One Foot in Front of the Other: Katherine's 14th Annual Mix 2015

One Foot in Front of the Other: Katherine's 14th Annual Mix 2015

Pulling Back the Layers. 

I usually start out my description of the year by saying, "I don't know where to begin." But maybe for the first time ever, I know exactly where to start. 2015. I saw myself. I heard myself. And I started to realize who I really am, and even more so, what I deserve. Can I throw in a hashtag? #recovery

I won't lie. I had an amazing year. But also, I have to admit, shit was hard this year. First, I remembered who I was as a teacher. And my students responded resoundingly. Then, I remembered how much I loved the student movement at the University of Puerto Rico of 2010...and I finished my dissertation. But more so, and probably more than any of these achievements, I remembered who I am. Maybe it was less about remembering...and more about discovering. Opening the flood gates and letting me really be me. It hasn't been easy, as most of you have observed, but here I am. Exposed. Revealed. And finally, ready to let myself to be seen. By my friends. By him. By you.

In my next end-of-the-year post, I can review more what happened...but you should know this before I present you with the annual mix....I'm in love. I'm in love with happiness. I'm in love with pop music. And I'm in love with a man (though, this part scares the shit out of me).

Undoubtedly, you'll notice a huge departure in my musical tastes from the past years. I wish I could explain it in a way that would make sense to most of you. But I know I can't. Here's the thing. I got tired of listening to sad-bastard music. And actually, this happened because of a student. She wanted to do an independent study with me on the feminism of Beyonce and Nicki Minaj. I was apprehensive, but I thought it would be interesting. And she won. By the end, I was convinced. But more so, I fell in love with pop music. I realized while I was listening to the musics of these two women, I felt happy. I felt strong. I felt brave. And then I realized, I wanted to feel like this all the time. These women made me feel good. And so, I kept listening. And it is true, I feel empowered listening to their music. And without a doubt, my life has changed as a result.

No, it wasn't just the music (sorry, Nick Hornby), but it was the music in conjunction with so many changes that I MADE happen this year. Probably for the first time in my life, I'm recognized how much I can control what happens in my life. I can make my own decisions. I can say yes. I can say no. I know, I know, so many of you think, "Well, yeah." But for those people like me, who endured the traumas, this is a big deal.

So here is how you can find access to the mix:
1) On Spotify at: One Foot in Front of the Other Mix

2) On YouTube at: One Foot in Front of the Other Mix

1. Darlin' All I Ask: Jaymay
"How I loved you suddenly, it just totally scared me. That don't mean I don't take you seriously. And I love you terribly, its just ridiculous. All I'm just saying, is I want you so bad. I wanna love you like that, I wanna be your lover, why don't you just think about it?"



2. What's My Name: Rihanna (feat. Drake)
The first song he played for me was a Rihanna song. But when I heard this one, I realized it was about him. And when he called me that night and sang, "Uhhnahhna, Uhhhnahna," into my phone, I fell in love. Because, he listened to the song I sent him. He heard me. That's it.

"Hey boy, I really want to be with you, because you're just my type..."


3. Ex's & Oh's: Elle King
Now, let's turn the clock back. Those fucking ex's and o's.


4. Hotling Bling:  Ceresia
Sorry, Drake, let's flip the script. I'm sorry you feel left out. Ladies, we have to do our own thing.


5. Love in the Dark: Adele
Okay, so we need one song on the mix about the heartbreak of this year. Yes, I fell in love this year. The most fucked up part of it is that it was in a place in which I could never actually have it. Which if you know me, it isn't that weird. But, I'll dedicate this one to him. Because he made me realize so very much. He made me realize how much I was worth, despite the fact he couldn't give that to me. And with his words on that fateful day back in June, everything started to change.


6. Hiding: Florence + The Machine
And the biggest part of the fuckedupness of what happened before was that I sought out therapy after the fact. I couldn't have done this without the amazing support of Ashley and Michelle. Whether it was the shame hotline, our group chat on Viber, or sweet notes of encouragement and support, these ladies really helped me find my way. And this song, well, I dedicate it to the little girl inside of me. I just want her to know that I'm here to protect her, even when she is too afraid to let me in.



7. Nicki Minaj Records "I Still Rise" by Maja Angelou Still, I rise.


8. I'm Out: Ciara (feat. Nicki Minaj)
'Nuff Said. For my ladies.   


9. I'm the Best" by Nicki Minaj
I listened to this song, over and over again, before my dissertation defense.

"To all my bad bitches, I can see your halo..." 



10. Feeling Myself (feat. Beyonce)
Ladies, anytime the self doubt creeps up, just turn this one up loud.


11. Only: Nicki Minaj (feat. Drake, Lil Wayne, Chris Brown)
Listen to Nicki's verse.  I fell in love with here with this song. I mean, seriously, duct tape, pop quiz, cutlet and seasonin'. Goddamn she's good. 


12. Birthday Cake: Rihanna
This was the song. He won me with this one.


13. If I Can't Have You:  Etta James
When I realized, that I need you. 


14. Compartir: Carla Morrison

"Quiero dormir y soñar, caricias contigo, 

Quiero reír y llorar, con tus ojitos,
Quiero compartir mis secretos y mis suspiros,
Quiero aprender a entender al mundo contigo 
Pero hay una cosa que te debo decir,
No es nada fácil, estar tan lejos de ti..."


15. You Da One: Rihanna
When you fall for someone hard, but rather, you realize you choose to fall for someone. Because you deserve it, and they deserve your love.

"You the one that I dream about all day

You the one that I think about always
You are the one so I make sure I behave
My love is your love, your love is my love

Baby, I love you, I need you here
Give me all the time
Baby we meant to be
You got me, smiling all the time

'Cause you know how to give me that
You know how to pull me back
When I go runnin', runnin'
Tryin' to get away from loving ya

You know how to love me hard
I won't lie, I'm falling hard
Yep, I'm falling for ya
But there's nothin' wrong with that..."

16. I'm Yours: Alessia Cara
 Alessia Cara is absolutely adorable.

"Some nerve you have
To break up my lonely
And tell me you want me
How dare you march into my heart
Oh how rude of you
To ruin my miserable
And tell me I'm beautiful
Cause I wasn't looking for love no
Nobody asked you to get me attached to you
In fact you tricked me
And I wasn't trying to fall in love but boy you pushed me
So all that I'm asking
Is that you handle me with caution
Cause I don't give myself often
But I guess I'll try today

Cause I've had my heart
Broken before
And I promised I would never let me hurt anymore
But I tore down my walls
And opened my doors
And made room for one
So baby I'm yours..."



17. Best I Ever Had: Drake
At first I thought that I only had one king in my kingdom, which was Idris Elba, but this year, I also made room for Drake. Not just because his dance moves, but because yes, he gets it. And yeah, there are some other fellas who might think this is about him, but this is about my one and only, because he is the best, the best I ever had.


18: Simple Things: Miguel
Yes, baby. I just want someone. I just want you. And maybe Miguel. Haha.


18. Flawless with Beyonce (feat. Nicki Minaj)
Again, to all my bad ass bitches, to my boss ass bitches, you are fucking #flawless. Every time I hear this song and watch this video, I can't help but think of all my ladies.

Yes, I worship at the altar of Queen Bey.

"Bow down bitches..."

"But tell them winning is my motherfuckin' protocol, ' cause, I score before I ever throw the ball, this bitches washed up and there ain't no fucking soap involved...mayday mayday, earth to bitches, slap these hoes like we birthin' bitches, the Queen of rap slaying with Queen Bee, if you ain't on the team, you playin' for team D..."


19. Can't Feel My Face: The Weeknd
What can I say about The Weeknd? Beautiful. 


20. All Eyes On Us: Nicki Minaj and Meek Mill
You heard us, we are the ill-est. I think he catchin' feelins. I can't wait to celebrate the New Year our counterparts, Nicki and Meek. 


21. Amen (feat. Drake): Meek Mill
The day after my defense, I listened to this one 873 times. And one of my favorite parts is when I forced Jennie Ann to listen to this song in the middle of the night. And she wrote me back and said, "I'm not sure I'm listening to the right song, this one is about church..." And I wrote back, "Listen more closely." Ha. I love love love this song. Wealth and health, y'all. Plus, how can you not love a song with Meek and Drake. What's good, Nicki, what's good?

"Plus I’m on probation, when they test me I just pee Rose..."

Conjectures: Katherine's 13th Annual Mix, 2014

 

Conjectures: Katherine's 13th Annual Mix, 2014

"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa the bad things don't always spoil the good things and make them unimportant." -11th Doctor, Doctor Who

I don't know where to begin. I think it suffices to say that 2014 was a year of change and transition, or in a manner of speaking, a year of conjectures. As you are probably aware, the biggest transition was my move from Nashville to Flagstaff. After six years in Nashville, I packed up a truck and drove across the country to start a new life in a new place. And honestly, it has been bittersweet. It should come as no surprise that everything about this mix is tied to that moment, because if anything, 2014 was about that moment. From the seemingly endless job market to the official acceptance of a new position, this transition was woven into the fabric of my year. 

I can remember celebrating the New Year with Ashley and Michelle and all the lovely folks of the Germantown neighborhood, thinking, "This will likely be the last New Year we get to all spend together." And it became a joke (in that, every time I did ANYTHING, I said, "But, what if it is the last time?), but it always felt all too true. And then, one day, it was the last time.

 I plan to post my annual "A Year in Review" post closer to the new year; however, until then...here is the annual mix, complete with my typical banter about each song, some lyrics, and a few videos.

1. I Know It’s Wrong (But That’s Alright): Hurray for the Riff Raff

Unfortunately, I only happened upon Hurray for the Riff Raff in the last month. I say unfortunately, because I could listen to them 22 hours a day and never feel bored (or, as my students might write, “board”). As typical in my "end of the year lists," there is generally a  band that I’ve only just heard of that shapes the transition from one year to the next. I have no doubt that this is the band that will do this for me. Absolutely amazing. 

“The sun is laughing in my face, shining its light on my mistakes,

You could be my Adam, I’ll be your summertime,

I’ll feed you watermelon off the vine, I know it’s wrong, but that’s alright.”

2.     Head Underwater: Jenny Lewis

I suppose if I was going to have a theme song for 2014, it would be this one. It reminds me of the feelings I had about leaving Nashville and moving to Flagstaff. It reminds me of all the heartbreaks that implied. It reminds me of that one afternoon in July, when you stopped by after work, walked into my apartment, and we danced in the living room...although I knew we shouldn’t have been doing any of that. Or, when we sat at that bar in Albuquerque. Because, there’s a little bit of magic in all of you. Every single one of you. It certainly reminds me of many thing I knew I shouldn't have done, but I did. And I don't regret one single moment. Because all of these moments are beautiful, no matter how weird, complicated, awkward, and well, fleeting. 

“I’ve been wearing all black, since the day it started,

When I stopped and looked back, as my mind departed,

I’ve been losing sleep and I cannot sleep still

I’m not the same woman that you were used to...

There’s a little bit of magic, everybody has it,

There’s a little bit of sand left in the hourglass, 
There’s a little bit of magic,

Everybody has it.” 

3.     How: Regina Spektor

And, the heartbreak anthem. This one reminds me of 37208. It might be weird to dedicate a song like this to a neighborhood, but you know, I was in love with Germantown...and everything about it. And furthermore, it is hard to imagine ever loving a neighborhood and the people in it as much as I loved it. 

We will meet again somehow, my darlings. 

4.     Blue Eyes: Paul Baribeau

There’s miles in between, miles between… Yup, I can’t help it, but I miss you all the time, no matter the color of your eyes, my darling. 

5.     My Silver Lining: First Aid Kit

 If there ever is a song about my move, this is the one…

“I don’t want to wait anymore, I’m tired of looking for answers,

Take me some place where there’s music and there’s laughter,

I don’t know if I’m scared of dying but I’m scared of living too fast, too slow,

Regret, remorse, hold on, oh no, I’ve got to go,

There’s no starting over, no new beginnings, time races one,

And you've just gotta keep on keeping on…” 

6.     Violent Shiver: Benjamin Booker

I mean, Benjamin Booker, come on. Have you heard him? Have you seen him?

  

7.     Today and a Lonely Night: Justin Townes Earle 
Y'all know I heart JTE. He will always be Nashville to me. After moving, it took me a couple of months before I could listen to any of his music. I would hear his voice and the sadness I felt about leaving the city behind was too much. But I remember one day, I was walking around Flagstaff listening to his latest album. And this song played and it reminded me of how much I miss and love about that town. But how, sometimes, we also need to move somewhere new to start over again. Always, knowing we'll be back some day.
 

“I’ve been thinking of going West, just to climb up as high as I can get...I know inside, I’ll find my way back to this city tonight, feel the ground shake as the train goes by and not a star in the sky…” 

8.     You Are Your Mother’s Child: Conor Oberst

To all the beautiful babies out there part of my life, particularly my nephew Emmett and niece Rowan. I love watching the two of you grow up. 

9.     Cold Hands: Ezra Furman

I’m pretty sure I’m incapable of making any mix without the past three artists; however, out of all of them, Ezra belongs on every single mix. And honestly, the sentiment with this one works. 

“No particular pleasure to measure up to the pain. I want to be held in your cold hands.”

10.  History Eraser: Courtney Barnett

 I don’t know anything about Courtney Barnett. She is one of those last moment additions, as I came across her music recently. I love EVERY SINGLE THING about this song. 

“I got drunk and fell asleep atop the sheets,
but luckily I left the heater on.

And in my dreams I wrote the best song that I’ve ever written,
Can’t remember how it goes. 

I stayed drunk and fell awake

And I was cycling on a plane 
and faraway I heard you say you liked me.

We drifted to a party—cool. The people went to arty school.

They made their paints by mixing acid wash and lemonade.

In my brain I rearrange the letters on the page to spell your name.

I found an Ezra Pound and made a bet that if I found a cigarette,

I’d drop it all and marry you.

Just then a song comes on: “You can’t always get what you want,” 
the Rolling Stones, oh woe is we, the irony..."

11.   Forgiven/Forgotten: Angel Olsen 

My love affair with Angel Olsen continues.

“If there’s one thing I fear, there’s one thing I fear is knowing you’re around, so close but not near, so close, but not with me here. So close, but not with me here.” 

12.  When I’m Gone: Caitlin Rose

Leaving behind the place that became your hometown is hard. Leaving behind your friends and family is hard. There is no doubt about that. But, I think another difficult part may be leaving behind people that you grew close to in the hectic months before your departure. You know, they aren't the ones that shaped the years you lived in the neighborhood, but rather, people you find yourself getting closer to, when you know better. And no matter how much you may try to keep distance, they come into your life so rapidly, right before you are leaving to start a new life somewhere else. But you throw caution to the wind. You try to soak up every moment, knowing the days are numbered. And more than that, you know that when you leave, they'll be but a fleeting memory of the hazy days when you use to run around that old neighborhood. 

“Thinking, I’ve been thinking about leaving this old town behind,

I’ll beg and borrow, to leave tomorrow,

Find all my sorry, and take it back.

Come on, you can sleep when I’m gone.

I was lying when I said there’s plenty of time…

Lying, I’ve been lying,

I’ve been lying around with the dogs in this town too long…”

13.  Tennessee: Gillian Welch

You didn’t think we could make it through this year’s mix without a song by Gillian about Tennessee, did you? 

14.  No One Else: Hurray for the Riff Raff 

I want to drink the red wine until our lips are stained purple and dance with you in the kitchen to this song. 

15.  Slippery Slopes: Jenny Lewis

Seriously, Jenny Lewis, get out of my head.

16.  My Dear Acquaintance: Regina Spektor

Happy New Year, my darlings. Cheers to another beautiful year, full of sunshine and joy. Keep those that you love close by and embrace every single beautiful moment. And is there a better way to end the annual mix than a cover of a Peggy Lee (is that all there is?) by Regina Spektor? 

Here's how to access the mix for your personal listening pleasure. There are several options:

1) Subscribe to the mix on Spotify. Here is the link: Conjectures: Katherine's 13th Annual Mix, 2014

2) Watch and listen all the songs on YouTube. Here is the link: Conjectures: Katherine's 13th Annual Mix, 2014

3) Or, if you'd like a hard copy of the mix and/or cover art, send me a message via email/Face/tumblr with your address and I'll send you a copy for the holidays.

June 16. Song of the Day. The Living and the Dead: Dave Dondero.

June 16. Song of the Day. The Living and the Dead: Dave Dondero.

"Got a scrambled heart, it's a little over cooked
Got a novel full of wishes missing from your book
There's no insurance in this life
No protection from the night
Too many rules and no direction
You walk under a knife
It's just this temporality, creating fleeting moments
If your lacking in permanent
You better make your moment potent..."

Today, this one feels perfect today. All this temporality, make all those moments potent, folks.

June 15. Song of the Day. Fade Into You: Au Revoir Simone.

June 15. Song of the Day. Fade Into You: Au Revoir Simone. 

June 14. Song of the Day. Shoop: Salt-N-Pepa

June 14. Song of the Day. Shoop: Salt-N-Pepa

Last night was certainly one for the record books. We started with dinner and drinks at Silo with Ian, Ashley, and Michelle. Then, we ran into Robbie and Alan. And, luckily we were able to convince Allison to come back out to join us. We closed out Silo, before heading to the Queer Dance Party over on the East side. There was loads of dancing, karaoke, and laughter. And it became abundantly clear to me that if I was ever to do karaoke, it would have to be this song, and only this song. I'll never forget dancing my butt off surrounded by this fantastic group of people on a random night in June.

June 13. Song of the Day. Perfect Day: Lou Reed

 
June 13. Song of the Day. Perfect Day: Lou Reed

This one has been stuck in my head since last night when it played on the jukebox at The Villager. And now, it will forever remind me of that wild and crazy night with Ashley, Allison, and Ian.

June 12. Song of the Day. Sing To Me: Walter Martin and Karen O.

June 12. Song of the Day. Sing To Me: Walter Martin and Karen O.

Let's all go fall in love, with everything.

June 11. Song of the Day. Epilogue: The Antlers.

June 11. Song of the Day. Epilogue: The Antlers.

This song reminds me of you, when both of us were less steady and the pull of gravity was so strong we fell to the ground often. While it may sound romantic in retrospect, it wasn't. In fact, it was tragic. And luckily, we both made it through those times to find something much more fulfilling.

A life full of stability and thoughtful choices and purpose. That is romantic to me.

"In a nightmare, I am falling from the ceiling into bed beside you.
You're asleep, I'm screaming, shoving you to try to wake you up.
And like before, you've got no interest in the life you live when you're awake.
Your dreams still follow story lines, like fictions you would make.
So I lie down against your back, until we're both back in the hospital.
But now it's not a cancer ward, we're sleeping in the morgue.
Men and women in blue and white, they are singing all around you,
with heavy shovels holding earth.
You're being buried to you neck.
In that hospital bed, being buried quite alive now.
I'm trying to dig you out but all you want is to be buried there together.
You're screaming,
and cursing,
and angry,
and hurting me,
and then smiling,
and crying,
apologizing."

And if you are interested, you can The Antlers newest release on NPR's First Listen.

June 8. Song of the Day. If You Don't Know Me By Now: Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes.

June 8. Song of the Day. If You Don't Know Me By Now: Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes.

My grandmama has been on my mind lately. More so than usual. Its likely because this is around the time of the year we lost her. It has been two years ago and I miss her all the time.

This morning, I was walking home from the grocery store. Someone was blaring this song out of their car windows. It was one of her favorite songs.

And suddenly, it was like my grandmama was right there with me, holding my hand.

June 7. Song of the Day. Compartir : Carla Morrison

June 7. Song of the Day. Compartir: Carla Morrison

Quiero compartir mi silla... contigo,
Quiero ver salir el sol... y desperdirlo,
Quiero caminar y correr... a tu ladito,
Quiero buscar y encontrarme a solas contigo

Quiero dormir y soñar, caricias contigo,
Quiero reir y llorar, con tus ojitos,
Quiero compartir mis secretos y mis suspiros,
Quiero aprender a entender al mundo contigo

Pero hay una cosa que te debo decir,
No es nada fácil, estar tan lejos de tí!

June 5. Song of the Day. Merry Happy: Kate Nash

June 5. Song of the Day. Merry Happy: Kate Nash

This was playing yesterday at the salon while I was getting my haircut. It reminded me of how much I heart Kate Nash. And the lyrics are pretty poignant for a lady like me who likes to watch sunsets on my own.

Day 3. Song of the Day. Geography: Thao and the Get Down Stay Down.

Day 03. Song of the Day. Geography: Thao and the Get Down Stay Down. June 03, 2014. 

 "Oh, geography is gonna make a mess of me,
  Oh, geography is gonna make a mess of me.
  My my mouth, a confessional cannon, 
  Run away from me with the most reckless of abandon..."  

Day 2. Song of the Day. Kerosene: Miranda Lambert

Day 2. Song of the Day. Kerosene: Miranda Lambert

A couple of years ago, one of my closest friends, Art, and I were waltzing around downtown on our way home from the schoolhouse looking for somewhere to have cheap drinks and conversation. See, we were both downtown because neither one of us had a car at the time and the central bus station is located downtown. So, it made for a rather convenient place for the both of us to spend time together before departing to our respective homes.

For those of you familiar with downtown Nashville, you know at first glance, there appear to be very few places to grab a cheap drink that isn't overflowing with tourists. As we walked about, we came across a bar called Cowboy Kewl. We laughed about the spelling, then jokingly walked into their doors. As soon as we stepped inside, we knew we had found our place. It was perfect. There was a stench of stale beer and cigarettes. Or, in other words, it was perfect.  To add fuel to the fire, there was a jukebox with surprisingly a great selection.

During the spring and summer of 2012, Art and I spent many afternoons and evenings at the Kewl, as we came to call it. We came to know JD, the bartender at the time, and the owner, Tim. So many afternoons, we'd pour into their door, belly up to the bar, and drink cheap beer until the last buses left from downtown. In some ways, JD and Tim helped me while I struggled through the passing of my grandmother, as they always asked for updates and hugged me when I would break down into tears.

When we were lucky, we would convince some of our other friends to join us. I'm not quite sure everyone else loved the Kewl as much as Art and I did. And so, when Michelle or Andrea would join me, I'd often try to find something on the jukebox that I know they'd like. Hence, Miranda Lambert's song Kerosene.

My relationship with country music has been complex. I had always been familiar with old country. You know, the kind that it is technically okay to like. Johnny Cash, Patsy Cline. But I had never really listened to much contemporary country. However, during my time in Nashville, I had the chance to hear some contemporary country, particularly from my friends. I suppose there was a night when I was talking about a boyfriend who had done me wrong and someone said, "Oh, you must hear this song by Miranda Lambert." And you know what, I actually liked it. Shhhh.

Yesterday, I heard that Miranda Lambert had a new album out. Michelle mentioned she was purchasing it. And without irony or stating that it was a guilty pleasure, I asked her to burn me a copy. Because in many ways, Miranda Lambert will remind me of certain spaces during my time in Nashville. It will always remind me of some of my closest girlfriends here. It will always remind me of that jukebox and the stale smells inside the Cowboy Kewl. And quite frankly, it will always make me want to kick ass.

 

"Falta algo por hacer...": Katherine's 12th Annual Holiday Mix

 

"Falta algo por hacer...": 12th Annual Holiday Mix 2013

As most of you know, I'm writing my dissertation at the moment. There are times when I'm starting a chapter or trying to transition to the next section of the chapter and I'm lost for how to make the transition. In these cases, I generally just write in the blank space that will later occupy my cleverly (ha!) written words: [TRANSITION]. It signifies that I know something goes in that space, but I'm not quite sure what I want to write yet. And that being said, here is how the 2013 holiday mix begins...

[INTRODUCTION and REVIEW OF THE YEAR]

See below for instructions on how to download or request a copy of the 2013 mix. 

1. Mambo Sun- T. Rex
It was one of those moments. You know, the moments when the most perfect song plays right when you need it? The details of the moment now escape me, but I know I was with one of my best friends, Ryan. He was either picking me up to go out or dropping me off.  As we drove through Nashville, this song played in his car. And it was perfect. And I remember saying to him, "That's it. That's the first song for the holiday mix for this year." So here it is. Get out your dancing shoes, this mix is made with the intention of making you dance, because it has been one of those years.

2. Anything Can Happen- Ezra Furman
Earlier tonight, I trolled through my own Facebook feed from the past year. If there is one thing I can ascertain from my posts, it is that I'm absolutely in love with this song and if any song belongs on the end of the year mix, it is this one. If you don't know my absolute adoration for Ezra Furman and his music, then you likely don't know me very well. And if that is the case, I urge you to listen to his music immediately. For a few years now,  there has been an odd correlation between the release of Ezra's albums with big transformations in my life. Perhaps it became a self-fulfilling prophecy, but regardless, it is a damn fine album for 2013.

And when I hear this song, I want to jump out of my chair to embrace everything. Embrace this year. Embrace new and old habits. Embrace new and old friends. Embrace my successes and faults. Embrace every single time I fall back down and get back up again. So, try it, get up, turn this one up loud and dance your ass off.

"And I'm bored with all the idiotic nihilist kids,
And the cheaters and the cowards and materialists
And my heart goes wild every time I try to think about it.
I put my hand on my heart and leave the city behind,
And I'm shaking off the chains because they were all in my mind..."

3. Youth- Daughter
As per usual, I have Bob Boilen and the rest of the crew over at All Songs Considered to thank for introducing me to several new musicians this year. Daughter is one of them. I've fallen in love with them several times over and over again this year. I remember the first time I heard this song. I remember trying to see them during the summer in Sydney, which was not successful. I remember sharing it with my friend Jorell. And I remember sitting on the tangerine dream with you, listening to them together. Trust me, they'll break your heart. Yes, this one is for the brokenhearted.

"Shadows settle on the place, that you left.
Our minds are troubled by the emptiness...
And if you're still breathing, you're the lucky ones.
'Cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs.
Setting fire to our insides for fun
Collecting names of the lovers that went wrong,
the lovers that went wrong.
We are the reckless,
We are the wild youth.
Chasing visions of our futures,
One day, we'll reveal the truth
That one will die before he gets there."

4. Empathetic People- Telekinesis
Again, I must thank Boilen and his team. In this year of contradictions, missed opportunities, and undone things, there are days you just need to turn up the music loud...whether its because you need to block out your own thoughts or because for part of the year you had a musician that lived next door to you. It's the song you play when you don't really care about the lyrics, but rather you just want to feel something else, anything else. 

5. Weight- Mikal Cronin
Obviously, I'd be lost without Boilen and NPR...Sigh. This song reminds me of the year in terms of all the starting over, which I did more times than I care to say. Getting older. Dating. Relationships. Giving Up. Starting Again. And how somethings are left undone. Somethings are just not done. Falta algo por hacer.

"I've been starting over for a long time
I'm not ready for another day, I fail at feeling new
The time is right, I'm only getting older...
I'm not ready for the moment
I'm not ready for the tide to change
I'm not ready for the silence
I'm not ready for the fear and shame
I'm not ready for the weight again
Take me from myself
Holding on for something, I don't know..."

6. Truly Freaking Out- Tim Kasher
Tim Kasher is one of my favorite people in the world. I've known him for years. One of my favorite memories of Tim (no, not that one at that pool in Chapel Hill, Jennie Ann) is one day when I was flying out of Chicago and walking through the airport, we passed one another. One quick glance. Then we both froze, turned around, and embraced. Or wait, maybe my favorite memory is when we had an impromptu dance party in the Penguin when he played in Charlotte? Who knows. I just know Tim is an amazing songwriter and musician. And yes, this year featured many instances of me truly freaking out.

"And I know, I know, I know the end is near,
And I know because the storm clouds have appeared upon your brow when I come around...
And I know, I know I worry too much
And I know you wish I wasn't so affixed to this affliction of our time...
I was six years old learning how to swim,
Then I was 36, wondering how I sunk...
It's as if the record jumped
And I know you wish I was here in the now
Taking stock in the fact you're still hanging around
And I truly do, I'm just truly freaking out
I truly believe the sky is falling down...
It scares me to death I might outlive you all
All those eulogies, all the funeral costs
All jokes aside, I simply can't bear the thought..."

7. Tragic Music- A Radio With Guts
I first heard A Radio With Guts in Puerto Rico. Every single time I hear them, I think of my family on the island and those scattered throughout the world. In the last few months, I've found my way back to the band, often courtesy of FacialWorld posts by my friend Jorell. Because, as we know, there are some nights, you just need to listen to the tragic music, drink red wine and feel nostalgic for all the people and places that have come before.

"I want to hear it loud, I want to hear it true,
Sometimes I like the darker clouds and I feel like feeling blue.
I drown myself in music, light another cigarette. 
I know i shouldn't do it, but they're so fucking poetic.
Tragic music scars to prove it. 

I want to feel the pain, it helps the heart to grow.
When I'm puking in the drain, you know it's murder on the throat.
I'm drinking like Bukowski, light another cigarette.
I wear my heart on my sleeve, doing nothing to protect it.
Tragic music scars to prove it. 
I'm digging for the car keys, cause I'm out of cigarettes.
Thoughts of parking on train crossings with a mix tape in the tape deck..."

8. Sometimes Always- The Jesus and Mary Chain
Yes. Nothing else, just yes. 

9. Bathtub- Waxahatchee
This one reminds me of too much from this year. Its in the lyrics, again and again.

"Take my word for it, I'm not worth it. 
I ignored you all night and you don't deserve it...
I was sure you were right, but you're not.
I contemplate my ruined fate. 
Someone will hurt me so bad one day.
And you'll resonate or I'll apologize, 
Or maybe I'll make the same mistake twice.
And I tell you not to love me but I still kiss you when I want to.
And I lament, you're innocent,
but somehow the object of my discontent.
And its fucked up, I let you in, even though I've seen what can happen.
You make a tape, I receive it in the mail and I force myself busy
The diversion will prevail.
And I will swallow all my guilt with little pills and forge my chin up. 
And I will only think about it in the morning, in the bathtub."

10. Waitin'- Caitlin Rose
This year, I finally had the chance to see Caitlin Rose perform with Jason Isbell at the Ryman with my friend Michelle. I had already fallen in love with her music. But when I saw her perform, I fell in love with everything that is Caitlin Rose. Absolutely beautiful and an amazing performer. And she knows what she is talking about.

11. Codeine- Jason Isbell
Well, and then there is this.

"Darlin' I'm not one to judge, but if I was then I'd say you don't look so good. 
Got no answers of my own.
But with you gone, this place looks bigger than it should. 
If there's two things that I hate.
It's having to cook and trying to date. 
Busting ass all day to play hurry up and wait. 
That's a few things that I hate. 
If I call when I ain't drunk,
This old boat'll still be sunk..." 

12. Pale Blue Eyes- Velvet Underground
Well, because, (swallows hard), you know why already. But in that vein, this was probably the first song that I really loved of Velvet Underground. It was on a mix tape someone made for me that was delivered on Christmas Eve,  many many many years ago. And it still breaks my heart every single time I hear it. It will always remind me of you.  

13. Someday I'll Be Forgiven For This- Justin Townes Earle
Because honestly, let's hope that I am someday.


14. Goodnight Lover- Songs: Ohia
As a tribute to Jason Molina, another great musician that we lost this year. I first heard Jason from my old friends Parker and Greg on a road trip to SXSW many years ago; however, the memories attached to his music seem to weave throughout my life since that first moment. I remember listening to Molina in the kitchen of my parent's house with my mom. I remember taking her to CMJ one year to see him play. I remember listening to him with Tim in our old beach house and spending a night "hanging out" with him with some friends of ours at their house party. I remember listening to them with someone who continues to come in and out of my life, over the years. But mostly, when I hear Molina's voice, I always think of Art. This year has probably not been the best of our friendship, but you know, that's the way that it goes with best friends. You find yourself in and out of each other's lives, but there is some comfort in knowing there is someone out there that knows you as well as they do and that they are still there, even if the stars don't always align. Goodnight, Jason Molina, wherever you are.


Here's how to access the mix for your personal listening pleasure. There are several options:

1) Go to this mediafire link:
https://www.mediafire.com/folder/n7a6m6v2tjwy8/Falta%20Algo%20Por%20Hacer

Here you can download the zip file, which contains all the tracks and cover art (listed at the very top of the file listing). Or, you can download the individual files which are also listed in the link.

2) Subscribe to the mix on Spotify. Here is the link: "Falta Algo Por Hacer...": Katherine's 12th Annual Holiday Mix

3) Watch and listen all the songs on YouTube. Here is the link: Falta Algo Por Hacer...Katherine's 12th Annual Holiday Mix

4) If you'd like a hard copy of the mix and/or cover art, send me a message via email/Face/tumblr with your address and I'll send you a copy for the holidays. 

Anything Can Happen: Ezra Furman, November 8th.

Yes indeed. Tonight is this. What a fantastic night.

"Suitcase of Memories...": November 5th, Cyndi Lauper

"What was the first concert you attended?"

Being a PhD candidate on the job market, I often wish this could be a question I might be asked in an interview. Not necessarily because I think the question would lend to any pertinent information about my potential as a scholar, but rather, because I am always excited to answer this question. My first concert was Cyndi Lauper. I was in the 2nd grade. My mother took me. She bought me a t-shirt. Yes, I still have it, albeit in storage in mom's attic. As I stood in the audience (Wait, was it at Ovens Auditorium? Could that be possible?), my only real memory of the show was when Cyndi sang the song "All Through the Night" and dedicated it to all the people in the audience who loved the color purple. See, I was clearly a child of the 80's. I loved purple. I'm pretty sure I was wearing a purple Members Only jacket. While I clearly loved the album She's So Unusual, I'm pretty sure the reason we ended up at that concert was because my mother also loved Cyndi. 

And I suppose, my love affair with music probably began at that concert.

When I found out that Cyndi was playing in Nashville at the Tennessee Performing Arts Center to celebrate the 30-year anniversary of the release of She's So Unusual, it was with little thought that I spent 80 dollars of the last 100 dollars in my bank account to buy a ticket that placed me right in the middle of the sixth row at the concert hall. Trust me, I struggled with the whole 30-years later part. However, I was quickly sold on the concept that Cyndi would perform the album, in its entirety, only to be interrupted with personal stories about the songs. Wait, what? Cyndi, performing all of the songs off of She's So Unusual? Yeah, I could eat cheap noodles for weeks if it meant seeing her perform again, after all these years. 

Like any good over 30-year old, I listened to the album in the days before the show. While I listened, I heard all those memories come bubbling to the surface. I heard my sister and I singing "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" at Myrtle Beach, while my stubborn southern accent forced me to pronounce the word fun in two syllables. I remembered my stepfather waking me every single fucking morning while I lived at home singing the song, while telling me, "If you don't wake up, I'll continue to sing Cyndi Lauperhead songs to you." I heard the times when I belted out "When You Were Mine" in my old car with Jennie Ann and Charlotte. I heard all the many, many times that my mother reminded me that the song "Time After Time" was our song. And, even, more recently, I remembered how I thought "He's So Unusual" could have been written about a young man I met in Puerto Rico. 

It seemed, like she sings in "Time After Time," there was a suitcase of memories in that album for me. And even, while I sat at the bus stop waiting to go to the show, I could hear the songs and they were taking on new memories. 

And then, there was last night.

Upon my arrival, I had to immediately find my way to my seat. Once I sat down and go settled, I introduced myself to the older gentleman sitting to my right named Gary and his partner, Steve. Shortly after the opening band started, Gary and I decided to make our way to the upstairs bar for a glass of wine. Luckily, Gary and I hit it off immediately. And Gary was a badass, he wore these red pants with a pair of red and black cowboy boots. We laughed the entire time we were in line. We got along so well, we decided to hang out in the lobby while the first band played.  

Once the first band finished and settled in our seats, my seatmates to my left arrived, Josh and David. For the 30 minutes we waited for Cyndi to come on stage, me, Gary, and Josh acted like we were all old friends. We joked about what would happen if the event people saw us taking a picture (as the warnings were brutal and we suspected some sort of ejector seat). When Josh wanted to talk to his friend who was seated 13 people down from us, I gave him paper and pen and we wrote a note that read "Look Left L.T., Pass it On." As the paper passed from person to person the three of us sat and anticipated the excitement when the note finally reached L.T. We screamed in delight when she looked up, then spent another 10 minutes joking about how we were really taking it back to 1983 by passing notes instead of text messaging. 

See how much fun I was having? And this was before the show even started. 

But one of my favorite moments was right before Cyndi came out on stage and Josh leaned over and said, "Aren't you so glad there aren't any people under 30 here?" To which I replied, "Gawd, yes." And then he said, "And we'll probably be home and in our beds by 10pm, isn't that fantastic?" 

There was nothing that could prepare for the moment when Cyndi finally walked out on stage. Nor, could I be prepared for the wonderful ensemble she was wearing that combined leather, spandex, lace, fringe, and a corset. She looked beautiful. They immediately began to play the song "Money Changes Everything" and it was magical. The folks over at the Nashville Scene posted a great review of the actual show, so I hadn't planned on writing up about every song, but rather a few select moments that resonated with me personally. Here is the link to the Nashville Scene article. 

One of my favorite moments was during the song, "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun." In the breakdown towards the end of the song, Cyndi had the audience repeat lines after she sang them in a call and response manner. She would sing, "when the working day is done" and then the crowd would call it back. During the first round, when she sang, "And, girls just wanna have fun" and the crowd called back, she stopped us. She told us we weren't loud enough. She wanted it louder. And then she said, "Sing it loud enough so they can hear you in Washington, D.C. Do this for the girls." 

Another moment that resonated was a story about a song that I can't now recall. It was in the latter half of the album. She told a story about how originally she was told by the producers and label that she needed to change the song. They didn't like the drums. They didn't like the lyrics. And she described the process of changing every part of the song to try to please the people around her. And she remarked, "But, then I realized I fucked the whole song up and it was fine the way it was." I had never really considered the way that writing and editing songs is so similar to the work that I do in my career. And it was interesting to think about how sometimes you do need to change things, but sometimes it was already okay at the start. 

At some point in time during the show, a woman in the crowd screamed out, "I love you Cyndi!" At which point in time, Cyndi remarked, "Well, you don't know that. You don't know me! I mean I know its meant to be rhetorical, but you might be a bitch! I'm a bitch! But that's what we are hear doing, all working on ourselves, aren't we?"

At the end of the show, I exchanged cards with my new friends with hopes that we'll grab brunch together sometime. It was quite a special night and the only way it might have been better is if I had my mom, my stepfather, and my sister with me to share in the memories of each and every song. But the one thing that remained me once I went home was just how much Cyndi Lauper as a performer shaped my life. I have no doubt that I inherited some of my style from her. I'd like to believe I inherited some of her fearless approach to life and her career. But mostly, I think I inherited her ability to weave together her fearlessness with a childish curiosity and wonderment to enjoying life.