Finding the way back…

Apparently since my self-imposed FacialWorld restriction, I feel the need to write far more blog posts. I don’t know if this is good or bad yet, but rather, I do know I’m spending far more time in my head than thinking in terms of FacialWorld posts. Yes, my addiction runs deep. “…is listening to Fiona Apple and drinking red wine.” Yes, I previously thought like this all the time. Every moment of the day.

Yes, I’ve been having a particularly rough time as of late. We’ve got a Flaming Lips “too heavy for Superman” situation lately. When I recently recounted the details of the last couple of months via email to my friend Ashley (currently residing in Wales), she basically reiterated to me that in the last couple of months, I’ve experienced an intense amount of trauma. Yup, it is true. I’ve dealt with some issues with close friends, who have been struggling intensely…and subsequently, the loss of them while they work out these issues. I’ve found myself in a long-distance relationship. I’ve lost my grandmother. I’ve watched some of my best friends struggle with the heaviness of loss, relationships, and generally, the malaise that comes with finding your way through day-to-day life. I allowed some toxic people back into my life, even if only for a short period of time. I’ve allowed some of my relationships to become toxic. And when the universe felt like it hadn’t really dealt me a full hand, I’ve recently been trying to sort things out in my head about said long distance relationship, particularly after some distressing situations in the last couple of weeks.

So, fuck yes, it’s been a complicated summer. I usually embrace summer. But this summer, well, I’ve got a couple of words for it: pal carajo. It’s been difficult and as per usual, I haven’t been dealing with all the loss in a positive way. The haze of my grandmother’s death continues to hang over me, day to day, like a deep fog. But, every day, I wake up hoping the next day will be better. That one morning, I’ll wake up and feel like working again and embracing the summer. That one day, I’ll get my groove back and all will be well. I’m making the proper moves to push this into full throttle, which I won’t get into. However, I did find myself laughing and dancing for the first time in a few weeks today.

See, today, I finally ventured out of the house for the first time in four days. Yes, I haven’t actually left the house, outside of walking up to the closest store, in four days. I haven’t spoken more than four words to someone in person and out loud in over four days. But today, I forgot to cancel my hair appointment (which I had wanted to do, because well, simply talking to people felt exhausting)…and so, instead of calling the last minute to cancel, I made myself get up and out. I’m not generally the kind of gal who feels better once visiting the salon…but I found that talking to my most wonderful stylist, Andrea; I started feeling a little better. Andrea and I have had a relationship for four years now. (Holy shit, I’m starting to get freaked out about the reiteration of the number four.) This means that Andrea and I have known each other for longer than most of the people I know in Nashville. So, despite the fact that we have a relationship based on her making my hair look fantastic, I consider her a good friend. We always talk constantly while she is working. And, I think, just simply talking to her…it felt comforting. It felt relieving to speak the words out loud to someone about what I’ve been going through lately and to simply hear someone say to me, “Katherine, you have been going through a lot of shit lately.”

But that wasn’t all. After my appointment, I met my best friend Art for some mediocre Mexican food downtown. Given my withdrawal from the world, Art and I haven’t seen each other in about a week and a half. Yes, this is a long time for the two of us. While our conversation was heavy at times, by the time we drifted over to the British pub, I found myself laughing and dancing while we played some of our favorite tunes on the jukebox. Suddenly, everything felt a little lighter. Hearing my words reflected in the conversation with one of my best friends was exactly what I needed. While I waited for the bus to get home and listened to The National, I realized how incredible my friends are…how they know just what to say to improve my mood. In other news, we’ve decided to make a reality show based on our adventures in Nashville—just me and Art. He has likened it to that Jersey Shore show, where he’ll be Snooki (is that how it is spelled?) and I’ll be The Situation; however, I think this is simply a cheap ploy to get me to watch the show. But I’ll be strong. I won’t do it. I swear I won’t. Never. So, keep watching kids. Soon, you might see a video of a bird eating a tortilla chip. I promise, it was riveting. Here’s a picture to keep you anticipating our first official video.

Perhaps more related to the blog, there has been one album that I’ve been obsessed with lately. Fiona Apple’s latest album. I was never a big fan of her back in the day. For some reason when I was younger, it just didn’t resonate. But, I listened to the new album and now I’ve found myself exploring all her older work too. Given that I’m not on FacialWorld, few people know that I’ve recently become obsessed with the Apple, which made what happened next incredibly serendipitous. I had the wonderful fortune of receiving a free invitation to see the Apple at the Ryman this Friday by my good friend Erin. It was perfectly timed. And I can’t thank Erin enough for the invitation. Hopefully, while I silently weep to each song, she won’t regret the invitation. I can’t wait to share the experience with one of the kindest person I know.

This blog post feels scattered, but so does my mind right now. I’m working it out. I’m trying to find my way back to productivity. I’m trying to find my way back to feeling stable with everything that has happened recently. But I discovered tonight that with the comfort of my good friends, I’ll find my way back. Slowly, oh so slowly, I’ll find my way back to things that are really important to me. And for that, I’m eternally grateful. 


Pronto, mis panas. Por favor por todo.