Ruminations on a Past Decade

(Picture by Leslie Bivens. This might have been late 1999, but was about as close to 2000 as I could find in my archives)

It must have been mid-December when I started thinking about composing an end-of-the-decade blog. At first I had planned to compose a blog that captured the last ten years of life, you know, a where I’ve been, what I’ve done, what I learned, what I didn’t learn. Upon returning back from Charlotte with a trunk full of journals and pictures from the last ten years, I commenced to writing. And I wrote three pages about the last ten years. I thought about each year, pouring over the pictures and journal entries. So, why haven’t I posted it?

I’ve re-read what I have written for the last several days trying to decide upon posting both the three pages and 75 pictures I had selected. But then, I realized, I can’t. While the process was extremely cathartic, I realized it was more important for me to travel through the years than it would be for me to share it. With that decision, I’ve decided to print out what I’ve written and post it in my new journal for the New Year. It’ll serve as a reminder of the joys and sorrows of the previous years, with an overwhelming hope for the upcoming decades.

But what did I learn?

In the last ten years, I’ve lost two people that I loved dearly- both my dad, Greg, and Joe, an ex-lover. While I, in complicated ways, dealt with their passing, I’ve learned how to forgive and remember. I was also engaged twice to be married to two very different men. Through the ups and downs of my relationships, I’ve learned how to open myself up to love and also how to find happiness on my own. Over the years, I’ve self-published the last two issues of my zine, bittersweet, run my own promotional company and record label, Bittersweet Promotions and Records, and started my own blog, www.musicismemory.com. Through these experiences I had the wonderful opportunity to work with dozens of excellent musicians and find ways to express myself through the written word. In addition, I’ve written two and half unpublished novels and two chapters for a book proposal about music and memories. I recorded, with the help of a friend, four songs based on my prose. I also worked at a school uniform company, Coca-Cola Bottling Company, and at various schools and universities. I earned my masters degree and started work on my PhD. I overcame one of my biggest fears about lecturing in front of a class only to discover that I loved it more than anything else I’ve ever done. I adopted two fantastic cats, Sabine and Igor. I’ve traveled all around the country and ventured to Puerto Rico twice. I’ve lived in Charlotte, Myrtle Beach, and Nashville. I’ve seen hundreds of incredible rock shows and even seen a couple of legends. I got sea-sick on a casino boat ride and flew over the ocean in a helicopter. I’ve welcomed the life of my nephew, Emmett. I've always had the constant of my family, my Mom, John, Ashley, Jambe, and Taylor, and best friend, Jennie Ann, for laughs and love. I’ve shared my life with so many wonderful people in the last ten years that it’d be difficult to name them all. But I thank them and know, for a fact, that life would not have been worth living without them.

Recollecting on the last decade has been (for lack of a better word) bittersweet. And so, I raise my glass to the new decade, with the following resolutions for the New Year…

1) Use lots of conditioner. I’ve heard it works for getting things disentangled.
2) To ‘rosetta stone’ my way to fluency.
3) To be more thoughtful in my reactions to people when they are a) kind to me and deserving of recognition and, b) not kind to me and deserving of an ass-kicking.
4) Take more trips.
5) Write more, with my new journal and book proposal in mind.

First Show of the Year: Eric Bachmann, Charlotte, 2010

"Drinking sparkling wine and cheap perfume. I've been looking for some soft abuse."

I was in Boone, North Carolina when I first heard of Archers of Loaf. I think I probably peaked a little late on the whole Archers adoration, but I can remember driving through those mountains in my 1984 Ford Escort blasting the song, "Web in Front."

But I would truly fall in love with the music of Eric Bachmann in 1999 or 2000. My good friend Charles would make me the first holiday mix I would ever receive. It was boldly (and quite simply) entitled, "Holiday." Somewhere buried on the first side of the tape was a song by Eric Bachmann. It was the song "Broken Man." I remember visiting my friend Sam Carter in Asheville and playing the song for him.

From that moment on,I would follow the career of Bachmann with enthusiasm. I remember sitting out back at Tonic in Charlotte during their singer-songwriter nights as a young troubadour drunkenly covered the song, "New Drink for the Old Drunk." I remember seeing Crooked Fingers at Tremont Music Hall in 2001 with one of my oldest friends. I remember a late night party at my folks house where a house full of kids screamed the lyrics of his songs at the top of their lungs. And I also remember driving to Chapel Hill to see Crooked Fingers...well, that must have been around 2002.

I decided on a trip to Charlotte for New Years for a couple of reasons. One, I had been unable to find a great New Years rock show to attend and two, because I wanted to spend the end of a decade with my mother. So, imagine my pleasant surprise when I discovered that while I was still in town, Eric Bachmann would be performing at The Evening Muse. It would be the first rock show of the year.

Shows at The Muse are always intimate. And it was lovely. Eric played solo, as Liz Durrett, the other performer on the bill, would be absent due to the death of Vic Chesnutt, a member of her family. Given the circumstances, Eric dedicated the entire set to Vic, something we all appreciated.

Throughout the show, Eric asked for requests...which I finally mustered up the courage to request "New Drink for the Old Drunk." Here is a short video. [Note: I only took very short videos, because while I wanted to capture the song, I also didn't wanted to inundate myself in the music, so they'll leave you desiring more. That's for sure.]




He also played my favorite Archers song. See below.




And here are a few other clips for you.







And I must say, I couldn't have imagined a more perfect first show of the New Year. Though, I did shed a few tears, as did my mom, particularly when he finished the set with "Little Bird," which felt like it had been written for Vic. "A gentle bird of grace and beauty came down to sing a sweet refrain. Won't you fly away with me? Won't you fly away with me?"

The Apprehensive Holidays

I'll admit, up front, right now. I'm sort of a scrooge.

Here's the thing- I love buying and making gifts for loved ones. I love seeing loved ones. But there is just something about packing it into a handful of days, while out of town (read: in Charlotte) that makes my skin crawl. This means I sort of hate holidays. I know, that's awful to say right now, particularly only a handful of days before Christmas and only one night before I head home.

Tonight, though, my mom sent me a couple of gift songs on iTunes. And while listening to these songs (yes, brooding is genetic), I realized how despite the chaos of driving the 7 hours home (yes, I'm griping about it) and the constant social interaction, I'm actually looking forward to going home (shhhh, don't tell anyone). Moreover, I'm looking forward to seeing some really wonderful people in my life that I don't get to see that often.

And here they are....from previous home visits.

Holiday Pictures

And yes, this is probably as close to holiday spirit as I get.

So, I should say that I look forward to the parties and celebrations. I look forward to the gruesome Monopoly games. I look forward to catching up with old friends. And I would also love the chance to see my cousins too...as it was has been years.

Independence of Irrelevant Alternatives

While the holiday mix of this year may still be in transit to you, I've decided to go ahead and post the song listing. Hope you enjoy.

Independence of Irrelevant Alternatives
8th Annual Mix

Lonely Teardrops: Jackie Wilson
Whole Lotta’ Losin: Monsters of Folk
My Love: The Bird and the Bee
Electrocution: Bill Fox
Brave As A Noun: Andrew Jackson Jihad
Sleepyhead: Passion Pit
The World Is Alive: Ezra Furman and the Harpoons
I’ve Got Dreams to Remember: Otis Redding
Baby: Devendra Banhart
God Help the Girl: God Help the Girl
96 Tears: ? & The Mysterians
Tonight You Belong To Me: Lightspeed Champion
Fitz and Dizzyspells: Andrew Bird
Go Green: Rattail
When We Swam: Thao
Fell Down The Stairs: Tilly & The Wall
Llegar al Sol: Anti Sociales
I’m Sorry Friends: Captain Chaos
Motion Sickness: Bright Eyes
Take Me as I Am: Au Revoir Simone

Yes, once I was a party boy.

This time of the year (read: the festive holidays) always reminds me of one thing. No, not the hustle bustle of gift-giving and receiving. No, not the "reason for the season." No, not Willie Nelson's version of Blue Christmas.

But this.




As some of you may be aware, for 15 years of my life, I was a dancer. I danced in The Nutcracker for at least 5 of those years. My first year, I was a Party Boy in the opening scene. For a couple of years I was in the Waltz of the Flowers. One year I was in the Snow scene (as a snowflake).

Then there was the year I was on track to audition for Clara. I remember being so excited as the year approached. I knew the solo that Clara performs in the opening party scene- and I had aspired for years to land this role. This was the same year that our dance company, Charlotte Youth Ballet, informed us we'd be merging with the North Carolina Dance Theatre to put on our annual Nutcracker. Wait, come again?

We auditioned with the dance company- and I landed the role of a Mirliton. No, I don't expect you to understand, but it was pretty awesome. Though I was always a little sad that I didn't get the chance to be Clara. This would be my last year dancing. Because as our director, Gay Porter, predicted- this would be the year that I discovered boys, cars, and that whole high school world she warned us so vehemently about becoming part of.


Years later, I took classes again at the company. Adult classes. You know, the kind of classes where you wonder about why your body isn't capable of doing the ballet steps you use to perform with so little intention as a 16 year old. I remember in the two months this torture lasted, Mrs. Porter suggested I participate in the upcoming performance of The Nutcracker. She suggested I might enjoy a role as a Party Mother. Yep, my, how times have changed.

Though I have to say that every year around this time, I find myself nostalgic for the endless rehearsals, the excitement of opening night, the frantic ballerinas running around backstage overly anxious and make-up'ed, and the final performance when flowers would be brought out on stage to Mrs. Porter to thank her for all the months of putting up with the inconsistency of her young dancers.

I know this, I'll never forget the first time I had the opportunity to dance the role of a snowflake. I had always dreamed of dancing this role. It seemed so magical and beautiful. The Snow Queen and snowflakes would begin dancing...the increasing intensity of the music...the snow would begin to fall from the ceiling all around, as we performed grand jetes across the stage. Then lining up in those majestic V's as the Snow Queen and King returned to the stage.

In actuality, when I had the chance to perform this role, I found the whole process de-mystified. I even remember swallowing a piece of the snow (or small pieces of plastic white garbage bags they used to create the effect of snow). Yes, it looked so much more beautiful from a distance.



Perhaps what will resonate most strongly with me was my first year of dancing the role of the Party Boy. I still have a video of the performance. While I hated that I was assigned this role, my favorite part was when the Party Boy's were instructed to irritate our Party Girl sister's by ruining their pretty little dance with their new toy dolls. As you might have guessed, I loved every minute of it.

Opened like a lily...

Two whirlwind days have passed. Walking back into my house a few moments ago to the quiet felt a little awkward (and this wasn't the only awkwardness of the last few days), but I have no doubt that I'll sleep soundly tonight.

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of hosting the folks from the band, Ezra Furman and the Harpoons. They were passing through town and playing tonight at 3rd and Lindsley, here in Nashville. Since my home has most recently become a place for bands on the road to stay, I figured I'd offer up my home, hospitality, and hospitalization to the folks.

We had a lovely time. We watched the last game of the Grand (National) Series. A serious game of Monopoly took place, while discussion of capitalism ensued. Sabine fell in love with the bottom of Ezra's shoe, which I'm pretty sure smelled like freedom to her.

This evening, I parted ways with the band, while they went off to play their show- and Art and I headed to the Leonard Cohen show. While I had been told that Cohen has been playing three hour shows, we planned to leave from Cohen just in time to catch the Harpoons.

So, yes, the Cohen show.

(Speechless, totally speechless)

We ran into Jenn in the lobby, while fighting our way through the Will-Call line. Jenn and I discovered upon buying our tickets months ago, that our seats were next to one another. So, the three of us proceeded to have our souls stirred and shaken by the magic of Leonard Cohen for three hours. It was beautiful. There were a few times I got misty-eyed...and lucky for my companions, I only got completely teary-eyed once. While this video isn't from the show, I felt I needed to document what it was that took me over the edge.



"And I´m still working with the wine,
Still dancing cheek to cheek.
The band is playing "Auld Lang Syne"
The heart will not retreat.
And maybe I had miles to drive,
And promises to keep
You ditch it all to stay alive
A thousand kisses deep."
-Leonard Cohen

Now, although I was completely moved...I don't like to complain...but I must. One of Cohen's band members- the master of air- as he referred to him- drove me insane. While I understand his contribution to the band (the guy was a very talented musician), I knew right away we wouldn't be Facebook friends because of his bright white tennis shoes. And beyond that, he was horribly distracting. I found myself drawn to his dance moves while playing his electronic instruments- instead of watching the humble Cohen kneeling and serenading. I also did not appreciate his "I'm oh, so cute and adorable" antics. Not cute. Not adorable. I'm just not sure I want anyone taking my attention away from Cohen. And he shouldn't have. Shame on you.

Enough now. Back to praise. The show had several encores. I am unable to think of any song that I wished he had played that he didn't. And his moves- are utterly fantastic- from his prancing off stage to his fancy footwork while performing. I think I'm crushing on Leonard. Yes, even at his age now.

I did take one short video...of which the audio is much better than the video. Enjoy.



After the show, to our surprise, Art and I WERE able to find the car and make our way over to our second show of the evening at 3rd and Lindsley. We walked in to discover the Harpoons had just finished their set about 10 minutes before our arrival. Woe is me. Another time, fellas.

Now, I'm back home. I've got a full weekend of paper writing and quietness ahead of me. While I miss all the excitement, I'm looking forward to a couple of days hibernating in my house.

A baguette, the Jewish Hospital, and KISS

I have an absolute fear of social holidays. I hate them, generally. I hate them because of the pressure that is implied in having a great time. You know, the 4th of July, Halloween, New Years. Every year as they approach, I begin the difficult task of planning the event. And then last year on Halloween, it dawned on me- there is a certain way to ensure you'll have a great time. Go to a rock show. Last year, I attened the Hold Steady show at the Ryman. This year it would be Monsters of Folk at Louisville Palace Theatre. While you might originally think that The Hold Steady would be far and away more raucous than a band called Monsters of Folk. You would be sorely mistaken.

My dear friend, Art and I made the journey to Louisville on Saturday night. And what can I say about the show? It was incredible. Absolutely incredible. While I was initially disappointed that the band didn't dress up, my disappointment was quickly dismissed when they returned after the intermission dressed as KISS. They played some covers and some originals in those classy silver heels. It was beautiful.

For me, getting the chance to see Conor Oberst and Mike Mogis is also full of memories. I always feel awkward saying it- and I never want it to sound like it will always sound- but the two are old friends of mine, so getting to see them and spend some time with them is always a treat. Luckily, that happened, though no without our fair share of hardships.

While Mike provided us both with after-show passes, we waited (read: finished our drinks) about 15 minutes after the show before proceeding to the backstage area. At this time, we were informed by the lovely authorities (read: security) that we had "missed the boat," "didn't make that train," "were too late for the flight." Yes, I'm kidding about the last one, but there were a series of transporation metaphors to tell Art and I that our passes were no longer valid. Luckily, we ran into the tour manager, who was able to tell the lovely authorities that they were in fact wrong and that we had every right to be mean to them.

Now, I could regal you with stories about our time back stage, but I won't. Because, well, I shouldn't. We had a great time. We met some lovely folks (of whom I'll tell you more about at a later date) and shenanigans ensued. I fully blame "shenanigans" for my loss of my cell phone on the tour bus and my solo journey through the streets of Louisville...but like I said, that is best left unsaid. On a more positive note, here are pictures from the trip. And some videos for your enjoyment. (Warning: the sound gets a little unbearable toward the last few videos, so turn it down before playing).

I'd like to say thank you to Conor for the baguette, to Mike for the tequila, to Roy for knowing about STATA, and Matt Ward for standing within five feet of me.

Monsters of Folk Trip to Louisville

My name is not Justin Vernon and my thesis is not Bon Iver.

One awkward fall break.

While it is true that I took a page from Justin Vernon's book when I decided to hole up in a cabin for most of my fall break to produce what I hoped would be similar to the Bon Iver album, I have a feeling that my "cabin" experience was a little different from Vernon's. Not to mention, I'm pretty sure that NPR will never discuss my thesis.

I took three nights and four days to stay in a Bed and Breakfast in Monterey, Tennessee. While I had imagined a secluded cabin all to myself, I also find myself nervous about a complete disconnect from civilization (and honestly, the Blair Witch Project has left some lasting images in my mind for way too long). So I opted for a B&B, where I would be served breakfast in the morning- and I could trust that there was someone being paid to be sure that I had a pleasant experience. Mike, he was.

Apparently, these types of places typically serve the needs of a limited group of people- those getting married, those celebrating their anniversaries, or those having a romantic weekend away. Yes, I was very out of place. It was also pleasant to be constantly reminded that I was not in fact there for the same reasons. Why a constant reminder?

During my third day at the Inn, I was informed that there was limited space in the dining room- and I would need to sit with another couple for breakfast. I was also informed that one couple had already denied me- they didn't want to share their anniversary breakfast with me. Those cruel, cruel people. I did get the opportunity instead to meet some lovely couples during my last two mornings at the Inn. But that's the thing when you stay at a place like this- investment, personal investment in other people.

I did have a lovely time. I was successful in finishing a first draft of my thesis, which will now be subjected to the harsh eye of Tepper- but nonetheless, it was useful way to spend my fall break. And restful in a way.

After returning to the world of the living, I discovered an old friend (David Dondero) would be in town performing at a house party in Nashville. I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate than good friends and good music- and a house party. And so we did. While the show was scheduled to begin at 4pm, we were informed upon preparing for the party (read: imbibing) that it would actually begin closer to 8 or 9pm. Needless to say, it was a long night. Awkward and spectacular.

I could summarize quickly by saying that I tormented young hip kids for several hours while stealing away their beer...I watched a very, talented musician get cheated out of his money for the night...and I saw a dear friend of mine pass out in my chair. Regardless, enjoy some of the photos from the trip... and enjoy a short video that we took at the show.

I've mentioned before, but if you haven't familiarized yourself with the work of David Dondero- you should. And you should do it now.

From South of the South Video

Otis Redding and Red Wine in the Mountains

I swore to myself I'd stay off the internet for the entire three days of my thesis vacation. I swore I wouldn't use the internet features on my phone either. Well, I lied. You have no idea how addictive it is to check your email. I had to forcibly hide my phone and I had to turn off the wireless function on my computer-- but I've decided to be thoughtful in my use. It will be a reward, much like the 5 magazines and 3 books I also bought for my trip- you know, the trip I was suppose to work the entire time. Distractions are surrounding me.

And I see updating my blog as a treat, a reward...for me, of course.

Regardless, one of the wonderful things about taking a trip like such- is getting to listen to music. And tonight on the agenda has been Otis Redding.

It did get me thinking about the first time I heard the song, "Try A Little Tenderness"- it most certainly wasn't Otis- in fact, it was Jon Cryer acting it out.



So, then I got curious- who else has done this song (read: distraction)-
Michael Buble, Chris Brown (hmmm), Three Dog Night, Percy Sledge, Nancy Wilson (are you kidding, why don't I own this?), Michael Bolton, Etta James (again, why am I missing this?), Perry Como, Rod Stewart, David Hasselhoff, Frank Sinatra and certainly the best version Mel Torme. I'm totally buying Torme later.

But where did it come from you ask?
Here are some facts (wiki-style)- written by Irving King (James Campbell and Reginald Connelly) and Harry Woods. Initially recorded in 1932 by Ray Noble Orchestra with Val Rosling on vocals. The Otis version is no doubt the most popular. And apparently placed 204 in the Top 500 greatest songs of all time by Rolling Stone.

So, here you go- because I've got purple teeth and all- you should watch Otis sing it too.




I'm back to outlining a paper now. Enjoy.

No excuses, but zombies.

While catching up on work today, I also took the time to catch up on old podcasts of All Songs Considered on NPR hosted by Bob Boilen. I now hypothesize that listening to good music increases my productivity more than working from the couch while watching bad movies on TBS. Thanks, Bob.

In addition, I came across this wonderful, wonderful song- and an album that I will anticipate for the next 3 days. The song "My Body's a Zombie For You" is one of the most wonderful songs I've heard recently. Why you might ask?

Well, for one, it is a sing-a-long (I absolutely love any type of sing-a-long). Two, the band is headed up by Ryan Gosling (who I have an incredibly, inappropriate crush on...which forces me to watch the movie The Notebook every single time it comes on television.) Three, it is perfect for Halloween (which I also adore). Four, it is about zombies (which reminds me of Becky and Art).

Here is the link to the Pitchfork page about the release. You can also listen to this beautiful song here.

So, go enjoy. Trust me, you'll love it.