.

Although I’m only leaving Nashville for the next weeks to stay in San Juan, I thought it would be interesting to bring together two different people that I both know who are saying goodbye to a place they’ve both lived for many, many years. Orlando will leave San Juan and Ashley will leave Nashville. They will uproot from what they’ve known for years and travel onwards to new adventures. That being said, I’ve had to say goodbye to many places in the past. I’ve moved from Charlotte, North Carolina to Asheville, North Carolina to Boone, North Carolina to Asheville (again), and Charlotte (again), then onwards to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, and finally here to Nashville. For each there are songs that will always remind me of the people and places of those time periods…and so here you go, my five songs about leaving things behind…and moving forward to something new.

1.Crazy- Patsy Cline

My first move was from my hometown of Charlotte, North Carolina to Asheville, North Carolina to start college. That first night was one of the most difficult. I had never left home before. I was sharing a dorm room suite with three other girls—Allison, Misty, and Tori. That first night was spent unpacking, opening letters that my best friends and family from home gave me after they helped me move in, and too many tears. In a moment of loneliness and loss of our homes and families and friends, the four of us gathered in a room and realized we all had one thing in common—our love of Patsy Cline. And for the next couple of hours, we listened to Patsy Cline on repeat, while we told stories of all that we left behind.

2.Misunderstood- Wilco

When I left Asheville after two years of college, I was ready to leave. I didn’t venture far—only two hours away into the mountains of North Carolina, but my time in Asheville was always marked by the feeling expressed in this song. The leaving and the returning to Asheville, the complications of life and love, and the sheer feeling of wanting to scream at the top of my lungs—“I want to thank you all for nothing, I want to thank you all for nothing at all.”

3.South of the South- David Dondero

Dondero is one of my favorite musicians of all time. He is an old friend from when I was in college; however, it wasn’t until I lived in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina that I was able to meet up with him again. When I heard this song, I knew—it completely captured the southern states of the United States….the humidity, the screen doors, the coastlines. “My own sweats basting me, thunderstorms are chasing me.” Saying goodbye to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina was probably one of the most difficult places I had to leave. I fell in love with the kitsch and the tourists and the ocean and the pink houses. It’s been three years since I’ve lived at the beach, but for those of you that have traveled the coast of the south—you know what I mean, it stays in you. It just never leaves. It will always be home, no matter how far you travel.

4.Nashville Moon- Magnolia Electric Co.

I haven’t left Nashville yet, at least not for long—six weeks last summer and again six weeks this summer. But every single time I leave for field research, I hear this song in my head. Because every time I leave, I think of all that I leave behind. In the last couple of years during my time in Nashville, I’ve felt a real sense of community—in my neighborhood and with my “Nashville” family. So, I know when the time comes to leave in a few days, I’ll miss all of it…and one day in the close future, I’ll be saying goodbye to Nashville forever. And now, with my friend Ashley leaving Nashville, I can’t help but also think of her, leaving behind everything she has known for years…but onwards, mi camarada for new adventures.

5.I Must Belong Somewhere- Bright Eyes

Although there are places that I have obviously become attached to in my past, there are some folks—and I include myself in this—that don’t feel like they really belong anywhere. This past month, I took a road trip for almost two weeks, where I drove through many of the southern states of the United States. And during a ten hour drive through Alabama, I realized I often feel more at home on the road. I think there are just some of us that feel like we belong somewhere—but we aren’t quite sure where. In the past couple of years, I’ve started to feel that way about Puerto Rico. Although I only get to spend a couple of months there every year, it becomes increasingly more difficult to leave. And while I might not feel like I belong anywhere, I think rather the reverse is true, there are tons of places I belong—with all of my friends spread throughout the world, whether in Charlotte, North Carolina or Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, Nashville, Tennessee, or San Juan, Puerto Rico.

One extra for the sense of "home" that we all long for...

6.Home- Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros

I think this one might reflect what I’ve expressed already in what I wrote about the Bright Eyes song—but I’ve been careful to think about how I define the word “home” lately. When I wrote recently on my Facebook that my home was on the road, he inquired, “What does home mean anyways?” And, again, I recognize, home is in the faces of my friends…wherever we all may be at the moment.

And here are Ashley's top five songs, though at the time, she didn't feel the need to expand on them, maybe now that she has arrived in Wales, she can add to her list...She referred to them as goodbye songs, so I'll let them speak for that...

1) Coldplay, "The Hardest Part"

2) U2, "Kite"

3) Amy MacDonald, "Mr Rock and Roll"

4) Duffy, "Rockferry"

5) Travis, "Closer"

6) Smokey Robinson, "Tears of a Clown"

--------------------

And now, I'm going to listen to all of Ashley's songs in the remaining hour of this Thursday night and think about all her great adventures to come....We look forward to the challenge of collaboration with Orlando and Carlos. Bring it. Dale!

Awkward/Cute Trifongo, Jawbreaker, Handsome Strangers, and Sunrise/Sunset Tears: Week 6 in Puerto Rico

2011-08-17T23:29:00.008-05:00

As you know, my least favorite blog to write is always the last one from the summer...which is why I've hesitated until tonight. In addition, when I see the "Hasta Pronto" as I'm boarding the plan from San Juan, I always start to cry. This time, it had multiple meanings. Before I left this summer, I knew I'd be back as opposed to last summer, when I wasn't as sure. So in the days leading up to my departure, there was less sadness...as everyone knew I'd be back. But, my dear friend Ashley (from Nashville who is departing for Wales soon) told me before she left, she doesn't like saying goodbye, but prefers to say "see you soon." So, when I arrived at the departure gate and saw this....I realized the joy and sadness that accompanies the sentiment of "see you soon." Perhaps more importantly, I realized, some of my best friends are spread all throughout the world, but the kinds of relationships I've built with them...well, they are durable. I know despite our locations...I'll always see them again...and hopefully, I'll see them soon (Ashley, Magaly, Jorell, Eggie, Carlos...and the rest of you).

My last week on the island was quite fantastic. No, it was perfect. I found myself repeatedly explaining to people how painful it always is when I leave. I'm not sure I can explain it here. I'm not sure I want to. But I do know this...every single time I leave, I feel like I've left something behind. I feel like I leave a place I belong, which is rather odd. I'm not Puerto Rican. I have no "claim" to the island (at least in the traditional sense), but I do know that it is the place that I feel the most at home. It is the place I feel most like myself, despite struggling through conversations and the complications of being in a world you haven't spent most of your life...I don't know what it is...but for me, Puerto Rico is home. I have family there. I have friends there. I feel right there. And while, you might think I'm dialing in some melodrama here...I've considered more times than I'd like to admit in the last couple of days considering leaving graduate school and moving there. (Disclaimer: Don't worry mentors and the like, if you help me get there, I'll stay in the program, which should be taken as a threat...maybe).

I'll never be able to really explain it. And I actually don't care to do so...I know that when I'm sitting in a club/bar and I stand up to greet and embrace my friends on the island...or when I'm in the grocery store attempting to communicate about looking for a specific grocery item....or when I'm sitting at a party listening to a joke being told in Spanish and I'm carefully trying to translate...or when I happen upon some random individual who can talk with me for hours about my research...or when I watch the sunrise and sunset over the ocean...I know...I belong there. And it hits home with every text/message/email between me and my family when I realize my leaving doesn't just impact me...but we all feel it.

And so, without further ado...my last week on the island...

1. An early, exciting, and awkward morning awaking in Rio Piedras...then trying to navigate my way through the early morning streets of Santurce, drenched in sweat to arrive back home and attempt to sleep off the last several hours.

2. Proposing promiscuity/marriage to Ashley...and a life of freedom.

3. Making a southern meal for my family...homemade mac n' cheese, lima beans, green beans, cornbread, deviled eggs, and sweet tea. My absolute favorite part of the evening (and quite possibly the whole trip) was the hour I spent with Magaly, while I was cooking and we talked and laughed. That lovely lady is one of the best friends I have ever had. And then enjoying the meal all together.

4. A late night surprise visit to El Bar Bero with Carlos, Juanluis, Orlando...and the famous Sergio! It was a pleasure to meet Sergio...finally. I also enjoying getting to meet some of the bike crew in PR, particularly Jandy. And then drinking a bottle of something that looked akin to Pepto Bismol, but was really more like a Guava version of chichaito (#bad choice). The pictures are phenomenal.

5. Trying to get to Rebecca's birthday party in Old San Juan. Let's see...it started with me almost not attending. Then Eggie decided to go. Then Enrique didn't offer me a ride (Queeeeee?). Then Magaly asked me why I was speechless and we had a good talk. And finally I arrived.

6. Actually arriving at Rebecca's birthday party. The bands were rad. The venue was awesome. I didn't have a cupcake but they looked great. I got the chance to see my friend El Ochi (which I will always protect his first name). Late Night at the pizza place...meeting Milo and a ton of other Jawbreaker fans who took no offense to the fact that I played 10 dollars worth of Jawbreaker tunes on the jukebox.

7. A lazy Friday. Magaly made a delightful Tortilla de Espana (which I hadn't told her I had dreamed about the night before). We watched some episodes of Weeds and finally History of the World Part I....it might have only been better if we had not watched episodes of the aforementioned, but instead enjoyed some of the aforementioned and then watched the movie.

8. A Saturday afternoon in Old San Juan. While it was too crowded for my taste, I had the chance to meet a lovely fella from the student strikes in the 1970s...and then had the fortune of having trifongo at Fefo's and meeting Vity. I'm only sad I didn't get a chance to talk more with him.

9. Naty's birthday house party. I met so many wonderful people...Jose, Obama (yes, the President), and some other handsome fella that I didn't catch his name. We talked about politics, the fact that Bud Light pales in comparison to Medalla, and other unfortunate experiences. It was a lovely party, indeed. Plus getting to spend more time with Jorell, Eggie, and Myrna was needed. Wait, maybe my favorite part was when Eggie asked me to be his own personal photographer (see the photos below).

10. The After-Naty's-Birthday-Party...a follow-up at El Boricua...handsome fella and friends in tow.

11. Watching the sunrise with Eggie after the party.

12. A lazy Sunday brunch. I might have died if Magaly hadn't prepared a delightful meal of french toast and watermelon (Mildred!!!). And some awkward family portraits.

13. A Sunday sunset on the beach...where I went to shed a few tears about leaving so the roommates didn't see.

14. Sunday night...having to say goodbye to Jorell and Enrique.

15. Monday Sunrise...sitting awake in my room, listening to the sounds of the neighborhood and preparing myself for leaving.

16. Monday morning and the drive to the airport with Magaly. I'm pretty sure we talked about anything possible to avoid the current sadness. We joked, we made small talk...because neither one of us could handle having to say the goodbye. Lucky for me, I warded off the tears until I got inside. Then...the lines were so annoying with los gringos that I wasn't able to cognitively understand what was happening until I arrived at the gate.

17. The tears.

18. The airport bar in San Juan: The way gringos pronounce Medalla, Tina Turner's Private Dancer...and then the airport bar in Charlotte: Tina Turner's What's Love Got To Do With It....(there is a message here...)

19. An intense crying fest when the wheels lifted off the ground in San Juan and I watched the island drift away.

20. Art.

And here are the pictures:

Puerto Rico Summer 2011 Week 6

So, like Carlos has said, I'm Jack. I want to go back. I need to go back. The island wants me to come back. And until then, I'll have to tell all my friends and family there, "I'll see you soon, my loves." And I'll miss all of you every day, but I'll mostly miss my afternoon conversations with Magaly....well, and all those handsome men that seem a world away from me now.

Week 5: Potty Toddy, Coffee Hearts, and a Smooth Pandora Station

2011-08-09T14:29:00.005-05:00

So, here we are. I've got 6 days left on the island. Next Monday, I return to Nashville. Then a week and a half later, classes begin again. And as if you didn't already know, I'm not overwhelmingly enthusiastic about leaving. Hell, I never am. Today, on the beach, my eyes got a little misty as I thought about that drive to the airport, the heat emanating from my sunburn, and the way my heart always sinks as the plane lifts off from the island.

But I'll be back sooner than later, because I must.

This past week has been extremely healing. I let go. I got my confidence back. I also found my groove in the most unsuspecting of places...and now, there is simply no comparison.

Here's the rundown:

1. The unrelenting disappointment of Tropical Storm Emily. Other than "some" rain and losing the power for 20 minutes, Emily left us disappointed. I had hoped to fully enjoy a traditional puertorican storm party, but Emily dragged her heels and passed right by us.

2. Learning how difficult it is to find grants for fieldwork on the island given the colony status of the island. While this might not seem like a highlight from the week, the adversity fueled my fire again. It reminded me of just how important this research is to me-- personally and politically. And it will get done, no matter what happens.

3. I had a revelation about my personal relationships. Too many times, I've been willing to overlook a partner's lack of interest in the things that are the most important to me. For example, too many times I've simply shrugged off a comment like, "Oh, I don't really care about politics and stuff like that. I'm just not really political." I'm done with it. If you don't want to help start the revolution with me, I don't plan on taking my clothes off with you.

4. My attempts to convince Jorell that the drink Hot Toddy has incredible healing powers. Unfortunately, the only result was Jorell confusing the name of the drink and henceforth referring to it as "Potty Toddy" for the rest of the week.

5. Osvaldo Budet Melendez's art show at Galeria Nacional. I've been wanting to meet Osvaldo for a few months now, ever since I helped support his documentary on the UPR student strike. Here is a link to the webpage about the documentary. Not only did I enjoy Osvaldo's art, but it was great to finally meet him in person.

6. Also at the art show, I got the chance to catch up with some friends (Maritza, Diego, and Joel), but also meet some new friends (Mari Carmen and a couple of guys I met at the bus stop). Perhaps the most fun of the night was discussions about programming people in your phone as "Higher Power" and the girl talk that took place in the street. Absolutely hilarious and wonderful.

7. Spending an afternoon at Cafe Cultura with great music and a handsome barista.

8. Saturday Brunch prepared by Enrique. There is just almost too many funny moments to convey...the Supermaxx bags, the fruit, the 5-inch thick pancakes, the whipped cream, the 3-eyed mask...and well, the fact that brunch was announced at 10:30 and was served to the table by 2:30pm. Wait, maybe I'm exaggerating...however, it was quite delightful. And it was great to spend some time getting to know Rebecca.

9. A late Saturday impromptu beach trip with Magaly and Jorell.

10. Dinner with Magaly, Jorell, Diane, and Raul.

11. Pal Cielo with Eggie, Hommy, and Dilcia. I jumped into a dance party with some folks I didn't know. I was the only one to dance to Bailando. There was dancing in the street courtesy of Enrique, Rebecca and friends...also Eggie and Hommy. Then, in my classic style, I invited Eggie to hang out inside the apartment, then proceeded to fall asleep immediately, thus leaving Eggie locked in the apartment until Jorell rescued him.

12. Magaly's new-found obsession with the song, "Damn, I wish I was your lover..."

13. Underwear pranks.

14. Getting Magaly and Jorell hooked on Weeds (yes, the show)...I really also liked it when Enrique blew the finale of the first season for them. Bad Enrique!

15. A truly Manic Monday. I finally got the chance to meet up with Marisol, a colleague from NYU studying here on the island, and her partner Jenny. I got to share a couple of beers with Joel and Cholo. And then, meeting up with Giovanni for drinks at El Refugio...and making new friends--Lourdes and Carli. It was the birthday of Lourdes and they invited Giovanni and I to join in on the celebration. There was chichaito. There was salsa dancing. There were pink flowers. We continued to celebrate into the wee hours of the morning. It was a rather wonderful Monday and a perfect way to begin my last week on the island.

Pictures:

Week 5: Puerto Rico Summer 2011

Week 4: A Whole Mess of Dancing, Music, Laughing, and Good Eats

2011-08-01T20:24:00.007-05:00

I sit here on this Monday night--exactly two weeks away from my return to Nashville-- with a slight sunburn. To be honest, I'm more upset about the mere 14 days I have left here than I am the sunburn. Generally, before I leave I try to take in as much of the sun as I can. I know, I know. It's not good for me, but to be honest, when I leave the island, I like to take some of it with me in a physical manifestation. So in the days I've returned to Nashville, I can continue to feel the warmth of the island on my skin. Yep, I'm a total dramatic sentimental about having to leave. Most of you know how difficult it was last year for me...and I don't suspect it'll be any easier this year.

This past week was quite interesting. Not only was I far more productive than I've been in months, I also was far more productive in spending time with my friends and family. Thus, it is difficult to start to concern myself with leaving, particularly when I feel like I just hit my stride. Yes, this is why I need to be here longer than simply six weeks.

So, in reference to this past week-- I'm sure it is no surprise for you...but there is nothing more that I love than kitchen dance parties and unexpected early morning parties on the beach. And that was exactly what happened.

Here is the breakdown:

1. Unexpectedly, I had five great interviews last week. What I find the most exciting is how generous people are with their time and how excited they are to talk with me about my work. One of my interviewees actually contacted me the day after the interview requesting a follow-up because there was so much more they wanted to tell me.

2. Enrique's confusion about the lyrics to the Violent Femmes song Blister in the Sun....when he sang to us repeatedly, "Let me go out, like a twister in the sky, let me go out....." Que fantastico.

3. Moving on and moving up.

4. Missing the soul dance party, but making plans to have a redux in Rio Piedras this upcoming week with a new friend.

5. My weekly phone dates with Ashley (Ludman), while laughing and recognizing the whole mess of trouble that one particular text message implies.

6. Being a flaneur on my walk to the train station at Sagrado Corazon on Thursday and on my walk down Calle Loiza today to find the post office. Though sadly, finding the post office is an indication that I'm starting to think about sending some of my belongings back to Nashville.

7. Ashley's diagram of the whole process from man to devil in disguise.

8. Michelle sending me a picture of our tickets to the see the Atlanta Braves in September. Wooot!

9. My discovery and first, second, third, fourth, and fifth visits to turntable.fm in the past week. Yes, folks, I've got a new addiction.

10. While in my pajamas on Thursday night, receiving a phone call from Carlos inviting me to go out to El Bar Bero with Orlando, Juanluis, and Giovanni. The evening was quite fantastic. Carlos forced me to order a bottle of wine in Spanish. Then the bartender informed me I was the first person to ever buy a WHOLE bottle of wine. Then, shenanigans at the SuperMaxx, followed with a late, late night/morning on the beach with a whole bunch of Medalla. A wonderful evening.

11. Followed by a wonderful hangover on Friday....only to be cured by a trip to the overly touristy Mexican restaurant Tijuana's with Jorell...and then more turntabling.

12. Followed by a late night conversation that can only be summed up by saying this: dot dot dot.

13. Waking on Saturday to discover that Diego was joining the family to celebrate "the last Saturday of summer" for Magaly and Jorell. Diego and Magaly cooked up a super fantastic dinner. Magaly made us the most delightful basil mojitos. There was several kitchen dance parties. We watched Weird Science, though I think everyone was too intoxicated to gather the specific details of the "science." And then onwards to Nellylandia with Eggie, a fantastic rock show at La Repuesta, then back to Nellylandia to see Diego and Jorell. While everyone was obviously quite intoxicated at that point, when I heard Diego speak English to me, I was sure that I was more intoxicated than I thought, but I wasn't.

14. Waking up late on Sunday to discover that Diego was making brunch for the family. Gosh, I wish I could remember the name of it now....because it was just what we all needed. Then spending a lazy Sunday afternoon watching countless episodes of Mad Men with everyone.

15. Chepi Fest in Rio Piedras. Getting to see lots of friends, in particular Ronald and Milannie. But I suppose the most shocking event of all was when Jorell became the Incredible Hulk and proceeded to rip his jean shorts off of his body while singing.

16. And well, the beach. Because it really is so lovely.

Here are the photos...and I'm saving a couple of key videos-- one of Enrique performing "Twister in the Sky" in the living room and the wild dance moves of Jorell and Magaly in the kitchen-- for a sneak attack...one day when everyone has forgotten that I have these videos....Ja!

Puerto Rico Summer Week 4

Week 3: Seeing the Sign, Masked Brunches, and Doing the "Michael Jackson."

2011-07-25T20:43:00.009-05:00

Week 3 seems to be the week that I hit my stride. Not only did I figure out a way to suffocate my inner demons, but I figured out how to release the rope that someone had thrown around my foot intent on dragging me down to the bottom with them. This also means, my blog for this week will undoubtedly be less entertaining than in the weeks before, as I found myself spending more time working. It felt exceptional.

Perhaps some of the most important advice I received this week came to me last night from a dear friend. She reminded me that I should stop blaming myself for someone else's inadequacies. And that I should take the first step forward, just to walk this way and let him walk that way...one foot in front of the other. And just like that I realized how many times instead of recognizing the inability of a person to give you what you need, we turn inwards. We seek some explanation within. We obsess over something we can't change. At that moment, the most wonderful thing happened, I felt unbearably light. Let it go.

So besides my own inner turmoil, what happened this week?

1. After rescheduling an interview, I took the afternoon to explore Condado. I visited my favorite beach park, then stopped on my way home at a little restaurant called Greenhouse for a mojito and tostones. It was nice to sit and reflect, alone.

2. Martes Karaoke at El Local with the family....and to finally get to see Carlos, Noelia, and Ralph again. There's nothing quite like dancing, singing, and laughing with my good friends...and remembering Ralph's astute observation about how much brand new relationships are sort of like Christmas. Not to mention, out of nowhere, someone decided to sing Ace of Base's I Saw the Sign song. Obviously, the song of the summer. And FINALLY, Jorell getting to sing Tarzan Boy.

3. Three great interviews at the UPR.

4. My beach days.

5. Some awkward sights...the teenage boy on the train with an out-of-control mullet singing loudly to Beyonce's Single Ladies...and another teenage boy skateboarding to the beach in a pair of blue crocs.

6. Meeting potential interviewees while out running errands.

7. A failed Tacomaker expedition with Eggie.

8. The rock n' roll show at Nuestro Son with Eggie, Jorell, Santos, and Carlos. I got a chance to see Marisol, which was lovely. Listen to some geek talk about video games. Watch my life flash before my eyes as I almost died from a mosh pit...particularly, my favorite was when the fella I thought was protecting me from the pit decided to join in...and proceeded to pick up another young man lifting him straight over his head and throw him into the pit.

9. July 23rd. A sweet--yet drunk-- late night text message.

10. Brunch prepared by Enrique and Magaly on Sunday, complete with a whole slew of 3-eyed masks and a history lesson...and of course, apple juice. There should always be apple juice at brunch.

11. Sunday. Beach. Mary Wells. Productivity.

12. My discovery of Orange Crush in the pharmacy near the house...and the fact it reads Crush China.

13. Going to Joel's apartment in Rio Piedras for his famous Huevos Rancheros this morning, which was delightful...and finding out upon arrival that Cholo was joining us. There was good conversation, delightful food, and the joy of seeing old friends. I'll have to see these two much more in the coming weeks.

14. Family dinners....with stories of Michael Jackson and more "incidents." I thought I'd never stop laughing.

15. The random moments when Enrique breaks out in song and dance in the living room.

What's planned for the upcoming week?
More interviews. More karaoke. Soul dance party. Chepi Fest in San Juan. And of course, more more beach days with my lovely friends here.

PR Week 3

Although I've got some classy videos.....they are taking forever to download, so I'll save them for another time.

Headphones

2011-07-20T20:37:00.010-05:00

"I know this bar with a jukebox full of medicine...I know this song, with this one really killer line. I can't remember exactly, but it slays me every time." -Ani Difranco

It should come as no surprise to you that with a blog called Music Is Memory, that music acts as a primary organizing force in my life. In addition, due to the fact that my career requires me to spend hours upon hours at a computer in solitude, I spend many hours with music playing through my headphones. There is nothing I enjoy more than getting a new record or playing an old favorite through my headphones, while enjoying a beverage or two. In fact I could probably spend an entire day doing just that....wait, I think I have recently. If pressed, I'm pretty sure I could make a soundtrack for every phase of my life, every friend, every lover, and every road trip that I've ever had.

But for some reason, there were a couple of months at the end of last semester I forgot this. Somehow, I began spending far more time watching television and far less time listening to music. I'm not sure how it happened, but I do remember who reminded me of how much I absolutely love to just sit and listen. Navigating through playlists or youtube videos and enjoying the simple joy of discovery, to travel back through painful and happy memories...and sometimes turn it up so loud in your apartment that the sounds bellow out into the streets.

During a rather tumultuous "relationship" I had during the past couple of months, a man (to remain unnamed) reminded me. We shared a musical motif from the past. Songs, records, and bands that despite not knowing each other, we shared. Although Jawbreaker's 24 Hour Revenge Therapy meant different things to us, it was important that we had both grown up with it. We didn't have to do all the work of translation that happens when two individuals come from different musical motifs. And in a somewhat obsessive manner, we shared music with one another. Some days, we communicated primarily through song lyrics. Other days, he would come over and we'd lay on my couch, sharing headphones, listening to the music turned up as loud as possible-- recounting our memories of the songs and making some of our own memories to others.

And I realized how intimate it is to share music with someone, particularly by sharing the same set of headphones.

But then I started thinking about all the times I've shared music. Having friends located all around the world, there are many nights we find ourselves chatting, sharing youtube videos with one another...often going to the extreme, as my friend Amada and I have-- by synchronizing our listening by starting the song at the same time, while simultaneously typing out our favorite lyrics as the song plays.

More recently, at the height of the tumultuous "love affair" (I'm using quotes because exactly what it was has yet to become solidified in my mind), my friend Art came over to my house...and we laid on my living room floor and played Bright Eyes as loud as possible, while singing at the top of our lungs. Sometimes we got up to dance. Other times, we cried. And still other moments, we laughed hysterically.

Tonight, I spent a portion of my evening constructing a playlist for my dear neighbor Ashley, who is about to embark on an incredible journey that will land her in Wales for graduate school. She mentioned needing more "break-up songs" to help her break-up with the city of Nashville...and if there is anything I know, it is broody, sad songs. The kind of songs you can listen to, while soaking in all the sadness. Sometimes it is just necessary.

But I keep coming back to sharing those damn headphones. Lying next to one another on the couch, forced to stay close to keep the headphones in our ears, often with our eyes closed, just listening.

And now that things have ended, I'm left with the task of etching out my pain from an "exploitative situation" (see, I'm still not sure), by posting songs on my facebook wall that echo and resonate my dissatisfaction over the loss and emptiness. When I try to ask myself why I'm doing this? I suppose I'm still using music to share, to communicate, to write the words to the emotions I'm not sure how to name. But maybe more importantly, to demonstrate the impact it had on me, like a bruise that still hasn't quite faded.

All of this has reminded me of just how many of my memories and emotions I pack into music. Songs that once reminded me of a past situation have become reconstructed, with multiple memories embedded into just that one song.

"And if the sound of this it frightens you, we could play it real cool, and act somewhat indifferent." -Cracker

Furthermore, I found evidence of this power tonight when I came across a show that All Songs Considered recently podcasted. It is called "Cry Baby Cry: Songs That Make You Weep" (and you can listen to it here). Listening to both Bob and Robin recount their own memories attached to songs, as well as stories from listeners, was heartbreaking, even if at times it felt like Casey Kasem's long distance dedications.

So, there you have it.

And here is a video for you that resonates at the moment...

Week 2: Crushes, Road-Trips, and a Sunburn

2011-07-18T22:19:00.005-05:00

Once upon a time, Monday use to imply one of two things: Motown Monday at the 5 Spot or Manic Monday at Cafe 103...but that was a more simple time. So, tonight, I've got a dance party for one in my room-- while thinking about past nights at the Cafe and Motown dance parties in my house with my neighbors. Incidentally, this also means I'm looking for a dance party on the island...so folks, let me know if there is one happening.

This past week, I started interviewing. 2 interviews, 8 hours of data, and loads of follow up contacts. I also started working again, which was an incredible feeling.

Ultimately, I can safely say I'm on the right track now. There are no trains on this track.

Although I haven't secured any interviews for tomorrow, I'm trying to remember one of the most important lessons that I learned my first summer-- just let things happen and unfold naturally. So much of what happens on the island takes place on its own time, without being forced. Some days the person you are interviewing doesn't show up or sometimes you have to reschedule, but they always get done. It was this lesson that I lost sight of in the last month and a half...and so I'm glad to fully embrace it again.

So, what happened last week?

1. I had two incredible interviews with people I've been wanting to interview for over a year. They were incredibly insightful and gave me some new perspectives on my research. Not to mention, the company was stellar.

2. I successfully navigated the bus to Old San Juan and even got to feel superior to the other gringos on the bus.

3. Within five minutes of arriving at Universidad de Puerto Rico- Rio Piedras, I ran into an old friend...the sweet Cholo. We got to catch up briefly and I'm super stoked to see him in the upcoming week.

4. I gave directions to a young woman who attends the UPR-Mayaguez campus, but only after mistakenly thinking she was asking me for directions to the closest waiter, not museum.

5. I had a wonderful meeting with a future collaborator, Alessandra-- while we shared drinks at El Refugio (one of my favorite spots in Rio Piedras).

6. Developed a crush and made tentative future plans to oooh and aah over said recipient of crush.

7. Family dinner...avocado egg rolls might be the most delicious thing I've ever put in my mouth. (Come on, Ashley, Michelle, and Cassy...get your head out of the gutter).

8. Jorell and Magaly's tiniest violin.

9. Finally feeling awake again. Really, really awake...though not being able to sleep until the wee hours of the morning, but also making some progress on my paper.

10. Beach days...like last Friday and today. Sadly, today, I've developed an intense sunburn. Yes, this is why they make sunscreen. You'd think I'd have learned that by now.

11. Although this is state-centric, Erin Bergner buying me a ticket to see Wilco in October.

12. Road trip to Aguadilla with Magaly, Jorell, and Eggie for Chepi Fest. There was good music. There was laughter. There were uncomfortable situations in the parking lot of the Wendy's. There were roosters crossing the road. But most importantly, there was Ace of Base.

13. Chepi Fest in Aguadilla. Chepi was a close friend of Jorell and Magaly that passed away last summer. Actually, I was here last summer when it happened and I remembered being moved by the emotions they shared with me. Chepi's loss impacted loads and loads of people...and when Jorell recounted to me at the show what people loved so much about Chepi, I was reminded of the loss of Charlie. It sounded like they were cut from the same cloth. Plus there was lots of great music and good friends.

14. The quote..."I'm pretty sure he has everything big."

15. Dragging Jorell away from the show...which resulted in Jorell and I almost fighting one another, Chester fries, and the wicked Gasolina (which folks, is awesome. It is basically a mixed drink in a Capri Sun pouch, complete with a straw and everything...GENIUS).

16. Jorell and I joking the whole next day about fighting.

17. Texting with Art on Sunday afternoon...and realizing they'll never let us share a room at rehab. (Sad face).

18. Making a wise, wise choice.

19. Going to the movies here. I particularly enjoyed the fact that popcorn only costs $1.70. The movie was fantastic, but perhaps my favorite part is when the Woody Allen movie was only in French and the subtitles were in Spanish-- and I got to practice my understanding of the language by figuring out what was being said.

So, there you have it...another wonderful week full of productivity, ocean waves, and the most fantastic friends. Here's to next week (Saludos!)...where I'll get to see more old friends (Joel, Carlos, Noelia, Miguel, Cholo, Bernabe....this means you, so make it happen)...and I'll continue to work. Not to mention, today, I realized I've only got a month left...and that made me a little sad.

Photos:

Puerto Rico Summer Week 2

Fevers and Shaky Hands (in the comfort of friends)...Week 1

2011-07-11T21:48:00.009-05:00

Yes, the title of this blog is taken from Bright Eyes' album Fevers and Mirrors...because it worked and resonated. Tomorrow, I start my second out of six weeks on the island for my summer research. Since I don't pretend to make this blog about my work (nor do I care too)...I'm mostly posting stories and pictures from my free time on the island.

As many of you may know, the month of June was full of highs and lows...drastically high and low. And some of it followed me into the month of July. The details are unnecessary, but besides barely making it to the island-- after almost missing my flights, yes, both of them-- I knew that I needed to be here, not there. But at first I didn't quite feel that way, it took almost a week for me to adapt, to recoup, to heal, to feel like myself again. And now I can feel the island on my skin. I can hear it when I sleep soundly (finally, again) through the night. I can smell it when I walk through the streets, navigating my way in unfamiliar places. Seven days, it took me to come back. But I finally feel like I'm really back at home...and I'm happy to say it.

It took the love and kindness of those around me, for sure. Almost immediately upon arrival, I let myself open up to those around me-- particularly, Magaly and Jorell. Instead of pretending as if everything was going well for me, I let them in. And from that moment on, they've done nothing but give me the love and support that I've needed. When necessary, they left me to my own devices. Other times, they convinced me to go out and remember what I love so much about this place. In other words, they were perfect and it reminds me of why I love them so.

So, what? What the hell? (I'm pretty sure when I was recounting the details of my first "real" night of sleep in a week to Magaly tonight, Jorell was saying this in Spanish to me)

Well, here you go folks...some top events from the last week...
(in the vein of my posts from last summer)

1. The Carlos airport pick-up experience. We drove to Piñones from the airport. I had my first piragua. When Carlos asked what flavor, I said any. The fella making them said something like, "I'll make her the anise one because it is good for the heart." Wow. I'm immediately blown away by the significance of this statement. I also had my first meat on the island, as we shared bacalaito and alcapurrias. Then we made our way to our favorite "airport pick-up/drop-off" beach for a little drinking, talking, and baptism. Carlos wasn't feeling so great that day, so we had a short time. But as I walked to the ocean, I promised to let the past month wash over me.

2. My arrival at the apartment of Magaly, Jorell, and Enrique. We talked about Jorell's time in Bloomington-- complete with some literature about how to combat sexism and homophobia (as you will see pictured). And that night, I confessed all to Magaly and Jorell.

3. Taking a cold shower, while the three roommates serenaded me as they practiced karaoke tunes before we headed out for an evening at El Local.

4. Karaoke Night at El Local. There was laughter, singing, and dancing. There was even the posting of a Stay Sick sticker. One of my favorite pictures so far from the trip is the picture from the karaoke of This Charming Man, where you can see the silhouette of the roomies belting out the tune.

5. The beautiful, beautiful ocean.

6. My first visit to Bebo's Cafe with Magaly, Jorell, and our roomie from last summer, M-m-m-Mario. It was so wonderful to catch up with an old friend-- and to have carne fritas at Bebo's.

7. The dinner Enrique prepared us-- I had my first piece of beef-- churrasco with arroz y gandules. It was fantastic. And the beginning of the masked dinners.

8. The bobcat....and its name.

9. Setting up my desk in my room and feeling like working, again. Finally.

10. Getting the opportunity to attend Ricardo Alegria's wake in Old San Juan. While it was strange (the dead body part and my limited knowledge of his work), I was glad to be present and pay tribute to a pioneer of Puerto Rican culture.

11. The longest experience ever at the K-mart copy center with Jorell. While I thought I might pass out, the hilarity of the day will never be forgotten. Plus, getting to see Jorell with his printed Master's Thesis was quite fantastic.

12. Un Final Fatal show at Executive Manolo with Eggie, Jorell, and Enrique.

13. Nellylandia with Eggie...putting up another Stay Stick sticker and making new friends- Marisol!

14. Sunday brunch of Huevos Rancheros with the family.

15. A day trip to Aguadilla....if for nothing else other than getting to try relleno de papa, which apparently took me way too long to eat...and subjected me to many future jokes about eating like a bird.

16. The rain that resulted in going to El Platanal with Enrique and Jorell-- after subtle convincing, "Come on Katherine, they have Medalla!" and eating one of the greatest sandwiches ever (as pictured). Pork shoulder on two platanos with two Medallas on the side.

17. And always, sitting with the family in the living room. Talking, laughing, singing, and sometimes dancing.

So, there you have it. A wonderful first week. A week that led me back. I'm so fortunate to have these gracious friends. You just have no idea.

Tomorrow, I have my first interview for the summer. See you next week, folks.

So, here are the pictures:

PuertoRicoSummer Week 1

And here is a video....

The first one is from the first karaoke night at El Local (which promises to be this summer's Manic Mondays)

I intended to post a video of the delightful Un Final Fatal...but after two failed attempts at uploading. I'm giving up for now.

Chau, mis amigos.

Two weeks on the road for 2,826 miles with a watermelon named Mildred

2011-06-15T22:16:00.005-05:00

"All that you keep is the journey, all that you keep are the spaces in between..."
-Conor Oberst

My very first road trip involved my mom and I driving from Charlotte to New Orleans to Pensacola to Boone, North Carolina. We slept in the car one night. We woke up one morning and my mom asked me, "Where should we go today?" Since that moment, I've always been compelled by the journey, just driving from one place to the next with the windows rolled down and the music playing loud.

Once I turned 16 and bought a car, it seemed like I took a road-trip at least twice a year. Instead of going to the beach for Spring Break like most normal high-schoolers, me and my best friend, Jennie Ann, would pack the car and take off for a trip through the Northeast. Often, we ended up in Montreal. We stopped all along the way...Boston, New York, Philadelphia, Providence, Chicago.

Since selling my truck, my desire to road-trip has become enhanced...and so, when my best friend told me she was getting married in Charleston, South Carolina-- I decided that instead of flying in for the event, I'd plan a road trip that began with our week at the beach and ended with a wedding celebration for the couple in Charlotte. Since this would be my first opportunity to road-trip alone in many years, I decided to make it a trip to visit old friends and minor league baseball parks.

The greatest thing about road-trips is that you never really know where you'll end up. You set your course for a certain destination and within a couple of hours, you've decided on a completely different destination. And it was exactly this aspect of letting go that I needed more of in my life. So much of my life is planned out and subjected to schedules...and so for the first time in years, I wanted to remove those obstacles. I wanted to see what might happen if I just let anything happen. No rules, she said.

And you know what? The most wonderful things happened.

I saw a lot of baseball. I saw some ballparks I've wanted to visit for years. I had delightful meals and drinks with old friends and new friends. I bought ridiculous trinkets at every stop. I went swimming in the middle of the night, not once but twice. Some nights I passed out from sheer exhaustion, while other nights I stayed up late laughing and still other nights, I stared up at the sky pondering the absolute wonderment of the internet. In an essence, I celebrated everything. At least once a day, I cheers'd my life, my friends, and simply the wonderment of it all.

I think that Derek's aunt Janice might have pegged me correctly when she said, "Oh girl, you are gypsy. A gypsy girl just wandering around having the time of her life." And she is right.

I've recently taken to espousing the thrills of just letting things happen to just about anyone that will listen. Instead of walking through life and bumping into everything, I've decided to let it just wash over me. Instead of turning against the tide, I've decided to turn into it. Maybe that makes me sound like a hippie, or maybe it makes me sound like I'm under the influence of drugs or good sex...but "irregardless" (Reed 2011) I've discovered that I rather enjoy letting life unfold naturally. I can let it just happen without trying to schedule, plan, and organize all of it. And so for the last two weeks, I released my tenuous control over my life. I removed the regulations and the rules and the restrictions-- and let it happen. And it was fucking fantastic.

For the last hour, I've been writing this blog and attempting to capture every moment of it. But I've decided instead to utilize the joy of lists. Instead of trying to tell you about everything, I'd rather keep some of it to myself.

Here are the moments...

1. My first night at Edisto, sitting on the back porch with Jennie Ann drinking wine.

2. The Kan't Touch This shirt

3. A change in plans that led me to invite Sam, my old friend from Myrtle Beach, to come to Charleston and go to the Charleston Riverdogs game with me.

4. The Charleston Riverdogs and my visit to Charleston with Sam. There were Homewrecker hats, delightful veggie nachos, a free beer, and then the luck of happenstance, which led me to stay in a beautiful 3-story carriage house in downtown Charleston with a private pool.

5. Hence, night swimming in the private pool should make the list. Because it was absolutely breathtaking.

6. That delightful pimento cheese and Orange Crush at the Edisto Farmer's Market with Jennie Ann, Derek and Steve. I guess those chickens were pretty cool too.

7. An afternoon at the beach with Jennie Ann, Derek, Steve, and Jordan. From the preparation with sunscreen on Steve's back to attempts at reading to the Tecate and boiled peanuts to the warm sun in South Carolina.

8. Jennie Ann's birthday cook-out with all those listed above including Ellen! The food was delightful. The company was stellar. The dancing was incredible (and funny).

9. Jennie Ann and I's drive from Edisto to Charleston.

10. The rehearsal party in Larry and Jennie's room at the hotel. I got to celebrate the upcoming nuptials with Larry, Jennie, Jenny, Harry, Hoyt, Jonelle, Janice, Jordan, Blaine, Ellen, Jennie Ann, Derek, Steve, and Wyatt. It was a joyous occasion.

11. Dinner with Jennie Ann, Derek, and Steve at Husk. Cocktails and dinner. A damn fine catfish. I even tried a bite of lamb...and while I can appreciate it, I'm not sure it is my thing.

12. Cocktails at Husk's bar with the above mentioned folks-- and also Ellen, Blaine, Jordan, Alisha, and Wyatt.

13. Late night party with Wyatt and Steve, while we speculated on how to wake up Derek and Jennie Ann.

14. Breakfast with the beautiful bride the morning of the wedding. There were mimosas and espresso. And the world's largest champagne glass, which is something I can get behind.

15. An afternoon at the salon with the girls-- Jordan, Jennie Ann, and Jennie. Almost as delightful as the salon was the delicious sandwich I chowed down on from East Bay Deli back at the hotel while Jennie Ann was getting her hair constructed.

16. Visiting both the bride's room and the groom's room before the ceremony.

17. Riding in the bike taxi with Steve to the ceremony. Particularly fun was when I proceeded to tell Steve that I thought the bike taxi fella was hot and then realizing the bike fella could hear every word I said.

18. The wedding ceremony. It was beautiful. It was moving. I cried and Jonelle (Derek's mom) wrapped her arms around me.

19. The wedding dinner. I thought to myself a few times that night-- these people know how to get down. For sure.

20. The single lady and fellas night out on the town. There was a rooftop bar. There was dancing. There was laughter. There were lots of pretty ladies.

21. Mike and I taking off to find last call in Charleston, only to crash into a hotel pool for more night swimming.

22. Waking up the next morning with Jonelle and Janice.

23. Visiting the honeymoon suite for Derek to give birth to Mildred.

24. Seeing the Wooden Hearts, my friend Sam's band at Rosa Linda's in Murrell's Inlet. I haven't heard hillbilly jazz before, but I was sold within one minute of the pickin' and grinnin'.

25. Watching The House of Yes with Sam, while sharing a bottle of Malbec and snuggling with Yogi.

26. Waking up in Charleston that Monday morning...and not knowing where to go next. And really, not deciding where to go, until I finished breakfast at the Waffle House.

27. The Montgomery Biscuits game in Montgomery, Alabama. And afterwards at the bar down the street, meeting new friends.

28. Exploring Montgomery. Hank Williams Museum. Rosa Parks Museum.

29. Visiting my brother in Mobile, Alabama.

30. The Mobile BayBears game with my brother in Mobile. Beer in the can. Nachos. Clarence, the dancing man. The torrential rain. Fulton County stadium seats. And tons and tons of laughter.

31. Visiting Gulf Shores. Having breakfast at a beach shack. Putting my feet into the Gulf. Reflections.

32. My one night return to Nashville-- and spending it with Ashley Ludman to tell her about my wild adventures and subject her to a photo viewing of all my pictures.

33. Meeting Darien for dinner at Good Food on Montford. I had pork belly, posted a picture of it and started a small war between me and the vegetarians. Later that night, Thirsty Beaver for lots of laughter...and my motherly advice to a group of 20-somethings who were about to operate a car after lots of drinking.

34. Driving with my mother to Greensboro to pick up my brother John. Truck drivers and dancing.

35. Chichaitos and margaritas with my family.

36. Dinner at Dish with the family. Followed with dessert and drinks at 300 East to visit my sister. Probably my favorite part (outside of having Chicken 'n Dumplins for the first time in years) was when Emmett, my nephew, kept saying, "Que, queeeeee?"

37. Helping Jennie Ann set up at the Charlotte wedding celebration.

38. My mom and I visiting the grocery store and my discovery that the Jarrito's were on a close out sale-- and subsequently purchasing every single bottle in the store.

39. The wedding celebration. I got to see so many old friends. I got to have some awkward conversations with people I haven't seen in years. I got to dance. I got to see the lovely families of the bride and groom, whom I love. There was cake smashed on faces. There was some wild dancing. There were torrential rains. I was super happy to get to meet the lovely wives of both Chris Love and Brian Tucker. I was happy to spend time with Derek's brother Wyatt, discussing the mechanics of the Electric Slide. There was more wild dancing.

40. The Kinston Indians. I have to give a shout out to Jordan's husband Blaine for telling me about the stadium. Last year for the stadium. Incidentally, the game went into overtime. I left in the 11th-inning. Turns out this was the longest game in Carolina League history-- 23 innings. I met some lovely ladies at the game...and we spent the rest of the game laughing together. Wonderful stadium.

41. Making the decision to drive back to Myrtle Beach one last time. It was impulsive and perfect.

42. Margaritas with Sam on the porch of Rosa Linda's and later listening to him play his new violin and laughing at how much we love cats and want them on rainbows.

43. Letting Sam convince me to have breakfast at the Cracker Barrel in Myrtle Beach before returning to Nashville.

44. That long, long, long drive home.

45. I feel like there should be a 45, just to round it out. So, what could the last one be? Reflecting on the joy of it all...and returning to spend an evening with my lovely Nashville family-- Ashley, Michelle, and Cassie...and then to visit with Art and Jeremy, for a bonfire in the middle of summer.

All in all, it was beautiful. I'm trying to shake off the broodiness that comes when I return home. I'm trying to incorporate what I learned in those two weeks into my life here in Nashville. I'm trying. I've got three weeks here before I'm off for more adventures in Puerto Rico. I'm struggling to stay in one place.

And I thank all of you for the wonderful adventures of the last two weeks. I am extremely blessed to have so many beautiful people in my life. Yeah, I said it, you can make fun of me if you like....but it was so absolutely fantastic.

"Baby, I finally know what I'm going after. I'm learning to let in all the laughter. Holy moly, you're so funny. You crack me up, you crack me up..." -Devendra Banhart

I'm Going to Graceland...

2011-05-27T23:33:00.002-05:00

I can't quite remember when I fell in love with Elvis. I can't even remember the first song I heard by Elvis. It frustrates me that I can't remember when or how Elvis entered into my musical memory. But I do remember when I decided that I wanted to visit Graceland.

I was in high school. It was my senior year. I had recently started dating a young man named Greg Korbler. And tonight, I tried to find him on Facebook, because I thought if anyone would be pleased with my decision to make the pilgrimage to Graceland, it would be Greg. Greg loved Elvis. I mean, he really LOVED Elvis. I remember him singing "Can't Help Falling in Love" to me. I also remember when we broke up in a Wafflehouse in Charlotte, he played "Suspicious Minds" on the jukebox. While I haven't a clue where to find Greg these days, I do know one thing, he left behind an intense love for Elvis in me. And despite the over-the-top touristy feel of Graceland, I've always wanted to make the trip.

Many of you might also know that Ashley, one of my bestest friends, is moving to Wales in August for graduate school. And so, when I mentioned to her that I might road trip to Memphis to visit Graceland, we knew that it'd be a perfect trip to take together. Tomorrow morning, we leave Nashville to embark on this journey. We've got plans to visit Graceland, Beale Street, the Arcade Restaurant, the Civil Rights Museum, Sun, and Stax.

And I can't imagine a better way to celebrate one of our last few weeks together. Watch out Memphis, we are on our way.

As per usual, I've created a road trip mix...to guide us on our path. Here you go...I'm not sure all of them will upload to 8tracks, but you'll at least get to hear some of them. Here is the full listing...

It's Your Thing- Isley Brothers
Graceland- Paul Simon
Memphis- Chuck Berry
Don't Be Cruel- Elvis Presley
Music Makin' Mama from Memphis- Hank Snow
Honky Tonk Women- The Rolling Stones
(Sittin' On) The Dock of the Bay- Otis Redding
All the Way from Memphis- Mott the Hoople
Proud Mary- Ike Turner and Tina Turner
Stuck Inside of Mobile With The Memphis Blues Again- Bob Dylan
I'm Going to Memphis- Johnny Cash
Sequestered in Memphis- The Hold Steady
Mighty Mississippi- David Dondero
Letter to Memphis- Pixies
Hold On I'm Coming- Sam and Dave
The Thrill Is Gone- BB King
Mean Woman Blues- Roy Orbison
634-5789- Wilson Pickett
Mr. Pitiful- Otis Redding
Mississippi- Bob Dylan
Tired of Being Alone- Al Green
(You're The) Devil In Disguise- Elvis Presley
Mystery Train- Elvis Presley

By the way, I haven't a clue why they call it 8tracks, seeing as how I just uploaded 17 tracks. And apparently, you can't upload more than 1 track by the same artist. But enjoy. I plan an update when I return. Wait for it.

Somos Nashville: One Year Anniversary of the Nashville Flood

2011-04-30T20:45:00.011-05:00

Last month, I started thinking about this weekend-- the one year anniversary of the Nashville flood. My neighbors, Ashley and Michelle, and I talked about how we wanted to commemorate the anniversary. And for me, I knew of no better way than to put together a mix of songs that resonated for me and to write about it. Today, I will spend the evening with my neighbors. We will cry. We will hug. We will remember how we vacillated between fear, sadness, humor, and ultimately, the strength we found together.

It is hard to believe that a year has passed. Perhaps harder still is to recognize that so many people here in Nashville are still trying to find their way. And harder still to think about the people recently impacted by the storms in the south. The ways in which disasters tear everything apart and simultaneously show you the power of community and friendship.

And so here we are. One year later.

I fear tonight I'll dream about that morning. I fear that in my sleep, I'll feel the water on my feet when I put them down on the floor that morning.

But instead, I hope I'll remember how my friends came together to help, day after day. Whether they showed up everyday to move and clean my belongings, whether they brought over beer and offered their homes up to me, whether they bought me groceries to stock my kitchen for weeks, whether they donated their furniture to me, whether they simply sat with me while I cried and sat on my empty living room floor, or whether they called me late at night to give me support from faraway places. These are the things that I hope I will think about tomorrow.

And...undoubtedly, when I throw my arms around Ashley and Michelle today...I hope I'll be able to cast off the sadness and realize how despite the destruction and all that we lost in the flood, I gained two of the greatest friends. Friends that I know will be forever in my life, no matter the distance or time.

In case you didn't see it, I wrote something about the flood in the days that followed...you can find it here:

We Were Underwater

And so, here you have it, a mix I put together that reminds me of those days...and the days that followed...hell, even, the months that followed. Click on the link below to listen in no particular order-- and read the song listing that follows:

1. Ocean of Noise- Arcade Fire

"Left in the morning, while you were fast asleep, into an ocean of violence, a world of empty streets...I'm gonna work it out, cause time won't work it out..."

2. You Have To Be Joking- The Flaming Lips

"Stood here in the morning, got no science to explain, seems to me that God and the devil are both the same..."

3. Lord, I'm Discouraged- The Hold Steady

4. Hang On- Dr. Dog

"Stay here for a little while more, 'cause its a funny thing, I need a friend, not an angel..."

5. Under Sad Stars- Crooked Fingers

"Under sad stars in dingy bars, we turn away, we tear apart, one drop of grace, distant and safe, they cannot touch you where you are. Cold shafts of rain falling dark gray, falling so far they can't be saved, they cannot hurt you anymore, here underneath these sad sad stars..."

6. Long Way Home- Eric Ayotte

"I want to take you out at night, go on a date, go to someplace nice, somewhere we can watch the water flow. Niagara Falls, maybe down in Mexico, someplace, not this apartment...This is our home, this is our home, I understand now, we gotta get to it alone..."

7. When the Bottom Fell Out- Vic Chesnutt

"When the bottom fell out, There wasn't any doubt, I just suddenly found myself free falling, And from such a great height, The wind it had a might. And it took all my might to fight the fright. And falling spread eagle, must of formed an airfoil or some kind of wing, And I gained some equilibrium, And caught myself gliding..."

8. I Must Belong Somewhere- Bright Eyes

"Let the sideways rain in the crooked street remain...Everything must belong somewhere, I know that now, that's why I'm staying here..."

9. After the Storm- Mumford and Sons

"And after the storm, I run and run as the rains come, And I look up, I look up, on my knees and out of luck, I look up. Night has always pushed up day, You must know life to see decay, But I won't rot, I won't rot, Not this mind and not this heart, I won't rot. And I took you by the hand and we stood tall, And remembered our own land, what we lived for. And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears. And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears. Get over your hill and see what you find there, with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair."

10. It's A Wonderful Life- Sparklehorse

"I'm full of bees, who died at sea...It's a wonderful life..."

Springtime Crushes: Let's get Twitterpated

2011-04-11T22:40:00.002-05:00

It seems that as long as I can remember, spring has always ushered in new crushes. Apparently, I'm not alone in this...even Bambi and his friends get "twitterpated" with the arrival of spring. See below.

The Meaning of Twitterpated

Even after all these years, I find myself absolutely crushed by crushes. Just like Owl says in the clip, you are walking by, you see a pretty face and just like that, your knees go weak.

Perhaps it is the promise of something new, like the beginning of spring. The moments in between, before you've even met the person. And you can engage in all types of ridiculous hopeful behavior. You can speculate about what it might be like when you actually work up the courage to talk to your crush.

You find yourself wondering...What is his name? What if it is Richie? Could I date a Richie? What if he has horrible taste in music? What would it be like to date someone who is a _____(yes, I'm protecting myself here). What if he wears some old white Reebok tennis shoes in his free time?

You can wonder about all of this with your closest friends, giggling all the moments in between. But I suppose the best part of it is all the unknown, all the questions, all the wondering. Just like we all do with our favorite baseball teams in April. It is the hopefulness and excitement of a new season.

Yep, I'm blushing right now just thinking about it.

Entonces, I'll celebrate new crushes and a new season. So, I put together this 8-track mix of crush songs...those that can accompany you when you spend a lazy afternoon in the yard (or side-yard for me and my neighbors) and think of days to come.

And just maybe, I'll work up the courage soon.

--------

Song Listing:

1. Counting Backwards- The Velvet Teen
2. Last Days of Disco- Yo La Tengo
3. Like U Crazy- Mates of State
4. Chesterfield King- Jawbreaker
5. 'Reak Scene- Dinosaur Jr.
6. Crazy For You- Best Coast
7. Do Ya Think I'm Sexy- Rod Stewart
8. I Melt With You- Modern English

Ev'ry Time We Say Goodbye....Puerto Rico

2011-03-11T22:49:00.000-06:00

Golden BB's: The Z-Man and A Macaroon

2011-02-01T21:43:00.003-06:00

Last night, I found out that my grandfather passed away. Since my somewhat flippant comment about it on Facebook, I received loads of support and condolences from friends and family all around the world. Without a doubt, I thank you all. However, I must admit, my feelings about this loss are complicated...and awkward at times. My relationship with my grandfather was estranged and difficult. And last night, I found myself confused with the news. I was confused about my reaction, confused about how the loss of my grandfather impacted me...and more directly, how it didn't impact me. These feelings are further complicated by the pain his death has caused for my family members. I recognize these and sympathize with how it must feel for them, but regardless of how many memories I flip through in my mind, I can not reconcile these feelings. So, it is with conflicted emotions that I say goodbye.

Perhaps one of the further complications is the fact that on February 1, 2001, I lost someone that I cared about very deeply. 10 years ago, I was forced to say goodbye to a good friend, lover, mentor, and comrade. His name was Joe, but we often called him Joe-b-won and the Z-man. He use to call Jennie Ann, Jabba. He was my Art History and Film professor. He was considerably older than me. He was the first man I lived with. He was jealous and controlling, but he was also the first partner I had to talk with about film and music and sociology. My brothers thought he was Bruce Wayne and Batman when they met him on Thanksgiving. He was an artist. We started dating on Valentine's Day, 1997. We broke up for the first time on Valentine's Day, 1998. He called me macaroon. Instead of telling him I loved him, I said, seven bucks a tube. He taught me to love the delightful joy of butter beans and Rodin. We lived in a farm house without running water, across the street from a pyramid house. We spent one night sitting on the hood of his Volvo, watching a meteor show in Bethel, North Carolina. He gave me his first piece of welded art, an evil-eye pendant, which still hangs from my rear view mirror. We started writing a screenplay together through letters.

The last time I saw him was on Halloween 2000. He was dressed as a ghost. And the last time we spoke was in late January 2001. He told me he hoped I was happy.

I found out about his death from one of my oldest friends. He called me at work. He hesitated and then he told me, knowing the inevitable reaction. Loss was not rare for me in those years. I made the trip to the funeral, which was awkward for reasons I won't go into here. But I officially said goodbye to him much later that night at a rock show of the Port Huron Statement, when the band dedicated their last song to him and I locked arms with those that knew him and we let our voices raise up above the trees (...in Jeff Mangum's words).

What stays with me the most are two lessons that Joe taught me...

One, when I was entangled in some family drama, I remember him telling me, "Always keep your eye on the exit. Always know how to leave when necessary."

And perhaps more importantly, secondly, I called Joe when I lost one of my closest friends to death. I called him, confused and scared. He told me that death is happenstance. He told me that essentially, we wander through our lives. We never know when time will be up. We don't choose that. And out in the universe are all these golden bb's-- circulating and flying through the air. We spend our days dodging them, and sometimes, it just happens, a golden bb gets you and that's it. Time up. Game over. While I cried into the phone, he said to me, "Fuck those golden bb's."

Shortly after the death of my friend, I visited Joe. He gave me a gift. It was an empty mini-wine bottle filled with bb's. He wrote on the side of the bottle, "Hey Sugarmac- At least I took some of them outta circulation. Love, Joe."

And while I sit here tonight missing him, I can't help but think to myself, fuck those golden bb's...because I've missed him these last ten years.

One of his favorites...

Resolucions

2011-01-01T18:04:00.004-06:00

Last night, I set out to draw up my list of resolutions for the New Year. Now I present to you the lessons I hope to learn in the next year...

1. Expectations of Others.

Over the holiday season, I realized that my expectations of others can be constraining at times. In the new year, I plan to let go of these expectations and just accept my circumstances as they are.

2. Forgiving and Forgetting.

I plan to recognize that forgiveness is important; however, there are times when forgiveness is not necessary. That being said, we must forget. Negotiating between forgiveness and forgetting will be an important lesson in the year to come.

3. Letting Go.

Yes, letting go is important both in my expectations of others, as well for forgetting and forgiving; however, letting go takes a slightly different form. I plan in the new year not to fuck things up with my desire to control everything around me. By letting go of control, I will attempt to relish all the moments in between.

4. Freedom from Technology.

No, I'm not going to say I won't use Facebook daily or I will only check my email once a day...but instead, I plan to utilize more boundaries around how much I allow technology to enter into my day. I'm not sure what form this will take, but I plan to create space and time in my day where I can turn off my phone or shut off the internet.

5. Champagne and Headbands.

In the new year, I plan to drink more champagne and get or make headbands for every occasion.

2010: The Year of the Brooders

2010-12-31T17:01:00.006-06:00

Like so many others tonight, I'm spending the last few hours of the year reflecting on the passing of the year and starting to build anticipation for a new year. Even as arbitrary as the "passing of the year" may seem, I find something comforting in sifting through status updates, blog posts, and old pictures. Yesterday in talking with a friend about the year 2010, I could only think of one word: intense. It was a year of intense highs and intense lows, with little in between.

It was a year heavy with loss and light with the comfort of good friends and family. It was a year I spent confused by time zones, crossing between spaces and places. It was a year I felt at home in more than one place. It was a year of emotional joy and turmoil. It was a year of challenge in numerous ways.

1. I said goodbye to both Pete Peterson and Charles Meador this year. We, as a community, said goodbye to Mark Linkous of Sparklehorse. It was the 10 year anniversary of saying goodbye to my father. The heaviness of these losses weigh particularly heavy on me as we transition into a new year.

2.I also loss the comfort of a few close friends, due to various circumstances. Although I end the year without the comfort of their friendship, I still recognize just how much they've added to my life this past year.

3.The Nashville flood. While so much of what I remember from the flood is of loss, it also produced a family with my neighbors (Ashley and Michelle), allowed me to ask for and receive help from loved ones and good friends (too many to name), and loosened my grip on those things we can't control.

4. There were great shows: Eric Bachmann, Jonathan Richman, David Dondero, The Hold Steady, The National, Andrew Jackson Jihad and The Arcade Fire...and all the music I saw in Puerto Rico-- particularly Anti Sociales and Superaquello.

5. I spent eight weeks of my year in Puerto Rico. My time in Puerto Rico are among (and will always remain) some of my fondest of memories. I found a family there. I met some of the best friends I've ever had and opened my heart up again to the possibility. I also had the opportunity to activate the activist in myself. I think of my friends on the island every day, missing them and appreciating what they've brought to my life. I heart you folks.

6. My mother visited Nashville for my birthday and made my birthday quite spectacular. Trey and Charlie visited, which upon reflection is quite bittersweet. I'll never forget those precious days. My friend Carlos visited in October and was forced to acknowledge my top-notch dance skills. My friend Joel visited for Thanksgiving and reminded me how important it is to enjoy every moment.

7. I had more side lawn parties than I can count.

8. I finished my masters thesis and earned my second masters degree (official today!). I wrote a book chapter. I presented my research on the University of Puerto Rico student movement for the first time. I wrote a grant and was awarded funding to spend the summer in Puerto Rico.

9. I started learning Spanish, both informally and formally. Mostly, I learned how to say "Cabron! Vete pal carajo, mamabicho." That being said, I also learned how to describe my family and furniture in the present tense. Now, I shall move on to perfecting the imperfect and future tenses...and of course, fine-tuning my knowledge of insults.

10. I had the opportunity to witness many of my friends making life-changing decisions. Jennie Ann and Derek got engaged. Ashley applied and got accepted to graduate school in Wales. My brother John graduated from college and got a job. And others, that shall remained unnamed, dealt with tragedies with a grace that I admire. And lastly, my sweet niece (dulce sobrina) Rowan was added to our family.

(I decided to write 11 items, given the new year)

11. If I've learned anything in this past year, it has been the sheer treasure that I have in my friends. Not only do I have the privilege of having a wonderful and talented family, but I've developed numerous other families-- in Charlotte, in Nashville, in Puerto Rico, in South Carolina, in California. I learned the importance of nurturing these relationships through family dinners and the simple acknowledgement of just how much these people mean to you. I've also had the joy of realizing how much I mean to others, which I thank you all for.

And here are some pictures from the past year...for your enjoyment.

Best of 2010

And to 2011, I cheers you. I'm ready for you.

A Year in Facebook Status Updates: 2010

2010-12-30T00:53:00.003-06:00

Over the holiday season, I took the opportunity to review my year of status updates (with the help of a new application on my phone that collects all of your updates in one place). While I appreciate the Facebook applications that compile your top words and the like-- I was curious to see what took place over the course of the year. While I plan to compile a few "Best of 2010"-- I present to you here my favorite status updates from the year...

January 2010
"In the last six months, I've gone from being a 'sad clown' to a 'melancholic pirate'- today, I'm a 'cheerful robot.' -1/24/2010

February 2010
"If I am Daniel Faraday, then you are Desmond Hume. And the island wants us back..." -Jennie Ann Cole on 2/5/2010

"My grandmother gave me some advice today about how to cure my cold: "Go to the liquor store, buy a small bottle. Don't buy too much that will give you a hangover or cheap stuff that will give you a headache. Drink it before you go to bed. And in your sleep, you'll sweat out all the sickness." Hmm, curiously, that wasn't on the list of 4 medications my doctor wants me to take." -2/11/2010

"just received a phone call from the von Trapp house in Salzburg. I'm pretty sure I never imagined that would happen." -2/21/2010

"Soy un robot rumiante." -2/22/2010

March 2010
"is going to spend the afternoon deleting old or corrupt files, backing-up, and then installing a new operating system. Metaphorically, at least." 03/12/2010

"Some creepy computer from Vandy just called me and told me, "This is only a test." Yep. That's true." -3/19/2010

"My plan from May to mid-June: Hone my dance skills for the impending dance off. You better watch your step, I'm taking home the crown this year." -3/28/2010

April 2010
"Last night I dreamed I was having dinner with an important politician from PR (don't worry, it wasn't Fortuno) at some atrocious fusion-esque restaurant. Here was the good part, they sent Medalla ahead of time for us to have with our awkward dinner." -4/1/2010

"The most perplexing question I've been asked lately: "Do unicorns even have lips?" -Arthur Reed" -4/22/2010

"is about to go all coffee cup on you." 04/25/2010

"is trying to convince myself the sound of the alarm going off outside is really the sweet sound of the coqui." -4/30/2010

May 2010
"Oh, in other good news for the night, my bathroom is flooded." 05/1/2010

""Your tongue is purple." -Art Reed in reference to my first exposure to cherry moonshine." -5/3/2010

"It is all in the merging. And I'm pretty sure he merges effortlessly." 05/17/2010

"According to Art and Ashley, I'm being served broodiness on a silver platter in the dining car of the broodexpress heading to Broodmont. Now I just need the right soundtrack." -5/20/2010

June 2010
"I should have been a cowboy." -6/3/2010

"is working on her degree at Attitude University." -6/4/2010

"You guys are really weird about some things. -The Weird One" -6/5/2010

"Porch. Mixed berries. Peligroso." -6/7/2010

"Me (at the local Rite Aid): Do you have pickles? Islam (one of my favorite employees at my local Rite Aid): Pickles? What are pickles? Me: Delicious. Tiny baby cucumbers soaked in vinegar. Islam: Pickles? Me: Pickles. Islam: Pickles? Me: Pickles. (Laughter. High Five.) Islam: No, I don't think we have pickles." -6/9/2010

"I'd rather be brooding than gaying. -Anonymous" -6/19/2010

"I feel like Dorothy. Everything just turned to color." 06/24/2010

"thinks someone has to drink the 40 in the bottle, not a glass." 06/26/2010

July 2010
"is not a lizard person. Thankfully." -7/2/2010

"has decided that I'm not leaving. I'm just saying, Do you know big the universe is?" -7/7/2010

"Apparently, resistance makes you a lobster-person, in addition to stinky and sweaty." 07/18/2010

"It rains champagne here." -7/18/2010

"Is Mario a fruit, vegetable, or grain?" -7/22/2010

""Do you have OIS? Do you repeatedly come up with outlandish ideas about fake weddings, fake beaches, and fake beer commercials? If so, you might have overactive imagination syndrome?" -7/22/2010

"has a camera full of incriminating photographs. Oh my. Manic Monday > Motown Monday." -7/27/2010

"is still wondering what would be more difficult-- taking a chicken on a bus or finding a chicken to take on the bus." -7/27/2010

" "New Rule: If they can't or won't dance: Deal-Breaker." -Ashley Archer (Yes, I concur." -7/28/2010

"I hope you realize you are making leaving far more difficult than it was." -7/31/2010

August 2010
"is covered in sand, in my bed. But swimming in the ocean as the sun came up was a perfect ending to this story." -8/1/2010

"Saying goodbye to Magaly Colon. Tears: 1, Trying to act tough and strong: 0." -8/2/2010

""So I was thinking about Prince the other night." -Joel Cintron" -8/3/2010

"es en la misma pagina, pero en diferentes paises." -8/6/2010

"Sometimes, just sometimes, Mom is right about everything." -8/31/2010

September 2010
"And most of our conversations are about making sandwiches. Awww, true love." -9/8/2010

"will be constructing my travel rider, just in time for my next trip to PR. Yes, there will be stipulations regarding practical jokes, pickles, pears, and dancing." -9/9/2010

"I'll venture to guess the fact that I'm wearing my bathing suit on the plane and going straight to the ocean is exactly what this one needs to remind me. Oh, PR, how I heart you." -9/22/2010

"Gas and Beer. Its the new primo." -9/23/2010

October 2010
"What sound does a walrus make when he is drinking a margarita? -Arthur Reed." -10/10/2010

"just cheers'd Carly to being in the gutter." -10/14/2010

"So, Ashley Ludman y Michelle Mansour, let me get this straight...sometimes it is a reptile disguised as a devil disguised as a wombat disguised as a wolf disguised as a sheep disguised as a man? Oh hell. No wonder we get so confused. By the way, just wanted you both to know, I accidentally referred to you as my "roommates" today. Sabine and Igor are no longer speaking to me." -10/19/2010

"Broodiness and reptile-devil-wombat-wolf-sheep-men: Vete pal carajo. Yep, it is time for a clean sweep and a blank new page." -10/25/2010

November 2010
"was just trying to text the word "ignorer" and it thought I meant "igniter." No. Don't put words in my text, cell phone. Well, maybe it was right." -11/9/2010

""What does that mean? Is it riding around in a Pontiac?" -Ashley Ludman" -11/13/2010

"Or wait, maybe it isn't a wombat...but a hyena?" -11/20/2010

"Joel: "Are there monkeys in Nashville? I want to see the monkeys!" Me: "No, but there are some hyenas and wombats." -11/22/2010

December 2010
"My head is two knives, one phone, and a sugar packet." -12/2/2010

"hopes the clouds disperse soon." -12/19/2010

"Me (to Emmett): "Can I live in your junkyard?" Emmett: "Yes, you can live in this Pontiac."" -12/24/2010

"is not a fan of complicitous silence...and this does not make me very popular at family functions during the holidays." -12/25/2010

"Change the paradigm." -12/29/2010

Somos Los Brooders Holiday Mix 2010

2010-12-16T20:32:00.007-06:00

It is 2010. Here is my annual mix. Many of you already know, but this is the 9th year I've been making the annual mix and distributing it amongst friends. The list has grown quite large-- and throughout the years people are added, removed, added again, or just maintain a permanent spot. Even today, my old friend Anton said, "Of course I remember the mixes. I remember when there were on TAPES!" Yes. I began the process with actual mixtapes.

After spending a good 5 years burning countless cds, printing pictures and song listings, and paying an insane amount of shipping, I thought I would seek out a new production process. I'd also like to thank Reloj Bomba, for not only creating one kick ass holiday mixtape sharing experience, but also for showing me how to move into the technological age of 20-somethings everywhere.

So here you have it. I've provided a listing of the songs with explanations for why they were chosen. At the very bottom of the page, you'll find the link to download the mix.

1. Annie Hall Opening- Woody Allen

If you don't know how much I love Woody Allen, then I'm going to assume we aren't that close. "And it is all over much too quickly...."

2. Estas Que Te Pelas- Carla Morrison

I'll be honest with you. I've been in love with this song for months. However, I just now found the time to look up the lyrics and begin to translate them. And it is spot on. It says exactly what I had hoped was happening in this beautiful cover by Carla Morrison. If you aren't already familiar with her work, please seek her out. She can do no harm. Seriously. I could have compiled an entire mix of only her music. In addition, I came in contact with this version from the website Club Fonograma, where you can download new music and mixes. Que fantastico. "Cuantas ganas tengo, de robarte un beso."

3. Dance, Dance, Dance- Lykke Li

Apparently this mix is going to require me to say, "I'll be honest" alot...Eeeks. The first time I heard this song, it was during my summer fieldwork in Puerto Rico. I was searching online for a hair salon, as I was still two weeks away from being reunited with Andrea at Gloss (Shout-Out!). I pulled up this one swanky salon and this song started playing. I fell in love with it. Little did I realize how true it was...It'll always remind me of Manic Mondays at the Cafe.

"Having trouble telling how I feel, but I can dance, dance, dance. Couldn't possibly tell you how I mean, but I can dance, dance, dance. So when I trip on my feet, look at the beat, it was all written in the sand. When I'm shaking my hips, look for the swing, it was all written in the air..."

4. Shot Down- The Sonics

Yep, Motown Mondays. 5 Spot. Nashville. Awww, the old days.

5. When I'm With You- Best Coast

Apparently I might have arrived on the Best Coast scene late, but WRVU, Vanderbilt's public station (which you should support to keep on the air), played this on the day I got back from Thanksgiving break. It fit. It will always remind of Thanksgiving break. From picking Joel up at the airport to the adventures on Lower Broad to the potluck to the drive from Nashville to Charlotte to the time in Charlotte with family and friends to dropping Joel off at the airport.

"The world is lazy, but you and me, we're just crazy."

6. Be My Baby- The Ronettes

Just a classic. Perfect. Short. Sweet.

7. Hot Love- T. Rex

I'm just going to leave this one without explanation. Does it really need one?

8. Heartilation- Andrew Jackson Jihad

My wonderful friends Magaly and Jorell introduced me to the music of Andrew Jackson Jihad. I fell in love. And this past year I had the chance to see him play, not only in a parking lot to an underaged crowd, but also inside the club. It was magical. This is the kind of song I can turn up to full volume in my truck and play one thousand times.

"I wanna break apart my heart, glue the pieces to my car, crash it into a wall, I don't want to feel at all, I want to break apart my heart. Douse it in gasoline, so the fire burns clean, flick a cigarette like that movie Con Air, doused in gasoline. And if you think you are better than me, you're right. There's no one to love. There's no one to trust. In my life..."

9. So Far Around The Bend- The National

I've loved The National for a few years now. I fell in love with this particular song during my summer in Puerto Rico. There was something about being both between here and there, with and without a home. Full circle. In early October, one of my bestest friends Carlos came to visit to attend The National's show at The Ryman in Nashville. At the last minute, we bought a ticket for Art to join us. The three of us sat in the back of the theatre, dancing, singing, and laughing. It was beautiful.

"Wanted to cry, but you can't when you're laughing..."

10. La Emergencia- Superaquello

My last night in Puerto Rico this summer, I was fortunate enough to be introduced to the band Superaquello by my lovely friend Mario. It was happenstance. We had not planned to be there. We stumbled into the bar. We danced in the crowd. We danced on the side of the stage. And we danced well into the early morning hours in the club, on the street, and in the ocean.

11. Save Me- Aimee Mann

This one breaks my heart every single time. It is for all my brooding collaborators...and for those of you that suspect you are "cold-hearted snakes" inside, because you aren't really.

"You look like a perfect fit for a girl in need of a tourniquet. But you can save me. Come on and save me. If you save me. From the ranks of the freaks, who suspect they can never love anyone..."

12. Bombay- Alex Ferreira

Another cover from the Club Fonograma blog.

13. The Sparrow and the Medicine- The Tallest Man On Earth

My spectacular friends, Trey and Kyle introduced me to The Tallest Man On Earth....but mostly through their posting of videos. And if I am correct, there was one fateful night where Kyle told me I should download an album. And in my hazy state (wait, what?), I downloaded an entire album. It wasn't until this song came on my shuffle during a drive home from school one day that I totally fell in love with it. And I'm sure glad it did.

14. We Can Get Together- The Hold Steady

Oh gosh, I love Craig Finn. I love The Hold Steady. When I first fell in love with this song, it was about The Captain (to remain unnamed). I remember it made me cry then. Then it reminded me of my new friend Jeffrey Parker, because he loved it too. And it didn't make me cry. And then...there was that fateful day. This was the song I was listening to when my friend Trey called me to tell me that our friend Charlie had been killed in a car accident. So, now, this song is Charlie. It will always be Charlie. And it will always make me cry.

"He wasn't just the drummer, he was the singer's younger brother. I still spin the single, but it don't sound that simple. Let it shine down on all of us, let it warm us from within....Heaven is whenever we can get together. Sit down on your floor, and listen to your records. Heaven is whenever we can get together. Lock your bedroom door, and listen to your records..."

15. Caught the Song- David Dondero

Dondero has been an acquaintance for more years than I dare mention and a friend for some less than that. He is incredible. You should see him when you get the chance. This is from his latest album.And you know, it is true.

"I don't want to love and leave you again. I don't want to love and leave a friend..."

16. Winter Winds- Mumford & Sons

Another treasure brought to my attention by the miraculous Kyle and Trey. This is it. This is the broody music. Maybe I lied earlier. I'm not going to be completely honest. I've felt this way...often, even. But that's all you get.

"As the winter winds litter London with lonely hearts, Oh, the warmth in your eyes swept me into your arms, Was it love or fear of the cold that led us through the night? For every kiss your beauty trumped my doubt. And my head told my heart "Let my love grow," But my heart told my head, "This time no, this time no..."

17. Bye Bye Baby- Mary Wells

"Your love was sweet as wine..."

18. Stay The Fuck Away From Me- Lightspeed Champion

Do we need much more than the title of the song by way of explanation?

19. La Hora de Volve- Rita Indiana & Los Misterios

I was introduced to Rita Indiana by Carlos. Some nights instead of talking, we just send one another youtube videos. He sent me this song. At that moment I knew that Rita Indiana and I were destined to convene in the same physical space and the same time in the near future. A few months ago, her band released a whole album. It is amazing. It would be listed in the top five of this year. Hell, I'll go further. I anticipate it'll rank in the top 50 of the decade. Yep, it is that good. I'm not sure I've stopped dancing. Rita, let's plan to meet in San Juan.

20. Pushover- Etta James

My favorite line: "Your temptin' lips, your wavy hair, your pretty eyes with that come hither stare. It makes me weak and I start to bend. And then I stop and think again...."

21. All I Really Want to Do- Bob Dylan

Road trip. North Carolina. Near the Harmon Den exit. Perfect advice from Bob. Sometimes we just have to let go of trying to make something out of something else.

22. Thank You for Your Love- Antony & The Johnsons

How could a holiday mix be complete without Antony? Although I'll dedicate this one broadly to all my incredible friends, there is one person in particular...to whom this applies specifically...my dearest friend Art. He has been there for me this last year..."when all is falling in the seizure of pain," "when I was lost in the dark blackness," and "when my mind was broken into a thousand pieces." If anything could be said about the year 2010, I learned the value of friends....as I know I'm blessed with the most fantastic people around me, both near and far.

23. True Love Will Find You In the End- Daniel Johnston

It will, you know. For the brooders..."don't be sad, I know you will...." And yes, Ashley and Michelle, it will. But maybe it has already found us....in our family.

Find the downloads here...

Download Somos Los Brooders Holiday Mix

And if you have any trouble downloading the music above, here is another place.
Somos Los Brooders Holiday Mix, Take Two

Death at my heels, like a basset hound.

2010-08-27T18:14:00.004-05:00

(Charlie Meador, Robert's Western World, June 2010)

It was two weeks ago to this day that I received the phone call. We had lost our dear friend Charlie to a tragic car wreck. In the late hours of that Friday night, my friend Trey phoned me to inform me of the tragedy. And just like that, years and years of heaviness came rushing to the surface. At first, I thought it was some sick joke. Then, I refused to believe. And finally, in the early morning hours of Saturday I came to accept the fact that this incredible young man was gone. Gone, just like that. Gone, in the most unexpected of ways.

"And one of these days I'll be left with nothing but memories and no time, So I better get accustomed, 'Cause I got a lot, Lord, I got a lotta losin', Bye and Bye..." - Monsters of Folk

My reaction to the loss of Charlie was anything but subtle. What further complicated the matter was how well I knew Charlie. Here is the thing, I knew him for such a short time. Charlie and my friend, Trey, came to visit me here in Nashville at the beginning of June for three days. Trey, an ex-student of mine, had plotted a journey for the summer to travel and make a documentary on artists. When Trey told me about his trip, I offered a place to stay. Back in 2006 or 2007, when Trey was one of my students, he was one of the quietest students I had. After the fact, we became good friends-- albeit mostly through email. He is someone I can always count on for a great conversation about Woody Allen, movies, music, or life happenings. So, when he accepted my offer to house him during his documentary tour, I was thrilled.

About a week before arriving, Trey informed me his friend Charlie would be accompanying him. I was excited and nervous. While Trey and I had become good friends, we had never really interacted with one another outside of the classroom. I wondered, will it be awkward? Will he be as quiet as he was in the classroom? And I wondered, what will Charlie be like?

Once Trey and Charlie arrived, I realized we would have fantastic time. Trey was not the quiet young man that I remembered and Charlie...well, Charlie is the type of person who can talk to anyone and makes everyone feel comfortable. We found ourselves laughing hysterically within the first few moments, as Charlie comically recounted their experiences in Memphis and the other places they had traveled.

My plan for our two nights were to spend one night going to Lower Broadway showing them the honky tonks and one night visiting East Nashville.

That Thursday evening, my friend Art came over and the four of us made our way to Lower Broadway. We visited Robert's Western World where we picked out a pair of cowboy boots for all four of us. Then The Stage where we drank cheap beer and Art became the most beautiful bachelorette in all of the land. We sat out on the grass at the Riverfront Park and talked. We tried to ride the bull at Cadillac Ranch, which unfortunately was closed. Instead, we talked about having Art become the impromptu bull; however, instead, we all walked out of the bar as "sad bulls." Then, we finished our evening at The Wheel, where a lovely woman came to our table. She shared her drink with me, made us all sing along to some song about being a "redneck woman" (including yelling loudly the "hell yeah" parts in unison), and took quite a liking to Charlie and his flannel Western shirt. We finished the evening back at my apartment with Mud Tugs, an entire container of Hummus, and a viewing of a Dianetics video that Charlie and Trey had picked up during their journey. We laughed until the early morning hours, while Art and I screamed about the lack of structural arguments in the video.

On Friday, Trey and Charlie took off on their own to find needed supplies for the video camera. When they returned back to the house, they informed me they had the fortunate experience of visiting Rhino Books and McKays. I remember them showing me all their lucky finds, but perhaps most memorably, they had found a book that explains to children what is happening to their bodies during puberty. We spent most of the afternoon listening to Charlie read to us from the book, while trying to contain our laughter. Sitting here now, I can still glance over at the couch and see Charlie sitting there reading to us all about how we shouldn't be ashamed and how everyone develops differently.

That evening, I had decided I'd like to take Trey and Charlie out to dinner and drinks at the Holland House, then attend a show at the 5 Spot. We were joined by Art, Ashley (Archer), my neighbor Ashley (Ludman), Jonathan, and Becky. We laughed, ate, drank, read our name definitions from Urban Dictionary, talked about both Becky and I's upcoming trips to the Caribbean, and discussed the documentary. Afterwards, we made our way to the 5 Spot, where we brooded about love and sad music. Towards the end of the evening, we decided to walk over to Art's house for a short bit before catching a cab back to my apartment.

On the way to the house, Charlie started feeling sick. During the latter half of the trip, he had developed a pretty bad chest cold. On the walk, he started feeling dizzy and had started coughing very badly. As we sat and talked propped up against a building off of Gallatin, we became very concerned about his coughing...and we decided it might be best to make a trip to the emergency room.

So there we were, Charlie, Trey and I at the Vanderbilt emergency room at 2am. They took Charlie back pretty quickly; however, once he had gone back to the doctor, they would only let one of us back at a time. Trey went first. After about 30 minutes, Trey passed off the visitors pass to me saying that Charlie wanted me to come back and sit with him, while Trey called Charlie's parents. I'm not sure how much time passed, but I'll never forget sitting on the hospital bed with Charlie talking for what felt like hours. Luckily, Charlie only had a sinus infection gone bad and needed some medication to ease the congestion and pain.

The next day in the late morning, Trey and Charlie packed. They were scheduled to be in Asheville in the early afternoon for the next leg of their journey. I remember feeling sad that they were leaving. I promised I would come visit them both in Columbia. After the trip, I stayed in touch with Charlie. We joked about the trip. We discussed going to the zoo together. I promised to send him pictures from our last lawn party before I left for Puerto Rico. We shared songs with one another.

Although I knew Charlie for such a short time, I was shattered by the loss of him. A myriad of feelings ran through my mind that night. Charlie was an absolutely wonderful person. I could run through the list of positive adjectives; however, most importantly, Charlie was kind and generous. There are those moments in your life when you meet people by chance that you know are the sort of people you want to keep in your life, regardless of how many hours, days, weeks, or years you know them. They just simply emanate sincerity, in a way that a jaded person, such as myself, appreciates and helps them remember and believe in the good of people. Charlie was one of these people. I had looked forward to getting to know him better. I had looked forward to trying to put together an art show in which both Trey and Charlie could share their work here in Nashville. I had looked forward to more laughter in the future.

Saturday morning, after I heard the news about Charlie, I woke up and for a few short moments, I had forgotten. Then it all came rushing back. It was true. It wasn't a dream. This had really happened. And then the heaviness came. The heaviness from years of loss.

There are few things in this world that can shake me to my core, making me question everything in my life. There are few things that make me want to give up on everything. Losing friends and loved ones to death is that thing for me. The bottom falls out and I stumble through the darkness of the loss. And this wasn't my first experience with loss.

In 1999, I lost Dan, one of my best friends, to a drug overdose. In 2000, I lost my father to MS. In 2001, I lost Joe, an ex-boyfriend, to a brain aneurysm. During those years, it felt like it would never end. In 2002, I sat waiting. Waiting to hear the news. I can always remember the phone calls. Those dreadful phone calls when you feel the earth beneath you sink. When Dan died, my friend Paul called. He left a message, he told me he had some bad news about Dan. I remember the phone call. It was the first time I had lost someone close to me. I dropped the phone while I stood there crying. When my dad died, my mother informed me and I thought about the Christmas present I had planned to buy him. When Joe died, my friend Chip called me. I stood in the middle of the school uniform company store where I worked and sobbed.

Although 2002 was a difficult year to get past, I continued to wait for those phone calls. I was anxious. I felt broken from the loss. But luckily, years begin to pile up. Years passed and no more phone calls arrived. Eventually, I was able to reconcile my own feelings with the losses. That being said, every year on the days that I lost these loved ones, I always remember them. July 30th, December 2nd, and February 1st.

"I keep death on my mind, like a heavy crown...But for the record, I'd come pick you up, We'll head for the ocean, Just say when you've had enough...Let me down slow, just help me go slow, I've been hurrying on. I was poised for greatness, I was down and out. I keep death at my heels, like a basset hound..." -Conor Oberst

Hearing about Charlie and listening to Trey try to navigate his own emotions on our loss brought all of this to the surface. And it was during these conversations with Trey, I knew that I needed to be with him and Charlie's friends and family as everyone said goodbye. And so on the Monday after the loss of Charlie, I drove to the beach in South Carolina.

That evening, a group of people congregated at the beach house of Trey's family. We gathered together Big Chill-style and drank, played games, and talked about Charlie. The mood was light that evening. We shared funny stories about Charlie. And we all passed out, perhaps not completely prepared for what the morning would bring.

The morning of the funeral, I woke up in a place I didn't recognize. As my eyes opened, scanning the room, I realized I was in the beach house, I remember thinking, "Fuck. It is true. Charlie is gone. Now we say goodbye." We piled into cars and made our way to Georgetown for the funeral. On the way to the funeral in my rental car, I played the song I was listening to when Trey told me the neww--as loud as possible. I thought about Charlie. I thought about Trey. I thought about his family and friends.

The last song they played at his funeral, after everyone had said goodbye, was Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen. As a young woman played her guitar and sang this song, we walked out of the church in tears and embraces.

I left quickly after after saying goodbye to Trey, Kyle, and Chelsea. I needed to have my own time on the road, alone, to say goodbye. In ways it felt like saying goodbye to not only Charlie, but all of those people I have lost in my life.

I know Charlie is missed by all of those that loved him. I know he will be remembered. I know he will be honored for the wonderful life he led and his kindness and generosity. I can only hope that Trey, when he feels ready, will take the fabulous memories and footage of that summer trip and make something beautiful to honor Charlie, for all of us that knew him. Whether it was for a short time, a long time, or whether he simply passed through our lives quickly and left an impression.

We will miss you Charlie Meador, always. Thank you for the time we spent and...well, the laughter. Hell yeah, mi companero.

Food and the single graduate student

2010-08-11T20:31:00.005-05:00

One of the most difficult things about being both single and a graduate student has to be food. When I first started graduate school at Vanderbilt, although I was in a relationship, I found that my eating habits suffered. While working late into the evening, I discovered that taking time out to not only eat, but also cook, seemed like a major disruption of running code and statistics. Most of the time, I'd find myself making a quick sandwich or grabbing something out of a can to heat up quickly and eat while still pouring over several articles that needed to be completed by morning. After the dissolution of my relationship, I discovered that my eating habits declined even more. Cooking for one person was considerably difficult for me, unless of course I planned to eat that same meal for an entire week. No, I'm not a huge fan of leftovers. And so, eventually I gave up. I started eating more sandwiches and more single items for an entire meal and even some nights, I simply snacked on pickles and cheese while working. Worse even, I found myself frequenting fast food restaurants, which as a vegetarian means very limited (and often unhealthy) choices.

Luckily in the last year, I started making more dates with friends for weekly meals. I would spend all week looking forward to my weekly date with Amada, where we would pick a restaurant we haven't previously visited to take time out from work to enjoy one another's company and some delicious food. Unfortunately these only happened once a week-- and now I recognize that Amada's departure from Nashville to San Diego equals the end of our weekly dining experiences. But that being said (now weeping uncontrollably), there was something lovely about just taking the time out from everything to enjoy a meal with a great friend.

This summer, I had official roommates. Not a boyfriend roommate, but actual real roommates. The last roommates I had were Eric and Laurie in Charlotte back in 2001/2002 and before that Charlotte and Mandy in Boone back in 1997/1998. I was a little anxious at the prospect of sharing common space with three other people, but as most of you already know-- it turned out to be one of the best things for me. And among my best experiences were our family dinners.

Before arriving, I had assumed I would be purchasing my own food to prepare alone. However, I discovered very quickly how important family dinners were to my new family in Puerto Rico. Magaly did most of the cooking because she is amazing at it-- though of course, Jorell cooked some lovely meals too and Mario helped flip some pancakes every so often. Additionally, once food was being prepared, I found that everyone congregated in the kitchen. The four of us would stand around in the hot kitchen and talk and laugh while the food was prepared. We all pitched in to help set the table for dinner and to clean up after dinner, though I think Mario might be a little sad that the household dishwasher is gone. Needless to say, we did this most evenings. Even the evenings when I had hours of work in writing up field notes and transferring and backing up data collected from the day. I remember Magaly saying to me once, "I know that we all have a lot of work to do tonight, but I think we should all take a break to have dinner together. It is important to share at least one meal a day with someone."

I was also told by other friends on the island how important having meals together can be. My friend Carlos explained to me how necessary it is for everyone to join together in the kitchen during the meal preparation. It was a moment when the entire family could come together and share and enjoy one another's company. And perhaps more importantly, the meals were not quickly enjoyed, but rather even after finishing our meal, we would sit for longer--together.

Before leaving Puerto Rico, I thought one of the things I would miss the most would be the experience of just taking a few hours out of my day to share a meal. I feared that as the semester would begin, I would revert back to my old bad habits of pickles and cheese, alone...and furthermore, as a student, entire days when I don't leave my apartment, but rather sit in front of a computer or a book or a statistical program. Being a graduate student, particularly as you move into your final few years, becomes more and more isolating. You sequester yourself with more time thinking and reading and writing and less time spent with others. It can be incredibly difficult...and for those of us that live alone, it can be downright alienating. You start to feel the walls of your apartment or home grow thicker and it makes it more and more difficult to leave the house and go out into the world. Trust me, there have been weeks, I've only left the apartment once or twice. My main communication with the world has been my daily phone call to my mother or texting and chatting with friends online.

So, upon arriving back home, I was pleased to find out the graduate students in my department were planning a monthly pot-luck. We can all come together with different food items and share a meal. In addition, I've decided with a couple of friends to schedule a weekly meal-- either out to eat or in our homes. And lastly, I decided with my lovely neighbors-- Ashley and Michelle-- to have what we now refer to as the "trifecta family dinner" on a weekly basis.

Tonight we had the first "trifecta family dinner." We prepared food, though separately at this juncture (next time we'll also have to cook together!) and all joined together in my apartment for a variety of food items. We had a tofu curry and jasmine rice prepared by Ashley and Michelle and I prepared fresh lima beans from the local Farmers Market and a fruit salad of fresh pineapple and pears. Ashley brought us Bitch Bubbly champagne and some elderflower. We sat around the table for a couple of hours, eating, talking, and listening to music. And you know what? It was absolutely fantastic. After spending a full day of scheduling ASA meetings and working on grant reports and thinking about finishing my thesis and continuing to work on my book chapter...I had spent the entire day inside. I hadn't spoken to one human face to face all day. I say human, because given my sequestered inside predicament, I had plenty of foul words to say to my cats today. Dinner made me feel connected. It made me realize how it is okay to take time out from a busy schedule to share your time, food, and life with others. Actually, it isn't even just "okay," it is necessary.

And so now, I shall start to think about what I'll prepare for the next "trifecta family dinner," while scheduling dinners with those others in Nashville I consider my family. I'll never forget the family dinners I had with my family in Puerto Rico, nor the delicious food that Magaly (and Jorell and Mario) prepared. And I thank them for reminding me of how important it is to come together over a meal. Abrazos, mi panas.

Family Dinners

The Final Two Weeks: Entrevistas, Piquetes, Pranks, and Pictures to Prove...

2010-08-04T21:32:00.004-05:00

My final two weeks in Puerto Rico were...both amargo and dulce. As I loaded up two and three interviews a day on campus, accompanied by attending piquetes, I felt the exhaustion of field research-- particularly as your research unfolds in the process. Scheduling, interviewing, documenting piquetes, typing up field notes, and making new contacts consumed most of my fifth week. And while I have left plenty unexplored and work to continue when I return, I felt I captured tons of data that now stares at me anxiously as I begin the task of uncovering additional themes and transcribing hours and hours of interviews. I must thank my participants and contacts on the island who were incredibly generous with their time and information. It is with great hope and anticipation that I will be able to produce research and writing on these activists, artists, and the UPR movement that will accurately capture the essence of what I experienced.

While I had hoped to spend my last week relaxing, I found myself still scheduling interviews while simultaneously trying to meet with friends I made on the island during my short, short time visiting. It was necessary for me to bid farewell to all those individuals that made my time on the island so very lovely. So, in an attempt to capture the beauty of the last few days...here are some of the events that unfolded...

1) Going with Rafael Bernabe to Old San Juan to have dinner with Cesar Ayala and his lovely wife in their beautiful apartment, drinking coco chichaito with them after dinner, and running through the rain to El Batey to enjoy the jukebox with a few more drinks. (And learning that the those that can really hold their drinks on the island are the professors).

2) Spending countless days on the UPR campus to the point where I begin to feel like a student. And making countless new friends campus-wide, regardless of whether they were in "Beverly Hills" or "Disney" or "Vietnam."

3) More discussions with the family-- is it a fruit, grain, or vegetable? And really trying to crack the dilemma of which came first-- the chicken or the egg.

4) Confusing the biblioteca and liberia with Joel on the phone. "But I'm standing right out front. Where are you?" And Alexandra coming to our rescue as a translator.

5) Sharing sake with Mario and having dinner with the family at Great Taste.

6) Going to Old San Juan with Carlos, Noelia, and Mario. Making new friends. Dancing. Adventures in lip gloss. Hot dogs at 4:00am. Almost making it to the sunrise.

7) Drinking with Joel, Miguel, and Juan at Vidy's in Rio Piedras before Manic Monday.

8) Not going home after Vidy's before Manic Monday at the Cafe.

9) Dancing with Santos at Manic Monday.

10) Waking up in Jorell's car after Manic Monday, confused.

11) Discovering the pictures Jorell took at Manic Monday.

12) Spending Tuesday, after Manic Monday, with Joel.

13) Listening to Jorell and Magaly make fun of me over dinner on Tuesday.

14) Attending my last Anti Sociales show of the trip at Nuestro Son and having a beer bought for me from across the bar.

15) The trip to Barceloneta with Jorell, Miguel and Lukas. Balancing my own frustrations over protest tactics and meeting people from the community of Boca. A man who is fighting to save his house saying to me, "Thank you. Thank you for coming here today."

16) Dinner with Ralph at Cherry Blossom, while laughing hysterically about how you never know what you are gonna get with you unwrap that package.

17) Dinner and drinks with Carlos, while analyzing every character and episode of Mad Men.

18) Spending the entire afternoon and early evening at the beach with Joel, then having dinner at Danny's, and listening to Prince, Janet and The Modern Lovers into the night.

19) My last night out on the town with some of my best friends-- Jorell, Magaly, Mario, Carlos, Noelia, Egie, and Diego at the Cafe, then in Santurce, watching Superaquello at La Respuesta, an impromptu dance party as the bar closed down, meeting El Ochi, drinking and playing dominoes with Mario, Maria, and Diego, going for an early morning swim in my clothes, and waking up covered in sand. And then finding out how Mario spent his morning.

20) Having a final dinner with the family including Egie and Diego at Danny's, while just about everyone complained of headaches and dehydration and poor service. Watching The Onion movie.

21) Playing the "gnome" in the pickles prank on Jorell and capturing most of it on video.

And the next few events were not highlights, as much as soul shattering...I'll never forget saying these goodbyes...

22) Saying goodbye to Magaly Colon before she went to her first day of classes. While I tried to be so tough, when I saw Jorell peak around the corner of the hallway while I hugged Magaly...I broke.

23) Having a last breakfast with Carlos at the French restaurant, wondering why you can't get good Puerto Rican bread in Atlanta, and taking a 6-pack to the beach and planning for my next visit.

24) Meeting Joel at the beach and receiving the thoughtful gifts of a starfruit and an old photograph.

25) Saying goodbye to Jorell and Mario and crying my eyes out-- and the taxi driver saying to me, "I'm so sorry."

26) Losing complete control over my tear ducts while the plane lifted off the island of Puerto Rico.

I couldn't have asked for a more productive and memorable summer. I couldn't have asked for the opportunity to spend it with lovelier or generous people. I couldn't have asked to learn more than I did this past summer in a place so beautiful and complicated all at the same time. I can't help but feel as if my life has changed as a result...in ways I can never quite explain. At least not quite yet. But I thank you all for everything, for inspiring me, and mostly for making me believe again.

Final Two Weeks

Pictures from July 10th to 19th

2010-08-04T20:40:00.002-05:00

I know I've been promising these pictures for weeks now, but here you go. Some pictures from piquetes at UPR and some from the 18 Julio general marcha. Enjoy. And final two weeks blog post arriving later tonight. Videos will be posted last.

Puerto Rico July 10 to July 19

Have you heard my theory on time-travel? The past ten days on the island.

2010-07-19T20:58:00.004-05:00

More data. More photographs. More videos. More interviews. The last ten days have been action-packed. Here is a quick list of happenings in the the last ten days, including Arthur's visit to the island. Now, the countdown begins. 13 more days. Today, Jorell and Magaly told me they aren't at good at goodbyes...well that makes three of us. It shall be painful. Perhaps I should start planning that return trip now...and ensuring I see everyone in New York for Thanksgiving and rock n' roll.

1. Exploring Santurce with Jason Mena, particularly the part where we drank a Medalla on the curb outside of the gas station and ate an almond from the almond tree we were sitting beneath.

2. The misinterpretation of the status update: "Not funny, Mario. Not funny, at all."

3. Watching the final World Cup game with Magaly and Jorell.

4. Enjoying the campus of the UPR, while sitting in the library, outside the theatre, and conducting interviews.

5. Having the opportunity to be broody on the island.

6. Going to Old San Juan with Carlos, discussing plans for his next film project, getting stuck (yet again, by the rain under an awning), experiencing The Office (including the special whiskey and delightful food), and getting a little lost.

7. Meeting new friends, like Ezequiel, Miguel, Joel, and Bryan.

8. Arthur's arrival.

9. Sitting in the apartment during a storm with the power out with only candles to light the place and listening to the upstairs neighbor play his piano.

10. Taking Art to the Cafe (103) with Jorell and Egie. Becoming U.M.B (aka ultra.mega.brooders) and also remembering to take home the umbrella (only to leave it out at the bar a couple of nights later). Dancing and c-c-c-combobreaking.

11. Taking Art to Old San Juan.

12. The three rock shows: Un Final Fatal, Campio Formio, and Anti-Sociales.

13. "Hey Sexy Wassup"

14. The attempted beach trip to Guilligan's Island with Magaly, Jorell, Art, Noelia and Carlos. After many failed starts, we finally arrived (after driving through the weather coming from the water tornado in Mayaguez) to discover the ferry was sold out. While drinking beer at the nearby and odd Rasta painted bar, the sun returned...so we instead spent the afternoon at the nearby beach, Playa Cana Gorda. Spending hours in the ocean, while drinking Medalla simultaneously was delightful. Aww, the memories and laughter.

15. Listening to Edward Sharpe with Art in my room, after a few too many drinks.

16. The UPR piquete at the tower and the general march on July 18th. (See photo above from the general march).

17. Planning numerous pranks...whether involving religion, steaks, police, or pillows.

18. Drinking frozen margaritas and swimming in the rain with Arthur before he left today.

I now embark on my final two weeks on the island. Fieldwork will occupy most of this week, but you can bet your ass I'm going to Manic Monday next week. I'm hoping for dance party. I'm also hoping to see Culebra or Vieques.

And an anecdote, Art and I met a woman on the beach today when it was raining. For some unknown reason, she explained to us that she arrived here 13 months ago for a short trip. And she never left. She called a friend to have her two dogs put on a plane for here. Hmmm.

Now, Arthur...would you do me a favor? Prepare Sabine and Igor for a plane ride?

(Pictures and video to follow in the next couple of days...)

Wait, they have light switches and paper towel dispensers in Puerto Rico? Que, queeeeee?

2010-07-09T18:59:00.004-05:00

As I make my way through Week 3 of my field research here in Puerto Rico, I find myself nervous that time is starting to slip away. Week 4 begins on Monday. In terms of my "work" here, I've attended three protests, documented and acquired data on the police brutality at El Capitolio, assemblies, and the movements at both UPR and Escuela de Artes Plastica. I've gone to several art museums. I've made contacts within both the art and academic worlds here. I've interviewed five people, with five more scheduled over the weekend and the beginning of next week. And more exciting than that, I've started to hone in on more specific research questions and areas of interest. I've found myself using the terms "manifestation" and "investigation" to describe the work I'm doing. I've been able to hold my own in terms of discussing the issues present within the movements and struggles here on the island (though unfortunately, not in Spanish). Ultimately, I've made real progress here with my intended purposes. As each day passes, I realize how important it is to study these issues here. Only here can I have access to the information and networks necessary to begin to understand the complexity of these struggles and the lives implicated in the struggles.

And it hasn't been all work and no play, I've had a blast too. So, let's count down some of the wonderful happenings from the last week and a half...and then you can enjoy some of the pictures...

1. Exploring Old San Juan, Escuela de Artes Plastica, Nacional Galeria, and record shopping with Calin.

2. Attending the protest at the police headquarters in reaction to the violence at El Capitolio.

3. Watching two, not one, World Cup games with Carlos and Noelia and their lovely friends.

4. Turning a Sunday night into Manic Sunday at Cafe 103 with Magaly, Jorell, and Egie.

5. Watching Sunday night turn into Monday morning with Egie and Ralph at Cafe 103, while drinking a few too many combobreakers and still talking shit about drinking Egie under the table.

6. NOT being inundated with nationalism, narratives of independence, and fireworks on the 4th of July.

7. Deciding that Arthur simply must come visit and making the proper arrangements for it to happen.

8. Snowball Sampling from UPR professors and other activists in the movement.

9. More lovely and entertaining dinners with my family here. Thanks to Magaly's incredible skills in the kitchen. Thanks to Mario's ability to flip pancakes. Thanks to Jorell's kitchen assisting skills.

10. Conquering the war against mosquitoes...and sleeping soundly without their feasting upon my flesh.

11. Conquering bus transportation, at least to Old San Juan...but not back, yet.

12. Discussions with my family here and their lovely friends about any number of interesting topics: Reptile people, Time Travel, Gentrification, Linguistics, Authority. And then comparing them always to LOST and Battlestar Galactica.

13. Exploring the campus of UPR with Carlos, meeting his colleagues, having a delightful lunch from "the vegetarian people", learning that they have light switches here on the island,and conducting two fantastic interviews.

14. Taking the day off, every so often, to enjoy the beach.

15. Experiencing the ups and downs of internet access, including the moment when all of us were able to access wireless and Mario's hilarious chat suggestions.

16. Feeling like something between a tourist and a resident.

As I said early on, I fear that time is starting to slip away. I start my 4th week on Monday. I'm already nostalgic. I'm already missing the people. I'm already missing the food. I'm already missing the language and the dirty words I've learned. I'm already missing the streets I walk daily. I'm already missing my family here. While I undoubtedly know I'll be back soon, I hadn't expected to feel quite so "at home" here. I hadn't expected to not feel homesick.

When I talked with Jennie Ann on the phone earlier, she recounted the details of when I made the decision to study here. We were sitting in an overpriced hot tub at the Caribe Hilton. We were scheduled to leave the island that day, on my first trip here. And I said, "There just has to be a way for me to stay." While I said these words enjoying the privileges of being a tourist, I had no idea the wonderful experiences that I would gain from spending my summer here.

And onwards, I travel into the second half of my field work and time here, while I scratch a mosquito bite and raise a toast of Medalla to the wonderful friends and family I've made here.

Puerto Rico July 1 to July 9

"Now the ocean speaks and spits and I can hear it from the interstate. And I'm screaming at my brother on a cellphone, he is far away. And I'm saying nothing in the past or the future will ever feel like today." -Bright Eyes

25 mosquito bites, 1 wasp sting, 2 protests, 2 baseball games, 2 shots of passion fruit chichaito, and 1 lovely couple

2010-06-29T11:18:00.008-05:00

I've now officially been in Puerto Rico for over one week. While I had expected that by the time I had reached my second week, I would have felt a tinge of homesickness...but instead, I felt a little sadness that one week has already passed and that only five more remain.

And here are some highlights from the first week:

1) The discovery of Manic Monday dance parties at Cafe 103.

2) The wonderful cooking delights of Magaly.

3) Attending two UPR student protests in Old San Juan and Rio Piedras.

4) Learning from Carlos and Paco that Chinese restaurants serve fries/tostones with everything.

5) Seeing the plaza in downtown Caguas with Carlos.

6) Celebrating the Night of San Juan with Jorell, Magaly, Mario, and Egie.

7) Sharing pineapple and sugar cane (after the Jardin Botanico protest) with Abner, Jorell, Diego, and Rosael.

8) Going to Luquillo with Egie for a birthday party and having an impromptu Motown dance party on the way to Cafe 103.

9) Drinking 40s in the afternoon with Mario, Noelia, Diego, Rosael, Jorell, and Magaly.

9) Game One of the Mets- Marlins series with Mario, Jorell and Magaly. Game Two of the Mets-Marlins series with Carlos. Game Two was perhaps the most exciting Major League baseball game I have ever attended.

10) Learning helpful (and often) used phrases and songs. Some of which I won't be saying as often.

11) Having a lovely afternoon of Museo de Arte and coffee with Magaly.

12) Singing Neutral Milk at Los Tres Cuernos with new friends.

13) Watching a beautiful couple dance to Billy Joel among other fantastic songs on the jukebox at El Batey. While I'm generally a pretty pessimistic person when it comes to love and marriage...I must say, for a few moments while I watched this couple dancing, I had hope. Hope that it isn't all forced and fake. Hope that underneath the broodiness it exists. Hope that it might be posible. At least until Ralph told me, "They know we are watching them. That's why they seem so happy."

You know that song from Dirty Dancing...the time of the life song. Yes, that one. It is true. I am having the time of my life. Hell, I wonder if they've got this on the iPod at Los Tres Cuernos?

Puerto Rico Week One

We were underwater.

2010-05-13T23:01:00.002-05:00

As I looked for a picture online to convey the significance of the flooding in Nashville last week, I kept coming across the line, "We are underwater. We are Nashville." Upon seeing the words, it still brings tears to my eyes. Because we were and although the water has receded, we still are.

Some of us have returned home. Many of us still are unable. Some of us were able to salvage many of our treasured belongings. Many of us lost everything. Our streets are still dirty with what the flood has left behind. Mattresses, clothing, washers and dryers, televisions, photographs and sofas still line many of our streets. Homes and businesses are still ripping out walls and flooring, attempting with the last vestiges of hope to salvage what might be left...what might be left to return to.

I've thought about writing this blog several times in the past week or so. I wasn't sure what I wanted to convey. I'm still not sure what I hope to gain out of it. I'm all full on sympathy and empathy. I'm still waiting for validation at times. But mostly, I need to find a way to rebuild and move on. I need a way to expunge. Expunge the water. Expunge the bitterness. Expunge the unpredictability.

In the early morning hours of Sunday, May 2nd, I'd wake to a phone call from my neighbor, Ashley. She informed me that our apartments were flooded. She had suspected a water main broke. Hanging up the phone, I realized both of my cats were on the bed, crying. I got out of bed and put my feet down into water. Water drifting into my bedroom. I looked out the back window of my apartment to discover the water had almost reached my back window. I ran through the apartment in 3 to 4 inches of water to discover water coming underneath my front door. Looking out the front window, I discovered the water had also reached the window. The cars out front were almost fully covered in water. I ran back to the bedroom to find water (read: sewage water) filled the tub and toilet and sink. It seemed as if water was coming in from every possible place. The cats kept crying and I tried to think clearly. What can I do?

I'm at times a paranoid person, often imagining what I would do. You know, imagining, if someone broke in while I was asleep- what would I do? If I had to leave the house with little notice, what would I take with me? You think this might prepare you- carefully imagining how to follow the proper protocol. Grab the insurance papers, grab your passport, grab your most treasured possessions. But you know what happens? Nothing. Paralysis. You grab a toothbrush. You grab a change of clothes. You grab your pets. You don't grab the important papers. You don't grab your life in photographs and journals. No, you leave those to float away.

After calling my mother and 911, my neighbors informed me they were leaving and asked if I had someone to call to pick me up. Without hesitation, I phoned my friend, Art, asking him almost coyly if he could pick me up. As I ran from room to room trying to make decisions about what to salvage by placing it in high places, my mother called me and suggested I put the cats in their carrier, in case rescue arrived too quickly and wouldn't let me go back for the cats. The water kept coming in and I was unsure at the moment of how much might fill my apartment. The carpet tiles in the living room were floating. The cats' food bowl floated in the kitchen. Catching some of the news while I was running through the water, I began to worry about Art driving to pick me up. Apparently this wasn't a water main break, this was flooding. Nashville was flooding. In my fear that I had put a friend in danger, I phoned Art back and told him not to come. I would stay. I would defend my apartment. And in that defining moment, Art told me he was coming for me. He would make it to my apartment. He would pick us up.

While I packed a bag that would last me for some unknowable time period, the police arrived. Unable to reach my front door, I spoke on the phone to them. They told me to stay calm and within 15 minutes of waiting for the firetruck to arrive, the water started to recede. It started to drain. When the police officer and fireman came to my door, the water was only around 2 to 3 inches out of the front door. The water had reached every edge of my apartment. I asked in desperation as to whether I should leave. They told me to leave as soon as possible. It was predicted this would only get worse- and I should take this one opportunity to leave as soon as possible.

A few short moments later, Art arrived. We grabbed the cats, my packed bag, backpack with my computer, and one soaked laundry hamper of clothing and threw them in the car. Drenched with rain and sewage water, we drove to the safety of Art's house. Sitting at the light at Jefferson and Rosa Parks- we discovered that Rosa Parks was completely underwater at the Farmers Market. The water covered everything. We drove over the Jefferson/Spring Street bridge, the streets below were also covered. People were driving up one way exit ramps to escape the rising waters of the Cumberland. As the rain kept pouring down, Art and I unpacked the car and tried to comfort the cats. And the day would continue like this-- trying to make phone calls with my neighbors, the landlord, my family and friends, and finishing up my final paper of the semester.

Around the early afternoon (and after a few drinks to calm my nerves), I tried to take a nap. Laying on Art's couch with his dog, Maggie, I laid there wide awake. I couldn't shake the feeling of water on my legs. I could feel the water. I could see the water coming in the front door. I could hear the cats crying. And I couldn't shake the feeling that I might lose everything I had left behind. I'm still trying to shake the feeling of the water on my feet. I still feel it sometimes when I put my feet down on the floor in the morning.

Later that evening, Art and I would receive a phone call from our friend Ashley, who lives a mile away from me. She was being evacuated. She didn't know where to go- or more accurately, we weren't sure what streets were still open. While on the phone with her, Art and I used a map to plot various paths she could use to get across the river. With numerous failed attempts, I began to fear that Ashley would be secluded in her car stuck between Rosa Parks and the river. And finally, finally, she found one open bridge. A bridge that hadn't yet been taken over by the rising river and flood waters. She arrived safely. And the week would begin.

That first evening, I would have no clue what happened during the day and night at my apartment. I spent the evening imagining that I had lost everything. I spent the evening wondering how I would rebuild. I wondered if I would ever be able to return home.

Without access to the news or my computer (due to a flooded computer cord), I wouldn't know the impact of this flood on Nashville. It wasn't until the next day, as Ashley and I walked to a nearby restaurant for food that we would see the full impact. We sat in that restaurant, staring at the television, terrified. They showed images of Bellevue...then Antioch...then the Cumberland...then North Nashville and Germantown. It was all flooded. Less than a mile from my house, the water reached over the top of businesses. Sitting in that restaurant was painful, I suddenly realized how the flooding reached beyond my apartment, while still wondering silently what we would find as we drove to my apartment. Even getting to the apartment was difficult. The streets were closed with flood waters. There was essentially one road that was clear to drive to my apartment.

Luckily upon arrival, I discovered that the water hadn't reached higher than the previous morning. The next few days passed in a haze. And then the rebuilding would begin. I spent the next five days of my life in a state of flux. The second day, I would have to move all my belongings out of the two carpeted bedrooms into the living room, while making careful decisions about what to place out of the existing water on the floor. The landlord had sent over a crew to help in the process. With the help of three men, I emptied my closets, my bedroom, and my office. We made stacks of the most damaged, somewhat damaged, and salvageable items. Within an hour, all of my belongings had been moved. Then the carpet was ripped up. I then began documenting all the items that I could reach that needed to be thrown out. With my three neighbors- Ashley, Michelle, and Michael- and the help of Ashley and Art and the three young men- Shane, Brad, and Gator- we cleared out what was clearly damaged from three apartments. The trash cans overflowed. Our hands were dirty. But we laughed. Because what else can you do?

On day three, we dried. We waited. And I tried to salvage my clothing that had been soaked.

On day four, I would get carpet in two rooms, which required the disinfecting of all the salvageable items before moving them yet again into the new "clean" rooms. This meant making decisions about which items would be thrown out, particularly big furniture items- like the couch, chairs, bookshelves...most of which I lost. I would continue to document what was lost, naively thinking I might have insurance that would cover the loss. Becky, Ashley, and Art would help me wipe down the furniture and items I planned to keep.

On day five, a cleaning crew came to clean the living room. I would then proceed to unpack from the two rooms, trying to arrange some sense of normalcy in my home. Hanging clothes, setting up my bed, arranging the few items left of my living room furniture-- with the plans to spend my first night back in the apartment.

That first night was harrowing. It was quiet, except the roar of the fans still trying to dry out the walls and floors. I sat on the tile floor in the living room on the computer, reading stories and watching videos and pictures of the flooding that far exceeded my own experience. I was again reminded of how my tragedy was fortunate in comparison to others. I cried most of that evening. I couldn't imagine what others were experiencing. I would have nightmares that night. I kept seeing and feeling the water and the panic of that morning. I wasn't alone. The cats felt it too. We barely slept. We weren't alone.

And the next few days would progress much in the same. There was sadness around every corner, particularly as I drove through the city. The despair coupled with the tenacity for recovery overwhelmed me. And although I recognized it at the time, only after the dust settled did I realize what still makes the tears well up-- that I am surrounded by the most generous and kind friends.

The night before all of this happened, I wrote a status update that read something like, "Katherine Everhart...has the greatest friends in all of the world." I had no idea how much I would learn this in the following week. I realized during that week of chaos and tragedy just how much I am surrounded by people who care about me and are willing to jeopardize their own lives to protect, provide, and comfort me. In addition to my Nashville family, family and friends from all distances (from Charlotte to South Carolina to Puerto Rico to California) offered up support daily by emailing, calling and texting me daily- to let me know they were thinking of me. And although, I couldn't always respond, their sentiments helped me make it through that week...and continue to help me navigate my way through the recovery.

A couple of days ago, as I drove through Nashville, I realized how much admiration I have the city, how much admiration I have for those folks who have been unshowered in the past week, how much admiration I have for the way the city has come together and spent their time helping those of us that were impacted by the flooding. I was fortunate, others were not so fortunate. Watching my friends take to the streets has made me so proud. And in those moments, I realized just how much in the past two years, I have built a family here in Nashville. Nashville, despite the still fragmented nature of my apartment, has become home.

These wonderfully generous friends were willing to offer up their homes, furniture, car, physical strength, groceries, dinners, laughter, money, support...just anything and everything to me. With their help, I've been able to rebuild my home and my life. It is with the deepest of respect that I thank them for what they've done for me. While I could never repay them, I hope they know that I've got their back, no matter what.

I'm including some pictures below that I was able to document of the flooding near my house and my own experiences. It is just one of many experiences of both the loss and community that came out of the past week.

Nashville Flood 2010

There is still much to do in Nashville. We still need help. We still need volunteers. I hope we don't forget that as things start to settle. There are many that have been left behind in the process. I heart you, Nashville.

Thank you, friends and family. I would have never made it without you. You are one of a kind. I heart you more than you'll ever know.

"You are the roots that sleep beneath my feet and hold the earth in place, each time a faucet opens, words are spoken, the water runs away, and I hear your name...All else is sure to pass, We clutch and grasp, And debate what's truly permanent, But when the wind starts to shift, Well, there's no argument, Now, I sing and drink and sleep on floors...Oh, you are the roots that sleep beneath my feet and hold the earth in place..." -Bright Eyes

Festival Internacional de Arte y Musica Subterranea

2010-04-11T23:16:00.004-05:00

While I realize that Festival Internacional de Arte y Music Subterranea took place at the end of January, I can only claim that I've been overwhelmingly busy. Well, that and it took me a good three days to master the technology of embedding songs in my blogpost. Technology: 0, Katherine: 1.

As many of you know back in January, I made a trip to Puerto Rico to attend this festival, as well as to begin making contacts for my summer research on the island. The festival was a tremendous success, thanks to my good friend, Jorell who organized the event. It was absolutely lovely to see artists, filmmakers, bands, and good people all come together to watch films, listen to music, and well, play some kickball, eat starfruit, and drink some delicious drinks (of which I still don't know what exactly was mixed).

Festival Internacional de Arte y Musica Subterranea

Here are some pictures from the trip of the various events. I chose not to take pictures at Noche Acustica, but rather documented the event with an audio recorder, of which clips are available below.

The first night of the event was Noche de Cortometrajes, which took place at Executive Manolo-- an interesting collaborative where you can get your haircut, buy clothing, screenprint in the back room, and view the current art hanging on the walls. We had the pleasure of watching films produced by two separate independent collaboratives. One was The Gadabout Traveling Film Fest. And the second one was Guerrilla Films. While I enjoyed them both, I urge you to check out the work of La Guerrilla, as I think these are some of the most enjoyable and innovative short films I've seen recently.

And of my favorites from the night was the work of Carlos Irizarry, who has become a good friend and a tremendous help to me as I begin to plan my work for the summer. Here is the link to one of his films.

Evening One of the event was followed up with c-c-c-c-combobreakers at Cafe 103 and a night spent on Jorell and Magaly's couch surrounded by their lovely cats.

The following day I attended Circa 2010 at the convention center and met up with Jason Mena, an artist in town of which I had a lovely time conversating and attempting to finish too much sangria.

The second evening of the festival was Noche Electrica at Taller Ce, of which I had the opportunity to hear/see Campio Formio, Imperial Can, Un Final Fatal, and Anti Sociales. Absolutely fantastic, given the night began with our car almost being trampled by several men on horseback. I also had the pleasure of meeting Eggie, one of Jorell's bandmates from Anti Sociales. Most of the pictures are from this night, though in retrospect, I wish I had been able to tape some of the show.

The third day involved a field day at the fort, El Morro. Loads of fun was had as kites were flown, sack races were semi-successful, and a mean game of kick ball ensued.

The evening was followed up with Noche Acustica at El Local. Performing this evening was Jan from Anti Sociales, Chris Clavin of Imperial Can/Captain Chaos, and Roberto Muerto. I have included all the audio clips from this evening below. The order of the clips is respective of the order listed above. While I should have labeled these, I found it an incredible feat to put them online, so you'll just have to scan through and listen. Magaly and Jorell even joined Jan on some of the first few songs, so give it a listen. Everytime I hear Track 7 by Chris Clavin, I'll always remember this trip.

Festival Internacional de Arte y Musica Subterranea by user829182

All in all, I had a blast at the festival and in my other investigations. I found out recently that I will be spending 6 weeks of my summer on the island. I cannot explain how thrilled I am to return to visit all of my old and new friends on the island and to spend more time with them, drinking, singing, and conversating about the things that keep me awake at night.

Addition:

You should also check out the work of Santos

and thanks to Carlos for reminding me of this video of Anti Sociales at Taller Ce that night.

"And evaporate in the sun, sometimes it can weigh a ton..."

2010-03-08T21:41:00.004-06:00

"There's one thing we still got, this one last dance in this parking lot. Oh yeah, I got a heart of darkness..."

I've started this post several times already, without quite knowing how to begin. I wasn't really sure I wanted to post regarding the recent loss of Mark Linkous, but I also know that when I experience loss, the only way I know how to navigate those feelings is to write. The first "novel" I ever wrote was in the 48 hours after I first lost someone I cared about.

The most puzzling thing to me right now is just how personal the loss of someone I never met can feel. I have never been one to feel personally distressed over the loss of a stranger, particularly those in whatever dim limelight the people I admire may be. No, I've done a meticulous job of making sure those sorts of things don't bother me. But for some reason, when I received the news in the middle of the night on Saturday, I felt it. And I keep feeling it.

"I was the one who loved you most, but you can't put your arms around a ghost. Some sweet day you will be mine, you'll be mine..."

And the only real rationale I could come to today was because of memory. The memories that I have attached to the music of Mark Linkous. Thus, this felt like the perfect place for me to explore those memories. The memories are woven within and beneath all the lyrics and the music in such a way that I'm unable to fully disentangle the music from the memories. And I suppose in ways, the loss of Mark Linkous feels like the loss of those memories.

It is the parking lot of some old bar. It is the apartment that sits atop that mountain. It is the endless drives between Boone and Charlotte and Asheville. It is the track beneath the music on that mini-cd I made. It is the lyric that I wrote in my journal. It is the song on that first tape you made me. It is the track on all those holiday mixes. It is that song I listened to after I lost you. It is the smile of his ghost. It is the text message you sent me from the show. It is the text message I sent you from the show. It is the photograph my mom took. It is winter walks on the beach. It is an altered lyric that only I heard. It is my mom's request at the Christmas party. It is the converted adoring fan. It is a busted cd case from late nights. It is the feeling of being a restless soul. It is quite simply the sad and beautiful world of loss.

And this one is for my mom:

It is the loss of a truly great artist.

"I could look in your face for a thousand years. It's like a civil war of pain and of cheer. But if you was a horse, I could help you with your chains. I could ride you through the fields, by your fiery mane. May your shade be sweet and float upon the lakes, where the sun will be made of honey."

I called this number three times already today.

2010-02-25T23:54:00.005-06:00

"I called this number three times already today, but I got scared, I put it back in place, I put my phone back in place. I still don't know if I should have called up. Look, just tell me why don't you if I'm out of place. 'Cause here's your chance to make me feel awkward and wish that I had never called up this place."

-Modern Lovers

After much deliberation, I can't quite pin down exactly which song I first heard by the Modern Lovers. I know it must have been 1996. I remember listening to it in my dorm room. I remember hearing a band cover "Roadrunner" at a high school in Boone, North Carolina. I remember thinking I had called a number three times and most certainly felt awkward about it.

The first time I saw Jonathan Richman play was in Chapel Hill at Cats Cradle. It was packed. It must have been right after the movie, Something About Mary- and all the college kids came to see that weird fella that was singing in the tree. It was fantastic.

That being said, it was a true joy to have the opportunity to see him in Nashville on Thursday night. Going to the show reinforced what I already suspected- I have an entirely skewed view about music. Obviously, I interpret through my own lens, but I thought Richman playing at 5 Spot in Nashville, a very small club, would mean I'd need to arrive early and would potentially have to wait in line. Not the case. I can't say that I was displeased, but there is something odd to me about the fact that I have trouble navigating the landscape of 5 Spot on Soul Night (when two fellas with computers play Motown), but not on the night when Jonathan Richman played. I digress. And I refuse to get into a "these kids these days" sort of refrain.

I suppose I place Jonathan Richman in my own personal canon. He ranks pretty high on my list of troubadours, particularly troubadours that make me feel star struck. So, yes, while I had hoped that more folks would be there to support him, I was also pleased that I actually had the opportunity to hear and see him without all the distraction of too many East Nashville-ites.

It was a wonderful show. While I had hoped I might have the opportunity to hear Richman belt out some of my old favorites, I was mesmerized by him. He was odd. He was funny. He was a great dancer. He was endearing.

By the end of the show, Richman was out on the floor talking to his audience. And it crossed my mind that I should thank him for the performance. I'm usually not keen on doing this, because well, I mean, I can only imagine how many times hearing "Great show" one person can take. But then I thought, "Fuck, Jonathan Richman is a few feet away from me. I should at least talk to him." And then, Becky and Brian cheered me on.

Before I knew it, I was grabbing a business card out of my wallet and walking towards him. I know, I know...but I've learned the habit of handing out my fancy Vanderbilt cards to anyone available and willing after my most recent trip to Puerto Rico. So, I did it. I thanked him for the show. I told him about the blog. I told him about the book project of music and memory. And almost as if I had planned it, I told him I'd love to interview him for it. And it wasn't a lie. He was on my original list of potential interviewees.

I think I expected, as most folks do, he would take the card quickly and the interaction would be over. Instead, he told me he would love to talk to me about the book and asked me if I could write something on the front of the card to remind him about the book idea. Jeez, as if I wasn't already freaked out enough shaking his hand and talking to him. With shaky hands (and thanks to Becky and Brian for the pen), I wrote the information down and returned the card to him.

While I recognize realistically, this "interview" may or may not take place. I found myself experiencing sheer joy in having the opportunity to meet him personally.

It was a lovely night. And I'll always remember dancing with Becky atop chairs in the back of the 5 Spot.

Enjoy the videos. I think one of the things I'd admire the most about Richman is that he sang about half of his songs in either Spanish or French. He commented they just made more sense that way....and I agree.

Seventeen Years...with Jennie Ann

2010-02-07T23:54:00.006-06:00

It is difficult to recall the first day that I met Jennie Ann, but I do remember us being bound to one another by feeling that we were "on the margins" in high school- even among the eclectic group of friends we both had in common. We had commonalities-music, bad habits, and a penchant for living as if "we were burning the candle at both ends." Trust me, that sounds much more wild than it really was...

I do remember what we later decided to consider our "anniversary." At the time I was dating a young man in a band. His band was scheduled to play at a fraternity party at a local college. I was looking for someone to join me and Jennie Ann willingly accepted. Of course, this also meant we'd have to concoct a story to tell her mother about why she was spending the night with me and what we were planning to do with that evening. When I picked Jennie Ann from her house that evening, we told her mother, what we thought was a great fib about the evening. We were going to The Milestone. My boyfriend's band was playing there. We'd be back home by midnight. I said goodbye to Jennie Ann's mother.

By the time we arrived back at my house, my mother greeted us on the porch. She told us, "You've been busted. Jennie Ann's mom is on her way her to pick her up."

And that is how it all began.

Seventeen years later, we are still best friends. While I thought about crafting a blog that traversed through our memories...I decided instead (damn, graduate school responsibilities!) to post some pictures from those first few years. Though I did spend most of today thinking about our friendship. And I've realized that it is rather rare to have someone in your life for this many years- as a constant. Through the ups and downs, the miles that have separated us, the misunderstandings and tears, and the cackling laughter that most folks can barely fathom to hear...Jennie Ann has always been there.

And so I give you this, a poem Jennie Ann wrote me when we were oh, so very young.

"If you were a mosquito bite, I would itch you (but not too hard),
If you were my socks, I would never change them,
If you were a cuss word, I would use it in every sentence,
If you were a movie I would buy it and watch it all the time,
If I were a sailor, I'd name my boat after you,
If you were in Phish, I'd buy the tape anyway,
If you were a drug, I'd establish a habit,
but since you're a human, I'm glad to say you're my best friend."

This must have been written around 1994. Pure poetry.

Happy Anniversary, best friend. Thank you for being there through it all. And here is to many more...(Don't forget, we are celebrating Year 20 in Costa Rica, finally.)

Grapes, pears, and a great loss.

2010-02-05T22:57:00.003-06:00

Several years ago, while teaching in Myrtle Beach, I made the decision to write a book on music and memory. I had decided that despite being associated with a formal research institution, I would become an independent scholar. While writing the book, I began to download countless sociological articles about music. During these searches, I noticed the same name appearing over and over again- R.A. Peterson.

It would be several months later that I would apply to graduate school at Vanderbilt, and while I hate to admit it- I was ignorant to the relationship between R.A. Peterson and Vanderbilt.

During the first month of school, I remember sitting down with one of my new professors, Jennifer Lena, to discuss my research interests. As I stumbled through my vague ideas for research on music- she inquired if I knew about the work of Richard ("Pete") Peterson. It was at that moment that all the pieces came together and I realized that I was at the same university where this R.A. Peterson was located.

While I did not have the opportunity to converse with Pete during the first official gathering of the department, I was overwhelmed with joy when I received an invitation for dinner at his home. Apparently, Pete and his wife, Claire, always invited the new cohort of students over for a welcoming dinner. My excitement quickly gave way to nervousness, as I thought about the implications of having dinner with someone I considered to be one of the greatest scholars in the field.

I know that none of us will ever forget that dinner. Whether it was the awkward first moments with the block of cheese, the conversation about Riot Grrls, or the simple and clear advice that Pete gave us about being graduate students. I can't remember the exact line now, but I remember Pete reiterating to us that if this wasn't something we loved, we were in the wrong line of work. I also remember him telling us to take our summer to travel, to explore.

When the next year of incoming students arrived, I remember telling them with excitement about how they would have the opportunity to also visit with Pete and Claire. Unfortunately, due to Pete's health, they were unable to visit- which saddened me.

I would luckily have the opportunity to spend several opportunities with Pete in this last year.

Last semester, Pete offered to provide feedback on papers that a handful of us were writing for a course on cultural production. Again, the excitement- and then the nervousness. The afternoon that we (Becky, Carly and I) spent with Pete was fantastic. He gave us a tour of his office, showing us books and pictures he had collected. He told us about his most recent project, which involved hearing many personal stories that he was reflecting on in his life. And then, he proceeded to tear through our papers providing incredible insight and suggestions for the way we had approached the field. While I recognize that only a handful of you might realize the grandiosity of writing a paper for a course in cultural production and having Pete provide you with feedback on a draft, I know that there are those within the field that can understand exactly what this meant.

More recently, I had the chance to visit with Pete on less academic terms. As his health waned, I had offered to provide any kind of assistance to both Pete and Claire. On a Saturday, while reading through Swidler's "tool-kit" piece, I was asked if I might be able to help with some grocery shopping for Pete. As I glanced over at the articles that I had left to read, I realized that reading these articles was far eclipsed by not only helping Pete, but having the opportunity to sit and talk with him more.

Arriving at Pete's house, we sat and talked for almost an hour before the grocery list was introduced into the conversation. We talked about Swidler. We talked about his research on omnivorousness. We talked about cooking shows. At one moment, Pete asked if I was in a rush. When I replied that I wasn't, he remarked that it made him feel better just to see me. I recognize that it wasn't "me," but rather that Pete truly loved sitting and talking to someone that day.

And then there was the grocery list. We discussed each item on the list. What I remember the most was Pete asking for a certain type of pear, of which he had forgotten the name, and seedless red grapes. He said to me that I would need to taste the grapes. He told me not to buy them if they did not "explode in your mouth." They should be crunchy. Wait, I don't like grapes, I thought to myself.

As I left for the grocery store, Pete grabbed my hand to thank me. This is a moment I will never forget. Not that he was simply a person in need, but rather that he was the R.A. Peterson from all those years ago- and his work had become overwhelmingly important in my life in the last few years.

In the grocery store, I picked up the bag of grapes. And I knew, that I would have to test them. While searching for other items, I grabbed a grape and tested it. It exploded into sweetness, exactly what he asked for.

In the last few weeks, I've kept up with Pete's health through Jenn, getting updates on his status. On Wednesday, I went grocery shopping for myself. While walking through the produce section, I found myself buying the same pears Pete had asked for-and then I grabbed some grapes. I took one from the bag and tested it. A simple explosion. These were keepers.

While it may seem silly, when I received the news that Pete has passed away on Thursday, I thought of those pears and grapes.

The loss of Pete weighed heavy on me today, while I sat through class and walked the halls of Garland. While I led a class discussion on cultural production and social movements, I couldn't help but think of the incredible debt that we owe him- both as a person and as a scholar. He will be missed.

And here are a couple of other postings from folks that knew Pete better than me....

Jenn's post about Pete

and Omar Lizardo's posting.

And because for some reason when I experience loss, I often turn to this...

If I had one wish, I would have interviewed Pete about his memories of music.

Ruminations on a Past Decade

2010-01-06T23:33:00.006-06:00

(Picture by Leslie Bivens. This might have been late 1999, but was about as close to 2000 as I could find in my archives)

It must have been mid-December when I started thinking about composing an end-of-the-decade blog. At first I had planned to compose a blog that captured the last ten years of life, you know, a where I’ve been, what I’ve done, what I learned, what I didn’t learn. Upon returning back from Charlotte with a trunk full of journals and pictures from the last ten years, I commenced to writing. And I wrote three pages about the last ten years. I thought about each year, pouring over the pictures and journal entries. So, why haven’t I posted it?

I’ve re-read what I have written for the last several days trying to decide upon posting both the three pages and 75 pictures I had selected. But then, I realized, I can’t. While the process was extremely cathartic, I realized it was more important for me to travel through the years than it would be for me to share it. With that decision, I’ve decided to print out what I’ve written and post it in my new journal for the New Year. It’ll serve as a reminder of the joys and sorrows of the previous years, with an overwhelming hope for the upcoming decades.

But what did I learn?

In the last ten years, I’ve lost two people that I loved dearly- both my dad, Greg, and Joe, an ex-lover. While I, in complicated ways, dealt with their passing, I’ve learned how to forgive and remember. I was also engaged twice to be married to two very different men. Through the ups and downs of my relationships, I’ve learned how to open myself up to love and also how to find happiness on my own. Over the years, I’ve self-published the last two issues of my zine, bittersweet, run my own promotional company and record label, Bittersweet Promotions and Records, and started my own blog, www.musicismemory.com. Through these experiences I had the wonderful opportunity to work with dozens of excellent musicians and find ways to express myself through the written word. In addition, I’ve written two and half unpublished novels and two chapters for a book proposal about music and memories. I recorded, with the help of a friend, four songs based on my prose. I also worked at a school uniform company, Coca-Cola Bottling Company, and at various schools and universities. I earned my masters degree and started work on my PhD. I overcame one of my biggest fears about lecturing in front of a class only to discover that I loved it more than anything else I’ve ever done. I adopted two fantastic cats, Sabine and Igor. I’ve traveled all around the country and ventured to Puerto Rico twice. I’ve lived in Charlotte, Myrtle Beach, and Nashville. I’ve seen hundreds of incredible rock shows and even seen a couple of legends. I got sea-sick on a casino boat ride and flew over the ocean in a helicopter. I’ve welcomed the life of my nephew, Emmett. I've always had the constant of my family, my Mom, John, Ashley, Jambe, and Taylor, and best friend, Jennie Ann, for laughs and love. I’ve shared my life with so many wonderful people in the last ten years that it’d be difficult to name them all. But I thank them and know, for a fact, that life would not have been worth living without them.

Recollecting on the last decade has been (for lack of a better word) bittersweet. And so, I raise my glass to the new decade, with the following resolutions for the New Year…

1) Use lots of conditioner. I’ve heard it works for getting things disentangled.
2) To ‘rosetta stone’ my way to fluency.
3) To be more thoughtful in my reactions to people when they are a) kind to me and deserving of recognition and, b) not kind to me and deserving of an ass-kicking.
4) Take more trips.
5) Write more, with my new journal and book proposal in mind.

First Show of the Year: Eric Bachmann, Charlotte, 2010

2010-01-04T21:49:00.004-06:00

"Drinking sparkling wine and cheap perfume. I've been looking for some soft abuse."

I was in Boone, North Carolina when I first heard of Archers of Loaf. I think I probably peaked a little late on the whole Archers adoration, but I can remember driving through those mountains in my 1984 Ford Escort blasting the song, "Web in Front."

But I would truly fall in love with the music of Eric Bachmann in 1999 or 2000. My good friend Charles would make me the first holiday mix I would ever receive. It was boldly (and quite simply) entitled, "Holiday." Somewhere buried on the first side of the tape was a song by Eric Bachmann. It was the song "Broken Man." I remember visiting my friend Sam Carter in Asheville and playing the song for him.

From that moment on,I would follow the career of Bachmann with enthusiasm. I remember sitting out back at Tonic in Charlotte during their singer-songwriter nights as a young troubadour drunkenly covered the song, "New Drink for the Old Drunk." I remember seeing Crooked Fingers at Tremont Music Hall in 2001 with one of my oldest friends. I remember a late night party at my folks house where a house full of kids screamed the lyrics of his songs at the top of their lungs. And I also remember driving to Chapel Hill to see Crooked Fingers...well, that must have been around 2002.

I decided on a trip to Charlotte for New Years for a couple of reasons. One, I had been unable to find a great New Years rock show to attend and two, because I wanted to spend the end of a decade with my mother. So, imagine my pleasant surprise when I discovered that while I was still in town, Eric Bachmann would be performing at The Evening Muse. It would be the first rock show of the year.

Shows at The Muse are always intimate. And it was lovely. Eric played solo, as Liz Durrett, the other performer on the bill, would be absent due to the death of Vic Chesnutt, a member of her family. Given the circumstances, Eric dedicated the entire set to Vic, something we all appreciated.

Throughout the show, Eric asked for requests...which I finally mustered up the courage to request "New Drink for the Old Drunk." Here is a short video. [Note: I only took very short videos, because while I wanted to capture the song, I also didn't wanted to inundate myself in the music, so they'll leave you desiring more. That's for sure.]

He also played my favorite Archers song. See below.

And here are a few other clips for you.

And I must say, I couldn't have imagined a more perfect first show of the New Year. Though, I did shed a few tears, as did my mom, particularly when he finished the set with "Little Bird," which felt like it had been written for Vic. "A gentle bird of grace and beauty came down to sing a sweet refrain. Won't you fly away with me? Won't you fly away with me?"

The Apprehensive Holidays

2009-12-22T21:57:00.002-06:00

I'll admit, up front, right now. I'm sort of a scrooge.

Here's the thing- I love buying and making gifts for loved ones. I love seeing loved ones. But there is just something about packing it into a handful of days, while out of town (read: in Charlotte) that makes my skin crawl. This means I sort of hate holidays. I know, that's awful to say right now, particularly only a handful of days before Christmas and only one night before I head home.

Tonight, though, my mom sent me a couple of gift songs on iTunes. And while listening to these songs (yes, brooding is genetic), I realized how despite the chaos of driving the 7 hours home (yes, I'm griping about it) and the constant social interaction, I'm actually looking forward to going home (shhhh, don't tell anyone). Moreover, I'm looking forward to seeing some really wonderful people in my life that I don't get to see that often.

And here they are....from previous home visits.

Holiday Pictures

And yes, this is probably as close to holiday spirit as I get.

So, I should say that I look forward to the parties and celebrations. I look forward to the gruesome Monopoly games. I look forward to catching up with old friends. And I would also love the chance to see my cousins too...as it was has been years.

Independence of Irrelevant Alternatives

2009-12-21T21:25:00.002-06:00

While the holiday mix of this year may still be in transit to you, I've decided to go ahead and post the song listing. Hope you enjoy.

Independence of Irrelevant Alternatives
8th Annual Mix

Lonely Teardrops: Jackie Wilson
Whole Lotta’ Losin: Monsters of Folk
My Love: The Bird and the Bee
Electrocution: Bill Fox
Brave As A Noun: Andrew Jackson Jihad
Sleepyhead: Passion Pit
The World Is Alive: Ezra Furman and the Harpoons
I’ve Got Dreams to Remember: Otis Redding
Baby: Devendra Banhart
God Help the Girl: God Help the Girl
96 Tears: ? & The Mysterians
Tonight You Belong To Me: Lightspeed Champion
Fitz and Dizzyspells: Andrew Bird
Go Green: Rattail
When We Swam: Thao
Fell Down The Stairs: Tilly & The Wall
Llegar al Sol: Anti Sociales
I’m Sorry Friends: Captain Chaos
Motion Sickness: Bright Eyes
Take Me as I Am: Au Revoir Simone

Yes, once I was a party boy.

2009-12-16T21:19:00.002-06:00

This time of the year (read: the festive holidays) always reminds me of one thing. No, not the hustle bustle of gift-giving and receiving. No, not the "reason for the season." No, not Willie Nelson's version of Blue Christmas.

But this.

As some of you may be aware, for 15 years of my life, I was a dancer. I danced in The Nutcracker for at least 5 of those years. My first year, I was a Party Boy in the opening scene. For a couple of years I was in the Waltz of the Flowers. One year I was in the Snow scene (as a snowflake).

Then there was the year I was on track to audition for Clara. I remember being so excited as the year approached. I knew the solo that Clara performs in the opening party scene- and I had aspired for years to land this role. This was the same year that our dance company, Charlotte Youth Ballet, informed us we'd be merging with the North Carolina Dance Theatre to put on our annual Nutcracker. Wait, come again?

We auditioned with the dance company- and I landed the role of a Mirliton. No, I don't expect you to understand, but it was pretty awesome. Though I was always a little sad that I didn't get the chance to be Clara. This would be my last year dancing. Because as our director, Gay Porter, predicted- this would be the year that I discovered boys, cars, and that whole high school world she warned us so vehemently about becoming part of.

Years later, I took classes again at the company. Adult classes. You know, the kind of classes where you wonder about why your body isn't capable of doing the ballet steps you use to perform with so little intention as a 16 year old. I remember in the two months this torture lasted, Mrs. Porter suggested I participate in the upcoming performance of The Nutcracker. She suggested I might enjoy a role as a Party Mother. Yep, my, how times have changed.

Though I have to say that every year around this time, I find myself nostalgic for the endless rehearsals, the excitement of opening night, the frantic ballerinas running around backstage overly anxious and make-up'ed, and the final performance when flowers would be brought out on stage to Mrs. Porter to thank her for all the months of putting up with the inconsistency of her young dancers.

I know this, I'll never forget the first time I had the opportunity to dance the role of a snowflake. I had always dreamed of dancing this role. It seemed so magical and beautiful. The Snow Queen and snowflakes would begin dancing...the increasing intensity of the music...the snow would begin to fall from the ceiling all around, as we performed grand jetes across the stage. Then lining up in those majestic V's as the Snow Queen and King returned to the stage.

In actuality, when I had the chance to perform this role, I found the whole process de-mystified. I even remember swallowing a piece of the snow (or small pieces of plastic white garbage bags they used to create the effect of snow). Yes, it looked so much more beautiful from a distance.

Perhaps what will resonate most strongly with me was my first year of dancing the role of the Party Boy. I still have a video of the performance. While I hated that I was assigned this role, my favorite part was when the Party Boy's were instructed to irritate our Party Girl sister's by ruining their pretty little dance with their new toy dolls. As you might have guessed, I loved every minute of it.

Opened like a lily...

2009-11-06T00:39:00.002-06:00

Two whirlwind days have passed. Walking back into my house a few moments ago to the quiet felt a little awkward (and this wasn't the only awkwardness of the last few days), but I have no doubt that I'll sleep soundly tonight.

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of hosting the folks from the band, Ezra Furman and the Harpoons. They were passing through town and playing tonight at 3rd and Lindsley, here in Nashville. Since my home has most recently become a place for bands on the road to stay, I figured I'd offer up my home, hospitality, and hospitalization to the folks.

We had a lovely time. We watched the last game of the Grand (National) Series. A serious game of Monopoly took place, while discussion of capitalism ensued. Sabine fell in love with the bottom of Ezra's shoe, which I'm pretty sure smelled like freedom to her.

This evening, I parted ways with the band, while they went off to play their show- and Art and I headed to the Leonard Cohen show. While I had been told that Cohen has been playing three hour shows, we planned to leave from Cohen just in time to catch the Harpoons.

So, yes, the Cohen show.

(Speechless, totally speechless)

We ran into Jenn in the lobby, while fighting our way through the Will-Call line. Jenn and I discovered upon buying our tickets months ago, that our seats were next to one another. So, the three of us proceeded to have our souls stirred and shaken by the magic of Leonard Cohen for three hours. It was beautiful. There were a few times I got misty-eyed...and lucky for my companions, I only got completely teary-eyed once. While this video isn't from the show, I felt I needed to document what it was that took me over the edge.

"And I´m still working with the wine,
Still dancing cheek to cheek.
The band is playing "Auld Lang Syne"
The heart will not retreat.
And maybe I had miles to drive,
And promises to keep
You ditch it all to stay alive
A thousand kisses deep."
-Leonard Cohen

Now, although I was completely moved...I don't like to complain...but I must. One of Cohen's band members- the master of air- as he referred to him- drove me insane. While I understand his contribution to the band (the guy was a very talented musician), I knew right away we wouldn't be Facebook friends because of his bright white tennis shoes. And beyond that, he was horribly distracting. I found myself drawn to his dance moves while playing his electronic instruments- instead of watching the humble Cohen kneeling and serenading. I also did not appreciate his "I'm oh, so cute and adorable" antics. Not cute. Not adorable. I'm just not sure I want anyone taking my attention away from Cohen. And he shouldn't have. Shame on you.

Enough now. Back to praise. The show had several encores. I am unable to think of any song that I wished he had played that he didn't. And his moves- are utterly fantastic- from his prancing off stage to his fancy footwork while performing. I think I'm crushing on Leonard. Yes, even at his age now.

I did take one short video...of which the audio is much better than the video. Enjoy.

After the show, to our surprise, Art and I WERE able to find the car and make our way over to our second show of the evening at 3rd and Lindsley. We walked in to discover the Harpoons had just finished their set about 10 minutes before our arrival. Woe is me. Another time, fellas.

Now, I'm back home. I've got a full weekend of paper writing and quietness ahead of me. While I miss all the excitement, I'm looking forward to a couple of days hibernating in my house.

A baguette, the Jewish Hospital, and KISS

2009-11-03T00:08:00.002-06:00

I have an absolute fear of social holidays. I hate them, generally. I hate them because of the pressure that is implied in having a great time. You know, the 4th of July, Halloween, New Years. Every year as they approach, I begin the difficult task of planning the event. And then last year on Halloween, it dawned on me- there is a certain way to ensure you'll have a great time. Go to a rock show. Last year, I attened the Hold Steady show at the Ryman. This year it would be Monsters of Folk at Louisville Palace Theatre. While you might originally think that The Hold Steady would be far and away more raucous than a band called Monsters of Folk. You would be sorely mistaken.

My dear friend, Art and I made the journey to Louisville on Saturday night. And what can I say about the show? It was incredible. Absolutely incredible. While I was initially disappointed that the band didn't dress up, my disappointment was quickly dismissed when they returned after the intermission dressed as KISS. They played some covers and some originals in those classy silver heels. It was beautiful.

For me, getting the chance to see Conor Oberst and Mike Mogis is also full of memories. I always feel awkward saying it- and I never want it to sound like it will always sound- but the two are old friends of mine, so getting to see them and spend some time with them is always a treat. Luckily, that happened, though no without our fair share of hardships.

While Mike provided us both with after-show passes, we waited (read: finished our drinks) about 15 minutes after the show before proceeding to the backstage area. At this time, we were informed by the lovely authorities (read: security) that we had "missed the boat," "didn't make that train," "were too late for the flight." Yes, I'm kidding about the last one, but there were a series of transporation metaphors to tell Art and I that our passes were no longer valid. Luckily, we ran into the tour manager, who was able to tell the lovely authorities that they were in fact wrong and that we had every right to be mean to them.

Now, I could regal you with stories about our time back stage, but I won't. Because, well, I shouldn't. We had a great time. We met some lovely folks (of whom I'll tell you more about at a later date) and shenanigans ensued. I fully blame "shenanigans" for my loss of my cell phone on the tour bus and my solo journey through the streets of Louisville...but like I said, that is best left unsaid. On a more positive note, here are pictures from the trip. And some videos for your enjoyment. (Warning: the sound gets a little unbearable toward the last few videos, so turn it down before playing).

I'd like to say thank you to Conor for the baguette, to Mike for the tequila, to Roy for knowing about STATA, and Matt Ward for standing within five feet of me.

Monsters of Folk Trip to Louisville

My name is not Justin Vernon and my thesis is not Bon Iver.

2009-10-26T23:10:00.004-05:00

One awkward fall break.

While it is true that I took a page from Justin Vernon's book when I decided to hole up in a cabin for most of my fall break to produce what I hoped would be similar to the Bon Iver album, I have a feeling that my "cabin" experience was a little different from Vernon's. Not to mention, I'm pretty sure that NPR will never discuss my thesis.

I took three nights and four days to stay in a Bed and Breakfast in Monterey, Tennessee. While I had imagined a secluded cabin all to myself, I also find myself nervous about a complete disconnect from civilization (and honestly, the Blair Witch Project has left some lasting images in my mind for way too long). So I opted for a B&B, where I would be served breakfast in the morning- and I could trust that there was someone being paid to be sure that I had a pleasant experience. Mike, he was.

Apparently, these types of places typically serve the needs of a limited group of people- those getting married, those celebrating their anniversaries, or those having a romantic weekend away. Yes, I was very out of place. It was also pleasant to be constantly reminded that I was not in fact there for the same reasons. Why a constant reminder?

During my third day at the Inn, I was informed that there was limited space in the dining room- and I would need to sit with another couple for breakfast. I was also informed that one couple had already denied me- they didn't want to share their anniversary breakfast with me. Those cruel, cruel people. I did get the opportunity instead to meet some lovely couples during my last two mornings at the Inn. But that's the thing when you stay at a place like this- investment, personal investment in other people.

I did have a lovely time. I was successful in finishing a first draft of my thesis, which will now be subjected to the harsh eye of Tepper- but nonetheless, it was useful way to spend my fall break. And restful in a way.

After returning to the world of the living, I discovered an old friend (David Dondero) would be in town performing at a house party in Nashville. I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate than good friends and good music- and a house party. And so we did. While the show was scheduled to begin at 4pm, we were informed upon preparing for the party (read: imbibing) that it would actually begin closer to 8 or 9pm. Needless to say, it was a long night. Awkward and spectacular.

I could summarize quickly by saying that I tormented young hip kids for several hours while stealing away their beer...I watched a very, talented musician get cheated out of his money for the night...and I saw a dear friend of mine pass out in my chair. Regardless, enjoy some of the photos from the trip... and enjoy a short video that we took at the show.

I've mentioned before, but if you haven't familiarized yourself with the work of David Dondero- you should. And you should do it now.

From South of the South Video

Otis Redding and Red Wine in the Mountains

2009-10-21T22:16:00.004-05:00

I swore to myself I'd stay off the internet for the entire three days of my thesis vacation. I swore I wouldn't use the internet features on my phone either. Well, I lied. You have no idea how addictive it is to check your email. I had to forcibly hide my phone and I had to turn off the wireless function on my computer-- but I've decided to be thoughtful in my use. It will be a reward, much like the 5 magazines and 3 books I also bought for my trip- you know, the trip I was suppose to work the entire time. Distractions are surrounding me.

And I see updating my blog as a treat, a reward...for me, of course.

Regardless, one of the wonderful things about taking a trip like such- is getting to listen to music. And tonight on the agenda has been Otis Redding.

It did get me thinking about the first time I heard the song, "Try A Little Tenderness"- it most certainly wasn't Otis- in fact, it was Jon Cryer acting it out.

So, then I got curious- who else has done this song (read: distraction)-
Michael Buble, Chris Brown (hmmm), Three Dog Night, Percy Sledge, Nancy Wilson (are you kidding, why don't I own this?), Michael Bolton, Etta James (again, why am I missing this?), Perry Como, Rod Stewart, David Hasselhoff, Frank Sinatra and certainly the best version Mel Torme. I'm totally buying Torme later.

But where did it come from you ask?
Here are some facts (wiki-style)- written by Irving King (James Campbell and Reginald Connelly) and Harry Woods. Initially recorded in 1932 by Ray Noble Orchestra with Val Rosling on vocals. The Otis version is no doubt the most popular. And apparently placed 204 in the Top 500 greatest songs of all time by Rolling Stone.

So, here you go- because I've got purple teeth and all- you should watch Otis sing it too.

I'm back to outlining a paper now. Enjoy.

No excuses, but zombies.

2009-10-03T21:13:00.003-05:00

While catching up on work today, I also took the time to catch up on old podcasts of All Songs Considered on NPR hosted by Bob Boilen. I now hypothesize that listening to good music increases my productivity more than working from the couch while watching bad movies on TBS. Thanks, Bob.

In addition, I came across this wonderful, wonderful song- and an album that I will anticipate for the next 3 days. The song "My Body's a Zombie For You" is one of the most wonderful songs I've heard recently. Why you might ask?

Well, for one, it is a sing-a-long (I absolutely love any type of sing-a-long). Two, the band is headed up by Ryan Gosling (who I have an incredibly, inappropriate crush on...which forces me to watch the movie The Notebook every single time it comes on television.) Three, it is perfect for Halloween (which I also adore). Four, it is about zombies (which reminds me of Becky and Art).

Here is the link to the Pitchfork page about the release. You can also listen to this beautiful song here.

So, go enjoy. Trust me, you'll love it.

Interpretations of a mix.

2009-08-27T20:47:00.002-05:00

While we are all familiar with the difficulties in making a mix tape/cd (I'm old school, I still shudder at saying "mix cd"), there are also the difficulties of interpreting the mix tape, urgh, cd. While many have written about the art of making the mix (see Hornby quote below), I'm wondering about the countless hours that the recipient spends in analyzing the content of the received mix. Certainly, some mixes are not intended for a purpose, while others are created with the intention of communication.

Then there is the case where you receive a mix that you haven't a clue about. Last weekend, through a series of happenstance decisions, I ended up (at a very late hour) in a neighbor's home that I had only briefly met. Okay, I'll level with you. I ran into her in the local bar (though, I also have decided today that it sounds much better to refer to them as pubs--thanks, Art!). She invited me and my next door neighbor back to her house for a night cap.

Upon arrival, we discovered our new friend is a DJ. She proceeded to play us music while we ruminated on life, love, and work. I should also mention we spent an inordinate amount of time on a letter her doctor wrote her excusing her from work, but I digress.

Toward the end of the evening, our lovely host decided that both my neighbor and I deserved a mix cd of her making. She set out to make a mix for my neighbor, Ashley, first. In what seemed like an extremely long process of selection, she finally burned a cd for Ashley. I thought we were in the clear- in that I assumed she would quickly burn the same copy for me. But no, I would be wrong.

She informed me that I needed a different mix and a different order. In what felt like another hour, she re-ordered the cd and proceeded to burn it. I feel ashamed to admit, but I didn't actually listen to this cd until this week. And while I appreciate the genuine time and energy that went into this project...I'm just captivated by the song choice and the order.

Here is the song listing-

Track 1- A song by Playboy Tre (I still can't figure out the song title, but the theme is "you can't break my heart.")

Track 2- Time of the Season- The Zombies

Track 3- Pressure- Playgroup

Track 4- Mailman- Soundgarden

Track 5- Get Even- Kelis

Track 6- She wants to move- N.E.R.D.

Track 7- Bad Girl- Usher

Track 8- Epiphany- Chrisette Michele

Wait, Soundgarden? The Zombies? Were these put in a strategic place simply because she thought it might communicate something I needed to know? Or did these two songs simply find a placement based on what she thought she knew about my musical taste? And Soundgarden? Really? I hope I don't communicate that to people.

All of that being said, I love the mix. It serves as a relic of an evening. And I actually enjoy many of the songs, well, except the Soundgarden song.

"To me, making a tape is like writing a letter- there's a lot of erasing and rethinking and starting again, and I wanted it to be a good one...A good compilation tape, like breaking up, is hard to do. You've got to kick off with a corker, to hold the attention (I started with "Got to Get you off My Mind," but then realized that she might not get any further than track one, side one if I delivered what she wanted straightaway, so I buried it in the middle of side two), and then you've got to up it a notch, or cool it a notch, and you can't have white music and black music together, unless the white music sounds like black music, and you can't have two tracks by the same artist side by side, unless you've done the whole thing in pairs, and...oh, there are loads of rules." -Nick Hornby

Just the music.

2009-08-18T23:18:00.003-05:00

I have this thing about listening to new music. People send me a mix or a new album and I tend to comment, "I need a good road trip to really engage with the music." Even when I make inappropriate late night iTunes purchases, I generally need some time on the road (read: long road trips) to feel like I've fully engaged with the album as a whole.

The other night (thanks to Jenn's post about listening to vinyl), I decided to spend some time with my music collection. I put an album on and I simply sat in my latest furniture purchase (a red swivel Lazyboy, which has now been claimed by a cat) and listened. I just listened.

It was then I realized how few and far between I just sit and listen to music. I feel like I use to do this all the time, but now I listen to music while I'm writing, driving, working. It becomes background, as opposed to front and center. It felt nice to just dedicate time to listening, really listening.

So, here is my suggestion- find one night that you can just sit and listen to albums or mp3s- but just pull out some music and listen to it. I swear it feels different. And I miss it.

Perhaps I should steal my new chair from Sabine (the cat) and move it next to the record player.

San Francisco in August

2009-08-12T21:41:00.004-05:00

While I'm still processing my first trip to the ASA conference in San Francisco, I do have some photos to share. Now, you might be wondering- where are all the pictures of the conference? Trust me, pictures of conference presentations and a lobby filled with sociologists talking, networking, job hunting (all while running on only a handful of hours of sleep each night)- would not have been as interesting as the pictures I collected of street art and drinks. Trust me. So, here you are. Some pictures.

San Francisco August 2009

And a lovely video from my last night at Johnny Foley's with Bobby, Lauren, Danielle, and Edson. While you can hear Edson asking a question, Bobby asking if I'm going to blog about this, then running in front of the camera- you can also carefully overhear someone making the statement, "I said, you are married and I have a boyfriend." Where was that conversation taking place?

Golden Gate Bridge

2009-08-05T20:18:00.002-05:00

When I thought about songs that remind me of San Francisco, I immediately thought of David Dondero's "Double Murder Ballad Suicide." While I failed in finding a version of the song to share with all of you- I suggest you listen to it. Now.

And here is a video I found. Two of my favorite people involved here- Bob Boilen and David Dondero. I had the chance to interview both in the last couple of years for the Music is Memory project and can honestly say they are both very lovely people. More to come on this at a later date. Enjoy.

Gogol Bordello vs. M. Ward

2009-07-29T00:42:00.007-05:00

Lately my life has been all about contrasts. I'm not sure why, but I'm finding myself looking for contrasts, happening upon contrasts, and discovering contrasts. I think with all that has been taking place lately, it is necessary. And important.

Last week, I attended the Gogol Bordello show at the Exit/In.

Prior to this show, I had always maintained that the band, Prabir and the Substitutes were the hardest working band in rock n' roll....I'm sorry boys, you've been replaced. Gogol Bordello is. Upon arrival to the Exit/In, we all discovered the air conditioning was broken. I wonder if the gypsy punks arrived early, cut the A/C cords- just to create the mood for the evening. With no air conditioning, you'd think this might discourage people- or that people might leave early, not a chance. I had been told that Gogol Bordello has been known to run circles around the audience. I finally understand- it isn't often that you attend a show where the band maintains more energy than the audience for the duration.. By the time of encore, many of us were soaking wet with sore throats- perhaps hoping it was coming to an end, but the band played on showing no signs of exhaustion or letting up.

The picture above is of two of my favorite Gogol Bordello fans. These two fellas danced and sang out every lyric all night long. Fans of GB seem to come from all across the spectrum, though one thing rings true- all of them really engage in the sublime experience of the show. Well, almost all of them- except this fella below.

This poor fella had his hipster outfit planned out weeks before the show. And you could tell that he was suffering through a minor heat stroke. While sweating and straining to maintain his cool (albeit, rigid) poses, he did not dance, move, cheer, or smile- not once. And I thought, how horribly boring. It was this contrast between the dancing sprites above with this dead-to-the-world hipster that I realized- give me the dancing sprites any day. At least they have a sense of community, lightness, and fun.

In contrast to the Gogol Bordello show, last night I attended the M. Ward show at Cannery Ballroom. I had suspected that the show might be in direct contrast to my experiences with Eugene and folks. And it was. Don't get me wrong, the show itself was fantastic. Matt Ward has an incredible ability to soothe my soul, as I think he does for most people. Endearing and hilarious was the fact that I think a majority of the audience thought Jim James was on stage because they happened to see a fella with a beard. "Look! It's him. It's Jim James or Yim Yames." Not too surprisingly, I'm thinking alot of the folks there came because of the She&Him project- and perhaps were expecting Zooey Deschanel to make an appearance. She didn't. And you shouldn't have thought she would.

Whatever the issue was- there was no sense of community at this show. There was a strong disconnect between the performers and the audience. The folks at the show were not talking with one another, well, wait, let me retract that. Tons of folks were standing around talking to the folks they came with, while the performance took place. And from where I was standing- no one was dancing or seemingly enjoying themselves.

Where, oh where, were my dancing sprites? Where were the people who would give themselves up to the experience of the show and the music? That's right folks, the jaded and disinterested attitude ends here. Leave it at home.

And here is a short video I took. I recognize you can't see anything, but I wanted to give you the simulated experience I have in clubs.

Why you don't eat the seed of the quenepa...

2009-07-27T20:20:00.006-05:00

Before leaving for Puerto Rico on this last expedition, the hardest decision about what to pack was- what books do I take? I started out with approximately 7 books. I narrowed it down to two. I only read one while I was there and returned with two extra. So, what was the one book I read?

Alain de Botton's The Art of Travel. I've been wanting to read this book for years. I recently found it at the bookstore and it has been sitting on my bedside table for months. The trip seemed like the perfect opportunity. And it was. The book is divided into sections based on the idea of travel- departure (anticipation), motives (curiosity), landscape (the sublime), art (beauty), and return (habit). I first cracked open the book on the airplane to Puerto Rico and read the section on departure. I saved the middle sections for poolside and oceanside moments. And fittingly, I saved the return section for the plane ride home. So, I propose for my blog about Puerto Rico (which promises to be really, really, really long) I will use some quotes from the book to help recreate the mundane and sublime experiences of my trip with my mother to the island.

"...it seems we may best be able to inhabit a place when we are not faced with the additional challenge of having to be there."

There is something unique about arriving at the San Juan airport. The flight itself is full of laughter and lightness. I can't imagine everyone on the plane is on holiday. Upon arrival at the airport, I set about on a trip full of contrast. Contrasting the airport in Charlotte to the one in San Juan is easy. One is stark and terrifying, the other is full of sunshine and laughter. Now, here is the thing- it isn't like this on the way back. The San Juan airport when departing is chaotic, confusing and depressing. There is something special in the arrival, perhaps something I brought with me.

"If we find poetry in the service station and the motel, if we are drawn to the airport or the train carriage, it is perhaps because despite their architectural compromises and discomforts, despite their garish colours and harsh lighting, we implicitly feel that these isolated places offer us a material setting for an alternative to the selfish ease, the habits and confinement of the ordinary, rooted world."

Our first two nights in San Juan, we stayed in a neighborhood that is located near Condado, but seemingly away from the more touristy streets. While I do not seek to recreate every aspect of the trip, one (if not the most) memorable evening was our first night on the island.

The last time I visited, I made contact with a young man, Jorell. Since my last visit, we have had the opportunity to get to know one another, as he sought to answer the numerous questions I had about the politics and culture of the island. During this trip, we had planned numerous excursions that would allow him to show both my mother and I the island and introduce us to the spaces outside of where normal tourists might wander.

Our first night, we had decided that Jorell and his wife, Magaly, would pick us up from the hotel and take us to a bar, El Boricua in Rio Piedras for drinks. Also in tow, would be Rossael and Diego (a roommate and her boyfriend). I can remember quite clearly sitting outside of the hotel waiting for them to arrive. I was nervous. While you can get to know someone through letters, there is something inherently different about spending time with them. I remember hoping the conversation from email would translate into conversation over drinks. And it did.

And what is the equation for conversation starting among strangers? Apparently, it is called "chichaito"- no, not that for you speakers of the language, but a drink. It's made of a homebrewed rum and anise. After a couple of these drinks coupled with a handful of Medalla (a local beer), the conversation was perfect. Perhaps my favorite moment from the evening was when my mother decided she would buy everyone a shot of chichaito (yes, she is very hip). She practiced how to pronounce the name of the drink and saddled up at the bar to order. Being outside of the tourist area, she had considerable trouble ordering. Luckily, a drunken local decided he would help her after ordering her to his table in a very diminutive way. Before Jorell's rescue of my mother from her would-be suitor, I heard my mother exclaim loudly to the bartendress, "Chichaito!!" It was around this time that Jorell and folks explained to me what the word translates as...and you'll just have to look that up on your own. But I'll tell you this much, once I knew, it was not surprising that the drunken local took a fancy to her.

Our second day, we spent time walking around the area and visiting Museo de Arte- which was fascinating. A couple of my favorite pieces- the installation by Antonio Martorell, which was an homage to another piece, The Wake; Carlos Davila Rinaldi's Gringomatic; and Pepon Osorio's barbershop installation. Later that evening, we accompanied Jorell to a restaurant in the Condado area. On the ride over, a musical memory was created as he was listening to the music of Ghost Mice. I won't explain now, as an entire additional post is necessary. For dinner, we ate at a Mexican restaurant where we were serenaded by a mariachi band with the song "La Chucharacha" at my mother's request. During the performance, I glanced out on the street and noticed a parade was taking place. Seriously, I do not lie.

Our next couple of days were spent in Old San Juan. Although Jennie Ann and I had ventured to the olde town, I wanted to spend more time there this go around, plus I knew that my mother would love it due to the historic preservation. We stayed in El Convento, which I highly suggest to anyone making a trip to the island. It is awe inspiring.

"A dominant impulse on encountering beauty is to wish to hold on to it, to possess it and give it weight in one's life. There is an urge to say, 'I was here, I saw this and it mattered to me.' But beauty if fugitive, being frequently found in places to which we may never return or else resulting from rare conjunctions of season, light and weather. How then to possess it...? The camera provides one option. Taking photographs can assuage the itch for possession sparked by the beauty of a place; our anxiety over losing a precious scene can decline with every click of the shutter. Or else we can try to imprint ourselves physically on a place of beauty, perhaps hoping to render it more present in us by making ourselves more present in it...A more modest step might be to buy something- a bowl, a lacquered box or a pair of sandals- as a reminder of what we have lost, like a lock of hair cut from a departing lover's mane."

Old San Juan is beautiful. And while I enjoy walking around the town and getting to know locals from the shops that line the streets, I keep returning to my memories of the time I shared with the people I met there, particularly Jorell and Magaly. On the third night of our journey, the lovely couple had us over for dinner. Well before the dinner, Jorell had "warned" us of a couple of "issues" that we would need to consider. One was the fact that they are both vegetarians and two, that they are the proud owners of four cats. I couldn't have hand-picked a better couple to befriend. Magaly prepared the most wonderful dinner we had the entire time on the island- we first had an appetizer of cheese and guava, then settled in for a dinner of spinach and mushroom lasagna, a salad, and tostones. I'll never forget that before gathering together for dinner, Frank Sinatra played out from a record player in the kitchen. During this evening, I decided to ask Jorell and Magaly to participate in my Music is Memory project by allowing me to interview them, as well as to allow my mother to take pictures. While we discussed possibly attending a show, we instead sat and talked for several hours about the ways that music has changed our lives and the memories that it has left behind. A truly wonderful evening.

"At the same time, fog ushered in nostalgia. Foggy nights may, like certain smells, carry us back to other times we experienced them. I thought of nights at university, walking home along illuminated playing fields, and of the differences between my life then and my life now, which led to a bittersweet sadness about the difficulties that had beset me then and the precious things that had since been lost to me."

Our second to last day of the journey, Jorell had agreed to drive my mother and I around the island. I had wanted to see Ponce and perhaps other areas. We awoke early and at my request took a journey to the neighborhood of Rio Piedras so I could get some daylight photographs of the beautiful street art that lines the streets, both in public and private spaces. I continue to remain fascinated with the artwork that I saw. Afterwards, we drove to Ponce. We visited several museums, including one of my favorites, the Museum of the Massacre at Ponce. While in Ponce, Jorell bought some quenepa for us to try. It is a fruit that is sold on the streets and highways surrounding the area. Perhaps Jorell thinks my mother and I are smarter than we are- as we bit the skin off the quenepa and both began to suck on the fruit inside. After a few moments of trying to tease the fruit off the seed, I began to chomp down on the seed. A bit bewildered, luckily my mother asked, "Should we be eating the seed?" Jorell responded, "Whhhhaaaatttt?" And we learned you should not eat the seed.

Leaving Ponce, we set about to see some of the beaches in the area, we drove through Mayaguez and then headed toward Aguadilla, which is the hometown of Jorell. We saw one of the most beautiful beaches I have ever seen (Playa Crashboat) and then make a stop by his grandmother's house, which was lovely. Late in the afternoon, we headed back to our final destination for the trip, the Caribe Hilton.

The Hilton, while a lovely place to stay, is one of those places that is ultimately isolating. It feels difficult to leave and the hotel makes sure of this by providing you with every single thing you might need on the property, but for a price. Our last day, we spent soaking in the sunlight and the drinks at the hotel bar. I wanted to reflect upon the journey.

For our last night, I had requested that we take Jorell, Magaly, Rossael, and Diego to dinner. I had wanted to do this, because as I spoke about contrasts earlier, I felt the contrast of the way that Jorell and folks responded to my mother and I. Contrast, you ask? I was overwhelmed with the generosity of our hosts and hostesses. They paid for many of our meals and drinks. They offered up their time and energy to us, all while keeping to their normal schedules of 12 hour work days. It must be noted that these folks are also in their early 20s. I have a hard time believing that most of the 20-year-olds that I know would have been this giving and generous. Hell, I have a hard time believing that many people are this generous.

For this last dinner, I finally indulged in mofongo. We had hoped to have dinner at a Greek restaurant that was renowned for their vegetarian options, though it was closed. We quickly chose to eat at a restaurant directly across the street. Upon walking in, Jorell commented that it may be difficult for us to find eating options in a place that had "these kind of chairs." They were big wooden leather chairs. Yes, it may be difficult. We had a lovely dinner, regardless. While most wouldn't think that black beans and mofongo would work together- it does. Afterwards, we ventured to a small local bar called Fancy Pizza, where we could enjoy a few cold beverages.

I'm absolutely positive that it isn't only vacation that makes me so terribly sad to leave Puerto Rico, but rather something about the island itself. The last time I left the island, I teared up a little in the cab ride to the airport. The last time I knew that I would miss the island. This time, I teared up several times well before leaving. And I knew this time, I would not only miss the island, but I would miss the folks that I had come to know as friends while there.

"I returned to London from Barbados to find that the city had stubbornly refused to change. I had seen azure skies and giant sea anemones, I had slept in a raffia bungalow and eaten a kingfish, I had swum beside baby turtles and read in the shade of coconut trees. But my hometown was unimpressed. It was still raining. The park was still a pond; the skies were still funereal. When we are in a good mood and it is sunny, we may be tempted to impute a connection between what happens inside and outside of us, but the appearance of London on my return was a reminder of the indifference of the world to any of the events unfolding in the lives of its inhabitants. I felt despair at being home. I felt there could be few worse places on Earth than the one I had been fated to spend my existence in."

Yes, returning home was difficult. Again, I watch the fade of sun from my skin. I begin to hear English spoken more than Spanish. The days of wandering unknown streets and having conversations for the first time with new friends disappear. I can pick up the artifacts from the trip and think about how when I held them for the first time I was in an apartment in San Juan discussing how The Smiths impacted all of our lives.

"I thank you. And I thank you. As the years go by, this heart of mine says thanks many times for the friends it finds. I am so grateful. I am so lucky." -Ghost Mice

Some iPhone Shots with GeoTag

2009-07-21T22:52:00.000-05:00

iPhone pics from San Juan

Mi madre fotographia

2009-07-21T22:51:00.000-05:00

July San Juan Trip Mi Madre

Photos from the Last Day

2009-07-21T22:50:00.000-05:00

July San Juan Trip Last Day

More photos from the trip...

2009-07-20T18:05:00.001-05:00

July San Juan Trip Day...Oh who can remember now...

Day Three and part of Four

2009-07-18T17:09:00.003-05:00

While I didn't make it to the protest- my co-conspirator was a little exhausted after entertaining us until 1am last night and going to work at 5:30am....we did spend some time in the olde town.

July San Juan Trip Day Three

Dos Dias

2009-07-18T09:20:00.002-05:00

There is so much to say...but I'd rather not spend too much time sitting in this beautiful hotel room typing it. So, I'll save it for when I return. Here are pictures from our first two days in San Juan.

July San Juan Trip Dos Dias

How'd it take me so long to get here?

2009-07-09T21:22:00.002-05:00

As most of you know by now, yesterday I made the trek to Louisville, Kentucky to see The Bob Dylan Show- comprised of performances by The Wiyos, Willie Nelson, John Mellencamp (to be confused with John Cougar and John Cougar Mellencamp), and of course, Bob Dylan. For the last two years, since I first fell in love with Dylan (yes, I know, I'm a late-bloomer, in more ways than one) I have been scanning internet sites to hopefully have the opportunity to see Dylan in concert. I had heard of his ballpark tours and I couldn't imagine a better way to see him. You can't imagine the pure joy I felt when I signed onto myspace and discovered that "Dylan" had posted information on his upcoming tour in ballparks. (See- Myspace IS still relevant). I was even more thrilled upon discovering he'd be touring with Willie and Mellencamp. Two others I had never had the chance to see- though I should be clear- I was much less excited about Mellencamp than Willie.

Given the fact that I keep obnoxiously busy every hour of every day, I didn't have alot of time to engage in the sublime experience of concert preparation. It actually wasn't until we were on the road to Louisville that while stopping at a truck stop for some supplies that I realized the magnitude of the impending experience.

Now, I must admit I'm saddened by one thing about the trip. The Louisville Bats stadium looks awesome and I'm wishing I had the time and finances to stay a few extra days and catch a game...but alas, work calls.

Although I feel the urge to give you a play-by-play of the whole evening, I believe I should stick to highlights....

While standing in line waiting to enter the stadium, I overheard a father exclaim to his son..."Just think, years from now you'll be able to tell your children that you saw a musical legend." I couldn't help but wonder how much of going to a concert like this involves the desire to say "I saw Dylan." While I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I also wanted to "see" Dylan in this way- I also wanted to "be" in the moment. Jeez, now that sounds all pretentious and touchy-feely.

Once entering the stadium, I realized that perhaps a t-shirt and jeans were a poor choice of attire (apparently I make this mistake often). It was amazingly hot outside. Though, there were plenty of refreshing (albeit expensive) beverages to solve that problem.

I also noticed the adoration for Mellencamp among the crowd. There were tons of people decked out in Mellencamp t-shirts and gear. The merchandising at this type of show was also insane. I eavesdropped on a woman showing her friends all the Willie merchandise she bought- which included 2 tank tops, 2 t-shirts, a wall-hanging, and a bandanna. I'm wondering how much money she dropped at the merch tent. And then I wondered how I can get involved in selling Willie gear.

Now, onwards, the show was fantastic. The Wiyos were great, though I was somewhat distracted by the heat. Willie was terrific, even enough to get me out of a seat into the crowd. See below for a clip from my book project about just how much Willie has been part of my musical motif.

When Mellencamp came out, I decided to take a seat off to the side in the small lawn seating area. I was shortly moved out of this space by a drunken middle-aged man who insisted on kicking his bright white tennis shoes in the air next to my head with every beat of the song. People in Kentucky love Mellencamp. And to be honest, I was into it. I didn't think I would be, but it was a helluva performance. Sadly, Mellencamp did not do me the pleasure of playing "Jack and Diane"- which is all sorts of tied up in musical memories for me. What I found compelling was the celebration of the "small-town," which all has mostly ceased to exist. Still, the crowd shouted- all celebrating those small town American values. Given this fact, Mellencamp was the only one of the performers to engage in any type of political speech.

As the evening closed in, I found myself moving further and further into the crowd. I knew that when Dylan took stage I wanted to be as close as possible to the stage. It takes something special for me to find myself wedging in between 6 ft. tall tweens.

And then it happened, Dylan and his band took the stage. I was about six people back from the front. And when I saw Dylan in person- and I know this might sound, well, I don't really care how it sounds- a couple of tears welled up in my eyes. It wasn't as if I had been a fan of Dylan for 20 years, but there was something about seeing him in person that moved me. And I felt a little like the dad in line, I was SEEING Dylan, a musical legend.

Dylan, while at times I struggled to understand his lyrics, played for about an hour and a half. One thing I loved (and loathed only a little) was how Dylan plays his older hits completely different from the original. I loved this because the crowd was unable to sing along, which meant I could actually hear Dylan. I loathed this because about half way through a song I would realize it was one that I really loved. Honestly, I was spellbound throughout the entire show. And the crowd was too. While moving up to the front wasn't an easy task, luckily some tall un's let me move closer (yes, it sucks to be short at any type of concert...I will continue to campaign for some type of "If you are under this height, you are allowed to stand closer" type of clause for shows).

So, it happened. I saw Dylan. I'm no longer a Dylan concert neophyte. It was everything I expected. I'm pretty sure that Tim and I talked about it for most of the way back to Nashville, well except that last hour when I passed out from sheer exhaustion.

And what is next on my docket of summer rock shows...well, hopefully a show in Puerto Rico of local punk and politco bands...then onwards to Gogol Bordello (oh, Eugene) and M. Ward.

Excerpt from work in progress...

...I’m not sure what came first, my love of travel or my love of Willie Nelson’s On the Road, Again. They may have happened at the same time. My mother, where most of my early musical memories originate, use to love playing the stereo in her Camaro loud with the windows rolled down. I’m not sure if we use to spend hours driving around listening to music, but the desire to get on the open road is undoubtedly burned into my DNA. “Going places that I’ve never been, seeing things that I may never see again, and I can’t wait to get back on the road again…” Later, my mother and I would take to the open road, but it was 1983 and Madonna was in tow. Besides at this age, I was still somewhat confused as what really happened with a stereo. I can remember riding around with my mother and her boyfriend at the time. I was in the back seat. I remember a song was playing on the stereo and my mother’s boyfriend shouted out some lyrics. Immediately afterwards, the stereo would repeat the words he just shouted. I can remember this going on for most of the song. I peeked over the seat wondering how they could fit the entire band in that small space. It must be a band of tiny people, I thought. I am too embarrassed now to think of how many years I wondered why the stereo band wasn’t able to hear my requests when I shouted them out...

Is it fatal error or error fatal?

2009-06-22T13:24:00.002-05:00

I've been on a mission to study Spanish for at least an hour or two a day. Today I made notecards. And I'm pleased to inform you that I love when phrases translate exactly the same (or at least a word switched around). Like a "fatal error" is simply "error fatal"

I think I made one today by joining facebook. I have resisted and resisted. But I made the leap- and I'm pretty sure I already wish I hadn't. I've got joiner remorse. Though I'm going to stick it out for a good 24 hours before I "deactivate."

perdoname.