Food and the single graduate student

One of the most difficult things about being both single and a graduate student has to be food. When I first started graduate school at Vanderbilt, although I was in a relationship, I found that my eating habits suffered. While working late into the evening, I discovered that taking time out to not only eat, but also cook, seemed like a major disruption of running code and statistics. Most of the time, I'd find myself making a quick sandwich or grabbing something out of a can to heat up quickly and eat while still pouring over several articles that needed to be completed by morning. After the dissolution of my relationship, I discovered that my eating habits declined even more. Cooking for one person was considerably difficult for me, unless of course I planned to eat that same meal for an entire week. No, I'm not a huge fan of leftovers. And so, eventually I gave up. I started eating more sandwiches and more single items for an entire meal and even some nights, I simply snacked on pickles and cheese while working. Worse even, I found myself frequenting fast food restaurants, which as a vegetarian means very limited (and often unhealthy) choices.

Luckily in the last year, I started making more dates with friends for weekly meals. I would spend all week looking forward to my weekly date with Amada, where we would pick a restaurant we haven't previously visited to take time out from work to enjoy one another's company and some delicious food. Unfortunately these only happened once a week-- and now I recognize that Amada's departure from Nashville to San Diego equals the end of our weekly dining experiences. But that being said (now weeping uncontrollably), there was something lovely about just taking the time out from everything to enjoy a meal with a great friend.

This summer, I had official roommates. Not a boyfriend roommate, but actual real roommates. The last roommates I had were Eric and Laurie in Charlotte back in 2001/2002 and before that Charlotte and Mandy in Boone back in 1997/1998. I was a little anxious at the prospect of sharing common space with three other people, but as most of you already know-- it turned out to be one of the best things for me. And among my best experiences were our family dinners.

Before arriving, I had assumed I would be purchasing my own food to prepare alone. However, I discovered very quickly how important family dinners were to my new family in Puerto Rico. Magaly did most of the cooking because she is amazing at it-- though of course, Jorell cooked some lovely meals too and Mario helped flip some pancakes every so often. Additionally, once food was being prepared, I found that everyone congregated in the kitchen. The four of us would stand around in the hot kitchen and talk and laugh while the food was prepared. We all pitched in to help set the table for dinner and to clean up after dinner, though I think Mario might be a little sad that the household dishwasher is gone. Needless to say, we did this most evenings. Even the evenings when I had hours of work in writing up field notes and transferring and backing up data collected from the day. I remember Magaly saying to me once, "I know that we all have a lot of work to do tonight, but I think we should all take a break to have dinner together. It is important to share at least one meal a day with someone."

I was also told by other friends on the island how important having meals together can be. My friend Carlos explained to me how necessary it is for everyone to join together in the kitchen during the meal preparation. It was a moment when the entire family could come together and share and enjoy one another's company. And perhaps more importantly, the meals were not quickly enjoyed, but rather even after finishing our meal, we would sit for longer--together.

Before leaving Puerto Rico, I thought one of the things I would miss the most would be the experience of just taking a few hours out of my day to share a meal. I feared that as the semester would begin, I would revert back to my old bad habits of pickles and cheese, alone...and furthermore, as a student, entire days when I don't leave my apartment, but rather sit in front of a computer or a book or a statistical program. Being a graduate student, particularly as you move into your final few years, becomes more and more isolating. You sequester yourself with more time thinking and reading and writing and less time spent with others. It can be incredibly difficult...and for those of us that live alone, it can be downright alienating. You start to feel the walls of your apartment or home grow thicker and it makes it more and more difficult to leave the house and go out into the world. Trust me, there have been weeks, I've only left the apartment once or twice. My main communication with the world has been my daily phone call to my mother or texting and chatting with friends online.

So, upon arriving back home, I was pleased to find out the graduate students in my department were planning a monthly pot-luck. We can all come together with different food items and share a meal. In addition, I've decided with a couple of friends to schedule a weekly meal-- either out to eat or in our homes. And lastly, I decided with my lovely neighbors-- Ashley and Michelle-- to have what we now refer to as the "trifecta family dinner" on a weekly basis.

Tonight we had the first "trifecta family dinner." We prepared food, though separately at this juncture (next time we'll also have to cook together!) and all joined together in my apartment for a variety of food items. We had a tofu curry and jasmine rice prepared by Ashley and Michelle and I prepared fresh lima beans from the local Farmers Market and a fruit salad of fresh pineapple and pears. Ashley brought us Bitch Bubbly champagne and some elderflower. We sat around the table for a couple of hours, eating, talking, and listening to music. And you know what? It was absolutely fantastic. After spending a full day of scheduling ASA meetings and working on grant reports and thinking about finishing my thesis and continuing to work on my book chapter...I had spent the entire day inside. I hadn't spoken to one human face to face all day. I say human, because given my sequestered inside predicament, I had plenty of foul words to say to my cats today. Dinner made me feel connected. It made me realize how it is okay to take time out from a busy schedule to share your time, food, and life with others. Actually, it isn't even just "okay," it is necessary.

And so now, I shall start to think about what I'll prepare for the next "trifecta family dinner," while scheduling dinners with those others in Nashville I consider my family. I'll never forget the family dinners I had with my family in Puerto Rico, nor the delicious food that Magaly (and Jorell and Mario) prepared. And I thank them for reminding me of how important it is to come together over a meal. Abrazos, mi panas.

Family Dinners