Reckless. Relentless. Retreat. Annual Mix of 2020.
You know what I learned from 2020? Rules and rituals and expectations often limit and confine our lives. We seek comfort from the control that comes with repetition. In that false sense of security and control, we just stop asking ourselves the whys. Hell, maybe it is just me. But this year, I questioned everything. "That's just the way I've always done it" became "Why do I do it that way?" and "What if I did it differently?" Much of this was in regards to my job. But, as it got closer to December, I started thinking about the annual mix and this blogpost. Man, shit's exhausting some years. I feel obligated to work on the order with multiple edits. I feel obligated to write extensively about the songs. I feel obligated to make it available in multiple places.
But, why?
What if I did it different? What if I didn't follow all my rules and rituals? What if I didn't obsess over the order? Would it really matter? Would it change the outcome or my reason for posting the annual mix?
This isn't a sort-of "who cares" approach. I'm genuinely interested in how asking the "whys" can lead us to new insight about the way we do all the things. As a college professor, I had to recreate the wheel in a couple of days and continue doing it for the past nine months, and into the next five months (at least). But that upending chaos also led me to innovation and creativity. As someone who studied creativity in graduate school, this is not surprising. But yet, it is hard to put ourselves into that situation willingly. And it is unlikely we'd do it in such an all encompassing way. Hell, it's too risky. But yet, here we are.
Time was iffy this year. Emotions were on the 'rona rollercoaster. There are days and months that my memories feel tenuous at best. There are weeks that I felt like I was barely holding on to the earth while simultaneously wondering if I would be able to get out of bed that day.
But then I'd go for a run. And the music would play. And so, here you go. Here's this year's annual mix. There's some rough semblance of an order, but also not really. In other words, here's just a bunch of songs that I listened to on repeat while I was out there running almost 700 miles trying to make sense of this big ol' world.
Usually I go through song at a time with my memories and the lyrics...but this year, I think I'll save some quotes for my year-end blogpost of gratitude and let you explore the songs on your own.
Here's the track listing:
1. Love in Mine: Big Thief
2. To Live a Life: First Aid Kit
3. Shut Up Kiss Me: Angel Olsen
4. Freak Out: Miya Folick
5. I've Been Down: HAIM
6. Mistakes (VAX Remix): Tove Styrke
7. Hostage: Sia
8. Feels So Nice: The Wrecks
9. Now I'm In It: HAIM
10. I Dare You: The Regrettes
11. Wild Horses: Bishop Briggs
12. Can't Do Much: Waxahatchee
13. Window: Carly Rae Jepsen
14. cardigan: Taylor Swift
15. Leaning On You: HAIM
16. The Feels: Maren Morris
17. Figure It Out: Blu DeTiger
18. The Eye: Waxahatchee
19. Familiar: Belot
20. everything i wanted: Billie Eilish
21. august: Taylor Swift
22. coming up for air: MisterWives
23. The Pilgraming Vine: Basia Bulat
24. Best Part (feat. H.E.R.): Daniel Caesar
25. Out of the Woods: Taylor Swift
26. Never Tear Us Apart: Paloma Faith
27. Yallah: ABIR
28. Chasing Thunder: Kesha
29. the end: MisterWives
I hope you'll enjoy the songs that got me through the past year.
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