Year-in-Review: 2019

2019 was a pretty big year for me. I bought my first house. I got married. I adopted a new kitten. And that was only in the last four months of the year. It was also a really hard year, for a number of reasons. I struggled at times. But in those struggles, I also learned some pretty important lessons.

I learned how to slow down.

I learned how to ask for what I need.

I learned how to say no and draw boundaries.

I learned how vulnerability is hard, but ultimately rewarding.

I learned how strong I can be in the face of adversity.

I learned how the best friends see you for who you are without any judgment.

I learned that the heart is incredibly resilient.

I learned how important it is to communicate with your friends and your partner.

I learned that sometimes you have to ask for help.

I also learned that sometimes its okay to go a little crazy.

And with all that, I kick off my annual list of gratitude—for all the things and people that I want to thank for being part of my 2019. Without you, I wouldn’t have learned the lessons, I wouldn’t have properly processed those lessons, and I certainly wouldn’t have laughed nearly as much as I did. You are my lighthouses when all seemed dark and I searched for the way back home, back to myself.

I am grateful for…. (in no particular order):

 1.    Running

Without a doubt, running will be on the list every single year. But this year, it was something a little different. I didn’t run nearly as far as last year. I didn’t run nearly as fast as last year. This morning while still in bed snuggling, Islam asked me how many miles I ran this past year. I wasn’t sure, but I made a guess. And then, we talked about how I ran less this past year. We talked about much of what I wrote in the annual mix. About how I was managing my mental health in a way that made it less necessary that I run every single day, and to run as far or fast as I had in the past. About how I was growing comfortable staying in one place in a way that meant I was okay with just staying on the couch with him, with myself, with the cats. And about how a big part of all of this had to do with me learning how to process my emotions, how to sit with my emotions, but also about having him in my life. And so…let’s move on to the second item.

2.    Islam

Last year, when I wrote my year-in-review blog, I was planning to head to Nashville to celebrate NYE with my Nashville crew (Robbie, Taylor, and Russell). But then, I realized I was exhausted and what I really wanted was to have a quiet and calm NYE in Johnson City. That I wanted to sit and reflect. That I wanted to make dinner and drink some wine, on my own. It was a tough decision. At the time, Islam was helping out his cousin in West Virginia. He had planned to be there until around the 3^rd of January. I messaged him on the 30^th and told him I had decided to stay home. He was worried about me being alone on NYE. I assured him that I was fine. But, he insisted that he return to celebrate with me. He didn’t want me to be alone. So, on the 31^st, he got on a Greyhound bus to arrive in town in time to spend the evening with me. The thing is that I didn’t need him to do that. But, he wanted to be with me. He wanted to celebrate with me. In other words, he prioritized me. It wasn’t the first time that he had shown me how much he cared about me, but it was another good reminder of how much he cared about me. And we had a lovely celebration together. It was just what I wanted and what I needed.

2019 was the first solid year of me and Islam being together. From start to finish. January and February and March were our nesting period. We spent almost all the time together those months. He proposed to me on Valentine’s Day. He moved in with me. We started to share a home together. We talked about our five-year plan together. And then, April and May and some of June dealt us a blow that was hard to handle. We struggled. But, we always stayed together. At times, it felt bleak. But what I realized from those months is that if we could survive all that happened those months, we could survive anything together. Because when things got tough, we sat down together, often in the backyard of that house on E Unaka, and we talked it out. And it wasn’t always easy, but I realized during those months that he was the kind of person that I could spend my life with. He was the kind of person who always wanted to talk through it, and for the first time, I was with someone who I actually cared enough about to talk through it. In June and July and August, we worked together to buy my first house. He helped me all along the way. Talking to me about what sort of things he wanted in home. Helping me look at homes. Holding my hand when I was overwhelmed and nervous. And the morning that the house I’m currently in went on the market and I called my realtor for a showing, he jumped out of bed, put on some clothes, and came with me. I can remember him looking around the house, keeping in mind all the things I had said we should look for when we look at homes, and asking the cutest of questions. And then, I bought the house in August. We celebrated. We went to New York for a conference. We moved into the new house together. And since we had crossed off our list the things that we had planned in our five-year plan, we decided it was time to get married. So, we did. We got married on September 24, 2019. It was a day after our 13^th month anniversary. It was that simple. I think I knew from the first conversation that we had he was the one for me. And our wedding was a reflection of just how much we understood each other. It was simple. And it was about us only. I carried a bouquet with 23 roses to pay tribute to the day of the month that we met, and he had one rose on him to represent the 24^th, which was the day we got married. When we got married, I never had a single doubt about it.

And while it’s only been four months, I wake up next to him in the morning and I’m so thankful for the choices I’ve made. I’m thankful that I waited until I did to find the right person for me. I’m thankful for the hard work I did to get myself to a place where I was ready to meet him. I’m thankful that somehow this amazing human wound up in Johnson City for me to meet. I’m thankful that I flirted with him and gave him my business card. I’m thankful that he was so excited to become my friend that he texted me. I’m thankful that I invited him over to cook hawawshi that first night. And I’m thankful that we fell in love. I’m thankful that he chose to love me. I’m thankful that I chose to love him. I’m thankful for the life we’ve created together. Being together with him and our family (Drizzy and Aziza) is one of my most favorite places to be. I feel calm and relaxed and happy when the four of us are together. And y’all, he’s fucking hilarious, which is why my best friend also loves him dearly…and so, here we go onto the next one.

3.    Jennie Ann

I don’t how to start explaining how amazing my best friend has been over the course of this year. When you’ve been best friends with someone for 28 years, they know you better than anyone else. AND, Jennie Ann knows me the best. But beyond that, she sees me. And she loves me no matter what. Over the course of this year, she was ALWAYS there. No matter what. She knew what I needed, every single time the shit hit the fan. She was there. One time, we just talked on the phone and drank beer together in the middle of the day. But, every time I really needed someone, she was like: “Girl, call me now.” No matter the time. No matter the day. She was my goose. She was my Fiona. She was my every gif. She is the best friend I could ever wish for.

And friends are the most important part of everything and so we lend to the next item…

4.    My Friends and Family

Scrolling through my photos from the past year, I can’t help but smile at all the moments I shared with my friends and my family (both in-person and virtually). Those Facetime chats with Russell and the whole Nashville crew. Those afternoons with Jamie and Coco and the lovely folks of Yee-Haw. Mother’s Day in Charlotte with Mom and the kiddos. Those Nashville pool parties. Oh man, those Nashville pool parties. The new friends I made at the Teaching and Leadership Institute in Abingdon. Visiting Michelle at the beach. My beautiful cousin Sarah’s wedding and getting to see all of her kids and my Aunt Jennie Ann. Coco and Sam’s engagement party. Going to NYC and getting to spend time with Sheila, Yvonne and Red, Damian, Whitney, and Lisa. Visiting Gladdy, Jack, and Everett in Raleigh. Gatlinburg with the Nashville crew. My mom coming to Johnson City to help us get married. Halloween in Nashville. Celebrating with so many of them for Thanksgiving and Christmas in both Nashville and Charlotte. I had a blast with all of y’all. Thanks for spending your time with me, sharing you with me.

5.    Our Tri-Cities Community

Perhaps its hard to separate out friends and family from our local community, but I do find myself more and more seeing the folks in my life here as part of my inner circle. Thanks to our Unaka neighbors—Bob and Jamey. Thanks to Chris and Scotty, the plumbers. Thanks to Courtney and Landon, who helped walk me through the process of buying my first home. Thanks to the book club gals, in particular Dr. Leigh, who was there for me and Islam in one of our very trying moments. Thanks to our new neighbors—Larry, Ken, Frank and Sharon.

6.    My Colleagues

One of the things I like the most about working at Tusculum are the people I work with. Not only do we have a truly amazing faculty, we also have amazing librarians. And I am blessed to get to work with them. 

7.    My House

Buying a house has been one of the most rewarding things I’ve done for myself. I started the process almost two years ago. I started to research. I bought a book to learn about the process. I contacted a loan originator, who helped me to find an amazing realtor. I started to watch available listings. And I saved up enough money to pay all the many items that would need to take place when I finally found a place. It all happened so quickly when I found a place. And I was hella anxious. I kept waiting for something to fall through at the last minute. And to be honest, even for the first couple of months in the house, I was still waiting for something to go wrong. But then, it didn’t. And we started to unpack. We started to decorate. We worked in the garden. And now, it's our home. Our home. 

There was something really special to me about doing this on my own. I'm so proud of myself. Islam repeatedly tells me how proud of me he is for buying a home on my own. Granted, he was there to help me navigate the final steps, but he remembers me telling him when we first started dating that I had this goal and he is so very proud of me for achieving it. And on my own. I think that part is important for both of us. Though, I'm happy that it's his home too. I would have never accomplished much of what we have in only our first five months in the home without him. 

 8.    Our Family

Me, Islam, Drizzy, and Aziza. There’s no place like home. There’s no place I would rather be. The four of us curled up on the couch, watching television, dancing to songs during the commercials, and snuggling our faces off day in and day out.

9.    My Students

Teaching is exhausting. Teaching is rewarding. Teaching doesn't pay well. But y'all, teaching is one of my most favorite things in this world. Every single time I'm in a classroom, I feel like I'm where I'm meant to be. And you know, it's not just what happens when we are doing the work. They raise me up. On those days when I was struggling, they were always there to cheer me up. One word and they’d have me laughing. Like one of my favorite students said: Facts, Dr. Everhart. 

10. Being Outside

And lastly, I’m thankful for the time I get to spend outside. Running. Sitting in the backyard at the Unaka house. Sitting on the front porch at the new house. Just in general, I’m thankful for the beauty of nature, the birds, the flowers.

 In Conclusion...

It seems that I always end the blog with hopes for the next year, and I suppose those come in the form of resolutions. Last year, I wrote: “As I depart from this year, I’ve realized that I’m in a place where I want to say what I want. I’m tired of pleasing other people. I want to be seen. I want to be heard. I want to belong to myself.” And I think I did just that this year. I was able to start building a life for myself that looks exactly like what I wanted and needed—finally picking the right guy, buying myself a house, building a family that brings me endless amounts of joy and happiness, while surrounding myself with people who show me love and acceptance.

So, 2019, you did me good. Thank you for the lessons. Thank you for the laughter. Thank you for your amazing beauty and joy.

As we turn the calendar page to a new year, I hope that I’ll maintain the sense of peace that I’ve created for myself. I hope that I’ll handle any missteps with compassion and grace. I hope that we will be successful in our new ventures. I hope that we will always keep dancing in the kitchen. And, most of all, I hope that I’ll have the chance to meet the rest of my new family in Egypt.

Cheers to all of you in 2020. I hope that 2020 will continue to bring us all the lessons, laughter, beauty, and joy. Revel in the highs and lows. Remember that no matter what happens, you got this. You are strong. You are beautiful. And I’m endlessly thankful that I have all of you in my life.

And one last song....to inspire you to face the day with all the strength you've got inside you. YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT IN THIS WORLD (just make sure you get your motherfuckin' shirt on). 

P.S. If you notice in the picture, you can clearly see the "You are worth it" graffiti, but if you look a little more closely, the pole behind it reads: "Kiss my ass." Perhaps this picture should have been the annual mix photo, since it's the kind of contradictions and complexities that I embraced in 2019.